she's my morning coffee and my afternoon glass of iced tea

the other day we talked about ***

about how much you wanted it

and about how much i wanted it too

and ever since all i can think about is us having *** with each other

and i want it so bad

and i want to tell you in hope that you want it too

but i cant

because i cant risk losing what we have

because you mean more to mean that any other human on this planet

and i love you with all my heart

and i want to give more of myself to you

but im afraid you wont give it back

All I wanna do is cuddle and watch Sherlock with you.

i love it when the sun is setting and all the trees turn black
something about the dark outlines are so beautiful and there's nothing i love more
except you
you are the marvelous sunset behind those black trees
filled with hues of pink and orange and purple and yellow and blue all mixed together into one thing that is way to beautiful to even be real
but it is real and all you wanna do is save it and hold on to it forever but you can't
because eventually the sun will set and you will be left with black wishing for all those hues to come back
no memories or pictures could ever really capture it's beauty
that's how i feel about you
you are the sunset behind the black trees but i know you won't last forever so i'm going to admire you for as long as i can
until eventually my whole world turns black

sixteen thoughts from my sixteenth birthday

1. you're more beautiful than the sky

2. you're the smartest person I know

3. you understand

4. you make me happier than anyone else on earth

5. ******* you are beautiful

6. you treat me like a queen

7. I'd treat you like one too

8. I'll treat you a million times better than some ******* ever could

9. all I want to do is hold you and make sure you're alright

10. you're amazing

11. GOD I WANT YOU SO BAD

12. I THOUGHT I WAS OVER YOU BUT ******* IT IM NOT

13. EVERYTHING HAS GONE SPIRALING BACK

14. IM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU

15. BUT YOULL NEVER LOVE ME LIKE I LOVE YOU AND THE PAIN IS COMING BACK AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

16. ******* IT WHY AM I STILL SO IN LOVE WITH YOU

a years gone by since I realized I loved you
and everything has changed

a years gone by
and I finally don't love you

a years gone by
and I realized that maybe I never even loved you at all

a years gone by
and the idea of you still sounds great

a years gone by
but I don't really love YOU

a years gone by
and I've wasted it thinking about you

a years gone by
and I'm no longer filled with hope

a years gone by
and all I am is sad and confused  

a years gone by
and I'm still falling apart

a years gone by
and I'm still just as confused and afriad as I was on day one

a years gone by
and nothing's changed

a years gone by since I realized I loved you
and I still don't know what to do

i fell asleep thinking about him,

but i woke up thinking about her.

some feelings just never go away

when you love someone you always will love them

even when you think you're over them and that everything's fine one day you'll see them and they'll make you smile and everything will come rushing back

when you realize you love someone you never look at them quite the same way again you can try and try but there will always be something that stops you

you never really stop loving people but i hope one day you'll meet the person you love most of all and all those other loves will seem so insignificant to this one that it won't even matter

but even when that day comes and you meet your special someone all those other loves will still be there in the back of you're mind

because some feelings just never go away

when the sun goes down i think of you more and the pain grows stronger

maybe that's why i hate winter so much

because the darkness comes sooner

and everytime it comes I find my self thinking

"isn't it too early for this pain"

I wish I'd never wasted poems on you.

YOURE SO BEAUTIFUL AND ALL I WANT IS YOU AND I AM POSITIVELY IN LOVE WITH YOU BUT ITS UNREQUITED LOVE AND IT HURTS SO BAD AND IM SO SICK OF ALL THIS PAIN AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO OR WHY IM STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU

we never spend time together because you always say you "don't have time" or you're "too busy".

but if you really loved me wouldn't you make time to be with me?

or are you "too busy" to love me too

my body is covered in glass
and germs
and slivers
they're overcoming me
and destroying me
i see and feel them everywhere
they will not go away

none of it's real
part of me knows it true
but it cannot stop the pit in my chest

i am covered in glass and germs and slivers
and they're killing me

we always joke about being together

but what if i'm not joking

what if i really do love you and want to be with you?

do you really love me too?

or are you just joking.

life is like a sinusoidal graph
curving up and curving down
over and over again and never stopping

sometimes we feel higher than the sun
and everything is going great
then a few days or weeks or months later it all comes crashing down again

right now im on the downward curve preparing for what is to come
but i know that things will be okay again
but all this up and down makes my stomach do flips
i know it's cliché but life really is like a roller coaster you can't get off
curving up and curving down again
and never stopping

i never know if you're kidding or serious, and i am constantly confused.

i don't play my music loud anymore

because there are too many voices screaming in my mind and i'm afraid if i listen to anything else the noise will be too much and i'll explode

i am hopelessly in love with her
but she can never know
because i can't risk her not feeling the same way and losing her
because losing her would be like losing the sun from the sky
without her my whole world would be dark

everytime i see her i can feel my heart beating in my chest
and everytime i hold her i can't help but smile because she makes me happier than anyone or anything else in the entire galaxy

her body and soul are the most beautiful thing i've ever seen
her soul is so poetic and twisted and i love every peice of it
she hates her body but i love every last inch of it and could stare at it for days on end

she has such a huge affect on me she makes me happy and gives me a reason to live and i have never loved anyone and will never love anyone the way i love her

i love her but she can never know
because i can't risk her not feeling the same way and losing her
because losing her would be like losing the sun from the sky
without her my whole world would be dark

all i wanna do is take care of you and make you happy.

i am no longer in love
and i cannot write poetry
i am no longer in love
and my inspiration is gone
i am no longer in love
but i am happy
i am no longer in love
and I've finally moved on
i am no longer in love
and i am proud of it
i am no longer in love
and i can finally start anew
i am no longer in love
but my writing has turned to ****
i am no longer in love
and i don't know what to do

i fell in love when you drove me home
the world outside so monochrome
we listened to your favorite songs
and i watched you sing along

we drove and drove so fast we flew
i turned my head to look at you
i've never seen you look so free
and then you smiled back at me

we laughed for hours on end
down every turn and every bend
had no idea how far we'd roam
i fell in love when you drove me home

you are so beautiful
i'm noticing more than usual

you are so smart
just trust yourself, sweetheart

you are so kind
you shine so bright i might go blind

you heart is bigger than the moon
i hope you realize that soon

i fell in love when you drove me home
you used your fingers as a comb
i used your jacket as a pillow
we watched the sunset through the window

we talked about our favorite poetry
and how we think that the world should be
we sat there for hours
i've wished so long for a love like ours

i hope you see how great you are
i've have the best times in your car
you are so sweet like honeycomb
and i fell in love when you drove me home

i've missed too many opportunities
i'm afraid i don't have many left
i'm so terrified of ******* up that i do nothing at all
i've missed too many opportunities
but this time i'm gonna do it right
this time i'm not gonna run away
this time it's gonna work out okay

i am not gonna **** this one up

today i talked about how you hurt me
and a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders
but you were still there
stomping like an elephant on my head

I bought a one way ticket to you
but half way there i found out you didn't want me
and all i wanted was for that ******* train to turn around and go back
but the train was already going full spead ahead

so now here i am sitting on this train begging for a way to get off regretting ever getting on in the first place

but the only reason i want to come off is because i know what's coming at the end of these tracks
i thought that maybe we'd take a different route and everything will be okay but it's not

i've already bought my one way ticket to you but you've hoped on another train going the opposite direction

i run up and down the train trying to find an exit
maybe we'll pass another train i can jump onto
but when the next train passes and i can't do it

because i know that all i want is you

i've bought my ticket and there's no going back

today i realized that the elephants are gone
and i am free

He is so amazing
But he doesnt know it
She loves him so much
But she doesnt show it
Cause she knows he will
Never love her back
But she just keeps hoping
That one day he will see
That he is perfect in
Every way

one hundred and nine
that's how many days i loved you
and for one hundred and nine days
i didn't know if you loved me back

so for one hundred and nine days
i was in pain
but i was in love
love isn't suppose to be painful
love is suppose to feel good
so why did loving you cause me so much pain

maybe i didn't really love you

maybe i don't really know what love is

maybe i'm just a naive little girl
who is lost in the world
and looking for love
but doesn't know where to find it

maybe i didn't really love you

i don't know if i really loved you
but i know this

i know that you have the most beautiful soul that i've seen
and i know that you make me happier than anyone else in the world
and i know that i want to take care of you and make sure you are always okay

but isn't that what love is
isn't love when someone is so wonderful and makes you so happy that all you want to do is be with them and take care of them
isn't that love

because if that's love
than i love you
and i always will

but if that's not love
then i don't know
i don't know if i love you
i don't know if i loved you

for one hundred and nine days
i thought i knew but i didn't

i'm not sure if i know anything anymore



one hundred and nine
that's how many days i thought
i loved you

once again I'm in love with the idea of love only this time I haven't chosen a victim
all I know is a want to love someone but I'm just a mess of feelings and I don't know what to do

life confuses me
you confuse me
me and you we spent some time away from each other
and I hated it
but it was good
but now we've grown closer again and I realized I'd forgotten how much I enjoy spending time with you
I forgot how much I love you
but I don't love you like I used to
I don't think I ever truly know how I feel
all I know is I always fall way too hard way too fast and usually end up disappointed
but im trying to learn to be okay
I'm trying to learn to manage and control my feelings
and for the most part I think it's working
but hearing about you two still makes me upset and uncomfortable sometimes but I don't know why
and I wish it would stop
but I'm thinking that it won't
and I'm thinking that I'm going to have to learn to be okay with that
you still confuse me sometimes
but I'm learning to be okay

IM IN LOVE AGAIN
WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESNT LOVE ME
I WANT HIM SO BAD IT PHYSICALLY HURTS
IT HURTS SO BAD
BUT I JUST GOT OVER AN UNREQUITED LOVE
I DONT WANNA DO IT AGAIN
NOT AGAIN
I CANT HANDLE ANYMORE OF THIS PAIN
I JUST WANNA BE FREE
I JUST WANNA BE OKAY
I JUST WANNA BE MYSELF AGAIN
IM NOT THE SAME WITH THIS PAIN
IM NOT THE SAME
I AM NOT OKAY
I AM NOT OKAY AGAIN
OH ******* IT
NOT AGAIN

I can taste your kisses on my lips I can smell your t-shirt on my chest I can feel your arms around my waist I feel your warmth surround me every time we touch and that's how I know it's right

when you hold my hand the grey skies fad away and my whole body fills with lust your finger tips electrify me and that's how I know it's right

When I see your face I feel brighter than the sun but I know sometimes your skies are gloomy and all I wanna do is make you feel alright and that's how I know it's right

It's not because you are pretty or amazing even though you're more than all of that it's because you make me smile when no one else can and that's how I know it's right

I'm handing you my heart so please use care as you take it for a stroll around the moon while I explain how much I love you and you held to it like you'll hold your last breath and that's how I know it's right

When I see your face I feel brighter than the sun but I know sometimes your skies are gloomy and all I wanna do is make you feel alright and that's how I know it's right

Nothing has ever felt this wonderful I sure hope I don't live to see the end because I'll breath your name until I can't breath anymore because nothing else has ever felt this right and that's how I know it's right

When I see your face I feel brighter than the sun but I know sometimes your skies are gloomy and all I wanna do is make you feel alright and that's how I know it's right

if i could i would marry the sky

i can feel my heart beating in my chest

I am a lot to handle.

I come draped in chains.

I do my best to hide them so that maybe people will love me.

But I am not me without these chains.

So they can never really love me if they never see who I really am.

But I am a lot to handle.

And I fear the chains will weigh us both down.

But they are my chains to carry.


How will someone love me when I'm sad.
How will someone love me when I'm mad.
How will someone love me when I'm panicking and crying and screaming and do not wish to be touched.
How will someone love me when I lose control.

How can I stop them from seeing, if I can't control it.
I can't contain it.
I can't stop it.

How will someone love me with these chains.

it's one a.m. and I'm laying in bed
curled up in the nice warm sweater we bought together
and wearing the lace underwear that you love so much
I'm listening to songs about love that is new
and I just wish that I could do all of this with you

if one day i go blind i hope it's from staring at the sun.

i fantasize about running away while i sanitize my hands in an attempt to feel clean, not just of germs but of this cage i'm in
i sigh as i rub my hands together and decide to stay

i'm fifty miles from home and i am full of disappointment and confusion
part of me just wants to curl up into a ball on my bed and never leave
and the other part of me wishes they could go back in time and change so many things

i'm fifty miles from home and i feel like i'm fifty miles away from everything i want and i am miserable

you still tear him down
you try and manipulate me to do the same
i don't think you know how much that hurts
you can't do that to me
you can't do that to me
just because you don't love him anymore doesn't mean i can't
he's still my dad

it still hurts sometimes
that you couldn't wait
you couldn't even wait for the court date

i asked if you were seeing him and you told me "no"
but i knew it was a lie
then one month down the line you proved me right
and it was no surprise
how dumb do you take me for

it still hurts sometimes
that you couldn't wait
you couldn't even wait for the court date

I'm afraid of my own hands

I cannot trust them
because I know were they've been
and it is hard to wash away the past

I try to hide them and keep them as far away from me as possible
to protect myself from them

but these are the hands that feed me
and bathe me
and touch me

I have to trust them but I can't
I'm afraid of my own hands

cigarettes taste like you
and I've never craved nicotine
but tonight, I miss you

It has taken me a long time to heal
And I am still getting better
But I have grown

I again am filled with hope

Again there is room for love

I am not afraid of dying alone

I feel capable and worthy and free

in my dreams you want me
in my dreams you love me
every night in my dreams i hold you and kiss you and tell you i miss you
in my dreams we are happy
in my dreams we are perfect and free

but when i wake up, you are gone
when i'm awake i am scared
when i'm awake we are busy
when i'm awake i don't know how you feel
when i'm awake i can't tell you i want you

but at least in my dreams you are mine