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ejb Oct 2020
my bed sheet is upside down and all I ever do is frown
my hands crack like dirt in a painstaking drought
the rain keeps on falling but it never hits the ground
my wrists act like a bridge from the dry land to the sea
the sea is big & bold & proud but I'm still afraid I'll drown
there are rocks upon my shoulders that pull them to the sky
my head is tilted to the left and everything feels wrong
my hair sits upon my neck and it catches what's inside
I won't close my eyes cause the darkness is too bright
if I can't hear every last sound I will never be calmed down
my throat is always dry from choking on my words
my collarbones went missing back in 2013
I found them back in June but all they ever do is ache
as the smoke fills my lungs it scares away the bugs
my heart is skipping every beat and it never takes a break
my stomach always churns but no pain ever feels the same
my hips can move with ease but hide inside their shirt
my legs are filled with sand and I want to clean them out
my knees are always tight as they knock across the ground
my ankles are slowly separating and cannot stay the same
my feet are made of sponges and cannot be exposed
I try to keep them covered but I feel trapped inside my socks
my body aches & shakes & screams
it's always talking right to me
but it's really good at lying while I turn from side to side
my skin is tangled up in thoughts
and there's a rats nest in my mind
I wrote this a while back to try and explain how my mind and body feel. A lot of this is related to my OCD and my arthritis.
ejb Jun 2020
I'm afraid of my own hands

I cannot trust them
because I know were they've been
and it is hard to wash away the past

I try to hide them and keep them as far away from me as possible
to protect myself from them

but these are the hands that feed me
and bathe me
and touch me

I have to trust them but I can't
I'm afraid of my own hands
this is about my OCD
ejb Jun 2020
I watched the hostas grow
as spring turned from the snow

I know that time has passed
but where did it go?

does it stroll past each day,
returning again and again
or does it change in speed
and move with the wind?

each day feels long and dull and lonely
but new leaves appear still, slowly

I thought that I would grow
during these days spent all alone.
but the hostas are far ahead of me

I'm glad I have more time to grow
quarantine was long & tiring
6/7/2020 4:15pm
ejb May 2020
i love the silence of a snowy winter night
where all you can hear is your breath and the crunch of the snow beneath your feet
the moon is in libra but tonight her beauty is covered by thick grey clouds
but still she is there
2/12/2020 9:00pm
ejb May 2020
am I the birds in the sky or the dew on the grass
am I the wind in the leaves or the mud on your shoes
am I the thistles in your garden or a prairie on a hill
am I the paws of a kitten or the gills of a fish
am I every person that's ever lived or no one at all

am I anger, am I joy, am I suffering, am I love

am I nothing or am I everything or something in between

am I me?
1/17/20 6:02pm
Trying to find myself
ejb Feb 2020
inside her there's a rumble, not a fire or a tornado
but a rumble that keeps her moving
but its soft and slow and is sometimes mistaken for stillness
but even when she is still I feel the pebbles rolling across the ground
she levitates above is all
but her roots connect thousands of acres
she knows everyone
she feels everyone
she hears everyone
but sometimes she gets lost in her own rumble and cannot hear herself
ejb Feb 2020
her eyes look so deeply into mine, I can feel the warm burn even when she's gone
I know she sees my soul and feels it

we can talk without speaking
we can feel without touching
we can know without seeing

every ounce of her is filled with the purist beauty I've ever known

she spins around my mind like a planet and makes me dizzy with lust

she is the moon, venus and all the stars and I will always be in awe
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