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293 · May 2018
someone new
ejb May 2018
i can't help but smile
and hope
and dream
and long for what could be
why does it take me .02 seconds to catch feelings
276 · Jan 2018
shooting star
ejb Jan 2018
I forgot how many stars were in the sky
so I drove out of the city to see them
and I looked up so far, for so long,
that my neck cramped up

I saw a shooting star and wished for you
and I hope that somewhere
you are wishing on that shooting star for me too
07/08/16
264 · Jun 2020
hostas
ejb Jun 2020
I watched the hostas grow
as spring turned from the snow

I know that time has passed
but where did it go?

does it stroll past each day,
returning again and again
or does it change in speed
and move with the wind?

each day feels long and dull and lonely
but new leaves appear still, slowly

I thought that I would grow
during these days spent all alone.
but the hostas are far ahead of me

I'm glad I have more time to grow
quarantine was long & tiring
6/7/2020 4:15pm
244 · Jul 2019
Untitled
ejb Jul 2019
every headache is cancer
every heartburn is a heart attack
every bug bite is poisonous

every thought is a boulder
every thought is a gong
every thought is a hundred

every breath is my last
every sleep isn't enough
every ache is never ending

every touch feels like more
all my pain is never ending
I can't take it anymore
OCD is exhausting
234 · Oct 2020
my body
ejb Oct 2020
my bed sheet is upside down and all I ever do is frown
my hands crack like dirt in a painstaking drought
the rain keeps on falling but it never hits the ground
my wrists act like a bridge from the dry land to the sea
the sea is big & bold & proud but I'm still afraid I'll drown
there are rocks upon my shoulders that pull them to the sky
my head is tilted to the left and everything feels wrong
my hair sits upon my neck and it catches what's inside
I won't close my eyes cause the darkness is too bright
if I can't hear every last sound I will never be calmed down
my throat is always dry from choking on my words
my collarbones went missing back in 2013
I found them back in June but all they ever do is ache
as the smoke fills my lungs it scares away the bugs
my heart is skipping every beat and it never takes a break
my stomach always churns but no pain ever feels the same
my hips can move with ease but hide inside their shirt
my legs are filled with sand and I want to clean them out
my knees are always tight as they knock across the ground
my ankles are slowly separating and cannot stay the same
my feet are made of sponges and cannot be exposed
I try to keep them covered but I feel trapped inside my socks
my body aches & shakes & screams
it's always talking right to me
but it's really good at lying while I turn from side to side
my skin is tangled up in thoughts
and there's a rats nest in my mind
I wrote this a while back to try and explain how my mind and body feel. A lot of this is related to my OCD and my arthritis.
ejb Mar 2019
I envy the birds that glide fearlessly above the trees

I change my clothes three times a day because I feel uncomfortable staying in the same place

I love tall trees and honey bees

I bought a bunch of fruit that all went bad
and I feel like a disappointment to my dad

I've wasted so much time being sad and angry
but maybe I only have myself to forgive
for thinking I could be happy for once
a continuation of the first piece. this series contains a collection of somewhat poetic thoughts I had but was never able to turn into an entire poem
211 · Feb 2020
venusian woman part 2
ejb Feb 2020
inside her there's a rumble, not a fire or a tornado
but a rumble that keeps her moving
but its soft and slow and is sometimes mistaken for stillness
but even when she is still I feel the pebbles rolling across the ground
she levitates above is all
but her roots connect thousands of acres
she knows everyone
she feels everyone
she hears everyone
but sometimes she gets lost in her own rumble and cannot hear herself
197 · Feb 2020
venusian woman part 1
ejb Feb 2020
her eyes look so deeply into mine, I can feel the warm burn even when she's gone
I know she sees my soul and feels it
DEEP
inside

we can talk without speaking
we can feel without touching
we can know without seeing

every ounce of her is filled with the purist beauty I've ever known

she spins around my mind like a planet and makes me dizzy with lust

she is the moon, venus and all the stars and I will always be in awe
170 · Jan 2020
venusian woman - part I
ejb Jan 2020
her eyes look so deeply into mine, I can feel the warm burn even when she's gone
I know she sees my soul and feels it
DEEP
inside

we can talk without speaking
we can feel without touching
we can know without seeing

every ounce of her is filled with the purist beauty I've ever known

she spins around my mind like a planet and makes me dizzy with lust

she is the moon, venus and all the stars and I will always be in awe
168 · May 2020
libra moon
ejb May 2020
i love the silence of a snowy winter night
where all you can hear is your breath and the crunch of the snow beneath your feet
the moon is in libra but tonight her beauty is covered by thick grey clouds
but still she is there
2/12/2020 9:00pm
159 · Jan 2020
venusian woman - part II
ejb Jan 2020
inside her there's a rumble, not a fire or a tornado
but a rumble that keeps her moving
but its soft and slow and is sometimes mistaken for stillness
but even when she is still I feel the pebbles rolling across the ground
she levitates above it all
but her roots connect thousands of acres
she knows everyone
she feels everyone
she hears everyone
but sometimes she get lost in her own rumble and cannot hear herself
153 · May 2020
am I
ejb May 2020
am I the birds in the sky or the dew on the grass
am I the wind in the leaves or the mud on your shoes
am I the thistles in your garden or a prairie on a hill
am I the paws of a kitten or the gills of a fish
am I every person that's ever lived or no one at all

am I anger, am I joy, am I suffering, am I love

am I nothing or am I everything or something in between

am I me?
1/17/20 6:02pm
Trying to find myself
89 · Feb 2020
Untitled
ejb Feb 2020
i can feel my heart breaking and there is nothing i want more than you
88 · Feb 2020
the deepest heartbreak
ejb Feb 2020
one day someone will love me the way I love them

I loved you so deeply and tried to show you with everything I am. I trusted you and let you know every inch of my soul and every secret in my heart.

But you do not love me back.

And I am sad.

Really, I'm heartbroken and I miss you.

I don't want to lose you.

But I can't continue to love you or I'll lose you.

How do you get over a love as deep as this? I have never felt this way before. This all-encompassing love. I want nothing more than to kiss you and run my fingers through your hair.

But you do not love me back. And no amount of hair dye or sad songs will change that. I can cry to 100 romantic movies and wish for love but it will not change a thing.

One day I will run out of tears to cry. But I don't know if I can ever look into your eyes again. Because I can't see you and not love you. You are everything to me.

My heart is broken and I don't know what to do.

I haven't felt a love this strong before and god I just want you.
this all just poured out of me and now i'm crying
50 · Jan 2020
am I
ejb Jan 2020
am I the birds in the sky or the dew on the grass
am I the wind in the leaves or the mud on your shoes
am I the thistles in your garden or a prairie on a hill
am I the paws of a kitten or the gills of a fish
am I every person that's ever lived or no one at all

am I anger, am I joy, am I suffering, am I love

am I nothing or am I everything or something in between

am I me?
i'm having an identity crisis

— The End —