There was a legend
Unknown to mankind
It has been kept secret
From the minds of ordinary.

It was about the Sun and the Moon
And about a little boy who knew.

The Moon always said to him
Whenever the darkness veils
'Don't worry, in darkness I'll light your path.'
But when the Sun rose, the Moon flee.
It was said until then
That the Moon was a she
And the Sun was a he.

Every single day
Until eternity
The Sun would be chasing his fate.
He was convinced
That the Moon is his soulmate
And he should ask the Moon for a date.

The little boy knew their story
And he knew more than he should
About the God's infinite decree.

The Moon, however
Was convinced that
The Sun is not her soulmate
She was told that if he succeeded in his pursue
The world would be ripped.

In pain, the little boy watched their parade
Days and nights, time seemed to fade.

What's so hard for them to go on one date
Even though the skies are the ones at stake?

I am
That kind of person
Who can easily make new friends
And also the one to easily lose one.

But it hurts me
Because I fell in love with
Every single person
I make friends with.

I fell in love
With each of their smile
Their words and their minds
Their pain and their happiness
Their uniqueness.

Sometimes it hurts to
Be the kind of string
That would get tangled up
So easily.

It's a different kind of pain
*If you're feeling what I'm feeling.

whenever some of you
feel sad over someone
you might imagine it as
the ones you love
stabbing you in the back
and they expect you to apologize.

well, being someone with
a complicated mind
my anology is different.

you left me in the open sea
because you know
i'll be coming for you.

you know i always will.

the open seas was calm
but after that you summoned
the waves and hurricanes
with the order to **** me.

you know i'd survive
and you know
i would search for you
so you think you could throw
everything at me like that.

and after a while im thinking
maybe i'm overthinking us
and maybe you don't want me
so that's why you would do
such things to me

but still whenever i reached you
we would kiss like
we never did kiss before
but then you would repeat
the same cycle again.

and i would still come back to you.

Once before
I told you why we couldn't be together
But here we are, holding each other's hand.

I remembered how I told you that
I'm the colour black, and you're the colour white.
I still remember the smile you gave me
Why, my angel's racist now?, you joked.

I was serious
But you made me laugh a bit back there.

I still remember how I justified
How different we are
To be together.
I'm a pessimist, you're a ******* optimist, see?
We're different, we won't fit with each other
We're like the ocean and the skies, separated forever.

I still remember your laugh
And your words after you kissed me.

Why does it matter that much
That we're different?

Why, my angel
You're a sweet chocolate cake
And I'm the vanilla ice-cream.

No matter how different we are
We're still happy together.
*Isn't that all that matters?

Do you know why
Emptiness hurts the most?

It's because it never hurt you.

You feel nothing
And deep down inside
You know you wanna love
And be loved to infinity.

Why do I mention infinity
All of the sudden?
In maths, infinity equals zero.
Zero, or in other words empty.

You'll keep asking yourself
Of this neverending emptiness.
Infinite emptiness.

You know, once a glass
Is decided to hold infinity
Nothing can fill it up.
That's what happens to someone
Who decided on feeling empty
Subconsciously or consciously.

You may have someone
To love you afterwards
But it won't ever feel enough.

At some point
You'll stare into the wall
And wonder why
The glass won't fill itself.

There's a cure for sadness.
There's a cure for loneliness.

But there's no way you can cure
Emptiness.

While I was waiting for the train
To arrive
I realized why I don't feel mad or irritated
Waiting for it.
I don't have to think about the pause
The interval.
I could distract myself with gadgets, my imaginations and stuff.

I can think
About everything else
Except about the cessation and my patience.

Truly, your patience is really tested deeply
Only when you're thinking about how patient you have been before.

You'll feel obliged at yourself and you'll start to think
About how patient you've been and trust me
That's when you need to be careful with your mind.
That's the critical point.
That's the time your patience is really tested to its limits.

//

But my case is different with you.
I've waited for a long time
And after a certain point
I would overthink.

I would think of how long I've been waiting
And about how will I have to wait.

That's where it gets me
That's where my mind gets me, really.

Waiting for you
My mind cannot be distracted.

It's inevitable - both waiting and thinking about you
They come in one package; inseparable.

//

That's why to wait for someone hurts.
The thing is, you know the train would come, eventually.

It won't ever feel the same as waiting for a train
It would cut and hurt you deeper than any suffering
You'll ever have to bear.

Behind our fragile skin
There's secrets everywhere
Lurking inside.

Behind every picture
There are memories
Everywhere
Can't you see it?

Behind our minds
There's insanity
Can't you feel it?

Behind everything
There's something
Hidden
From plain sight.

I left.
I saw you there and I left.
I left for me.
For us.

At a moment of realization
And clarity
I saw your figure
Standing under the pouring rain
Holding your umbrella

I saw your hair, your lips.
I saw us, laying under the big oak tree
With some touch of golden hues
I saw your smile, and your tears.

And I also saw his lips touch yours.
I laughed a bit there.
As I kicked some pebbles
Along my wander
I heard your whispers
Your laugh.

I know we never told each other
That we both feel what I feel.

I know we never kiss each other
The way he kissed you.

I saw everything
About us
In this place.

Cheers to us
To you and to him
To our memories, too.
And to me, I guess.

I'll be better off anywhere else
Than to be here.

Sometimes I’m scared
Of my own mind.

It wanders into
Peculiar darkness
And fallen battlefields
It’d pick up the shards of my past
And create illusions of future.

Sometimes I’m scared
Of my own lips
It speaks its own mind
Before my tiny brain could stop it.
It yearns for your kiss
During the sleepless nights I had.
It’d repeat your name, I swear.

Sometimes I’m scared
Of my own self
My legs would run away from physical reality
Like a total coward I am.
My tears would fall by itself
My eyes would hurt
And it’ll stare into emptiness
My hands would write
About things I wanna forget
About love I’ll regret
And about you, too.

Am I losing myself?

I am into you.
Too into you.

(But)

Into emptiness I look
As I could look at you no more.

Into hell I go
As I could hold you no more.

(As it go)

Into fire I burn
As I could feel no more.

Into water I drown
As I could breath no more.

Into darkness I fade
As I could shine no more.

I need answers
Right at this moment
I love you
And I would leave anything
Or everything behind
For you.

Dear, I know
I have too many questions
On my mind
But please
Couldn't you just answer one?

I wanna know
If I'm falling
And you would be there
To catch me?

I am a storm
Forced into this
Weak form.

Hey little daisy
If you think you loved me
You're wrong.
Nah, not because I said so
Neither because I was wrong.

I am a storm.
In my journey
I destroy things.
I destroy life.
I destroy happiness.
And do you know why?

It's in me.

It's the reason I exist.

If you still bare to say
That you're in love with me
Know that you'll run from me
Like everyone else.

So go.
Keep your stupid feelings to yourself.

Love is indeed
A disease.

Sometimes contagious
Sometimes it's not.

There's some symptoms
Your lungs will burn

And you feel like
There's less oxygen
In this world.

And you'll feel volts of
Sparkling electricity
Going through your veins.

Be careful
This disease is incurable.
Survivors can heal
But never normal again
It stays in your heart
Until you die.

Hey, I have a question for ya.
Are you a liar?
It doesn't matter
If you lie about things
Or feelings
You're still a liar.

If your answer is yes
I have a question for you.

Who is the only person
That you can never lie to?

Think now, liars.
Who is it?
Your parents?
Friends?
Family?
God?
Sorry, I laughed a bit there.

Well, the answer is simple.
You can lie to everyone but not yourself, liars.
So think before you lie
Because you might stab yourself
With your own knife.

I tried to write a poem for you.
I can't.
I miss you.
I love you.
It's just that simple and it's killing me.

"I wish I have no feelings at all."

Yeah, feelings are *******.
I agree.
But I'll also have to disagree.
I'm not actually an optimistic person
But I know a thing or two about feelings.

Feelings depend on you.*
Feelings are like a little brother of yours
Annoying I'd say.
Sometimes it would drift off by itself
That's why
Sometimes it would remind you
About things you want to forget.
But it depends on you
You're his big brother, or sister
Lead its way.
Don't let it drift off.
Play with it sometimes, a little imagination is fine.

Feelings would hurt you
Sometimes when you turn your back against it
It'll hit you with painful memories.

It wants your attention.
It wants you to feel, to cry and to laugh.
To learn from regret.
But be wise.
It's just a little kid.
Don't follow it blindly towards the void.

Feelings are like your little brother
If you look in a perspective.
So tell me
Do you still wish you'd lose your little brother now?

A white dress
Floating across the nightly forest
Her half-closed eyes
Hollowly gazing through the trees
Into the distance.

The moon was reflecting
Her beautiful yet enticing physique

Her lips were chanting
Something unclear.

As she flew
Wandering the nightly forest
The sky chose to cry
And she hummed the azure to sleep
Her voice, melancholic
And perplexing.

A ghastly mist
Took place*
As the dawn rise
And the enigmatic white dress
*Vanishes from sight.

"Who are you to talk about love?"

Yeah, you may be right.
I'm 17
I don't know anything about love.

I'm just a kid
All I have to do now is study
Study, study, study and study.
I shouldn't let
Anyone hurt me
Like she did.

But yeah
Love taught this kid
That loyalty
Trust
And jealousy
Are all beautiful
In the way they are.

To be hurt by love
Means to not hurt anyone else
Using love.

So yeah
Who am I to talk about love anyway?

Shards of memories
Are all that's left in me.

I couldn't remember your smile
From the pictures you're in
They'll all peculiar to me.

What happened to me
When I was a kid
I couldn't seem to remember
Anything vividly anymore.

I guess the pain got me
I've lost my past
And sooner or later
I'd lose my future.

I don't have much time left
My energy is draining
I can feel my soul withering
Away from my body

Is there a cure
For loss of memories
A way to maybe pick the shards up
And glue them together
To make me okay again?

Love is
Indeed romantic
Enticing as it is.

But when we start
To romanticize love
That's where the problems begin.

We'll start to overthink
We'll start to suffer
Not from anyone, but ourselves.
Deep inside
We expect more, and more
From everyone else.

x

But I guess, not everyone expects more than they should.
Some push away the love they deserve,
Just because
They thought they don't deserve it.

x

And sometimes
They didn't even get the love they deserve.
*Be grateful.

Your chest feels heavy, doesn't it?
You feel like you wanna drift off
Leaving everything behind.

I'll tell you what
I feel the same way too.

Because surviving's getting harder?
Maybe.
Because we don't get what or who we want?
Possibly be.

Or maybe just we need each other
To lift the weight
Together
And maybe we will be much stronger?

Judge me by my past
And I'll be sure to **** you with my future.

You know what?
I'm done.

I'm done chasing your shadows through the
Sleepless nights
Running away from my anxieties
Feeding on my demons
Just because of you.

I'm done
Suffering for nothing
Feeling empty in every place I go
Seeing your face everywhere
I feel like my life is a total ******* sometimes
Because of you.

I had enough of myself
Running after what, exactly?

Oh, I know I've said this a million times
And I promise this would be the last time
I'd ever chase something
That's never true.

Love exists,
But it's ******* to me.

You don't want me
Is it?

It's okay
I understand.

No one wants a stupid
Poetic, weak guy like me.

Is it wrong
For me to want you
So bad
I feel like I'm going insane
Because every second possible
My mind would search for your scintilla

****, your eyes.
******.
I'm just, oh god
Just so in love with your eyes.

I always imagined myself
Staring into the ocean
And storms inside your cold eyes
Reminding me how lucky I am
To ever have you.

I guess
Write about you
Is all I can ever do.

Why?
Ah, the reason is easy.
You don't want me.

Why, today's a great day. I remembered our times when we walked together through the streets, laughing over how silly I look when we were only 7, I fell into the hole in front of us. But we were too into our conversations at that time. I fell again, and now I broke my leg. You cried to me, begging me to help. You only looked at me, as you do not know how to help me. 'Our hands can't reach each other, I fell too deep.' you said.*

There, the devil's revelation.

About us.

He told me that his revelations are not accurate
As he heard them from the highest firmament.

What if
Death is alive?
Sorry, I must have confused you there.

No, I mean Death is anthropomorphic
Invisible to us
But everything it touches
Dies along with its name.

Scary, or sad?
Think about it
He couldn't even touch plants, anything!
Even metals rust
When his hands touched them.

For me, that's sad.
But think about this one for a second.

What if one day
Death falls in love with Life
And he decides that he wants to touch her
For the first and the last time
In forever?

This one
Happened not long ago
To a boy who had lost too much.

One day
He was wandering
Inside his house
Empty, no one was home
Except for himself.

He kept thinking
About how
To let go of someone.

He tried
Killing her in memories of his
But she's still there
Haunting him.

As he wanders
He felt like his eyes
Are about to get teary again
For the uncountable times on that day.

Suddenly
He found a balloon
Floating around, anchored by a coin.
A purple balloon, to be exact.
Her favorite color, he thought.
And the best idea of the century came to his mind.

He wrote a note
A farewell note
To the love of his heart
Who no longer loved him

And he tied it
Tightly to the balloon's thread.
He went outside joyfully
Untangled the coin that anchored the balloon to the ground
The coin that kept him from moving on
And let the balloon flew
As he sighed with relief.

He lived
The next day
And the other days
Full of happiness.

Sometimes
He would wonder
What happened to that balloon, anyway?

She is an artist.
Perfectionist.
Enticing and lovely.

She would sit
In front of
The canvas
And paint for hours
And I would hug her from behind
And give her a kiss.

She is an artist
Painting the sky blue
Full of hues.
She would sit
In front of me
Staring into my eyes
And we'd stare into
Each other's eyes
For like what, hours?

And we would lie
Under the stars
When she would cutely gasp
Out of joy
Whenever an idea crossed
Her beautiful mind
And she would paint
The canvas
With all of her heart
Poured into it.

She is an artist
Painting my heart
With colors
I can see
Every time her sweet smile
Flashed in my eyes.

x

She is an artist
She once told me
About the stars
And how beautiful they are
When they collide
Well, I did ask her
'How did you know all this?'

She simply wrapped her hands around my shoulder
And replied
'I know because I'm looking at one.'

Have you ever thought
That we might die at this exact moment?

What did it made you feel?
Afraid?
Relieved?
Sad?
Happy?

Let me tell you what I'd feel

Nothing.
Death, pain
Sadness, anxiety
We will all get desensitized.

If you commit suicide
Will your pain really end?
Or it would just hurt you again, and again
Because nothing could stop it anymore
Not even death
Because you're already dead
At that moment?

We will one day
Die unknowingly.
And be forgotten.

Is it the oblivion that scares you?
Is it the pain of death that got you chills in your spine?
What is it now?
Is it still death?
What is death?
Do you think that death are only defined
Of a death angel ripping off the life force out of you?

Let me clear something out for you
Put death into perspective.
Put everything in your life
Into perspective.
You'll see
That life
Has a lot of other things to offer.

She's beautiful
I know that.
She's cute
I know that one, too.

Stop saying all these things
About her.
I know all of them.
But either way I'll choose you.

Why?
Oh, you know why.
Beauty
Is temporary.
I don't need a cutie
Because I already have you, clumsy.

I don't need perfection
Your flaws are acceptable
I don't need her attention
I only need yours.

You have your flaws
They're all cute to me.
You're not perfect
And that's beautiful to me.

So, my heart has decided
That
It wants you and it really, really
Really, really, really wants you.
Therefore
I have no choice
But to choose you,
My love.

Fantasies
Can be deceiving
Yet addicting.

I always
Fantasize about you
About us.
I don't know, it all seem too blurry to explain.

What I can explain
Is that we are happy
Together
Forever and ever.

Or maybe
It will only be
In my wildest fantasies.

As the clouds move
I thought to myself.

You're definitely the queen of the clouds.
You move
Swiftly
Full of grace.

As I watched
The clouds move
I thought to myself again.
You're as pure
As the whiteness of the clouds
Innocent.

I wish
I am the blue sky
So I could be with you
Until whenever.

I was always
A red blood rose
Dangerous.

I used to be someone
Who loved someone else
And not to be loved myself.

It was hard
To accept the fact
That I'm not worth
To be loved
But eventually I accepted it.

But then
You came
Knocking at my door
Saying you're in love with me.

How can I accept
I mean
You must have been
A crazy maniac
Thinking that
You could break down
My wall that I've built
And strengthen
Since long ago?

Do you think I'd
Fall for you
And let my blossom
To be stepped on
By anyone else
After the first one?

Try
And fall
As I won't
Let you
Or anyone else
To hurt me
And make me bleed again.

I am a rose
Fall for my deceiving beauty
And be in pain
Of my sharp thorns.

Once upon a time
There was a boy.

He was happy
With himself
Until the thief came.

The thief stole nothing
From the boy
As he doesn't have anything
But his heart.

But the thief
Wanted something for herself
So she decided
His heart will be her fortune.

And so
The thief tries to steal it
She tried and tried
Looking for it
Everywhere she can ever imagine
But she never could.

×

One day
The thief gave up
And decided to ask the boy
'Where is your heart?'



'Isn't it with you all this time?'
The boy replied
As he gave her a smile.

I feel like the world matters nothing
If I don't have you.

I feel like the Earth is swallowing me
Because I'm falling for you.

I feel like the stars stare sadly at me
As I think about you.

I feel like the Sun is burning me
Intentionally
Because it knows
I'm vulnerable without you.

I feel like I want
A knife to stab me
All this time
Because I'm dying
Every second I'm missing you.

Our silence
Is like
Gold.

Wait, no
A golden sword, yes.
It pierces through me
Cutting me in half.

I hate it
When you stab me like this
All my blood spilling
Leaving me to die
Slowly and painfully.

Say something
Why won't you say anything?
It hurts me
Because I know
This would be the end.
If I let this silence
Pierce through us again
Everything we had
Would be over

You want that
I can see it from your fiery eyes
As you stab me
Screaming silently
Saying things I can't hear
Why would you end us like this?

If you really want us
To end
Then end it properly
Say it out loud
That you don't want me
That you don't need me
Tell me
Tell me, I will understand
I will walk away and never return
Just tell me
Shoot me with a bullet
Don't pierce and cut me with your sword
I don't want us to end like this.
Please.

Did I ever lived before I was born
I'm 17 now
And I never had any girlfriend
But I felt like I had one.

Do you ever feel it sometimes
To hold, and to touch
To be held, and to be touched
By someone you love
Or someone you want
Or someone I loved
Or someone I wanted?

I don't know
If it's my memories
Messing up my imagination
Or my lust
Messing up my brain
Or did I really
Lived and loved before?

I don't think
I'd ever quit
Loving you.

I feel like
My chest is bursting out
Whenever I think
About your flaws
And your perfections.

'This is *******.'
I told myself
So many times
'Why would I love someone who'd never love me?'

This poem
May be mainstream
Simple.
But this simplicity
Hurting me every day
Devours me every night.
Killing me every morning
Hunts me every dusk.

Violets
The word tingles me
Somehow.

I don't know
But it feels weird.
To me
Violets roses are
Definitely more beautiful
Than red ones.

I feel like
Everything is a metaphor
Including you.
You're violet
And you're more beautiful
Than the blood running
In my veins.

But then
The sky is black at night
And violets
Would be swallowed.
Influenced.
You'd turn into black
Even if it's only for the night.

Metaphors inside my head
Irrelevant, illogical.
I imagined you
Turning into a radiant violet
Rebirthed at dawn
Majestic.

The beautiful sky endures the rain
The stars above continues to faint.

Fragile hearts were torn apart,
But at least
None of us lost
Our precious shards.

Darkness dwells, emptiness fills,
Losing like hell, missing your kiss.

We were made to climb the mountains
Instead we run around the fountains.

Love was strong this time of night,
Without you here, I'm in fright.

You should know that
I've fallen into
A cold, never ending darkness
I can never turn back.

Don't come near
You'll fall too
And I swear it hurts
You should run
Or fight the darkness
Don't embrace it like I did
You'll fall
You'll fall.

If you think you're strong
And you think you can win
You are totally wrong
Turn around
And never look back.

Promise me
You won't ever fall
And join me
Promise me
To not let yourself
Fall down here
Forever.

In the future
I don't wanna be
Someone
Who laughed at my own stupidity
For loving you before.

In the future
I want to be the one
Who kisses you good morning
And kisses you again at night
The one to wish you sleep tight
And say
'I hope angels bless you till morning light.'

I wanna be the one
To watch you sleep
In a way
That make you feel safe
Protected.

I wanna laugh
Seeing your annoyed face
And the redness of your nose
After I pinched them
As I kidded around with you
At the kitchen.

I really love you
I wanna be with you
And I know I really do.

One day
If you're fat
I'd still love you.
You'd still be the same
As I don't love you
For your weight.

One day
When we've aged
I'd still love you.
You'd still be the same
As I won't ever
Discard you
Over some numbers
And cute wrinkles
Under your lovely eyes.

One day
If your physical
Aren't like
The old you
Know that I'd still love you.
You'd still be the same
As long as you'll love me
Like I'd love you eternally.

we're all lost
and no one wants to admit.

we're all sad
and yet no one wants to believe.

we're all actors
and actresses
of our own stage
of life
and yes we're fake.

who'd care if i die?
who'd care if you died?
the optimist shall say
"some will"
and the pessimists will say
"no one will"

but **** all that
we are who we are
we're champions in our own eyes
full of glory
learning from our failures
healing our wounds
goals set afar
footsteps can be heard

and from there
we will prevail
we will not fail
as we
are who we are.

After all of us
You decided to disappear
Leaving me behind.

After all of us
You decided to fade
Pushing me aside.

After all of us
You decided to scream
Saying it wasn't your fault.

After all of you
I'm freezing here
Waiting.

After all of us
I realized
I am nothing, after all.

As I see people laughing around
I imagined
Both of us
Watching the stars somewhere

When teacher's teaching in front
I imagined us
Cuddling around
Sharing secrets somewhere
Far away from here.

They say
My mind is not around
It currently may be in Paris
I was stunned
Of how they guessed
As I was imagining us
Walking the streets
Of that city of love.

My mind is not around
Always not around
As I always know
That you will
Never be around, too.

A home I lack
Until I found poetry.

Empty he felt
Deep down his heart
He tried to fill it
But he always
Failed miserably.

And then came this girl
Or more accurately
A goddess
She came and smiled
And the boy's heart was
Very full and whole.

He was very happy
And oh yes
The word 'was'
Is actually true
He was happy.

As everyone expected
The girl left him
And he stood there
Wondering in his own
Continuous nightmares
Asking why
And how
Everything was wrong again?

For the first time
I looked into your eyes
I thought it wasn't obvious that
I actually stared.

You would never understand
What I actually saw
Inside of your
Mesmerizing eyes.

It was brown
Almost black
But it was brown, I'm sure.

After noticing my long stare
You asked
"Is there anything wrong in my eyes?"

And I regretted
For I didn't say
That your eyes
Are flawless.
Beautiful.