i
  don't
    bother
      explaining
         myself
        to
      you
    because
   i
could
   definitely
     live
      without
        you












                          ­     maybe

it was simple.

i fell in love.

I know the risks when I said I loved you. I loved you as a person, as a friend, as a soul. I never lied to you about how I loved you. I loved you more than I ever loved myself but unfortunately you want more. You want more than I can ever give, and I'm sorry I can't do that. I'm sorry that half of my, half of my fiery soul burned out for someone else two years ago. I'm sorry that another half was taken by a goddess, and she turned my fire blue. I loved her, more than I loved me, more than I can ever love you.

I listen to songs
I curl in my bed
I jumped around
I laughed alone
I cried alone
But my mind was truly only
Thinking about you.

The songs fade away
The bed felt hot
I fell down
I cried and laughed indecisively
But my mind was truly only
Thinking about you.

lately, it's hard for me to breathe. i don't know why, maybe it's just a flu or maybe i'm starting to miss you, again. i hope the second possibility is not true, because my body can't handle it anymore. last time this happened, i nearly lost my mind. and i hope that i will not lose the remaining pieces of myself. i'm not ready to suffer again. i need some air.

i am a liar
thought i could fool anyone
but i couldn't fool me.

i am a liar
about things
mostly feelings.

i am a liar
that said i moved on
nights i'll mourn

i am a liar
an escapist
never a realist.

i am a liar
yes, it's a sin
but it's how i cope
to continue to hope.

artistically, i am the fragments of the glass you smashed on that cold concrete.

emotionally, you drown me in that black seas of darkness.

technically, all you did was you left me with memories.

but honestly?

i am broken beyond repair.

go, my child
let the river of words flow out of you.

go, my child
let the fire of emotions lights the path for you.

go, my child
do not fear, i'll still be here.

but remember, my child
the river is deep
and the fires are big

if you are not careful
you might drown
or burn to death

but hush, my dear.

run with your tiny feet.
and discover the world.

why do i feel heavy everytime i write?
is it such a burden to my soul to express myself?

it's like stuck between the skies and the earth
no ground to step on
and no hope to believe in.

i fear falling
crashing to the earth
meeting my end of life
i was never afraid to die
i guess maybe most of us
are just scared of how we die.

i cannot speak the right words
to express, to impress anymore
i cannot write a good poem
to relieve, to believe
it's like my mouth is closed shut
and my hands are sealed tight.

if there's a place between the heavens and hell

that may be the place i belong to

Catch me
If I fall

Catch me
If you see me
Trembling across the street

Catch me
When I fell into your warmth

Catch me
When I fell into your arms

Catch me
When I look into your eyes

you will somehow reach a certain point where you understand certain things.

and after that, you'll realize how low and stupid you have been.

but if you focus on how stupid you were before, will it make any difference?

if you stay and continue to mourn for his death, will he resurrect from your tears?

if you dwell and drown in your sea of emotions, will anything change?

please don't use a tragedy to make yourself feel sad.

please stop this madness, this escape route you've been using just because you're uncertain of what you should feel.

just because you don't feel anything and you want to feel something makes you use tragedies and accidents to feel sad.

that's pathetic.

as i was reading a superhero comic, in it there's a lot of superheroes.
*i thought about the relations between comics, love, and heartbreak.

in life

love was supposed to be the superhero.
and the villain was supposed to be heartbreak.

love was supposed to fill the emptiness
and heartbreak was supposed to **** people.

but we have come to an era where
love kills, and heartbreak heals.

*what is happening?

fires are red
and skies are blue
my feelings fade
along with you.

the sun rises
and the moon disappear
fear not darkness
just keep your mind clear.

one day, she said
'laugh with me'
i laughed along
i forgot my misery.

The universe is complex
Yet not complete
Our souls met
And we weren't complete back then

But when your body met mine
Your lips touched my skin
It's like the universe was complete
Beyond perfection

I look into your eyes
I see death
And I saw me inside of you
And I am still wondering
When did I became trapped in your captivating eyes?

When we kissed
Stars explode
Black hole was formed
New planets was created
We were recreated.

we are descending
into an era where we
can ever see the truth again.

we are immersing
in a pool of black ink
and cold sharp pain
all over again
blinding us.

we are serenely
killing ourselves
drowning inside with no oxygen
to breath, to take in

we are decelerating
and the illusions won't stop
the fear won't disappear
and death is
the sound we'll never hear.

[stage 1]

once, i thought depression is a ******* *******.
i thought it is a figment of my imagination, the error in the calculations.
just a burden.
i never thought i would feel them every single ******* night.

[stage 2]

i thought it ended there.
i thought if i sleep early, the demons cannot haunt me at nights. i thought i could sleep and forget, like i always did.
then the nightmares came knocking at my dreams' doors.

[stage 3]

i started losing sleep. i started to believe that this will be neverending.
then i started depressing over things during daylight.

[stage 4]

im losing a piece of myself, bit by bit, every second of every day.

everything must end
so by logic
my pain would too

after all

we are temporary beings
living in a temporary world
surrounded by temporary things
and temporary souls

looking for eternal feelings

we are beings
looking for forever
in the ephemeral glimpse

looking under the shades of time
and through the mirrors of possibillities.

maybe we are going to spend our lives looking for forever until whenever.

maybe because
because we refuse to look at the right place forever.

one day

you'll forget

what hurts you

you'll forget

what killed you

you'll forget

your agony

you'll wake up instead

remembering

the reason why

you won't give up

since the beginning.

If you ever think of giving me false hope
Or never ending lies
I suggest you don't.

My heart is too fragile
Mend of fractures of glasses
I've picked before.

It's too weak
After series
And series
Of hopeful regret.

So if you ever
Think about breaking my heart
I beg you
With all energy
I still had

Please don't.

This long road
Is going to be painful
If you're walking alone.

I'll lend you my hand
Sorry for the blood
It was from yesterday's fall.

I can share you my hope
My little tiny hope
If you're willing to accept.

they gave me one last chance to decide. they have been fighting with other since 17 years ago, the day i was born. and now they want me to choose one side. it all started because of you, once they saw you they immediately agree with each other on one thing; all three of us needed you. your smile made us melt, your laugh made their arguments fell, your voice alone forced them to shake hands and demand truce. the best part was they even committed ideas to me on how to steal your heart. everything was going well between these two kingdoms, and their peace made me happy too.

but then you left. the war started again, in a much bigger scale. they tried to call for truce for a few times but everything went wrong without you. they ended up hurting me, and what i can only do was to sit still and feel everything. i went down, your absence did hurt me as they started to blame me for losing you. i started to lose control, and they scrambled with each other to try and control me, forcefully. i never liked my heart's decisions, and my brain's also stupid. it almost felt like i had two uncontrollable hearts. since you left, everything i did went wrong and ended up hurting all of us again and again.

one day, i woke up after passing out of tiring and exhausting nights thinking about how to make them at peace again. they were silent that day and that made me feel weird. no arguments heard, and my head's not spinning as usual. i came knocking at my brain's door and i found him sitting on a dark corner, crying. he told me he gave up, he couldn't take it anymore. after i walked out of his house, he slammed the door behind me, and so i went to see my heart. as i thought, he gave up as well. i went back home, not knowing what to feel.

one day, they came knocking at my door, asking me to side with one of them for once and forever. i refused, as i don't know what to reply or what to feel. they left, and after a few moments i heard another knock at my door and i opened the door.

*"do you have a place for me to stay? my name's emptiness."