talk and talk for days on end barely stopping to eat or sleep until suddenly a stop
was it my fault
what did i say
did i say too much
did i not say enough
is it because im ugly
is it because im going in too fast
is it me
?

I'll spend my birthday alone.
How depressing and common now.

It's 3am and I'm thinking of you.
I cant sleep because im scared of the rejection.
I like you but I doubt you like me.
I'm scared of these feelings...

If I scream
will you listen?

7 Billion people in the world
and yet I still feel alone.

With the last gasp of my last breath,
I will gladly greet and welcome death.
Whether by an accident, anothers hands or my own,
I will follow him to the place I'll call home.
No fire or brimstone nor angels there,
just those full of fear, bewilderment and despair.
The afterlife is in the eye of the beholder,
but he you admire will place his hand on your shoulder.
He'll lead you to your new domain,
the place you go when you are slain.

Days without talking,
I miss you with all my heart.
My soul cries for you.

How to write haikus:
Five, seven, five. Easy right?
Greet inspiration.

Greet today smiling,
welcome sunlight in your life.
Forget past mistakes.

I have but one shot,
I must make it count. Aim straight.
On this I depend.

Heartbreak once again
Longing for your warm embrace
Hopeless fantasy.

Heart torn between two,
I have both and neither now.
My soul can't decide.

Misunderstood man,
victim of society.
Will his voice be heard?

I've fallen for you.
This strange new feeling inside.
Unrequited love.

You lay here beside me, I'm warm in your embrace.
We talk of our future and discuss poetry.
You look into my eyes and declare your love for me.
You kiss me softly, and then I wake up. Alone.

When I'm lonely,
you're not there.

When I fall to the floor in tears,
you're not there.

When I need someone to talk to,
you're not there.

When I'm stressed and can't relax,
you're not there.

                                                         ­                                       When you're lonely,
                                                         ­                                         I'm always here.

                                                          ­                  When you fall to the floor in tears,
                                                                ­                        I'm always here.

                                                          ­                When you need someone to talk to,
                                                             ­                           I'm always here.

                                                          ­             When you're stressed and can't relax,
                                                          ­                              I'm always here.
                          

                       I will always be here for you, even if you aren't for me.

I ask myself the same question each day.
Am I happy?
The answer is always no.
How can I change it?
I don't know.
I never know.
I will never know.

Visions of angels calling me to them
Gasping for breath in that icy water
Panicking terror overwhelming me
Don't know what to do
Don't know what to say.

Visions of demons calling me to them
Screaming in pain in that fiery pit
Calm mellowness overcoming me
I know what to do
I know what to say.

That little ****** in my head
That little itch at the back of my mind
I thought I could ignore it at first but the longer I go on the louder and more prominent in my psyche he is.

It started with whispers
Quiet
Ignorable
But the more I ignored him the louder and angrier he got.

He wouldn't let me ignore him
He couldn't handle not being the center of my attention
So he started screaming.

Those screams
Those dreadful screams
I cannot sleep
I cannot escape him
I can only see
One
Way
Out

Consuming darkness
I'm overcome with panic
My chest, tightening.

Scarred arms and scarred heart.
Pain, both spotted and hidden.
Permanently there.

With apprehension I wait for you to text back
I feel sick to my stomach.
Thoughts racing through my head.
Will it be good?
Will it be bad?
Will I ever be able to talk to you again?
I regret sending that text.
Your typing seems to last a lifetime.
Then: a reply....

The sound of rain outside my window
Petrichor filling my nostrils.
The old memories of you return
Hate fills my heart, I want to forget you.

As I stand weeping silently on the streets.
As I lay weeping in my bed, no sound leaves my mouth.
As I sit weeping no tears leave my eyes.
As I silently scream I wear my public mask.
As I weep none will see my pain.

I* walk through the dark night and see those in despair.
I see those unfortunate souls with nowhere to go.
I feel powerless to help the powerless.
I try and try to help but I can't.
Nothing I do has any affect.
But then what did I expect?
I'm only one step up from them.
The smallest push before I'm sat there beside them.
Crying inside.

The razor, my skin
Cold metal against warm flesh
Dark thoughts returning.

Dear God above I beg of thee to reveal yourself.
Dear God below I beg you to make your presence known.
Dear King of Olympus cast down your thunderbolt.
Dear Xenu will you show us if Hubbard was right?
Dear Flying Spaghetti Monster I'd even accept you.

I can see no evidence for a God, but I beg to.

Screeching of harpies,
cacophonous sounds from hell.
The song of deceit.

When two souls join as one, time stops.
As the lips meet for the first time time inner fire is stoked and the world blocked ftom the senses.
In that special moment, only those two souls exist.
Unfettered passion.
Love.

Could you love a broken man?
One who's been to hell and back?
Could you love someone who would cling on to the first sign of affection?
Could you love someone who has felt betrayal?
Could you love someone who would love you unconditionally?
Could you promise your love to me and only me?

I long to feel your lips on mine,
I beg to feel your warm embrace.
I desire to sleep next to you at night,
I crave your gaze.

I hunger for the attention of your soul,
to be the one you see and love.
I only wish you catch  on to my words,
I only wish you could read what I write.

It's election day.
Time to change our countries ways.
Let's hope we choose well.

As the sky darkens I reflect on the day.
Wasted? Or time well used?
I wonder what tomorrow will bring...

I have excess love in my heart, but nobody to give it to.
I wish to spend my time adoring and admiring someone.
I want to be able to show my true self to one who won't judge.
I want to love.

For two years hands were held and lips were pressed together.
For two years we held hands and held eachothers hearts.
For two years I was there for you every hour of the day and night.
For two years we were best friends, boyfriends, inseparable.
For two years all I gave you was love.
For two years all you did was play me and sleep with others behind my back.
For two years I wasted my time loving someone who was incapable of loving me.

All my hearts desires
All my wants hopes and dreams
Everything I could ever wish for
All of that is you

You are my dream
My heart
My love
And I've ******* it all up

I may have destroyed the best thing that has ever happened to me

Freddy said he wanted to break free.
Until recently I couldnt see
why he couldnt.
He wanted to be himself, the man was inside.
Alas society wouldn't let him. Until he died.
A tragic death, so early in his life but his death let us see
that nobody should ever not be free.

Growing up gay wasn't easy.
Always knowing I was different to the rest.
I never felt right, never felt normal.
Because I'm not.
I'm different.
But sometimes difference is good, isn't it?
I've accepted myself.
But some haven't.