You said im an o.g
But i am just the same old me.
You told me i was a legend
I tell you im a writer
Nothing more
As you hold me up in such galor.
Im not an o.g
Never was
Truth is
There's little original about me.
I mean
Im not a sellout
I dont copy
But im not hype either.
My spirits get low.
Im not an o.g
Just let me be.
Dont try to lie to me
And tell me im great
Cuz **** well i aint.
Im no o.g
But thanks
*anyways

I cannot win
I am destroyed.
Built back up
Then recked again like a stack of bricks.
I am suffering.
Can you tell?
I know you see it.
My mood shifting hour  to hour.
Dont ask me if im okay.
I nevr asked for you to pretend like you care.
Dont ask me what i want to do
Because honestly
I wanna  run far away.
Dont treat me like i matter
We both know i dont
you've  shown me that
I am suffering.
Is it  that hard to see?
I write  to ease my mind
But it ends  up ignighting flames.
I have a storm in my heart.
Anger due to loneliness.
Whats wrong with  me?
Why doesnt anyone love me
(Or if  they  do, tell me)
???
Tell me why the **** i am this way.
Why is  everyone  happy but me.
I want change
That's  not over my horizon,  is it?
Why am i always alone.
Alone is a captive audience.
Listening to my disparity   just to matter
To someone.
My tears run  dry.
Then  streak down
Because they  were forgotten.
What if i told you there  was no tomorrow for me.
*** someone help this kid.
Because suicidal thoughts are the telling point of need for help.
Are you ******* kidding me?!?!
You should know i need help from the day you notice bruises.
Not  by the day i say i want to end it all.

Mom told me she'd  be there till the end.
But the day she found out her son had severe depression,
It was like she left him completely.
I wish she could see im gone already.
Her little boy,
Her little Zachary
Has died.
The day she overlooked dad's aggression, i was left motherless.
Her son needs help.
I need help.
So i write.
And you read.
The process we've  done so many times before.
Forgive me,
Im struggling.
I know you see it.
*so,
Whats next

The softness of your face
The color of your eyes.
Sounds out the ticking of the clock.
Ive never fallen so hard.
I fell on these shards of glass
I had to pull them out of my heart.
Please baby dont make me start,
It'll tear us apart.
Dont go chasing me
Because I know
If i should stray
These skies will return me to you.
I didnt start loving you today,
And theres not much to say
But your eyes
Through the skies
Are watching me.
And an honor it is to me
To be completely free
To love you so.
Oh in your love i have grown,
Something that cant be known.
Your lips, so full
It warms my soul.
And when i get lost
When i almost die in the frost,
These skies will return me to you.
I will always fight,
And you always hold me tight
We are together always
Not a tide to tear me away from you.
Love me with all you got,
Treat my heart like its been shot.
And dont let me go
*because the skies will return me to you

https://youtu.be/nhhaeeAkTDQ

https://soundcloud.com/user-123704847/loud

Take a deep breath
In and out
Don’t let them see the real me
In and out
Don’t show your smile
In and out
My chest is rising
In and out
Until I reach the point when I say
In and out
Stop acting like everything is okay!
Put on your sunglasses and hide your ugly little eyes
Kind of like the way everyone tries to hide their lies.

How long will it take,
Before you realize this life isn’t fake.
I wished everything away too soon.
When I was young
I wanted the perfect family,
And a brave courageous father
But we can’t always get what we want, can we?
See I feel like my life is on a script,
Everyone knows me better than myself
And why?
Because I have closed myself off from the world.
Trapped myself in a box and I want out
But I cant!
you see
Its not up to me,
This life, this world,
Its scaring me.
I wanted it to be that when I fall
Angels catch me before I hit the ground,
But instead I am greeted by an alarming thud.
How many people have to die before you realize
That I will not compromise with who I am.
See people with depression are too busy trying to learn ourselves
And everyone else expects us to learn our content
Like a good little boy.
Don’t you see,
This life means everything to me,
You cannot prescribe me pills and medication
To change who the hell I am.
I am proud of me,
So what I get a little sad sometimes,
So what I wonder why I am here.
And all yo
u want me to do is hush
And breathe in and out.
No need for me to shout.
I am nothing
Sike!
I am everything!
depression does not control me
Depression is my cocoon
And I have emerged,
I am ready
To accept who I am,
Do not try to change me,
If you think you can love me than go ahead and try,
But please don’t make me cry,
Depression has a strong grip,
It doesn’t allow me to live,
And makes me feel like I want to die,
This is real.
The more I hide behind a smile
The more I realize that I am not okay.
And yes this poem is strange,
Call me a ******.
But don’t treat me like a mistake, like a typo.
Don’t turn your head when I say I need someone.
I hold out my hand,
But nothing happens.
I bleed out my heart,
Nothing happens.
And all you want me to do is disappear,
There is no one standing in front of the mirror.
So let me write a letter have it start like this,
Depression,
You will not win.
You will not remind me of my past sins.
Depression,
I am greater than you
Depression
You are under my feet
I am in control of my life,
I am helping others no matter the cost,
And how you ask?
What if I told you this poem is for you?
All of you.
Everyone with depression
And even those who don’t have it.
Depression will not win,
It is an outsider and not welcome in my life.
I forbid depression,
I kick it out.
Do not challenge me,
I am the challenger.
When you face me,
You better do it with a smile
This,
Is my time.
I will live my life,
And depression,
You will end.
How you ask?
I will breathe in
And out.

When you look in my eyes, what do you see?
Do you see my pain
the fire I felt in my muscles?
Do you see the billions of tears
that had ran a marathon across my cheeks.
When looking into my eyes,
do you see my desire
for revenge
Do you see past my eyes, and into my soul,
my restless spirit?
Do you see my wounds
that still linger beneath my scars?
In my eyes, do you see my love?
Do you see my passion for loyalty?
My deep desire to be loved?
In my eyes,
do you see my confusion
my curiosity for everything
In my eyes,
can you see that I have been in pain.
The kind of pain that is worse than physical pain.
the "****" in my eyes.
The disappointment
the failure.
*my eyes hold a lot of secrets

Child,
keep your brain pure and clean.
Please,
don't fall with society.
Lust has taken over,
innocence is fading.
These people,
they have stopped caring
about everything.
A value no longer seen.
everyone has done something
even me.
Which is why you,
the innocent
are our last hope.
Keep your values strong.
Never forget how to see light,
even though earth is shrouded in darkness.
Keep everything special.
Love everything
hate nothing.
darkness is everywhere
but you must keep things bright
Innocence
a word lost in time.
Advancement in the wicked
takes over the good
and darkness begins to appear.
Child,
do not be afraid
this world is just plain ****.
But you live here too.
Make this ****** world
become your paradise.
Stay innocent
stay,
just stay
*innocent

Stay on people's good side...they'll get you back
2. Don't be too full of yourself, people will find ways to exploit you
3. Carry a smile, people will find a reason to take it away
4. stay yourself, even if you stand out.
............................................................­.............

The devil told me to hush
*i listened

If you tell me I got problems,
**I'll rip your face off!!

I just feel dead, okay?!?!

Im waiting for damnation
Im waiting to be killed.
Im waiting to be rejected.
No matter how hard i try
im never enough
Why?
See you think you are a **** god
And i am like some slave to you.
You said things would get bettet
You said i could be happy
But youre the same still
No difference.
You lied...again
What the ****?

indeed, my fellow poet.
It is time to exist in reality.
Its time to let go of the fairy tails.
Its time to pick up our lives and make something...anything.
If you expect me to sensor myself...
well...
how's this?
*******?
Am i fulfilling expectations?
AM i existing to your standards?
Because i am DONE.
D
O
N
E
!!!
See, you don't get it.
You can't live in a castle forever.
Eventually, evil will strike.
If you can't see your problems.
They WILL consume you.
And the **** you find hard now,
will seem like NOTHING
compared to what's next
if you dont step it the **** up

this body.
Im so fat
people stare in disgust.
It doesn't matter how smart I am
or the fact that I have been told I was the greatest lover.
See,
I want to go.
I want to run!
Loose all this weight,
and have the perfect body.
Lumps on my stomach
to show I did a thousand sit-ups.
I want to woo the girls
with my stellar muscles,
and live up to my male expectations.
I wanna fix it.
I wanna fix me.
Because if love depends on it,
simply said,
i wanna be loved.
But no one does.
because I'm fat
I never wanted this,
but asthma took it's toll.
I used to be,
so skinny.
But,
good things don't last I guess.
I don't understand
why my body determines my love life.
Like, really?
I wanna fix my body.
I want to be able to take off my shirt with pride,
revealing every muscular detail,
but I can't.
"fat" gets in the way.
Pretty girls,
tell me.
Why can't I be?
Tell me
what is truly wrong with me.
I'm not even that big,
but I do have a bit of a belly.
I get so upset,
when rejection is key
due to my size plea.
I can't do this.
I wanna be loved.
But I wanna fix
this fatal flaw.
Love me?
For me?
please?

Bad jokes
are always the best

Don't pursue happiness. *Create it

I  am I quiet person,
but don't let that fool you.
Just because I am a silent person,
doesn't mean I will not attack.
Just because I don't talk much,
does by no means say that I do not know how to defend myself.
Just because I don't speak what you want to hear,
doesn't mean that I can't.
I have my opinions,
But I don't decide to be ignorant about them,
no instead I keep them to myself.
I hide them under my bed
with the monsters that constantly bite at my heels.
Just because I never talk about girls,
doesn't mean I'm gay.
Just because I don't tell you anything,
doesn't mean I don't know how to talk.
Because i can.
I do not suggest pushing me any more,
or else you WILL find out

On Sunday, go to church. Worry about singing too loud and fear saying anything “ungodly”.
Later on Sunday, get home and go find something to do (don’t bother Dad). Feed the dogs and don’t overfill the bowls past the base or else you pay for the bag. Mow the lawn as well on Sunday and don’t leave any mow-hawks. That leaves the yard presentable. Next, help Mom with dinner, and don’t clang the pans loudly. Don’t let the sink water hammer because that will ruin the pipes. Don’t give dad a glass cup( and always give him the biggest serving) .Wash the table and use dad’s homemade disinfectant spray (it makes him feel proud). At seven, -- and don’t miss it for the world—get the dogs out again a quickly as possible.   Then wait until a commercial comes on before going to bed (the news is important to dad, so don’t interrupt it).

One thing to remember:
I know your name.
I know everything about you.
I know your smoking habits,
drinking habits,
and I was forced to know your sleeping schedule.
You have the ***** to treat me the way you do?
You laugh when I beg for mercy?
Well, when I rise up like a GOD,
you will be the ******* begging for mercy.
Try me.
again.

Stop telling me I need a savior.
I stopped believing a long time ago.
Stop telling me someone will deliver me,
I been waiting for my hell to end
Stop telling me I am loved
If he did love me, I would not know abuse
Stop telling me that prayer is the answer
I have prayed my life away
Stop telling me this life is planned
why would god plan for me to feel so inhuman?
Stop telling me it is in God's hands
If so, his hands are full of sin
Please, for the love of god
stop
trying to make it okay by using *God

i have been killed
i have been hit with a spear.
It destructed my security.
It pierced my joy.
he killed my with two words.
"*******"
he killed me when he said
"you don't deserve happiness"
i thought he was supposed to be a father.
NOT a killer.
for years i refused to recognize the step before his name.
I wanted Step-father to become father. to become dad.
Joe, *******.
**** everything you are.
You robbed me of my happiness, my faith, my childhood.
For years i gave you chances.
I didn't turn you in because i believe(d) in change.
And then you wonder why you don't mean anything to me.
My heart was slashed.
Who the **** beats an eight year old kid?
Who?
Who takes away hope by kicking a nine year old out of his home to roam the streets?
I shake just sharing that memory.
Or when you put screws underneath my knees to stop me from falling on them while doing endless push-ups?
kids must be punished.
But not your way, you selfish *****
And now god is your salvation?
i hope he has mercy.
Because you deserve worse than hell

Everyone wants to get on the front page
**but sometimes i dont want everyone to see me

If we consider ourselves as legends
There  will be no such thing as one.
Legends are the great.
And maybe  you are a legend.
I am not.
Right?
Poetry is legendary.
And we are a part of it
But  we are not to be self  proclaimed.
Legends are for others  to decide about ourselves
Not us.

Flames licked his skull as the fire took its pleasure.
Hell was the only one to seem like a redeemer.
He layed in the lake of fire
Condemned by Christianity.
He was called a ***
He had a boyfriend
They found out
The church
Ripped them out like cancer.
They never wanted
A "****" to worship  their god.
Anyone else would be forgiven
Murderer
forgiven
******
forgiven
Thief
forgiven
H­omosexual
send em to hell
They are supposed to love all
But they rally against them
And bring violence to the front.
Christians
Follow what you preach
These people dont deserve your hate.
God tells to love all
Yet you hurt lgbtq
And you wonder why
Less and less followers
*go to church

popularity is so overrated

I hate life
It's quite disappointing.
All these overrated things
Happiness
Love
Bliss
I have found
Love is a lie
One can feel  it
But another dismisses  it.
Like a flat soda
Old
Tasteless
Dead.
That is me
Dead
She was a dream
My prayer
But my prayer got caught up in a cloud
It never  got to god
So I die
Waiting for my Angel
To deliver me

What is the meaning of life?
What is the answer.
No, not a complicated equation,
no, not the so called "science" of humanity.
I just want a simple, simple answer.
Maybe life is so the air feels important,
or maybe life is for the sky to feel beautiful.
Maybe life is for the grass to feel warm.
Maybe life is for humans to accomplish.
Maybe life is for animals to feel joy.
Maybe life is for music to be heard,
for food to be tasted.
Maybe life is just...
life

We have always been building up to this point
*you had to know it was coming

the price of life
love
and it hurts
*alot

I love the way you love me
The way you hold me.
Your body like silk
Soft to the touch.
your touch like angel kisses
Each sigh like messeges sent from heaven.
The way you look into my eyes
Such power.
I love the way you wrap your body on mine.
I love the way you feel each of my muscles,
Feeling every detail,
Every vein
I love the way you have your way with me
And with each ******
A storm of happy emotions
And new beginings come to life.
The way you have your way with me
Unlike anything else.
So splended.
I love the way you cuddle me,
You care so deeply
so genuinely
Make me feel like a king
To the point where i sing.
You are worth everything.
I give you my all
And you take it
And beg
For more

If you ever chose me
me
I don't know what I'd do.
So real.
the love
I have
for you.
Love
is
you.
If you gave me a chance,
I'd take it to the moon.
No words to tell,
no mouths to speak
no eyes to see
no ears to hear
my love for you,
but your own
Allow me,
to try
And maybe,
you'll see
*why i love you so much

should love turn to hate,
take me away

I want to be loved.
I want someone to take me
out of this dark world,
and put me into a new one.
I want a lover who will tell me I am OK,
and truly mean it.
I want someone who I can trust,
someone who I can love
without question,
without doubts,
without anger
without jealousy.
I often wonder
if I am worthy of love.
Everytime I thought I found it,'
it always ended up never working out.
People make it look easy.
"all you gotta do is
have ***,
make out,
and give gifts"
well, sorry but you are wrong.
I want the lust,
but I want it to be original.
I want someone to recognize me,
and lust for me
I often feel like I am ugly.
I wish someone would tell me I'm wrong,
that my weight does not define my worth.
I wish I could love someone who would love me for who I am.
Everything about me.
My faults,
my humor,
my everything.
Truth is,
I don't think theres anyone out there
that is truly meant for me.
And so what I'm a guy
does that mean anything?
I don't believe people like me,
that people would think I have value.
I can't remember
being complemented.  
But, I don't want to seem conceded.
I just hope there is someone somewhere,
that will love me,
and call me bae,
because they think I really am worth their love.
You think I will?
"There will be someone who will come along"
"There's always more fish and the sea"
and for what, to be called a man *****?
Really?
Come on.
You can't be serious!
I am a human being.
I have emotions.
I recognize beauty both outside and inside quickly,
but why can't anyone see that in me?
Makes me wonder,
what is wrong with me?
Why can't I be loved?
Why?
Why can't it never work out?
Why am I the one who everyone asks out because of a dare
tell. me. why.
"people are cruel"
I've heard it before.
I wish they would ask me for real,
love me for real.

Do me a favor  and love me.
For real.
Love me and hold me
I may be a guy but im a guy who needs affection
Love me because you cant help it.
Love me for me
My wierdness
My faults
And my lovable spots.
Tell me i am the one
I need  you to tell  me.
See,
I cant help but notice
I love you
Regardless
It cant be one sided.
You look at me
And i cant help  but see
A little twinkle in your eyes.
You've  told me
You'd  be here for me.
And i need you
As much now
As i did  then
I want you to love me
So deeply
So strongly
So immensely
Like we  were a pair from the start
Please love me this time.
Dont let me die here alone.
Give me a hand  to hold
A shoulder  to lean on
A soul to love.
I love you so much
And i need you
To love me too

I don't truly know you,
yet somehow my mind races
at the thought of you.
Every time,
I say your name,
It makes me feel
this feeling inside.
It rushes through my veins,
and out of my heart.
I bleed the blood
of a thousand lives.
My song sings,
my heart is yours.
Tell me your wish,
I shall abide by it all.
Take me,
to a thousand summers.
Take me
to a million moons.
Take me amidst your beauty.
Let the perfume
fill my lungs.
Let your eyes pierce mine,
as we mist away
in time.
Let me give you the key
to the prison in my heart.
Open my cell,
and let me roam free in yours.
Let my heart tell
all the stories
your little heart desires.
Let me weave in and out
of this basket of love.
Let me be the one
who bows to your name,
and gives you your crown.
let me make you my queen.
Let me marvel to your glory,
weep at your voice,
for the beauty
makes silence seem loud.
I don't know what it is,
that pulls me to you,
as we fall together
down the path of life.
just you,
me,
and the future ahead of us.

I love the way your hands smother my chest.
I love the way your tongue melts on mine.
I love the way your lips brush mine.
I love how your body is so tight on mine.
I love the way you wrap your legs around my waist
I love the way your eyes seek out mine
I love the way you hold me gently.
I love the way your head rests on me
I love the way you run your fingers through my hair.
I love you so much
I need you to know
Every look i get
Every touch
Every kiss
Every time we snuggle
I value it all.
I cant stop thinking about you.
You are so fun.
I never meant to fall in love
But ****,
I couldnt help it.
I love the way we are silly with eachother.
I dont always have to be serious,
You love me more when im not.
You love my humor.
Yeah,
You are beautiful
Godess of the sun.
I love you.
Everything about you.
I cant stop.
You are always there
When i need you.
You love to snuggle
Just as much as i do.
We cant get enough of each others attention
You are so **** cute
You are certainly
*Bae

I spoke.
One word.
The beauty fell out like a sack of bricks,
my words
hit the ground like an angel meets fate.
Love has died.
I said "no"
no broke the barriers of sound,
yes, love broke ME.
I DECIDED TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT
is that so bad?
I made it clear,
i do not hate love,
but love had failed me.
Love had made me tired.
Love did not let me rest.
Love did not let me live.
I could not be myself,
because love is a critic.
Love has silenced me out.
When love said it wouldn't,
it threw me away despite my attempts to build something new.
Love had taken my heart,
and ran.
leaving me kneeling towards something I don't quite understand.

Terrifying.
Intellectual
Fierce
Fate.

Thus, I have died.
May I apologize for nothing.
Because love, you made me this way.
Love cannot stray me away from my faith anymore.
I am done committing a sin to please the feelings you crave.
Love, you have died.
Love, this is goodbye,
Love,
goodbye.

love is like the roll of dice.
Sometimes what you want,
some times not.
Love is the genre of anything, and everything
stretching wide and far apart.
Love is kisses,
love is hugs,
love is ***,
love is pleasure,
love is patient,
love is fun
______
Love is jealous
love is narcissistic,
love is hateful,
love is painful.
love is impatient,
love is cruel
Love is what we make it.
Humans have lost the meaning,
some kept it.
sorry if this is generic,
but i like to keep it simple,
and to keep the ball rolling.....
And i think...
Love saw what we did last night =/

...
what's funny is
I always knew