constantly shifting
one form to another
finding a home
whilst everybody
is trying to be
somebody else

– billiondays

for the first time in years, it aches
yes, tiny heart, heavy chest

for the love that is absent
no, little words matter still

for the remains of a shattered soul
yes, its own life is at stake

– billiondays

one talks, one listens
never both, concurrently
perhaps share one distance
and frequency synchronously

one apologises, one forgives
for one makes mistakes and
amidst understanding, lives
as love shall forever stand

two learn, two grow
reason, never row
and you and I show
how far one could go

– billiondays

it’s funny you see
we didn’t ask to be born here
to this place or this family
but here we are
with our nation pride
and cultures that shape us
with friends bonded as time shared
and burden of our legacy

we are all learning and growing
to become our best selves
fighting against climate change,
and every environmental challenges
we are here to tackle these problems
into shaping a better future
for our future generation
and for ourselves

this is why we shouldn’t question where
we came from, which economic group...
we are all the same, living in the present
we are the ones who will continue to shape this world and this very nation

so please, care a little too much.

– billiondays

i have an unpopular opinion
the title there is now, call it:
musician, programmer, writer, designer, editor...
this is me. this is all me.
i'm no master at one, i'm no jack of all trades,
i'm master of some.

you see,
this thing doesn't make you who you are
you can't be defined by your careers
or even your hobbies.
they're supposed to complete you
and make you whole.
not some competition who gets what the best
don't sweat it, you have your own path

you like making music? good. you're a musician
you like programming? yikes. you're a programmer
you like writing? nice. you're a writer
you like designing? brilliant. you're a designer
you like singing? awesome. you're a singer

only you can define who you are
you're not what others tell you
you're one-in-a-million
you're human
you're you.

– billiondays

this is not a poem.
a poem should be aesthetic and rhythmic,
and beautifully arranged in some ways,
unlike this terrible unstructured writing.

this is not a poem.
but i just wanted a platform to write,
to express my feelings in words,
so here i am, on HelloPoetry.

this is not a poem.
specifically not that heart-wrenching
love story you would expect,
just a casual self-loathing one.

this is not a poem.
this is some ****** writing.
this is a person puzzled in their own maze.
this is me, aren't you too?

– billiondays

today i woke up feeling superly enraged
again, numerous of problems that i have to face
faking smiles, making strong words, so people would trust

today i woke up wishing i wasn't here, in this house
i don't know maybe somewhere else, not with this family
yelled at, cursed upon, always told me i'm lazy as ****

little do they know what i wonder at night
when i'm alone in bed, staring at the ceiling
or even during the day, basically anywhere,
"am i lazy? nah, i get things done, how am i lazy?"

little do they know how thoughts swarm my head
right after what they do and or what they say,
"i need to calm myself, what should i do?"
and then grabbing a laptop or a paper to write

you know, if i was lazy i wouldn't be grabbing anything cause i would just cry or yell at people but then again i'm not as calm as what personality tests describe me: "just like water"
yeah, you mean, "easily wrecked and one touch finishes all"

today i woke up feeling superly energized
energized to work, to do things, positively,
and then it instantly drains me, like sugar rush,
last but not least, energized to ****, who? myself

– billiondays

it was a sunny day when i first met you
you were glowing and shining
just like the sunflower and rainbows
and butterflies and all the good things

but then it turned cloudy
when i caught you laughing with her
in the cafe next to the campus
i start to think about myself
and how i treat you and how
i'm doing wrong to you

suddenly it was raining
you decided to hurt me but
with no explanation at all just like that
you broke my heart and just like the other day
i found myself feeling guilty
thinking what i did wrong

one night it was a thunderstorm
i decided to open up and told you i was hurting
but you said she was just a friend
and i guess i accepted that
because strangers turn to friends
and friends turn to a more complex relationship
sometimes and then turn again to strangers
but with memories

weeks passed by and it was sunny
with rainbows again and sunshine
and clear skies just like the old times
but this time was different
i decided that i didn't want to be hurting
any more and then you set us free
i let go and you let go too
nicely, kindly, peacefully
and i learn that this rainbow is somewhat nicer
than before because i realize
rainbows come after a storm, after a rain

i know that when you're gone
all it does is rain
but there's no need to worry at all
because rainbows come after that
so enjoy the rain and the
thunderous nights because you know
rainbows come after that

– billiondays

don't fall in love with me
unless you are ready to face
my unpredictable murmurs
of nonsense things about
politics, religion, death,
***, or even about life.

don't fall in love with me
unless you don't mind
coping with my mental
instability and deadly
mood swings.

don't fall in love with me;
i will take you to museums,
and beautiful places, so
you could taste me every time
you visit those places again.

don't fall in love with me;
i break hearts of people
i love and let down
tons of people who have
their hopes on me.

don't fall in love with me
unless you don't mind
listening non-stop to my
voice when singing to
every song on the radio
on every car rides.

don't fall in love with me
if you want sweet talks
and cheesy chats during
relationships, because i
would most likely cringe.

don't fall in love with me
unless you don't mind me
laughing even from the
slightest jokes or crying
even from the silliest things.

don't fall in love with me;
i like to write, and sing,
sometimes draw, and i
would most probably make
masterpieces out of you;
the worst or the best.

don't fall in love with me;
i'm a mountain, a hurricane,
a living disaster, i'm full of chaos,
i'm made up of gigantic question marks.
so, don't fall in love with me.

– billiondays

sometimes —
home isn't four walls;
it has eyes and heartbeats,
and pairs of arms to
welcome you gently.

sometimes —
home isn't just roof
over our heads;
it's the place where
we feel loved and
where we belong.

sometimes —
home isn't a place,
it's a feeling;
and we are
finally
home.

– billiondays

When the time is right,
you will find the one,
and she won't mind
with the way that you treat her,
or the way you already are.

When the time is right,
everything will fall
into the right places again
so you'll be alright and
nothing will hurt you anymore.

When the time is right,
you know you will accept
the love you deserve.
You will never have to force
anything that's truly meant to be.

When the time is right,
you will love her,
and she will love you too.
Truly, deeply, faithfully.

– billiondays

Everything happens for a reason;

When he breaks your heart
it is for a reason
you may not know but
he knows and God knows

When your grades are failing
it is for a reason
maybe you didn't study enough
or you underestimated it
only you know and God knows

When your friendship falls apart
it is for a reason
maybe you didn't reach out or
you've found another friends, better
only you know and God knows

And when life hits you so hard
it is for a reason
to give you lessons or
to give you a burden
you decide

It's your choice
whether you want to look
at the good things or the bad things
only you know and God knows

and all those things that
happen to you in life
they happen for a reason;
your family, your friends,
your ex-lovers, your 'almost',
your downfall, your glory days,
your actions, your instincts

They make you who you are today
so be grateful for each day
as everything happens for a reason

– billiondays

I love you
for who you truly are
I love you
for you are worthy of love
I love you
for you are always there for me
I love you
even if we believe in different Gods
I love you
even if it hurts sometimes
I love you
I love you
I love you
and you are so aware of it
I love you
and you love me too
I love you
but we can't be together

– billiondays

I don't really understand why
I fell in love with you in the first place
You were not the most beautiful creature
nor the brightest on our dearly Earth

But we've known each other for four years
yet barely even talked before because
I thought I might bother you and
you seemed a bit aloof and cold

Your eyes, they shone so bright
as I talked about my life and then yours
and we talked and we talked
until there's nothing left to talk about

Eights months have gone by and we
missed Winter and Spring and
it'll be Summer in a meantime
and you seem to forget me at all

I don't mind if we never
talked to each other anymore
because I know nothing lasts forever
even the seasons change so quickly

I just can't help it if I begin
to lose you all over again because
I realize you were never mine
and I was never yours

– billiondays

If only I knew your deepest fears,
your goals, your dreams, your closest peers,
I'd love you for the rest of my years,
If only I knew.

If only I knew what made you sad,
the good, the great, the worst, the bad,
I'd love you as the best I've had,
If only I knew.

If only I knew how to make you stay,
my troubling heart will no more astray,
I'd love you until my very last day,
If only I knew.

– billiondays

To the first boy
Who broke my heart
Telling me that cheating
Is really no big deal.

"I forgive you."

To the person who
Wasn't paying attention,
Texting and driving,
Then colliding with me.

"I forgive you."

To the man who thought
It was a good idea
To break my heart,
And his fiancé's too.

"I forgive you."

To the one who said
He loved me,
Yet in public
Wouldn't touch me.

"I forgive you."

To the friend who
Wasn't really a friend,
Pushed himself into me
Without hearing my pleas.

"I forgive you."

To the man who decided
To have *** with her,
Resulting in a pregnancy
That ruined us.

"I forgive you."

To every person
Who has hurt me
In one way or another,
Small or great.

"I forgive you."

To the person who
Can't find it in themselves
To offer forgiveness
Due to overwhelming pain.

"I forgive them for you."

To those who decided
To give this poem a read,
Tell me now if you think
The world is a little brighter.

If not, "I forgive you."

If you cannot find
Love in you, know
"I forgive you"
For the hate in your heart;

For the cold that now
Encases you,
Not permitting that
Forgiveness to take hold;

To love those who
Have hurt us before,
To care because
We all have those days,

To smile and spread
The warmth of love,
To hold someone else
Because you know the ache.

"I forgive you"
For the hate.
"I forgive you"
For the anger.

"I forgive you"
For the lust.
"I forgive you"
For the danger.

Remember to forgive,
We are all the same
Sinners in this hell,
And living in pain.

– billiondays

The sea, endless, magnificent blue
Reminds me of your deep swirling eyes
Looking at me with mischievous love
Reflecting the big, open skies

The stars of the dark night
Remind me of the scars dotted on your skin
Painting your body in loose touches
Polaroids of everywhere you've been

The Sun, in its bright glory
Reminds me of your smile
Radiating, powerful, from cheek to cheek
Sadly, I haven't seen it in a while.

And finally, I must say, my love
I realize, as I finish this verse
Before, I saw the universe in you
Now, I see you in the universe

– billiondays

why?
why did you leave,
when I needed you
more than ever?

how?
how did we become strangers,
when just yesterday we said
we would be running away
from the world together?

when?
when did you decide,
that I wasn't good enough
to help and fix you
like I always used to?

what?
what did I do wrong,
that made you want to leave
and forget me the day after?

where?
where did you go,
after you left me and
why was it more
important than I?

who?
who did you give my heart to,
after you stole it and ran
with nothing but broken tears?

why?*
why did you leave me,
with almost no explanation at all
and why did I ever think
we would truly be forever?

(P.A)

I have this bad habit of
getting close to people and
thinking that they're always
going to be by my side; but
eventually they always leave

I have this bad habit of
loving people too much when
they don't even love me back;
and when they leave me,
my heart feels it's been stabbed

I have this bad habit of*
caring for people, when
they don't care about me at all.
If they see it through my eyes,
they'll see the scars I have
deep down inside

– billiondays

I shouldn't love you,
But I do.

Because your smile, makes me smile
Because your laugh, makes me laugh
Because I feel butterflies everytime I hear your voice
Because everything you do and say, I completely adore

I shouldn't love you,
Because my smile, doesn't make you smile
Because my laugh, doesn't make you laugh
Because you don't feel anything when you hear my voice
Because you don't care about what I do or say

I shouldn't love you,
Because you don't love me.
I shouldn't love you,
But I do.

– billiondays

I was warned about
people like you;
The one with a
beautiful mind
and soft eyes
I was told to keep away
because you're addicting
and capable of destroying me
more than any drug could
I was told to keep you away
from my heart because
one wrong move
could be vital but
I've always been
one to take risks

– billiondays

If it feels wrong, don't do it
2. Say exactly what you mean
3. Don't be a people pleaser
4. Trust your instincts
5. Never speak bad about yourself
6. Never give up on your dreams
7. Don't be afraid to say no
8. Don't be afraid to say yes
9. Be kind to yourself
10. Let go of what you can't control
11. Stay away from drama & negativity
12. LOVE

– billiondays