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Addiction is an impetus
and once gratified,
it is nearly insatiable  
to appease.
Despite its starvation,
the hunger will endure.
Drug and alcohol rehab statistics show that the percentage of people who will relapse after a period of recovery ranges from 50% to 90%.
As she saw her
tear streaked reflection
in the mirror,
with its dark circles
nestled amongst
swollen eyes,
she began to think
quietly to herself.


her image,
by the
grave awareness
that was silently
being exposed.
her thoughts,
a mere whisper.



Melancholy words
suddenly grew strength
into an emphatic rant,
tears of anger,  
rolled from her eyes,
scorching her cheeks.

She had been here before,
this was nothing knew.
on the edge of
keeping it together
or losing it all,


The weight of her emotions
dragged her down
onto the floor
remaining motionless
minutes passed,
maybe even hours,
and then she did
what she had wanted
to do for years.

head resting on the floor,
she began asking
what she had done so wrong
not knowing
who she was sceaming to,
assuming it was God
if he existed.


She screamed for all the pain
she had felt,
cried for the losses
that littered her life
hating  herself
for not having
the ability to move on,
making her feel
sadness or anger.

She had reached
a point
where she couldn't
one from the other.
was she sad
or was she angry?
she hadn't a clue.
together though,
her tears
and her anger
the perfect storm.


She waited
needing a reply
she begged for Him
to give a reason
for her suffering.

People that knew her,
thought she was
strong and independent.
this time of year
carried a burden.
a burden
that was eventually
going to
crush or release her.


listening to the silence.
This time of year can be so difficult for many people. I hope someone reaches out to them.
She would welcome
each sleepless night,
leaving swollen eyes
in the morning light

Suffer  through
the aches and pains,
feel the burden of fatigue
and the needed weight gain

Her hair would start
to lose its shine,
gums would bleed
but she'd be just fine

Anxiety would peak
from high to low,
nausea would inevitably
come and go

Her body would be given
to house another,
losing all control
to become a mother

Forgetfulness would visit
now and then,
joining her tender *******
and nausea- over and over again

Her belly would grow
her feet would swell,
her bladder would be
a living hell

The cramps would scream
her back would bite,
her head would hurt
picking dreadful fights

Vitamins would be her friends
alchohol would be her foe,
they'd be no turning back
her other dreams - happily let go

The ones she had
of moving on,
the forever sun
now dead and gone

Releasing her freedom
for a different start,
a new family with the man
who had won her heart

She said yes
in love's sweet name,
but now she fears
love just can't do the same

For his life
seems set deep in stone,
filled with family
where he's already found home
place to be
is on the

                         the precipice
        keeping it together
                    and falling
          the abyss

      that when you fall
The egg shells that
I've walked upon
have finally
turned to dust.
I wasn't looking for it.

Somehow it found me, when I was busy doing everything and nothing at all.

It had the sparkle of confidence, with just the right amount of shyness, that captured the attention of a room, like an old polaroid photo, slowly and then quickly coming to life.

My nerves, typically electrofied, were calmed by it and peace seeped into every cell of my body.

Laughter danced from it and any melancholy in my soul leaped joyfully away.

It whispered, "forever," like a gentle breeze across a field of heather.

Power from it brightened my life, as fireworks did to the night.

Its echos of encouragement found their way to me, and gave strength to a broken soul, slowly bleeding on the floor.

My dreams became a kaleidascope of colors and patterns, making anything and everything seem possible.

Its breath brought life to a loveless heart, that had been suffocating on loneliness.

As it sparkled, I felt like a treasured jewel, kept safely out of harm's way.

The love that  it showed was an inspiration and made me believe in magic, fairytales, and happily ever after.

Then, as quickly as it came, it was stolen, like a precious moment in time.


His smile, forever etched in my mind.

A reminder that I was worthy of kindness, joy, and love.

A reminder for the days filled with doubt.

A reminder that I deserved safety and comfort, and peace.

*A reminder so I wouldn't forget.
The mere sound of his voice,
awakened her senses,
like hearing the melody
of a long forgotten song.

His words had the strength
to carry her to a place
she had never been before.

When he smiled,
she could feel her soul
radiate with contentment.

Her heart was captivated by
an enduring force ,
she simply could not resist.
My heart has been taken
back in time
to a place that existed
before monsters were under my bed
and I knew nothing of anger, loss, and disappointment

A time when beauty wasn't measured with someone else's ruler,
laughter danced
until it was out of breath,
Mr. Webster
hadn't defined my expectations,
and I believed in
happily ever after

My heart has been reminded
that true love never fails
and now
I've returned to the carefree girl
of my youth
dancing on cloud nine
innocently enjoying
the beauty of
unicorns and rainbows,
in the loving embrace
of my forever and a day
I think that if someone wants to find true love, they have to first believe in its existance.
make a deal.
I won't try to convince
you into believing what I
do, if you stop trying to talk
me out of believing in what you
She could have
from the ashes

Instead she
in the embers
people hold
onto their
pain and sadness
like a mother
with her
newborn child

grows as
the years pass by
being nurtured
along the
a part
of them

setting it free
just as
being held
by it

this year,
as the year, that
I'll begin-again, by
  joyfully celebrating both 
Thanksgiving and Christmas
like a
Growing up is greatly over rated.
I look at couples

with their perfect families

               holding tight to a
          of joy

and I wonder
why everything I see

is so black and white

        and I wish
someone could show me
a glimpse
                  of color that doesn't fade
should I
expect today,
Doctor Jekyll
or Mister Hyde?
You have taken over
the very essence of my being,
and I am conquered
by a hunger for your arousing touch
which awakens my senses,
by tracing the fiery curves
of my body,
and then satisfies my appetite
with *your tenderness
A work in progress- feedback appreciated please!
   ­                                  with
For *J*
we possess
the right amount
of  *CRAZY

burn up our future
light up our world.

for now,
the only thing
that is certain
is that we
struck the match
the darkness has
which makes for a
*beautiful beginning.
Nothing cures
like the
of my
There had been many
promises broken
and a growing number
of apologies not spoken

Yet, her heart kept reaching higher
hoping to get its fill
but disappointment  only served
to help strengthen her will

Every girl has the need inside her
to feel like she is treasured
but, the weak bond
has been completely severed

Now, he slowly steps back
and tries to understand
how she could be the one
holding the knife in her hand
"Fathers be good to your daughters. Daughters will love as you do."
John Mayer
Her failures
so loudly
that they
her dreams.
It was
as if
your goal
to destroy me.

   Goal accomplished.
She's called out of her class
their agenda has her name
they have a simple question
as the room questions her pain

Would she go to someone
when her heart was feeling down?
her face begin to whither and her eyes looked all around

A "no"came softly from her lips
as she held her head down low
she whispered in her spirit
"they wouldn't want to know..."

Just how her body cries
at the dawning of each day
and it's the safety of her blankets
where her soul pleads just to stay

And it takes her everything
to keep a little hope
while her tears are kept inside
it makes it difficult to cope

That her life is simply measured
by the clock's unyielding hands
the minutes pass by slowly
and how she tries to understand

Why her mind is always questioning
what others wake up to
are they joyful all the time
while she just muddles through

How the smile that is worn
simply acts as a disguise
to keep away the questions
and to cover all the lies

Of dreams she doesn't have
and goals she won't reach for
then she says she's fine
she just wants out the door

The silence speaks in volumes
from the others in the room
they want to show they care
but the air is filled with doom

She knows that when they leave
they'll go back to their sweet lives
in homes that call them back
while she fights to just  survive

And as the meeting ends
she fakes the strength within
they want to know that she's okay
so she musters up a *grin
Depression is an epidemic living inside a growing number of teens. My prayer is that they can find at least one person that can help them find their way back, or at the very least, let them know the aren't alone.
Pulling away
doesn't always
involve movement.
There were days
she felt as if she were drowning
in an ocean of
expectations, failure, and fear

She knew that feeling
wouldn't last long though
because God had a way
of reminding her
that she had learned
how to swim

For that
     she was
held her
like the
darkened night
evening stars,
she shined
in the comfort
of his
Three dimunitive words...


Once they are whispered
from the passion of the spirit,
they have the power
the sun
the light of the moon
the darkness of night

They can cover you
the warmth and opulence
of a summer breeze
leave you exposed
    like a sandy shore  
as the tide
*carried out to sea
Those moments I remember
that still take my breath away
are in a dusty corner
where somtimes I wished they'd stay

Regardless of the season
or the time of day
I still can't piece together
the night things went astray

And in that dusty corner
I can feel your hand in mine
and see that haunted smile
that made my whole world shine

But no matter how I try
and no matter what I do
that fateful night in August
just keeps on blowing through

My memory keeps holding on
to the little things you'd do
like buying single roses
and singing I love you

And in that dusty corner
I find the foolish side of you
dancing like a wild fire
that quickly passed on through

Wherever I may travel
or what my road leads to
my heart remains in pieces
and I'm forever missing you

Those moments I remember
that still take my breath away
are in a dusty corner
and sometimes--- I wished they'd stay.
It is through our heartache that we become the person we are meant to be.  A single moment can change the course of a person's life forever.
For some,
                 the most difficult part
      of being loved
is the fear
your lover will awaken
                                   one day
realize *you are undeserving of it.
Their love
             was a
    forbidden fruit
a daily invitation
    put in front of them
and they had known
            that once temptation
finally stole their
there'd be no turning back
the fear of the
     consequences wasn't
enough to stop
             for it had
                  tasted too **sweet
Your voice is a melody,
that steals my pain
and replaces it with joy.

Your eyes are a mirror,
that lets me feel beautiful
in spite of my flaws.

Your touch is a remedy,
that heals my fear
and helps bring me peace.

Your heart is a gift,
that surprises me every day
and takes me places I've never been.

Your love is a fire,
that conquers my darkness
and illuminates my world.
The urge to disappear
down the rabbit hole
returned with a vengeance,
as the melancholy
song of failure
echoed in her mind
I count the steps
when you walk out the door
and each breath I take
leaves me missing you more
Just when she thought

 she had dug  

herself out of despair,

she stared down

at the freshly prepared grave

and noticed the soiled shovel 

in her hand.
Maybe there’s a God above,
but all I’ve ever learned from love,
was how to shoot at someone
who outdrew you.
It’s not a cry you can hear at night.
It’s not somebody
who has seen the light.
It’s a cold,
and it’s a broken Hallelujah,

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Leonard Cohen- One  of the most beautiful songs ever written- in my humble opinion.
She wore the years
on her face,
making it plain to see
they had not been kind.
I ran into someone I hadn't seen in years, and was saddened by the way drugs, alcohol, and smoking had taken over her life. I thought, if this is what it's done to her outside appearance, what has it done inside? Very sad.
The last time I saw him, he said,

"Some people just feel things more deeply than others. This can be both a blessing and a curse. Sometimes you can feel the warmth of the sun, while other times you just feel the sting of the burn."

Two days later, he was gone.
02/07/68 - 12/30/09 RIP Big Brother
It's propped against the wall,
anxiously awaiting to be played
sometimes it takes week
but often just a day

When she takes it in her hands
and begins to tune it up
it wakes up from its sleep
feeling the comfort of her touch

As she starts to strum along
the flowing melody is found
her voice begins to rise
my heart smiles at the sound

Eavesdropping just to hear her
because she doesn't understand
how I'm overwhelmed with joy
and that I'm her biggest fan

It's not the way she plays
or how beautiful she sings
it's the humbleness she shows
and the serenity it brings

To have that kind of passion
without needing to be praised
my daughter's gift sent from above
gratefully received in many ways
She fed him her love
serving his happiness first
but he let her *starve
The higher
the pedestal,
the bloodier
the fall
Inspired by W. Shakespeare's, "Expectation is the root of all heartache."
Sleep evades
while she's assaulted,
by her relentless thoughts.
Still wide awake.
What a feeling it must be,
to have someone

that cares and loves you

holds you until you fall
asleep at night

helps relieve your
worry and fear,


doesn't just watch
as you simply
*fade away
Her mind
was a universe
of  juxtaposition...
love  hate               heaven  hell
peace    war
  passion  apathy       beauty  ugliness          
fantasty reality
happiness        melancholy
freedom captivity     strength weakness
innocence and guilt

It travelled back and forth
her albatross was a
perpetual quest for balance
other times she was certain
she wouldn't want it
any other way.
My heart has always had
just one desire

One wish
One hunger

All it  has ever needed
was a kiss

Not an ordinary kiss
one that makes you crave for more

A kiss that makes you want to linger in the moment forever

One that tastes of
sweetness and vulnerability

A kiss that provides  
strength along with comfort

One that removes
all doubts
all fears
and pain

A kiss that steals the longing for anyone else

All my heart has ever wanted
is in your kiss
Life  is merely
a series
of before and afters
      begininngs and endings,
Sometimes we
are a fortune's king,
    weilding the key
to open
or close doors.

Other times,
our control is lost
and a line is drawn
    by the sword of a skillful hand
         a change of heart
or opportunity.

Inevitably, death bows
to the governing power of Chronus
    holding time in his hands
But in between
the before and afters,
and the beginnings and endings
are moments.

of no return


The rhythmic newborn baby's cry,
    goodbyes that cast a shadow,
songs filled with Heaven's joy?
kisses that taste of forever,
      breezes that dance with the angels
   or quarrels armed with poison.

Some left with arms reaching
      for they were missed.
 a hesitant heart refusing love
words left unspoken
     time not taken
forgiveness held captive

Looking back
at memories held,
    moments have brought
light and darkness
but the missed moments
    have left the deepest scars
marking opportunity's lost.

So, I try to remember
  that in between
the before and afters,
   and the beginings and endings,
are moments,
    and I shall
adorn them in jewels
and embrace them in peace
lest them not be missed
for soon,
   they too shall pass.
In some strange way, I was inspired to write this by All the Worlds a Stage - Shakespeare. Its a work in progress... might need better organization. Helpful feedback welcomed. Please!
for him
was useless,
his hands
were too
at freedom
My name once whispered
from your lips,
has been silenced by apathy.
The intimacy that we shared,
crashed into tragedy.

Your touch that always
calmed my nerves,
rages like a stormy sea.
Kisses taste of hesitation,
instead of desire for me.

I feel the bond that
tied our souls,
burning all around.
And the  dreams that we shared,
defeated on the ground.
<3  <3  <3  

My heart wandered
aimlessly lost
until it met the
captivating wonder
of yours

Now it can be found
blissfully abiding
in your
The truth was lost
as it drifted out to sea
and the lies you told
bore the weight
*that drowned me
the words were engraved,
a tattoo on her skin.
as a sweet reminder,
of all that she believed in.

but as she sees it in the mirror,
staring boldly back at her.
she starts to question truth,
and the lines begin to blur.

is there really such a  love,
which accepts you with your faults,
that doesn't give you pain
or personal assaults?

the kind that lasts forever,
firmly built on trust.
that's willing to face problems,
and doesn't fade to dust.

the type that will protect,
but never keeps the score.
and is filled with passion,
that is felt down to the core.

where patience is its shadow,
and anger is thrown away.
kindness fills the air,
and no one ever strays.

she thought that love had found her,
and had swept her off her feet.
she poured out her heart and soul,
but sadly felt defeat.

turning back at her reflection,
reading True Love Never Fails.
she feared that she had lost all faith,
in her treasured fairy tale.
It's a work in progress. :)
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