As she saw her
tear streaked reflection
in the mirror,
with its dark circles
nestled amongst
swollen eyes,
she began to think
quietly to herself.

       Again

Staring,
her image,
paralyzed
by the
grave awareness
that was silently
being exposed.
her thoughts,
a mere whisper.

                Again

Fading
       away

Melancholy words
suddenly grew strength
rushing
into an emphatic rant,
tears of anger,  
hastily
rolled from her eyes,
scorching her cheeks.

She had been here before,
this was nothing knew.
on the edge of
keeping it together
or losing it all,
familiarity

            Again

The weight of her emotions
dragged her down
onto the floor
remaining motionless
minutes passed,
maybe even hours,
and then she did
what she had wanted
to do for years.

Kneeling,
head resting on the floor,
she began asking
what she had done so wrong
screaming
not knowing
who she was sceaming to,
assuming it was God
if he existed.

    Again

She screamed for all the pain
she had felt,
cried for the losses
that littered her life
hating  herself
for not having
the ability to move on,
making her feel
more
sadness or anger.

She had reached
a point
where she couldn't
distinguish
one from the other.
was she sad
or was she angry?
she hadn't a clue.
together though,
her tears
and her anger
the perfect storm.

              Again

She waited
needing a reply
she begged for Him
to give a reason
for her suffering.

People that knew her,
thought she was
strong and independent.
unaware
this time of year
carried a burden.
a burden
that was eventually
going to
crush or release her.

She
     waited
              alone

listening to the silence.

The
scariest
place to be
is on the
          edge...

                         the precipice
                             between
        keeping it together
                    and falling
                    into
          the abyss

Knowing
      that when you fall
you
    fall
a
l
o
n
e

I wasn't looking for it.

Somehow it found me, when I was busy doing everything and nothing at all.

It had the sparkle of confidence, with just the right amount of shyness, that captured the attention of a room, like an old polaroid photo, slowly and then quickly coming to life.

My nerves, typically electrofied, were calmed by it and peace seeped into every cell of my body.

Laughter danced from it and any melancholy in my soul leaped joyfully away.

It whispered, "forever," like a gentle breeze across a field of heather.

Power from it brightened my life, as fireworks did to the night.

Its echos of encouragement found their way to me, and gave strength to a broken soul, slowly bleeding on the floor.

My dreams became a kaleidascope of colors and patterns, making anything and everything seem possible.

Its breath brought life to a loveless heart, that had been suffocating on loneliness.

As it sparkled, I felt like a treasured jewel, kept safely out of harm's way.

The love that  it showed was an inspiration and made me believe in magic, fairytales, and happily ever after.

Then, as quickly as it came, it was stolen, like a precious moment in time.

HIS SMILE.

His smile, forever etched in my mind.

A reminder that I was worthy of kindness, joy, and love.

A reminder for the days filled with doubt.

A reminder that I deserved safety and comfort, and peace.

*A reminder so I wouldn't forget.

Sometimes
I look at couples

with their perfect families

               holding tight to a
kaleidoscope
          of joy

and I wonder
why everything I see

is so black and white

        and I wish
someone could show me
a glimpse
                  of color that doesn't fade

Who
should I
expect today,
Doctor Jekyll
or Mister Hyde?

I
  have
a
desire
        for
              every
                         inch
                              of
                                  you.
                           The
            whisper
         of
           your
                  voice                                
                           coursing      
                   thr­ough
            my
       body
            filling
                    every
                             curve
   ­                                  with
                             the
                   sound
              of
                you.
                         The
                    warmth
                                   of
                              your
                                       breath
                                             on
                                          my
                              craving
                           lips,
                 and
                     the
             taste
                  of
             you
                      under
                               the
                               blankets.

There were days
she felt as if she were drowning
in an ocean of
expectations, failure, and fear

She knew that feeling
wouldn't last long though
because God had a way
of reminding her
that she had learned
how to swim

For that
     she was
            forever
                 grateful

For some,
                 the most difficult part
      of being loved
is the fear
                that
your lover will awaken
                                   one day
and
realize *you are undeserving of it.

Their love
             was a
    forbidden fruit
a daily invitation
    put in front of them
and they had known
            that once temptation
finally stole their
     willpower
there'd be no turning back
       because
the fear of the
     consequences wasn't
enough to stop
    them...
             for it had
                  tasted too **sweet

Just when she thought

 she had dug  

herself out of despair,

she stared down

at the freshly prepared grave

and noticed the soiled shovel 

in her hand.

Maybe there’s a God above,
but all I’ve ever learned from love,
was how to shoot at someone
who outdrew you.
It’s not a cry you can hear at night.
It’s not somebody
who has seen the light.
It’s a cold,
and it’s a broken Hallelujah,

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

The last time I saw him, he said,

"Some people just feel things more deeply than others. This can be both a blessing and a curse. Sometimes you can feel the warmth of the sun, while other times you just feel the sting of the burn."

Two days later, he was gone.

It's propped against the wall,
anxiously awaiting to be played
sometimes it takes week
but often just a day

When she takes it in her hands
and begins to tune it up
it wakes up from its sleep
feeling the comfort of her touch

As she starts to strum along
the flowing melody is found
her voice begins to rise
my heart smiles at the sound

Eavesdropping just to hear her
because she doesn't understand
how I'm overwhelmed with joy
and that I'm her biggest fan

It's not the way she plays
or how beautiful she sings
it's the humbleness she shows
and the serenity it brings

To have that kind of passion
without needing to be praised
my daughter's gift sent from above
gratefully received in many ways

Life  is merely
a series
of before and afters
      begininngs and endings,
    
Sometimes we
are a fortune's king,
    weilding the key
to open
or close doors.

Other times,
our control is lost
and a line is drawn
    by the sword of a skillful hand
marking
         a change of heart
or opportunity.

Inevitably, death bows
to the governing power of Chronus
    holding time in his hands
  
But in between
the before and afters,
and the beginnings and endings
are moments.

   defining
turning
    quiet
stolen
of no return

Moments

The rhythmic newborn baby's cry,
    goodbyes that cast a shadow,
songs filled with Heaven's joy?
kisses that taste of forever,
      breezes that dance with the angels
   or quarrels armed with poison.
  
Moments

Some left with arms reaching
      for they were missed.
 a hesitant heart refusing love
words left unspoken
     time not taken
forgiveness held captive

Looking back
at memories held,
    moments have brought
light and darkness
but the missed moments
    have left the deepest scars
marking opportunity's lost.

So, I try to remember
  that in between
the before and afters,
   and the beginings and endings,
are moments,
    and I shall
adorn them in jewels
and embrace them in peace
lest them not be missed
for soon,
   they too shall pass.

the words were engraved,
a tattoo on her skin.
as a sweet reminder,
of all that she believed in.

but as she sees it in the mirror,
staring boldly back at her.
she starts to question truth,
and the lines begin to blur.

is there really such a  love,
which accepts you with your faults,
that doesn't give you pain
or personal assaults?

the kind that lasts forever,
firmly built on trust.
that's willing to face problems,
and doesn't fade to dust.

the type that will protect,
but never keeps the score.
and is filled with passion,
that is felt down to the core.

where patience is its shadow,
and anger is thrown away.
kindness fills the air,
and no one ever strays.

she thought that love had found her,
and had swept her off her feet.
she poured out her heart and soul,
but sadly felt defeat.

turning back at her reflection,
reading True Love Never Fails.
she feared that she had lost all faith,
in her treasured fairy tale.