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Mar 2020 · 317
Overdose
Overdose
I'm often taken back,
to the moment you were lost.
I can't help myself from asking,
could you have known the cost?

The pain was hard to handle,
it grew deep inside of you.
sweet relief knocked at your door,
but its promise was untrue.

Its visits started slowly,
then its power quickly grew.
blinded by its pleasure,
it warmed you through and through.

At first I made excuses,
for all the heartache that you caused.
your past  had not been perfect
and you struggled with its flaws.

I knew that I could fix you,
if I learned to do things right.
so I came to your rescue,
and attacked with all my might.

But the evil built up strength,
sometimes tearing me inside out.
the lies and disappointments,
helped to feed into my doubt.

The demon was persistent,
and haunted you at night.
breaking any self control,
by using all its might.

My heart shattered to pieces,
as I watched you  disappear.
the person looking back at me,
saw a future that he feared.

Then that bitter call came in,
on a gorgeous winter day.
the sun that shined so brightly,
quickly turned to grey.

There were so many questions,
we never got the facts.
emotions got the best of me,
my heart fought to relax.

The guilt was hard to handle,
as I faced it day to day.
blaming myself harshly,
because I hadn't known the way.

I struggled to find peace,
and prayed to God above,
begging for forgiveness,
and needing all his love.

The words spoke to me softly,
and the truth took root within.
the grievous battle, that was lost,
was never mine to win.
#b
Mar 2020 · 261
Without Regret
I was often
envious
of those that knew which road to choose,
walking it like a familiar memory,
while I would stumble and fall.

I blindly moved forward.
Sometimes taking too long,
to pick myself up,
bruised and scraped
backtracking
wandering
and
making up for lost time
in both lightness  
and
overwhelming darkness

I would pray for a sign,
a compass
to give me direction,
as the sun and moon
exchanged glances

But somewhere along my journey,
envy went missing
and
now I often pass by those
that knew their way-
voraciously attempting
to trace their steps
back to the road they came from

Searching
for the wrong turn they made
ragged
blinded
by
their mistakes

As I look back at the view
of my trail
from where I have risen
after every fall
and I see my bruises and scrapes
that created a map

I notice its key
identifying pitfalls and battlegrounds
mountaintops
valleys
and  
rivers that flow effortlessly

and I find myself
at peace.
#hb
Dec 2015 · 2.0k
Alone
The
scariest
place to be
is on the
          edge...

                         the precipice
                             between
        keeping it together
                    and falling
                    into
          the abyss

Knowing
      that when you fall
you
    fall
a
l
o
n
e
Aug 2015 · 1.6k
Winston
There were times
she felt
like his bad habit

    passionately
longed for,

quickly savored,

and then
carelessly crushed

beneath
the weight
of his world
Written June 26, 2015
Aug 2015 · 1.9k
Defeated
Her failures
often
screamed
so loudly
that they
silenced
her dreams.
Jul 2015 · 1.3k
Twisted
I look at you
and I whisper
a prayer

hoping you'll
reveal
that smile.....
                      slightly twisted

the one
that pulled me in....
                    begging for understanding

that smile
like
the moon to the tide....
                      gravitational
                                 forever changing

leaving me breathless...
                      surrendering
                                  all control
Jul 2015 · 1.2k
Apathy
The egg shells that
I've walked upon
have finally
turned to dust.
Jul 2015 · 1.6k
Hardened
She wore the years
on her face,
making it plain to see
they had not been kind.
I ran into someone I hadn't seen in years, and was saddened by the way drugs, alcohol, and smoking had taken over her life. I thought, if this is what it's done to her outside appearance, what has it done inside? Very sad.
Jul 2015 · 1.3k
Life
Life  is merely
a series
of before and afters
      begininngs and endings,
    
Sometimes we
are a fortune's king,
    weilding the key
to open
or close doors.

Other times,
our control is lost
and a line is drawn
    by the sword of a skillful hand
marking
         a change of heart
or opportunity.

Inevitably, death bows
to the governing power of Chronus
    holding time in his hands
  
But in between
the before and afters,
and the beginnings and endings
are moments.

   defining
turning
    quiet
stolen
of no return


Moments

The rhythmic newborn baby's cry,
    goodbyes that cast a shadow,
songs filled with Heaven's joy?
kisses that taste of forever,
      breezes that dance with the angels
   or quarrels armed with poison.
  
Moments

Some left with arms reaching
      for they were missed.
 a hesitant heart refusing love
words left unspoken
     time not taken
forgiveness held captive

Looking back
at memories held,
    moments have brought
light and darkness
but the missed moments
    have left the deepest scars
marking opportunity's lost.

So, I try to remember
  that in between
the before and afters,
   and the beginings and endings,
are moments,
    and I shall
adorn them in jewels
and embrace them in peace
lest them not be missed
for soon,
   they too shall pass.
In some strange way, I was inspired to write this by All the Worlds a Stage - Shakespeare. Its a work in progress... might need better organization. Helpful feedback welcomed. Please!
Jul 2015 · 1.0k
Shhhhh...
Actions
have
the
power
to
silence
even the loudest
words.
A new take on the old cliche about actions speaking louder than words.
Jul 2015 · 1.5k
Eternal
He
held her
like the
darkened night
embraced
the
evening stars,
and
she shined
in the comfort
of his
love
<3
Jul 2015 · 1.0k
The Melody
The moment
of a fleeting thought
recalling a welcomed visit
where calmness whispered
and
rhythmic words
were remembered
as the melody
danced through her body
giving birth
to a reborn peace
Jul 2015 · 1.0k
Hunger (haiku)
She fed him her love
serving his happiness first
but he let her *starve
Jun 2015 · 859
One by One
The words,
       arrows
carelessly
fired her way

wrapped
slowly
around
and around
her neck

until
       the day
she
found herself
eagerly
awaiting
the
*hangman's
gallows
Proverbs 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,.
Jun 2015 · 1.9k
Shelter
Fear* had crept in quietly,
         and she had unknowingly
     let it take shelter,
where it could breathe new life
    in the dismal recesses of her mind
Jun 2015 · 1.1k
That Girl
She
was the kind of girl
that *tasted
the sunshine,
as the rays
sweetened
her mood

and
she often caught
glimpses of Heaven,
as the raindrops
reflected
her dreams

She
was the kind of girl
that listened to the night,
as the darkness
whispered
her fears

and
she forever grasped
the parting seasons,
as the leaves
scorched
her soul

She was
the kind of girl
that savored the scent,
as the morning dew
coveted
her memories
A heartfelt work in progress. Still trying to come up with a way to end it, that's not abrupt. Not easy. Feedback welcomed! :)
Apr 2015 · 1.1k
Teenage Wasteland
The sweet smell of
         smoke rising
            eyes glossing
              mood swinging
          focus weaving
       attendance falling
development arresting
   high school dropping
in our country's acquiring
      *
teenage wasteland
I'm sure I'm in the minority on this one, but I see it every day. One of the hardest parts of being a teacher.
Mar 2015 · 1.3k
Lost at Sea
The truth was lost
as it drifted out to sea
and the lies you told
bore the weight
*that drowned me
Mar 2015 · 902
Gone
The urge to disappear
down the rabbit hole
returned with a vengeance,
as the melancholy
song of failure
echoed in her mind
Feb 2015 · 908
All for Love
She would welcome
each sleepless night,
leaving swollen eyes
in the morning light

Suffer  through
the aches and pains,
feel the burden of fatigue
and the needed weight gain

Her hair would start
to lose its shine,
gums would bleed
but she'd be just fine

Anxiety would peak
from high to low,
nausea would inevitably
come and go

Her body would be given
to house another,
losing all control
to become a mother

Forgetfulness would visit
now and then,
joining her tender *******
and nausea- over and over again

Her belly would grow
her feet would swell,
her bladder would be
a living hell

The cramps would scream
her back would bite,
her head would hurt
picking dreadful fights

Vitamins would be her friends
alchohol would be her foe,
they'd be no turning back
her other dreams - happily let go

The ones she had
of moving on,
the forever sun
now dead and gone

Releasing her freedom
for a different start,
a new family with the man
who had won her heart

She said yes
in love's sweet name,
but now she fears
love just can't do the same

For his life
seems set deep in stone,
filled with family
where he's already found home
Feb 2015 · 887
Losing Battle
Reaching
for him
was useless,
for
his hands
were too
busy
grasping
at freedom
Feb 2015 · 2.3k
Idol
The higher
the pedestal,
the bloodier
the fall
Inspired by W. Shakespeare's, "Expectation is the root of all heartache."
Feb 2015 · 2.7k
Back in Time
My heart has been taken
back in time
to a place that existed
before monsters were under my bed
and I knew nothing of anger, loss, and disappointment

A time when beauty wasn't measured with someone else's ruler,
laughter danced
until it was out of breath,
Mr. Webster
hadn't defined my expectations,
and I believed in
happily ever after

My heart has been reminded
that true love never fails
and now
I've returned to the carefree girl
of my youth
dancing on cloud nine
innocently enjoying
the beauty of
unicorns and rainbows,
in the loving embrace
of my forever and a day
I think that if someone wants to find true love, they have to first believe in its existance.
<3
Feb 2015 · 1.0k
Goodbyes
I count the steps
when you walk out the door
and each breath I take
leaves me missing you more
<3
Feb 2015 · 2.9k
Purgatory
Years spent
in a self inflicted purgatory

         her soul
         torn
         by the memories
         of those
         she could not save

her mind
wandering aimlessly
like an abandoned child
searching
for comfort

         her body
         weak and sickened
         desecrated
         from carrying the burden
     
induced
to sever the chains
that had bound her freedom
for life was slowly fading

            a pardon finally granted
            for that
            which she could *not control
For some, it is much easier to forgive others, than themselves.
Jan 2015 · 727
No Other
He should have nothing to  
f e a r
for the only other lover
s h e
would ever lose herself in
is
p o e t r y
<3
Jan 2015 · 702
The Key
Every heart is different
when it comes to a love thats true
For some, the key is friendship,
that keeps it feeling new

Others need a fire,
that burns through the morning light
keeping things exciting
a love that has some fight

It took some time to realize
I couldn't settle for one of two
so my heart sat back and waited
until it found its home with you
<3
Jan 2015 · 1.7k
Distance
Pulling away
doesn't always
involve movement.
Jan 2015 · 1.1k
Color
Sometimes
I look at couples

with their perfect families

               holding tight to a
kaleidoscope
          of joy

and I wonder
why everything I see

is so black and white

        and I wish
someone could show me
a glimpse
                  of color that doesn't fade
Jan 2015 · 761
Winter
She was a
New England
winter

unpredictable
with bouts of freezing temperatures
whirlwind snowfalls
mixing
with fleating moments
of
**sunshine
Jan 2015 · 3.9k
Fear
For some,
                 the most difficult part
      of being loved
is the fear
                that
your lover will awaken
                                   one day
and
realize *you are undeserving of it.
Dec 2014 · 2.7k
Safety
Some lies are of omission
remaining deep inside
others pour down like rain
without a place to hide

Although they are quite different
their quest may be the same
to find a place of safety
to  help silence their shame
Dec 2014 · 1.1k
Suddenly
... and then one day
                   you came along
with your handsome self
               eyes that tell your story
           boyish attitude
enduring smile
and
playful ways
opening my eyes to the world again
stealing my saddened heart
                                to give it life
and then suddenly
everything I had questioned
                      made sense

<3
Dec 2014 · 3.1k
Crazy
Together,*
we possess
just
the right amount
of  *CRAZY

to
burn up our future
or
light up our world.

But
for now,
the only thing
that is certain
is that we
struck the match
and
the darkness has
disappeared,
which makes for a
*beautiful beginning.
<3
Dec 2014 · 706
Belief
Lets
make a deal.
I won't try to convince
you into believing what I
do, if you stop trying to talk
me out of believing in what you
don't
Dec 2014 · 5.8k
Forbidden Fruit
Their love
             was a
    forbidden fruit
a daily invitation
    put in front of them
and they had known
            that once temptation
finally stole their
     willpower
there'd be no turning back
       because
the fear of the
     consequences wasn't
enough to stop
    them...
             for it had
                  tasted too **sweet
<3
Dec 2014 · 2.1k
Captivity
Some
people hold
onto their
pain and sadness
like a mother
with her
newborn child

It
grows as
the years pass by
being nurtured
along the
way
becoming
a part
of them

Making
setting it free
just as
heartwrenching
as
being held
captive
by it
Dec 2014 · 650
Cured (10W)
Nothing cures
my
insomnia
like the
sound
of my
*ALARM
Dec 2014 · 697
Again
As she saw her
tear streaked reflection
in the mirror,
with its dark circles
nestled amongst
swollen eyes,
she began to think
quietly to herself.

       Again

Staring,
her image,
paralyzed
by the
grave awareness
that was silently
being exposed.
her thoughts,
a mere whisper.

                Again

Fading
       away

Melancholy words
suddenly grew strength
rushing
into an emphatic rant,
tears of anger,  
hastily
rolled from her eyes,
scorching her cheeks.

She had been here before,
this was nothing knew.
on the edge of
keeping it together
or losing it all,
familiarity

            Again

The weight of her emotions
dragged her down
onto the floor
remaining motionless
minutes passed,
maybe even hours,
and then she did
what she had wanted
to do for years.

Kneeling,
head resting on the floor,
she began asking
what she had done so wrong
screaming
not knowing
who she was sceaming to,
assuming it was God
if he existed.

    Again

She screamed for all the pain
she had felt,
cried for the losses
that littered her life
hating  herself
for not having
the ability to move on,
making her feel
more
sadness or anger.

She had reached
a point
where she couldn't
distinguish
one from the other.
was she sad
or was she angry?
she hadn't a clue.
together though,
her tears
and her anger
the perfect storm.

              Again

She waited
needing a reply
she begged for Him
to give a reason
for her suffering.

People that knew her,
thought she was
strong and independent.
unaware
this time of year
carried a burden.
a burden
that was eventually
going to
crush or release her.

She
     waited
              alone

listening to the silence.
This time of year can be so difficult for many people. I hope someone reaches out to them.
Dec 2014 · 1.3k
Humbleness
It's propped against the wall,
anxiously awaiting to be played
sometimes it takes week
but often just a day

When she takes it in her hands
and begins to tune it up
it wakes up from its sleep
feeling the comfort of her touch

As she starts to strum along
the flowing melody is found
her voice begins to rise
my heart smiles at the sound

Eavesdropping just to hear her
because she doesn't understand
how I'm overwhelmed with joy
and that I'm her biggest fan

It's not the way she plays
or how beautiful she sings
it's the humbleness she shows
and the serenity it brings

To have that kind of passion
without needing to be praised
my daughter's gift sent from above
gratefully received in many ways
Dec 2014 · 1.2k
Lost and Found
<3  <3  <3  

My heart wandered
aimlessly lost
until it met the
captivating wonder
of yours

Now it can be found
blissfully abiding
in your
presence
<3
Dec 2014 · 649
Realization
It was finally clear

Just as she began to see
laughter dancing
amongst the rays of the sun

someone would come along
to remind her
she must have been dreaming
Dec 2014 · 2.5k
Drowning
There were days
she felt as if she were drowning
in an ocean of
expectations, failure, and fear

She knew that feeling
wouldn't last long though
because God had a way
of reminding her
that she had learned
how to swim

For that
     she was
            forever
                 grateful
An edited version of one of the first poems I posted


Suffering
from the
selfish force
stealing
her sanctuary

Suffocated
by the
endless weight
crushing
her broken spirit

Repelled
by the
wretched stench
flowing
in the air

Plagued
by the
breathing echo
whispered
in her ear

Harassed
by the
vile memory
fixed
in her mind

Haunted
by the
nightly shadow
looming
over her

Suspicious
of the
camouflaged intentions
hidden
in plain sight

Guilted
by an
insidious disease
mocking
her sanity

Accepting
of the
contemptable deed
detroying
visceral serenity

Healed
by the
spirited strength
thriving
within her

VICTORIOUS
for reclaiming
the
life that
had
been stolen
Did you know approximately 2/3 of rapes were committed by someone known to the victim, 54% of rapes go unreported, and that 1 in 5 women in the U.S will be sexually assaulted? Crazy.

                                                    *RAINN*
Dec 2014 · 882
Waiting
They say things will get easier
as the years go by,
so I wait to see the difference
but then I question, "why?"

Sometimes I feel like I'm ok
and accept that you're gone,
yet there are other times
it's so very hard to carry on

November brings this emptiness
at the end of every day,
the daylight brings me comfort
but at night, a hole, is where I lay

My mind is still reminded
of the games that we would play,
the trouble we'd get into
and all the lies we'd have to say

We knew we had a bond
that would always be just ours,
and as the years past along
we shared so many scars

I felt the burden of your pain
and of the damage you would do,
every time your heart would bleed
mine would pour out too

They say to just be THANKFUL
for the years I had with you,
to share in all the holidays
but now they'll always be too few

As November's door closes
and the calendar moves along,
December rears its ugly head
and you're heard in every song

Here comes Santa Claus
ringing through my ears,
Silent Night is only heard
through my falling tears

No one will ever understand
how we'd scour through the house,
hoping to find some presents
you'd say, "be quiet as a mouse"

They say it will get better
sadness will turn to cheer,
memories should be precious
but its so hard this time of year

As Christmas comes upon on us
I force myself from my bed,
to decorate the tree and shop
when I'd rather sleep instead

The empty seat at the table
hits me every time,
a symbolic rememberance
as the clock begins to chime

The conversation's always lacking
without your voice amongst the noise,
then my mind flashes back
to former Christmas mornings and all the toys

Things changed as we got older
but laughter still filled the room,
now opening the presents
just fills my heart with doom

As the day comes to an end
I sigh and breath relief,
only a few more days
and the month will be complete

In those final days
a weight's placed on my chest,
our last conversation was so heavy
my mind runs without a rest

It's as if I see myself
from some other point of view,
answering the phone
to hysteria about you

Her voice was full of fear
but I still hear my mother say,
"your brother, he's gone"
I knew the Lord took him away

The 30th will mark five years
I've survived without you,
but anyone who says "it gets easier"
just doesn't have a clue

I know it might sound crazy
even I don't understand,
why sometimes I'm still a little girl
in need of my *big brother's hand
For my big brother. Never forgotten.
Dec 2014 · 1.9k
Something's Missing (10W)
I really wish your  body was
i
   n
        t
e
        r
t
      w
i
      n
e
     d

with  mine  tonight.
<3
Dec 2014 · 1.8k
Risk
Sometimes you just have to
cross your fingers,
take a risk,
and
hope you don't get the
**** kicked out of you
by

*L
      O
          V
                E.
<3
Dec 2014 · 6.7k
Juxtaposition
Her mind
was a universe
of  juxtaposition...
  
love  hate               heaven  hell
peace    war
  passion  apathy       beauty  ugliness          
fantasty reality
happiness        melancholy
freedom captivity     strength weakness
innocence and guilt

It travelled back and forth
and
sometimes
her albatross was a
perpetual quest for balance
but
other times she was certain
she wouldn't want it
any other way.
I went up to the mountain,
because you asked me to,
up over the clouds,
to where the sky was blue.
I could see all around me,
everywhere.
I could see all around me,
everywhere.

Sometimes I feel like,
I've never been nothing but tired,
and I'll be walking
til the day I expire.
Sometimes I lay down,
no more can I do,
but then I go on again
because you ask me to.

Some days I look down,
afraid I will fall,
and though the sun shines,
I see nothing at all.
Then I hear your sweet voice, oh
Oh, come and then go,
come and then go,
telling me softly
you love me so.
Some days, this is just how I feel, and it gets me up to a mountain to get that sweet air. A very old but beautiful song. I heard the Kelly Clarkson version. Love it!
Dec 2014 · 1.6k
Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen
Maybe there’s a God above,
but all I’ve ever learned from love,
was how to shoot at someone
who outdrew you.
It’s not a cry you can hear at night.
It’s not somebody
who has seen the light.
It’s a cold,
and it’s a broken Hallelujah,

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Leonard Cohen- One  of the most beautiful songs ever written- in my humble opinion.
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