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May 30 · 330
How Are You?
Maruko San May 30
Hey, how are you?
Are you grateful for this year?
Or are you mad because you can't go anywhere
because of the invincible disease that's floating everywhere
The disease that hinders your freedom
Or are you thankful because you had the chance
to know yourself more,
the chance to make up for the lost time with your loved ones
Or are you alone by yourself with nothing to do but
listen to the tick of the clock, the beat of your heart and
the classic beep of pure silence
Or does the loneliness that engulfs you acts as a therapy for your
broken soul,
Or is it just the fuel that feeds the monster inside
The monster that makes you vulnerable to your emotions,
The monster that keeps you up all night weeping,
The monster that's slowly drifting you away from being sane,
The monster who everyone calls a “phase”
But you call it depression.
Because no one understands the agonizing misery you’re going thorough
And instead of fighting for being in control
you just gave up and let it roam
because you are now tired of their judgment,
of their criticism,  
of their endless complaints.
But don’t worry you’ll get through this
You’ll make It through this.
Because you’re a warrior who survived war even without weapons.
How are you really...
Oct 2020 · 238
We are us
Maruko San Oct 2020
We are a sad lonely teenager
a suicidal human species
We cry a lot
We hurt ourselves every other night
and melancholy won't leave us....
with all this things we carry
we still smiled.
For some, depression is just their so called aesthetic
but there are lots of people that's living with it
and some even don't know they have melancholy.
So please be nice to anyone,
and for those people who fakes it you
should go down with 2020.
Sep 2020 · 620
Dear 2020
Maruko San Sep 2020
Why are you being a ***** to us....
*******
Cant take it anymore, so many lives have lots due to whats happening around us (racism and the pandemic) but i guess 2020 is teaching us that if we work as one we can achieve justice to all the lives that had fallen and maltreated and pass this pandemic safely
Aug 2020 · 300
Teenage Limbo
Maruko San Aug 2020
Right now I'm in a limbo,
stuck between being a kid and going through adulthood
where i'm always depressed,
where pressure is always pressed,
where my brain is unstable,
and where my emotions are unpredictable
two choices with many outcome
but for now I'll just enjoy this brief misery
of my teenage years.
just watched chemical hearts
and it really inspired me to make this piece
Aug 2020 · 793
In a Place
Maruko San Aug 2020
imagine waking up in a place
where your dream could become a reality
and where the impossible can be possible
it's amazing isn't it,
you can let your imaginations run wild
but be wary
it's also the place where nightmares can hide
Aug 2020 · 107
Untitled
Maruko San Aug 2020
I can't take it anymore
I'm on the verge of ending it all
but i can't...
Jul 2020 · 319
Mask of lies
Maruko San Jul 2020
when the darkness kiss the light goodbye
my pain and sorrow
starts to say hi
with the tears streaming down my cheeks
letting my pillow acts as the basin
of my sorrow
letting the moon be the witness
of my aching heart
And letting the darkness
Comfort me through my sadness
I  cried my way out through the night
Until hours passed by and I realized
It's now sunrise
And it's another day to put on my mask of lies
Jul 2020 · 472
Blinded Minds: Suicide
Maruko San Jul 2020
Sharp knife cut's through
before my eye's
as anger, pain, and sadness
blinds my mind
as I unveil the thin flesh covering my eyes
as crimson blood flows
through my wrist
as my body collapsed
hitting the cold hard floor
with a confused look
thinking why I,m longing for air
and by the time I realized I lost too much of it,
its too late  
cause I can now see death at my door asking
why my child
Jul 2020 · 489
Scars
Maruko San Jul 2020
It can be beautifully awful
or awfully beautiful
with so many hurtful memories
and untold stories
but mostly are depressing and
unwanted marks of the past
Jul 2020 · 206
Stupid Love: Betrayal
Maruko San Jul 2020
Rain drop drop top
the sound of the rain
coming from above

As it hit the broken roof
of the broken house
which where my lost longing soul
looks for answers

Answers of why the love of my life
used me, broke me, and killed me

For all I know
I still stupidly love her
Jul 2020 · 356
Broken #3
Maruko San Jul 2020
Cutting my own arm
every other night
cause of what I am hearing
from the ones I trust
Jun 2020 · 596
My First & Last: True Love
Maruko San Jun 2020
Yes I loved you and I still do
But what can I do?
You were with your "true love"
and you're just my "first"

I really wished were meant to be,
but do you love me?

I really wished that you were Juliet
and your Romeo was me
but isn't that a tragic ending story?

Well if were together
we can't have our happy ever after.
Jun 2020 · 281
Medicine
Maruko San Jun 2020
This is my life force
my only life force
A pill that would make
my pain go away
A pill that sends me
to my own dimension
A pill that makes me
fly so high
that I can feel the
stars at the tip of my
fingers
As I float to deep space
I realize there's nothing
to breath in
and found myself
gasping for oxygen
that sweet sweet oxygen
as I hold on for dear life until
I realized that I've been back stabbed
by my life force my only life force
May 2020 · 261
I'm Sorry
Maruko San May 2020
I'm sorry I'm weak
please forgive me for my childish games
I loved you and I still do
but I was scared,
scared of the things ahead of us,
and seeing you suffer from this toxic relationship
this sickeningly toxic relationship
forbids my lungs to breathe

And setting you free was hard
but it was the only thing
that I can do or so I thought
to make the sun shine through
the darkest of your days

As I thought I moved on
but when I saw someone new
tears streamed down like a waterfall
of longing, regret and pain
for letting you go.

So I'm standing here
in front of you
with a torn heart and
a handful of courage
asking for a friendship
my high school fling.
Apr 2020 · 159
Spin the bottle
Maruko San Apr 2020
As I count one two and three
the bottle landed on me
who could it be

is it a he
or is it a she
we'll find out and see

as I sought  it's identity
I can no longer find tranquility
cause it's the girl that makes me faulty

what is this feeling
that I'm feeling
it's so frustrating

not knowing what to do
with this overbearing
feeling called loving
Apr 2020 · 774
Forbidden
Maruko San Apr 2020
Is this reality?
or just  a dream,
a dream created by my temptations,
temptations that that would destroy me.

Well if it is,
then let me feel every inch
and piece of you
before I wake up from reality,

A reality where our love is forbidden,
forbidden by society,
a society that is messed up
where people judge
for what we are and for who we are.
Maruko San Apr 2020
Lying in bed
with an aching head  
saw a glimpsed of moonlight
sipping through the curtains of white

my curious little head
got out of bed
draw the curtains
my sight is uncertain

because of what I'm witnessing
hundreds of firefly light
buzzing through the endless night.
Apr 2020 · 166
Broken #2
Maruko San Apr 2020
saw you in a week
loved you for months
And wanting more of you for years
Mar 2020 · 983
Broken #1
Maruko San Mar 2020
never was
never there
and never will be
sincerely yours
my love for you
Mar 2020 · 177
Forget
Maruko San Mar 2020
Here I go again
With a paper and a pen
After I count one to ten
There will never be an us again

— The End —