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Feb 2022 · 116
Emotional Masochism
Joliver Feb 2022
I don't know how
To move past pain
It ends
And I create more
In the end
I'm not sure I deserve
A lack of suffering
And so I manufacture it
I fantasize about my suffering
And perhaps more telling
That others believe it
To be a just and
Good thing
I imagine myself
Beaten and bloodied
And getting up
To receive more
Never staying down
Never dying
Never healing
Just throwing myself into pain
Again and again
What is wrong with me?
I'm sorry
Feb 2022 · 256
I Don't Want
Joliver Feb 2022
"I don't want
to die alone"
I can't help but think
As the world collapses around me

"I don't want
to leave this world
before I leave my mark"
As if the mark would be preserved
In the wake of the oncoming end

"I don't want
my first love
to be my last"
As my heart retreats inward
Further and further
From it all

"I don't want
to forget"
As my life blurs
Into monotony
And dread

"I don't want
to exist"
And yet
Here I remain
May 2021 · 222
Lovely Lesson
Joliver May 2021
How do I reconcile
The joy of learning
To love myself
After all those years of hate
With the fear
That loving me is a lesson
Only I can learn
I'm comfortable and confident in my own skin these days, but I feel so alone
Feb 2021 · 102
Joliver Feb 2021
No more dreams
For me
I've overindulged
My ever onward-looking heart
And so now
I'll simply drift
From day to day
Until I wash up upon the shore
Of my lifes destiny
And whatever
It may be
Dec 2020 · 248
Joliver Dec 2020
I feel you there
Know you now
And my bed becomes
A haven against the cold
So I close my eyes
And nestle into your adoring frame
While the warmth of strings
And the echoing droplets
Of ivory keys
Fall on lovesick ears
And comfort our soul
As our breaths rise and fall
In the sweetest of synchronies
Nevertheless, you were never really here
Nov 2020 · 128
Love Life
Joliver Nov 2020
I've fallen in love with life
Over and over
But I don't know how to make it last
I can't make it last
Loving life is hard
It takes everything I have
And I am just so tired of giving
And giving
And giving
And not knowing if tomorrow
It will have been worth the price
May 2020 · 71
Joliver May 2020
Someone once told me
That thunderstorms were a frightening event
A dread that aches to the bone
For me,
They're a soothing lullaby
A rumbling breath beneath the patter
Of a million sweet droplets
But now
Before I close my eyes
And roll into that soothing cascade
My mind always drifts to her
And I hope that my
Comforting cacophony
Has not come at the cost
Of a nightmare
Apr 2020 · 148
Joliver Apr 2020
I trust you
To do this right
I'd ask someone else
I trust you

I trust you
Not to leave me behind
I'd go with someone else
I trust you

I trust you
To keep my secrets
I'd tell someone else
I trust you

I trust you
Not to break my heart
I could love someone else
I trust you

I love you
More than you could know
I could trust someone else
I love you
I love you
I'm not sure who this is about
Apr 2020 · 624
Joliver Apr 2020
In my first and final year
Of higher education
At a party of familiarity
I did not aspire to find my limits
And yet
I exceeded them
And lay in a whirlwind,
At the night's close,
Which ****** the air from my lungs
As I forgot how to breathe

Avaricious sirens bore down and
Led me to water
Hooked into my veins
So I couldn't refuse to drink
And a doctor told me
That there were always better options
Than drinking myself away
I grinned and laughed
As if the very idea were preposterous
And yet, couldn't look him in the eyes
"Trust me,"
I assured the man
"That isn't the plan"

The truth is I never had a plan
No grand scheme
To end my suffering
I just slowly taught myself
Not to to take care
To cut myself off
From my lifelines
So that when I did finally find my limit
I wouldn't have far to jump

...but, truthfully
I never wanted to jump
I wanted some calamitous wind
In the form of a stranger
To come along and push

Yet, against all odds
For reasons I cannot discern
I've found
Those who wander into my life
Don't push, but pull
Pull me down from that precipice
Sometimes on accident, or
With intent
Of saving a life
But no matter how grateful I am
To be held and reassured
I always find myself back
Overlooking the sea of my past mistakes
Ready to drown myself
In the towering waves of regret

I wish I could find life worth living
On my own
For myself
But, I find myself living for them
Those who hang on to me
Keeping me balanced
Keeping me
From finding my limits
And for now that's enough
That's enough
Apr 2020 · 89
Joliver Apr 2020
Panic, anger, sorrow
(i can't breathe)
Hold it under, choke 'til it's gone
(can't breathe)
Push it down, move on
(don't think)
Don't stop
(don't think)
Where you went wrong
(how did i get it so wrong?)

Make it through the day
And don't stop moving
(don't stop running)
Don't you know you're in the way?
(i'm in the way, in the way)
"Apathy is the way to make it through the day"
Mar 2020 · 65
Joliver Mar 2020
They say that it's not the destination that matters
It's the journey you take to get there
And I tend to agree
As I sit in my car
Hand on the key
Hesitant to turn my haven off
Dreading completing my trip

So, I sit here
Listening to the songs
That bare my soul like a mirror
And I find myself wishing
That the rolling landscape would never end
That point B were farther away
The weight lessens when I leave
And comes crashing down as I arrive
Maybe I'm just in a state of perpetual flight
Always running
From who I was
And what I've done
But the destination is never far enough away
The man behind me always catches up
He always catches up
I always catch up
I started writing this more than two years ago. I don't know whether to laugh or cry that nothing has changed between now and then
Nov 2019 · 182
Fuel for the Machine
Joliver Nov 2019
And so I sit here
Burning my plans
My hopes, dreams, and aspirations
All, just keep warm
So that this cog in the machine
Can keep on spinning
Just one more day
Just one more day
Sep 2019 · 1.1k
A Long Day
Joliver Sep 2019
I'm tired
You know?
And just so very
May 2019 · 345
Joliver May 2019
It hits unexpectedly
Coming in waves
Sometimes in my dreams
Or in my waking days

It feels like a pin dropping
And holding your breath for the sound
My heart rate accelerates
And then sinks to the ground

I don't know how to stop living in the past
I never thought
This limbo I'm in would last
But everytime my mind drifts to you
My limbs grow heavy
And my heart breaks in two

My life is weary
My future is full of dread
I loathe who I have been
God I wish he were dead
Things aren't turning out like I expected. Most days are okay, but I don't know where I'm heading
Mar 2019 · 485
Joliver Mar 2019
I lie broken, alone in this bed
As a cacophony of violence
Screams in my head
I'm being crushed
By this weight on my chest
I know this wait is at my own sick behest
But why must I face this night alone?
Lonely, blue
Cursed to never feel at home?
The tears build up, but they never release
Can't I have some peace, just this once
4 A.M. and I'm feeling so frustrated and alone
Dec 2018 · 610
In Time
Joliver Dec 2018
Take comfort in watching me crash and burn
And know you got out in time
Thank goodness you got out in time...
Dec 2018 · 328
Joliver Dec 2018
Tell me why I dream of you,
You who were once my dear,
Even after all this time

And why does my heart still sing
When your illusory self leans against me
As if it had not once been shattered?

Why is my happiness tethered
To the recesses of my mind?
Why can't I make my own happiness
Apart from you?
Nov 2018 · 1.8k
How Are You Doing?
Joliver Nov 2018
How are you doing?
I wonder each day
And just how much better off without me
Would you be likely to say
I know that since we've parted
You don't see love the same way
My apologies for the person I was
How different he is from the man of today...
I wish I could change the past
Or make it up to you, somehow, some way
And I hope your world isn't just
Varying shades of grey
I hope that you've learned to see the good again
And have managed to find your way
And more than anything
I just hope you're okay
It's been almost a year... I really do hope you are well. I'm sorry
Nov 2018 · 2.9k
You'll Text Me, Right?
Joliver Nov 2018
You'll text me, right?
Please say there won't be a day you won't respond
You'll text me, right?
You don't know how important you are
To me and my life
You'll text me, right?
I just want you to be alright
You'll text me, right?
You know I'm always here if you need me
You'll text me, right?
I'd do anything you could ask of me
You'll text me, right?
I love our late night, early morning talks
You'll text me, right?
You don't have to hide from me
Not from me
Never from me
You'll text me, right?
Nov 2018 · 452
Sleep Is For The Strong
Joliver Nov 2018
They say sleep is for the weak
But that couldn't be farther from the truth

Sleep is for the strong
Because I am weak
And sleepless nights are all I know

Sleep is for the strong
Because they brave their dreams
As they delve into their minds each night

Sleep is for the strong
As they rise the next day
To take on the world yet again

Sleep is for the strong
And what I wouldn't give
To be strong for just one night
Sep 2018 · 777
I'm Okay
Joliver Sep 2018
The world is burning
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

My hands won't stop shaking
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

I feel so isolated
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

I'm full of regret
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

I can't sleep
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

I can't drag myself out of bed
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

I'm having trouble breathing
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

I feel so gross
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

I don't take care of myself
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

I don't see the point
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay


Tomorrow will be better
And I'll be okay
I'll be okay
I'll be okay
"Good, how are you?"
Sep 2018 · 1.6k
Aspen Grove
Joliver Sep 2018
When I die
I hope I'll begin to spread roots
As my soul
Is absorbed by the earth
And as I spread
Parts of me will
Begin to reach ever upward
As I begin to form
My canvas of emerald and gold
And forever growing
I will not be worried by strife, and
Fire will only serve for
New possibilities
As well as
The potential for growth.
I will become a sight
For others to behold
And feel at peace
Whenever they venture
Through my dappled sunlight
When I die
I hope to become more
Than just cold
I love the idea of being buried with a tree seed, and aspens are my favorite type of tree, thus the inspiration for this piece. I would love to be one. Fun fact: aspen groves are not singular trees, but rather one large, interconnected organism
Aug 2018 · 1.2k
Quiet Day
Joliver Aug 2018
Today was a quiet day
The first in awhile
I slept a long, dreamless
Shapeless sleep
And was not roused by panic
Nor need
Hardly a word was spoken
Or a face recognized
And I felt profoundly alone
As I retreated into
My beloved solitude
Goodnight, my dear quiet day
May we meet again
In some extraordinary way
Aug 2018 · 3.7k
Deep Sleeper
Joliver Aug 2018
When I was young
I found amusement
In my ability to sleep through storms
And other calamitous events
It seemed so silly to me
That something so obvious
Could go by unnoticed
But as I've gotten older
The nights have gotten subtler
The nightmares have
Become vivid reflections
A gruesome parody of life
I startle awake most nights and
I don't sleep so well anymore
I wonder when I stopped being
A deep sleeper
And began fearing
Waking up a second too late
Aug 2018 · 32.9k
Joliver Aug 2018
If there was one word
One word, isolated by itself
That I cannot stand above all others
It would have to be "Okay"
I despise "Okay"
Is how your millionth day at work went
Is off-brand raisin bran
Is how you say life is going
When you don't want to admit you spend
Every second of it
Wanting to die

Is packed to the brim with
Hidden implications
Like a treasure chest
Filled with bottles
With little subliminal hatreds
Written on tiny slips of paper
Passively aggressively pushed inside
To discover later
As I pull out a treasure map
And try to decipher
Where I went wrong

Is a one word dismissal
That feels like an essay a thousand pages long
Is a poison dripping with disinterest
When I dared to share with you
Something I thought might make you smile
Is like trying to talk to a wall
While watching the paint on it dry
Takes two seconds to write
Yet I waited days
For that dreaded word
To grace my notifications
Should be used sparingly
As if each time you send it
You **** the receiver just a little bit
Should not be said so often that
I know what you're about to say
Like I saw it in a crystal ball
Is not looking up from your phone
When I tell you about my day
Is not the proper response
To "I love you"

They say that the opposite of love isn't hatred
It's indifference
And I can't think of a response
More indifferent to pouring out
My heart into your hands
Than "Okay"
At least the last thing you said to me
Before we parted ways
Showed that you cared
At least a little bit
"I hate you"
Stung less
Than the thousands of times
Over our countless conversations
You responded
Jul 2018 · 1.5k
Joliver Jul 2018
Stupidly stuck,
Waiting, while
Past pressures
Present problems,
Making moving
On awful.
Essentially erased
From fraudulent
Thoughts that
Hurt. How
Our original
Love lives
Were wronged
By bad
Decisions decided
Immaturely. Intimacy
Died down
And, alone,
Rejected, retreated
I keep waiting for a day when I don't think about it, but that day has yet to come...
Jul 2018 · 340
Joliver Jul 2018
I just want
To adore again
To be inspired
By their imperfect perfection
And the way their face lights up
Like a neon sign in the rain
Whenever I make them laugh...
To write of love again
And not feel this pit in my chest
To hold them close
And talk into the wee hours of the morning
While absorbing the songs
They tell me they love
I want to hold hands like it's a lifeline
And cuddle
Like pressing against their body
Is as necessary as breathing
I want to share my excitement
And my heart
I want to feel like someone's favorite thing
Like the luckiest guy in the world
And make them feel like they are my world
All I want is
To fall in love once more
I want to fall in love again, I've learned so much from my last relationship and I miss having someone to share a life with
Honestly, probably not the best or most clever or deep thing I've written, but I felt a warmth while writing it that I've missed
Jul 2018 · 454
My Body
Joliver Jul 2018
My body
                                                  ­            A blank canvas
                                          Too small
                                                           ­   Thin
                                                         ­      Lanky
        ­                                                       Potential
                                                      ­         Imperfect
   ­                                                            Fine
        ­                                                       Awkward
                                    What they see
                                                             ­  Doesn't matter
                                       Whether a 4
                                                               ­ Or a 7
                                     My 108 lbs
                                                             ­    Isn't what I am
My body
Isn't me
I tried to do a thing where the left is a negative look at my body which I deal with on a daily basis, and the right is a more positive outlook. My body isn't perfect, far from it, but that's okay
Jul 2018 · 374
A Lose-Lose Situation
Joliver Jul 2018
My head is splitting
Like atoms before fallout
Each footstep echoing
From the floor above me
Rings loudly as a gunshot
And the muffled conversation
Sounds like a crowd a million strong
I want to shut off
To restart my brain
But socializing
That great and terrible wyrm
Stands between me and my goal
The glittering treasure
A warm bed
And I'd much rather suffer here
Than slay the misunderstood beast
There's being an introvert, and then there's not wanting to go upstairs to get pain relief for your splitting headache because there are guests over
Jul 2018 · 292
Summer Storm
Joliver Jul 2018
The rain
My skin
As the thunder rolls
A muffled crescendo
And a warm blanket
Covering the hills
With a rumbling essence
That resonates with my core
The pool of my mind
As ripples fade
The reflection becomes clear
As I look to the past
With a warm coppery hue
Of hazy summers blurred
And faded familiar faces

In time perhaps I too will fade
From their twinkling youthful eyes
But for now the tumbling rumbling
Of a thundering lullaby
Lulls me to sleep
To dream of blistering concrete
Droning cicadas
And saline summer storms
Partially inspired by Only In Sleep by Eric Whitacre. Feeling nostalgic and emotional...
Jun 2018 · 437
I Long For
Joliver Jun 2018
I long for a love
To consume me again
To be enamored and intrigued
To implicitly desire tomorrow
So that I might
See them for the first time again
And again
And again
To make a million memories
And a million more
To learn every little thing
That brings a smile to their face
And present them with it
As often as I can
I long for a love
To dedicate myself to
To feel that place
That lost tender place
In my chest again
To have a laugh
A smile
A heart
To adore above all others
To give all that I can
All that I am
And hold each other in our arms
As we fall together

I long to retain my freedom
To remain a lonely half
I long for this unparalleled time
Of growth and introspection
To last until the last drop of eternity
Drips through that paradoxical hourglass
Like a broken heart, shattered
My broken heart
Freed from a searing *******
And the self hatred it inflicted
I am finally able to be myself
And figure out who
That person in the looking glass is
Improve myself
For myself
And be my own self
No longer worrying
About not being good enough
I want to become a person
My own person
A proud person
A humble person
A strong person
A kind person

I long for a love that sets me free
One that supports me on my journey
One that I can turn to for support
One that can grow with me
One that doesn't stay
Stuck in the past
I long for someone to complete me
And not replace me
Not resent me
Not hurt me
I long for a partner
I long for an adventure
I long for a future
I long for a love
That sets me free
Jun 2018 · 471
A Perfect Moment
Joliver Jun 2018
Your touch is warm
As your fingers gently caress my arm
I hold my breath as if
Depriving myself of oxygen
Could make this moment last
I lean into you
Resting my head on yours
Kissing your crown
As you bury your face in my chest
With a sigh that melts my heart

This moment is perfect
Heaven couldn't improve
Upon an eternity spent like this
Nor could Hell be worse
Than our eventual part

Your touch was warm
But as always
I awake
And I realize
You were never really here
I look around my empty room
As I sit in my empty bed
And reflect on my empty life
And I feel cold

These dreams of memories
Of days long gone
Are a fleeting fantasy
And a reminder
A reminder
Of a life without you
An all too harsh reality
With which I am all too familiar
I keep dreaming of when we were happy, and it breaks my heart a little each time
May 2018 · 294
Inky Abyss
Joliver May 2018
My life is an ocean
of deep twilight blue
Sometimes I rest like
the Titanic, broken
a vessel of hopes
now a ruin
at the bottom of the sea
devoid of light
or escape
only the crushing weight of life
covering me for miles

Sometimes I'm on the surface
skimming over the waves
soaking in the sun
breathing the pure air in deep
because I know that soon
all too soon
I'll take the plunge again
down into that inky abyss
May 2018 · 310
The Nihilistic Optimist
Joliver May 2018
There is a thin line between
Nihilism and optimism
You see
An optimist believes
That things work out in the end
There's no need to worry
A nihilist believes
The time before the end is meaningless
There's no reason to worry

There is a thin line between
Nihilism and optimism
And sometimes
As I lay staring at my ceiling
Desperately trying
To wield apathy like a shield
Against encroaching thoughts
Like goblins crawling
From the darkest crevices
Of a mind bent on self-flagellation
I become that line
Apr 2018 · 377
Rainy Days
Joliver Apr 2018
Rainy days
Make the world smoother
Breathing easier
And my head clearer

Rainy days
Are a tranquilness
And contentedness
Anxiety competing with perfect silence

Rainy days
Oil the machine called life
Sanding off the rough edges of strife
Halting the reaper's ever-impending scythe

Rainy days
Are a gently cozy reprieve
So when the sun comes, please believe
This lost bastion of peace I shall grieve
Apr 2018 · 413
I Am A Memory
Joliver Apr 2018
I am a memory
One to be misplaced
Somewhere among the rest

                                                           ­                                    I am a memory
                                                          ­                              One to be forgotten
                                                       ­                     That would be for the best
Senior year prom was last night, and despite going with a group of friends I felt alone and like I wasn't really there
Apr 2018 · 796
Key To Happiness
Joliver Apr 2018
That is the key to happiness
To living grand and great
Do not ever settle for less

Always love, and love in excess
Make no room in your heart for hate
That is the key to happiness

Stand your ground, don't digress
When shown injustice, do not tolerate
Do not ever settle for less

Know the power of forgiveness
And always try to relate
That is the key to happiness

Don't believe the world will regress
Think of all the good you can create
Do not ever settle for less

Aid the helpless
Don't put too much on your plate
That's the key to happiness
Do not ever settle for less
First attempt at a villanelle
Mar 2018 · 400
Today Is Different
Joliver Mar 2018
Today I'm going to act like I got enough sleep
I won't apologize for who I am
Or follow meekly like a sheep

Today I'm going to live up to my claim
Of being ever the optimist
And look at the world through a new frame

Today and from now on I refuse to dwell on the past
Because while the bad times may come
The bad times never last

Today I'm going to reignite my passion
And get down to business
In a determined fashion

I will no longer be a slave to my bed
Today I'm going to get up and
Try to quiet the nagging voice in my head

Today is different
This change is deliberate
And not insignificant
A new beginning for a new day
Mar 2018 · 291
Joliver Mar 2018
My head
                                                   is a graveyard
             full of echoes
                                         of dreams
                                                          ­            of memories
                       of days long gone
Mar 2018 · 405
Mental Battleground
Joliver Mar 2018
I just want to write
and write
and write
and write
and write
Get these thoughts out of my head
So I can have a moment of respite
My mind is a battleground of thoughts
Shouting to be heard above all others
I feel panicked, frenzied
Why can't I just calm down
This is horrible night
Nothing is right
My brain can't flee or fight
I look a terrible sight
The self-hatred boils
And the worry screams
It'll be alright tomorrow
But tomorrow is so far it seems
Why can't I stop thinking
Why can't my mind stop racing
Just let me sleep
Just let me breath
Just let me believe
My mantra
That all will be well
It's all I have left
My candle in the darkness
My dam holding back the flood
The one thing standing
Between me and oblivion
Just let me believe
That all will be well
I hate it when I feel like this, I can't slow down, I can't calm down, I feel like I'm about to explode
Mar 2018 · 420
I'm An Artist
Joliver Mar 2018
"I'm an artist"
         I say with reverence
"I'm a lover"
         I say with pride
                                                                                       Because art and love
                                                                 Are what make life worth living
Feb 2018 · 318
Bolt Hole
Joliver Feb 2018
I am
                               an open book
                                            in a foreign language
My heart
                              on my sleeve
                                                            With a mask
Feb 2018 · 486
Homely Longing
Joliver Feb 2018
I could write about the ocean
About the crashing waves calling me
The lulling roar
Of dissonant ambiance
Holding secrets under the tumultuous surface

I could write about the mountaintops
The serene scene miles above
Where the air is too pure for this imperfect soul
Where I have never felt more alive

I could write about the city
Where life never really stops
Where the skyline itself is a monument to human ingenuity
And the people are moving, always moving
As life goes on and on

I could write about any of these wonder-filled places
But my heart lives in the rolling plains
The seemingly infinite horizon
The hot summer days radiating off the pavement
The snow blanketing the smoothness of the landscape
Where the sunsets illuminate even my darkest hours
And the normality of suburban life is comforting

You always take for granted what you are born into
But my world has always been good land
Inhabited by good people
Warm hearts, genuine souls
And an appreciation for the lives around them
Where I've never seen a deer and an antelope play
Where I don't live on a farm
Where my childhood flourished
And my adulthood is burgeoning

Like my own personal Shire
Perhaps one day I'll leave for an adventure
But I'll always return
To where the horizon reminds me
Of infinite possibilities
Feb 2018 · 225
Joliver Feb 2018
All that is
And all that could be
Encapsulated in a single word
Wonder as I look at the stars
In the sky
In your eyes
Wonder as I explored every alcove
Of your intricate mind
Wonder as I see worlds before me
That exist only for me

Wonder at the magnificence of it all
And the horror
Wonder at time and space
At love and pain
Wonder surrounding me
Threatened to be extinguished
By a darkness ever consuming
Caused by reckless abandon

Ever the explorer
I didn't bother to mark my path
But my wonder blinded me
To the ever encroaching darkness
Perpetuated by feelings
Too strong
Unreciprocated and lost
To the unrelenting waves of time
I wonder how we came so far

I showed you the stars
So I could see them twinkle in your eyes
But you stole them away
And left me wondering why
Jan 2018 · 406
Life and Relationships
Joliver Jan 2018
1) Nothing is assured, and it's better to be able to roll with the punches.

2) You can be alone and not be lonely. You can be lonely and not be alone.

3) Life without love is hardly living at all.

4) The person you would give everything for sometimes needs something you cannot give. That isn't your fault.

5) The person you thought was infallible can have abusive behaviors.

6) The thing that hurts the most is feeling inadequate for the person you love. Don't make anyone feel like they're not enough.

7) You can't fix a relationship by yourself, and problems are hardly ever just one person's fault.

8) Doing what makes you happy isn't always as easy as they make it seem, but it's important to try anyways.

9) Focusing on the past does you no good in the present. Focusing on the future can blind you to what is happening in the now.

10) Despite everything, in the end, all will be well. Learn it, live it, believe it.
Just some observations I've made lately
Jan 2018 · 457
Where Did You Go?
Joliver Jan 2018
I remember you
You were the sun who lit up my day
You were the stars that lit up my nights
You were, for all intents and purposes, my guiding light
So how come I can't see now?
It's dark where I am, cold
What happened to you?
Where did you go?

I remember you
You were the warm coat on my trek through the tundra
You were the breeze that cooled on those hot sunny days
So why can't I get comfortable, no matter what I do?
I find no solace here
Where did you go?

I remember you
You were the wind at my back
The staff in my hand
My driving force through this thing called life
But now, I don't want to move another step
The path has become twisted, gnarled
Where did you go?

I remember you
You were all I thought of
When I imagined the future
You were the wonderful today
The exciting tomorrow
But now I cannot imagine seeing you again
So I write this lover's lament
Where did you go?

I remember you
And all our wonderful memories
I remember you
And the love we shared
I remember you
I don't want you to forget
I remember you
Where did you go?
Jan 2018 · 676
A Cold Embrace
Joliver Jan 2018
Ethereal, barefoot in the snow
Letting the stinging fade into the glistening solitude
And flow with the wind
Nothing is real in this crystalline realm
Here I am beautiful
Here I belong
Where I will surely fade away
Finally letting go, hand outstretched towards the moon
Letting the cold numb the pain that never heals
And floating away
Finally leaving this body, this torturous place
Breaths slowing until they no longer disturb the still air
Peace, at last
I stepped out into the white abyss and let it consume me
Letting the flurries carry me somewhere I cannot hurt anyone
And with my final breath, a sigh of relief
A dream I've been having recently...
Sep 2017 · 947
Joliver Sep 2017
Selective, elective, feigning acceptance
Nodding your head in that knowing way
“It’s just a phase” isn’t just a phrase
With every passing day your ignorance tests my patience
Forgiveness is a virtue
But you “forgiving” me for what I am
Doesn’t make you a better person than
those who hate, discriminate, separate us as wrong
Why can’t you wrap your head
Around what I’ve said
I like boys, I like girls
And yet even my own community hurls
Misinformation and false narration
Bisexuality is valid
We aren’t confused or indecisive
This shouldn’t be divisive
You dare to say
That we shouldn’t stay
Because we have the “choice” of being “normal?”
When did bisexuality become not gay enough
When did bisexuality become not gay enough
When did bisexuality become not gay enough
I don’t mean to be callous
But bisexuality is valid
Sep 2017 · 400
Love Is
Joliver Sep 2017
Love is
seeing something wonderful
and thinking of them
Love is
laughter without end
Love is
being yourself and loving them for it
Love is
being a dork just to see them roll their eyes
Love is
doing anything you can to see them smile
Love is
happiness when they are happy
sadness when they are sad
Love is
knowing that you’ll make it someday
Love is
never wanting to let go
Love is
a misty morning on a mountain
a fire crackling in the hearth
and snuggling in the glow
Love is
a serene scene of success
Love is
coming home
Love is
hearing beauty
and picturing only them
Love is
a meal made
a meal shared
Love is
looking forward to seeing them
after a long, stressful day
Love is
your favorite sweatshirt
cozy and warm
Love is
holding each other
bracing for the storm
Love is
content silence
for you have no need of words
Love is
a shared life
well lived
Love is
when right next to them
is your favorite place to be
Love is
holding hands and stealing kisses downtown
Love is
talking into early hours of the morning
Love is
showing more than telling
Love is
when every love song becomes about them
Love is
wanting to be the best you can be
for them
Love is love
no matter who it is
Love is
a bright tomorrow
Love is
a wonderful today
Love, is everything
Don’t forget to treasure it
Apr 2017 · 361
Some Day
Joliver Apr 2017
I hope that some day
"Some day" won't be just a hope
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