I don't know how
To move past pain
It ends
And I create more
In the end
I'm not sure I deserve
A lack of suffering
And so I manufacture it
I fantasize about my suffering
And perhaps more telling
That others believe it
To be a just and
Good thing
I imagine myself
Beaten and bloodied
And getting up
To receive more
Never staying down
Never dying
Never healing
Just throwing myself into pain
Again and again
What is wrong with me?