And just so very
It hits unexpectedly
Coming in waves
Sometimes in my dreams
Or in my waking days
It feels like a pin dropping
And holding your breath for the sound
My heart rate accelerates
And then sinks into the ground
I don't know how to stop living in the past
I never thought
This limbo I'm in would last
But everytime my mind drifts to you
My limbs grow heavy
And my heart breaks in two
My life is weary
My future is full of dread
I loathe who I have been
God I wish he were dead
Things aren't turning out like I expected. Most days are okay, but I don't know where I'm heading
I lie broken, alone in this bed
As a cacophony of violence
Screams in my head
I'm being crushed
By this weight on my chest
I know this wait is at my own sick behest
But why must I face this night alone?
Cursed to never feel at home?
The tears build up, but they never release
Can't I have some peace, just this once
4 A.M. and I'm feeling so frustrated and alone
Take comfort in watching me crash and burn
And know you got out in time
Thank goodness you got out in time...
Tell me why I dream of you,
You who were once my dear,
Even after all this time
And why does my heart still sing
When your illusory self leans against me
As if it had not once been shattered?
Why is my happiness tethered
To the recesses of my mind?
Why can't I make my own happiness
Apart from you?
Everything will be okay.
How are you doing?
I wonder each day
And just how much better off without me
Would you be likely to say
I know that since we've parted
You don't see love the same way
My apologies for the person I was
How different he is from the man of today...
I wish I could change the past
Or make it up to you, somehow, some way
And I hope your world isn't just
Varying shades of grey
I hope that you've learned to see the good again
And have managed to find your way
And more than anything
I just hope you're okay
It's been almost a year... I really do hope you are well. I'm sorry