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Joliver 2d
Again, again. . .
This black pit
In this mind of mine
Battles lost
Battles won
Yet my war never ends
Never a piece of peace
In this minefield of a mind
Joliver Jul 21
Resist now, my friends
While you still can, blissful fools
They will burn it all
Joliver May 28
Someone once told me
That thunderstorms were a frightening event
A dread that aches to the bone
For me,
They're a soothing lullaby
A rumbling breath beneath the patter
Of a million sweet droplets
But now
Before I close my eyes
And roll into that soothing cascade
My mind always drifts to her
And I hope that my
Comforting cacophony
Has not come at the cost
Of a nightmare
Joliver Apr 29
I trust you
To do this right
I'd ask someone else
I trust you

I trust you
Not to leave me behind
I'd go with someone else
I trust you

I trust you
To keep my secrets
I'd tell someone else
I trust you

I trust you
Not to break my heart
I could love someone else
I trust you

I love you
More than you could know
I could trust someone else
I love you
I love you
I'm not sure who this is about
Joliver Apr 24
In my first and final year
Of higher education
At a party of familiarity
I did not aspire to find my limits
And yet
I exceeded them
And lay in a whirlwind,
At the night's close,
Which ****** the air from my lungs
As I forgot how to breathe

Overpriced sirens bore down and
Led me to water
Hooked into my veins
So I couldn't refuse to drink
And a doctor told me
That there were always better options
Than drinking myself away
I grinned and laughed
As if the very idea were preposterous
And yet, couldn't look him in the eyes
"Trust me,"
I assured the man
"That isn't the plan"

The truth is I never had a plan
No grand scheme
To end my suffering
I just slowly taught myself
Not to to take care
To cut myself off
From my lifelines
So that when I did finally find my limit
I wouldn't have far to jump

...but, truthfully
I never wanted to jump
I wanted some calamitous wind
In the form of a stranger
To come along and push

Yet, against all odds
For reasons I cannot discern
I've found
Those who wander into my life
Don't push, but pull
Pull me down from that precipice
Sometimes on accident, or
With intent
Of saving a life
But no matter how grateful I am
To be held and reassured
I always find myself back
Overlooking the sea of my past mistakes
Ready to drown myself
In the towering waves of regret

I wish I could find life worth living
On my own
For myself
But, I find myself living for them
Those who hang on to me
Keeping me balanced
Keeping me
From finding my limits
And for now that's enough
That's enough
Joliver Apr 16
Panic, anger, sorrow
(i can't breathe)
Hold it under, choke 'til it's gone
(can't breathe)
Push it down, move on
(don't think)
Don't stop
(don't think)
Where you went wrong
(how did i get it so wrong?)

Make it through the day
And don't stop moving
(don't stop running)
Don't you know you're in the way?
(i'm in the way, in the way)
"Apathy is the way to make it through the day"
Joliver Mar 10
They say that it's not the destination that matters
It's the journey you take to get there
And I tend to agree
As I sit in my car
Hand on the key
Hesitant to turn my haven off
Dreading completing my trip

So, I sit here
Listening to the songs
That bare my soul like a mirror
I find myself wishing
That the rolling landscape would never end
That point B were farther away
The weight lessens when I leave
And comes crashing down as I arrive
Maybe I'm just in a state of perpetual flight
Always running
From who I was
And what I've done
But the destination is never far enough away
The man behind me always catches up
He always catches up
I always catch up
I started writing this more than two years ago. I don't know whether to laugh or cry that nothing has changed between now and then
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