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 May 2019 Joliver
Xander Holden
today i had a thought unbidden
but not at all unwelcome
centered around something
that has made its way into the heart
of what we are

It’s been there when
I was at my worst
when he was at his

It’s been there when
we were happy and content

It’s been there when
each of us was stressed
beyond comprehension

and today the thought came
that i wouldn’t mind at all
if it was there when we move in together
when we make a life together
when we share a bed together
when we go through losses together
when we go through triumphs together

it’ll be there
and so will he

whether he carries it in and lays it over me
as i struggle to take a breath alone
or it’s stuffed in a backpack
pulled out when someone gets cold
Or it’s at the foot of a bed
that we share in the future

out of place in any month but December
that Christmas blanket
wrapped around the both of us
as we face life together
and spend the extra time
we both tried to give away
loving each other
each and every day
 Mar 2019 Joliver
Carson Campbell
I say I'm okay
I tell you I'm fine
I don't want you to feel  
This hurting of mine

I feign indifference
I pretend I don’t care
I don’t want to bother you
With the pain I bare

I laugh and pretend  
That their words don't sting  
But Sometimes I feel  
They don’t know a thing  

Most write it off
As actualy fine  
But I know you see through
This façade of mine  

Now I'll say something  
You want to hear
Im sorry  
For hiding the pain my dear
Written in response to "Okay" By: Joliver
 Feb 2019 Joliver
His words
 Feb 2019 Joliver
"you're quieter than usual lately."
"there's nothing to say."
 Oct 2018 Joliver
Ariana Bagley
I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.
 Oct 2018 Joliver
Miss you
 Oct 2018 Joliver
I miss the way I loved you
With every breath I loved you

I miss the silly girl in me
Who though we would love eternally

A song, a place I’m right back there
Young, naive without a care

Before I really grew into me
There was always us, you and me

Good times planted in my mind
Bad boxed up somewhere behind

Now I’m older now I see
You were never good for me

I had bad days, tears and sad days
Not knowing what I had done days

Try harder tomorrow days
Fail again and again days

I miss the person you could sometimes be
When you were not hurting me

So do I miss you, don’t you see
I miss the person I though you could be

I miss the way I loved you
With every breath I loved you
 Oct 2018 Joliver
Xander Holden
tangled in the sheets still half asleep
sun peeking in on this moment of peace
warmth fills the room and a tentative smile
reflects that the actions of night were worthwhile

maybe it's nature or maybe it's fate
the acceptance and love I see on your face
a movie, a kiss, then we laid down like this
and just fell asleep to wake up in bliss

we may have a different kind of love
but the sun in the sky doesn't judge
and in the privacy of home and heart
golden acceptance is a wondrous start
 Oct 2018 Joliver
"You'll be alright"
That's what they say.
"You can do it, just fight!"
I can do this, but hey,
It's been a year, you're late.

Day by day
Night by night
I treasure every moment
Because one day I'll be gone

I don't care what happens to me
As long as I'll be happy,
I'll be happy
As happy as I could be

With you, I could smile and laugh
Even when the whole day was rough
But to say good bye?
No, I can't, I might die

People name you "self harm"
But I call you a friend or a fam
Because in this world of pain
Each day drives me insane

So please take me,
Save me,
Give me a hand,
Because you're the only one who understands, little blade.
 Sep 2018 Joliver
fingertips press
against my skin.
they are calloused
and gentle and
slow moving as if
they are trying
to engrave
the outline of me
into their mind
trails of heat
are left in their wake,
lines of fire
beginning to spark.
the dim sunlight
of morning
casts between the slots
of the broken blinds,
falling on us.
one ray of light
falls over the side
of your face,
over one eye.
the brown looks
like it is glowing,
specks of dark
surrounding your iris
to the depths
of your pupil.
your eyes —
one glowing
and one hidden
by the shadows —
are fixated on me.
my gaze feels frozen
as it settles onto you
and i don't understand
how you can have the power
to make me feel
both frozen
and inflamed
all at once.
my breath catches
in my throat
as i wonder
what i did
to become so lucky
to be in
this spot
next to you.
as we wake up
and lay here in silence,
waiting for one
to break and make
the first move
to start the day.
but i would be
perfectly okay
laying here
but i know
we have to leave
and i will spend my day
thinking about
being in this exact spot
until it comes again.
i miss you.
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