ruining my relationship with my parents since 2017
love everyone, except those who don't believe the same things as you.
that's how my mom and dad took it when i explained i didn't think church was for me.
i respect everyone's beliefs, and i personally think the goal in life is to be a good person. just because i don't want to be apart of organized religion does not mean i don't have morals and common sense.
it brings me such pain to see love poems written to someone who didn't love me.
the words i poured out over this boy who would cheat on me, and pick at my emotions.
it makes me almost uncomfortable.
i want to go back to comfort my past self.
i want to wrap my arms around her and tell her its okay, and that he isn't the one.
the universe has its ways.
through a cheating liar, i met someone new.
hes quiet and sweet, with a warm smile and dark eyes.
he cares, he is kind.
he understands and shares my dreams and interests.
he is supportive and loving.
i just hope i don't have to look back on him with anger and regret.
its crazy how someone you were so obsessed with quickly becomes the product of trauma and hatred. look out for yourselves and trust your guts. <3
i understand the long term affects of my actions.
i may not be an adult,
but i am old enough to understand.
i get it. please stop hovering and allow me to explore the world as i please.
within my four walls i stay
escaping the yelling
feeling hunted like prey.
check on your friends during quarantine. it hurts a lot of people.
ive decided this is my official coming back.
i missed all of you.
im currently quarantined with my extremely toxic family and its a struggle to stay sane and mentally healthy.
i need somewhere to vent and somewhere to feel the support of others and in that process i want to support all of you and read your poems and gain knowledge about your experiences.
thank you for being such a lovely little community, and a safe haven for people wanting to put their work out into the world.
i just looked back on a poem i wrote october 2019 about how i thought a girl was "too pretty"
well ive come to realize i am a raging bisexual, so yeah! character development.
this is like a tweet oh god
hp isnt letting me post and ive just about live laugh lost my marbles
i haven't checked on this site in a while
how is everyone?
what have i missed?
i almost forgot about this small community
of beautiful people
i missed you :)
things are looking up
things are getting brighter
things are getting warmer
hope is not only an idea
it is active
it is optimistic
it is stunning
it is eyeopening
it is life changing
self improvement starts small
baby steps every day
self love isn't self centered
self care isn't selfish
self image isn't vain
my heart has been opened
my mind has been cleared
i am starting to understand
happiness is beautiful
and it is real for everyone
had an amazing talk with some people i really love and care about. a lot of incredible things were shared. things that make so much sense. i can change my situation. i can solve my problems. i am not worthless. i am strong. i am able.
i thought she was beautiful
every tiny detail was wonderful
maybe a bit too beautiful
and maybe i noticed a bit too much
i have nothing to say
i have no words for you
slim to none
i cant tell if my heart is still beating
i cant tell you who looks back at me in the mirror
what creature stares at me
with gaping holes for eyes
im not sure what this is. im not sure whats going on. im completely numb. and its strange and somehow beautiful because i feel none of my pain.
i arrived just in time to watch you follow her into another room
i left just in time to watch the police turn into the neighborhood
i almost called you to warn you
but i realized that if you don't respect me
why should i do anything less for you
dont go to parties. dont to drugs. be smart. dont cheat on people.
i hate spanish
my least favorite class is spanish 2 its the worst you cant change my mind
i had you for a few days
a few golden days
but then you went to a party, you got wasted, you ****** your ex
and now she isn't your ex anymore
im so done with boys
smoking in the bathroom
falling asleep in class
battered and bruised
knives to wrists
hidden by sweaters
hidden by bracelets
some school things ive experienced :)
“i’m not sure how long it’s going to last though. we tried to fix things but she’s being so distant recently”
i nod my head
inside that head i’m begging things to fall apart so i can have you
i almost had a midlife crisis and dyed my hair a soft baby pink
it woulda been pretty
pair it with a tattoo under my eye
a broken heart on one side
a sparkling star on the other
but then i thought to myself, it’s not exactly a midlife crisis if i’m only 16
more of a quarter life crisis
not nearly as dramatic
so i settled for painting my nails pink instead
it’s been a wild summer. lots of emotions.
the good weeks and the bad ones
they flow like a current
sometimes your temper is choppy
against rocks and sand
other times it is gentle
and pulls me lovingly out to sea
i think i can trust the waters
i feel safe
and soon after
i am thrown against the cliffs
how much longer
till i am dragged below the surface
by a fierce whirlpool
sunk against the bottom
never to be seen again
i’d really appreciate it
you’re hurting me
i don’t like it
i had no idea this would happen and now i'm staring at the wall in a stupor unable to comprehend anything going through my brain because i shouldn't care but i do and i know you need someone but you wont let me help so i'm just confused and i'm so lost and so sorry
someone i once considered my closest friend, someone who ****** me over a hundred times, someone who betrayed my trust and dragged me down.
someone i cared about and loved and laughed with.
she attempted suicide.
are so heavy
force fed down my throat
you hurl them into my soul
some gouge themselves deep into my mind
blood pooling around the edges
of the wound you left
with whatever agonizing phrase
you slice the fibers of my being with
painting my heart black and blue
green around the edges
purple fades into green
looks as though it has been thrown
down a flight on concrete steps
slowly things heal
others are more permanent
injuries not seen from the surface
can be the most dangerous of all
you have caused
internal bleeding from the soul
i feel sore
like if a light breeze were to wash over me
i might shatter like glass
into a fine powder
never to be repaired again
it was 1:37am when i finished
did it help?
did it last?
not at all
anxiety is so cool :,)
tonight i am staying up until every page of my homework is done
every surface in my room is clean
it is currently 8:51
only god knows when i'll finish
gotta be able to control something in a world where everything is spiraling
(im sorry. ill send her a message)
(and let her know how u feel)
[oh. u guys still]
(i sent it)
(i miss u)
you never answered my question
shes the reason this went to hell in the first place
and you claim you're trying to be better so you can have me back
you've got a funny way of showing it
everything in my life seems detached.
my own dad fakes a father daughter relationship for the good of the show so people don't ask questions. out in public hes a saint. at home hes a monster. at home he yells and breaks things and points out everything i'm doing wrong.
my ex boyfriend and first love, who i dated for a year is trying to talk to me again and part of me wants to let him but i honestly don't know what to do. we've been apart for 5 months and i've tried to move on with other people and be with other people and i've looked around and had a few little crushes but as soon as they show me attention back my stomach feels like physically sick. is that normal? i don't even know. i'm just scared no one will ever make me feel the same, and if hes the only one that makes me feel as happy as i was, do i really want to spend time with him? we broke up because he started hitting on my best friend, and then as soon as we broke up, my "best friend" stopped talking to me and spread a bunch of rumors. i want us to happen again but honestly i don't know what to do and i'm just a little worried. what if he hurts me again? then what?
school ***** and i've stopped caring because its so close to the end of the year and i feel like i should care more but i physically cannot. like i need to care because of finals but i have no motivation and i just get ****** into snapchat and then boom 3 hours gone. plus i need a job and if i don't get certified for life guarding i have no job. certification is next week but what if i cant do it? i've been on swim team since i was 7. i'm strong. it should be fine. but like, my anxiety is a beast and tells me i cannot do this thing.
because of all this stress i havent been sleeping, and ive eaten two meals in the last three days. but its okay. everything is going to be fine eventually. its just not right now and that *****.
just an anxiety dump. ignore it if you want. i just needed to get it all out of me. i could have probably made it more poetic but my brain isnt working correctly.
and you have me strung up again
wrapped around me like a snake
whispering lies in my ears
"you cant leave me"
"I'll hurt myself"
"you're the only one i can talk to"
"i'm alone and everyone wants me dead"
i have to leave
i have to get out
i must maintain myself
i must maintain composure
for your attitude is toxic
i can feel myself spiraling
i've got to spread my own wings and drift to safety
i'm done trying to wrench yours open to save you
especially when you have them so firmly shut
hooray for manipulative friendships! it seems i am too nice, and i have landed myself a real problem. i want to be there for everyone, but sometimes i cant. sometimes i have to keep my own mind healthy. if im caring for someone else, who is going to care for me?
keep yourselves safe! do your best to recognize signs of manipulation!
i can give others the world in a heartbeat
but i cant give myself a single sliver of hope
i want the very stars to sing praises to each person on earth
because everyone has a little bit of universe in them
but i cannot allow those stars
to whisper a single note for myself
i must learn to love myself
as easily as i love others
it sounds simple
someone chain me down
so i don't float away
someone hold me gently
to remind me i'm not alone
someone take me away from here
teach me to love again
life gets lonely sometimes and all you can do is sit on your bed and die a little inside
and the calm came over me
washed me away
like the tide sweeps away the sand
melodic words from an angel
as he searches for the universe
delicately you love me
grazing over skin
like its fine silk
honey colored rays of light
gently settling on your figure
softening those hard edges
intertwined in this moment for eons
i would jovially stay
a pure and untainted
nearly fictitious exaltation
you have no empathy
yet you claim to have my best interests in mind
you go through my things
yet you claim to trust me
you call me a disappointment
yet you tell everyone how proud you are of my achievements
you micromanage every move
yet you tell me i have a choice
it really makes me wonder
if im really the liar
as depression left
anxiety moved in
its almost as if my brain
is renting itself out to various diseases
one is evicted
another pays its way in
whoever said words can never hurt me is an absolute *****
obviously he wasn't a very vocal person
words cant hurt if you never talk to anyone
i dont want to hear it
i dont care about the excuses
i did my part
i said sorry
i dont want to hear about why you cant
clothes thrown into a heap
sitting on the bag to drag the zipper around
that midnight excitement
like a child on christmas
friends asking if they need this and that
the adventure begins
i cannot wait to goooooo
so i'll sit and watch
as you stay with someone else
someone you don't even want
and all that time you wasted
i spent wanting you
i have a crush and its a problem.
and as we ran through the shallows
i found myself smiling
the water lapping my ankles
as i watched your blonde hair fly like a sail
the sun glinting in your eyes
the promise of summer around the corner
i missed you
i got to see my best friend for the first time in a while yesterday! she recently moved and i was so happy to spend time with her.
i want to be a summer girl
i lust for the sun
i pray for the warmth
daisies in my hands
bare feet in the grass
cold water creeping past my ankles
the warm nights full of stars
SCHOOLS ALMOST OUT
im a **** for summer :)
he was here last night
in my bed
his chest rising and falling against my back
our heartbeats in sync
it felt so wrong
he isnt you
he is no one
trying to fill that gap sux
i hate that i miss you
i hate it so much
i hate myself for getting so attached
i hate my heart for skipping a beat when i see you
i hate my stomach for dropping when i hear your voice
i hate my body for craving yours
i hate my mind for imagining the way you looked at me
i hate my eyes for tearing up in the middle of the night
i hate everything about me
as much as i loved everything about you
sorry to be so negative but im upsetti spaghetti
you're going to get judged no matter what you do
so you may as well get judged doing something you like
do what you want!!!!!
its not my fault you fight
i hope not
apple blossoms float
through the air like pixies
the sun shimmers on her skin
like a precious metal
each freckle dotting her cheek and nose
like a new penny
water swirling in the creek
crystal clear cold
through the stones
her smile blinking in the sun
warm and tan cupped around hers
pressing his lips to her wrist
angst filled teen
i'm going to do whatever i want
love you mom
you love me less and less each day
once i've come home from a party
smelling like *****
and a boys cologne
it will be enough for you to give up on me
helicopter parents breed the sneakiest kids
you left me
don't you dare get after me
because i'm doing what i please
with whom i please
i am not yours anymore
don't act like i am
after you gave me up
go awaaaaay im so over it *******
i ain't got time for their *******
starting to think this might never work out again
starting to accept it
starting to see differently
starting to smile again
"alcohol tastes better underage because the secret ingredient is crime"
-a wise person on twitter
i am aware my poems are not high quality
i am not a very high quality person
i just need to empty my mind out somewhere
poetry has become the unfortunate victim
poets are the most fascinating of creatures
coming in so many stunning varieties
lyrical flowing words
hard arresting phrases
you are all creators of such intense beauty
others come and go
you will always be permanent
even if you aren't mine any longer
i keep telling myself im over it