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May 2020 · 201
religion
Evie May 2020
ruining my relationship with my parents since 2017

love everyone, except those who don't believe the same things as you.

that's how my mom and dad took it when i explained i didn't think church was for me.
i respect everyone's beliefs, and i personally think the goal in life is to be a good person. just because i don't want to be apart of organized religion does not mean i don't have morals and common sense.
May 2020 · 70
looking back
Evie May 2020
it brings me such pain to see love poems written to someone who didn't love me.
the words i poured out over this boy who would cheat on me, and pick at my emotions.
it makes me almost uncomfortable.
i want to go back to comfort my past self.
i want to wrap my arms around her and tell her its okay, and that he isn't the one.

but,
the universe has its ways.
through a cheating liar, i met someone new.
hes quiet and sweet, with a warm smile and dark eyes.
he cares, he is kind.
he understands and shares my dreams and interests.
he is supportive and loving.
i just hope i don't have to look back on him with anger and regret.
its crazy how someone you were so obsessed with quickly becomes the product of trauma and hatred. look out for yourselves and trust your guts. <3
May 2020 · 140
i get it.
Evie May 2020
i understand the long term affects of my actions.
i may not be an adult,
but i am old enough to understand.
i get it. please stop hovering and allow me to explore the world as i please.
Apr 2020 · 951
Stuck
Evie Apr 2020
within my four walls i stay
escaping the yelling
feeling hunted like prey.
check on your friends during quarantine. it hurts a lot of people.
Apr 2020 · 252
hey guys
Evie Apr 2020
ive decided this is my official coming back.

i missed all of you.

im currently quarantined with my extremely toxic family and its a struggle to stay sane and mentally healthy.

i need somewhere to vent and somewhere to feel the support of others and in that process i want to support all of you and read your poems and gain knowledge about your experiences.

thank you for being such a lovely little community, and a safe haven for people wanting to put their work out into the world.
hello :)
Apr 2020 · 188
very sure
Evie Apr 2020
i just looked back on a poem i wrote october 2019 about how i thought a girl was "too pretty"

well ive come to realize i am a raging bisexual, so yeah! character development.
this is like a tweet oh god
Apr 2020 · 106
swag
Evie Apr 2020
hp isnt letting me post and ive just about live laugh lost my marbles
no
Jan 2020 · 198
its been a while
Evie Jan 2020
i haven't checked on this site in a while
how is everyone?
what have i missed?

i almost forgot about this small community
of beautiful people
i missed you :)
Oct 2019 · 404
looking up
Evie Oct 2019
things are looking up
things are getting brighter
things are getting warmer

hope is not only an idea
it is active
it is optimistic
it is stunning
it is eyeopening
it is life changing

self improvement starts small
baby steps every day
self love isn't self centered
self care isn't selfish
self image isn't vain

my heart has been opened
my mind has been cleared
i am starting to understand
happiness is beautiful
and it is real for everyone
had an amazing talk with some people i really love and care about. a lot of incredible things were shared. things that make so much sense. i can change my situation. i can solve my problems. i am not worthless. i am strong. i am able.
Oct 2019 · 377
unsure
Evie Oct 2019
i thought she was beautiful
every tiny detail was wonderful

maybe a bit too beautiful
and maybe i noticed a bit too much
hmm
Oct 2019 · 86
block
Evie Oct 2019
i have nothing to say

i have no words for you

my emotions

slim to none

i cant tell if my heart is still beating

i cant tell you who looks back at me in the mirror

what creature stares at me

with gaping holes for eyes
im not sure what this is. im not sure whats going on. im completely numb. and its strange and somehow beautiful because i feel none of my pain.
Sep 2019 · 164
caught
Evie Sep 2019
i arrived just in time to watch you follow her into another room

i left just in time to watch the police turn into the neighborhood

i almost called you to warn you

but i realized that if you don't respect me

why should i do anything less for you
dont go to parties. dont to drugs. be smart. dont cheat on people.
Sep 2019 · 355
i hate spanish
Evie Sep 2019
i hate spanish

thats all

thanks
my least favorite class is spanish 2 its the worst you cant change my mind
Sep 2019 · 144
crush pt. 3
Evie Sep 2019
i had you for a few days

a few golden days

but then you went to a party, you got wasted, you ****** your ex

and now she isn't your ex anymore
im so done with boys
Sep 2019 · 96
back to school
Evie Sep 2019
anxiety
smoking in the bathroom
falling asleep in class
social hierarchy
sleepless nights
baggy eyes
empty souls
battered and bruised
knives to wrists
hidden by sweaters
hidden by bracelets
seasonal depression
cold rooms
numb
C+
D-
some school things ive experienced :)
Aug 2019 · 167
crush pt.2
Evie Aug 2019
“i’m not sure how long it’s going to last though. we tried to fix things but she’s being so distant recently”

i nod my head

inside that head i’m begging things to fall apart so i can have you
AHHHH
Jul 2019 · 437
hellboy
Evie Jul 2019
i almost had a midlife crisis and dyed my hair a soft baby pink

it woulda been pretty

pair it with a tattoo under my eye

a broken heart on one side

a sparkling star on the other

but then i thought to myself, it’s not exactly a midlife crisis if i’m only 16

more of a quarter life crisis

not nearly as dramatic

so i settled for painting my nails pink instead
it’s been a wild summer. lots of emotions.
Jul 2019 · 217
waves
Evie Jul 2019
the good weeks and the bad ones
they flow like a current
sometimes your temper is choppy
drowning me
beating me
against rocks and sand

other times it is gentle
and pulls me lovingly out to sea
i think i can trust the waters
i feel safe

and soon after
i am thrown against the cliffs
again

how much longer
till i am dragged below the surface
by a fierce whirlpool
sunk against the bottom
breath gone
eyes blurry
never to be seen again
Jun 2019 · 369
i’m asking nicely
Evie Jun 2019
please
please stop

i’d really appreciate it

you’re hurting me
i don’t like it

please stop
Jun 2019 · 179
what the hell
Evie Jun 2019
i had no idea this would happen and now i'm staring at the wall in a stupor unable to comprehend anything going through my brain because i shouldn't care but i do and i know you need someone but you wont let me help so i'm just confused and i'm so lost and so sorry
someone i once considered my closest friend, someone who ****** me over a hundred times, someone who betrayed my trust and dragged me down.

someone i cared about and loved and laughed with.

she attempted suicide.
Jun 2019 · 239
internal damage
Evie Jun 2019
your words
are so heavy
so sharp
so lethal
unforgiving
heinous poison
force fed down my throat

you hurl them into my soul
some gouge themselves deep into my mind
blood pooling around the edges
of the wound you left
with whatever agonizing phrase
you slice the fibers of my being with

others bruise
painting my heart black and blue
green around the edges
purple fades into green
my spirit
looks as though it has been thrown
down a flight on concrete steps

slowly things heal
others are more permanent
injuries not seen from the surface
can be the most dangerous of all
you have caused
internal bleeding from the soul

i feel sore
tender
fragile
weak
brittle
like if a light breeze were to wash over me
i might shatter like glass
into a fine powder
never to be repaired again
...
Jun 2019 · 177
a sense of control pt. 2
Evie Jun 2019
it was 1:37am when i finished
did it help?
a little

did it last?
not at all
anxiety is so cool :,)
Jun 2019 · 184
a sense of control
Evie Jun 2019
tonight i am staying up until every page of my homework is done
and
every surface in my room is clean
it is currently 8:51
only god knows when i'll finish
gotta be able to control something in a world where everything is spiraling
Jun 2019 · 341
give me an answer please
Evie Jun 2019
(im sorry. ill send her a message)
(and let her know how u feel)

                                                                                                  [oh. u guys still]
                                                                                                                  [talk?]
(i sent it)
(<3)
(i miss u)
                                                                                                                    [...]
you never answered my question
shes the reason this went to hell in the first place
and you claim you're trying to be better so you can have me back
you've got a funny way of showing it
Evie Jun 2019
detached
so detached

everything in my life seems detached.
my own dad fakes a father daughter relationship for the good of the show so people don't ask questions. out in public hes a saint. at home hes a monster. at home he yells and breaks things and points out everything i'm doing wrong.

my ex boyfriend and first love, who i dated for a year is trying to talk to me again and part of me wants to let him but i honestly don't know what to do. we've been apart for 5 months and i've tried to move on with other people and be with other people and i've looked around and had a few little crushes but as soon as they show me attention back my stomach feels like physically sick. is that normal? i don't even know. i'm just scared no one will ever make me feel the same, and if hes the only one that makes me feel as happy as i was, do i really want to spend time with him? we broke up because he started hitting on my best friend, and then as soon as we broke up, my "best friend" stopped talking to me and spread a bunch of rumors. i want us to happen again but honestly i don't know what to do and i'm just a little worried. what if he hurts me again? then what?

school ***** and i've stopped caring because its so close to the end of the year and i feel like i should care more but i physically cannot. like i need to care because of finals but i have no motivation and i just get ****** into snapchat and then boom 3 hours gone. plus i need a job and if i don't get certified for life guarding i have no job. certification is next week but what if i cant do it? i've been on swim team since i was 7. i'm strong. it should be fine. but like, my anxiety is a beast and tells me i cannot do this thing.

because of all this stress i havent been sleeping, and ive eaten two meals in the last three days. but its okay. everything is going to be fine eventually. its just not right now and that *****.
just an anxiety dump. ignore it if you want. i just needed to get it all out of me. i could have probably made it more poetic but my brain isnt working correctly.
May 2019 · 158
manipulation
Evie May 2019
and you have me strung up again
wrapped around me like a snake
whispering lies in my ears

"you cant leave me"
                                "I'll hurt myself"
"you're the only one i can talk to"
                                                     "i'm alone and everyone wants me dead"

i have to leave
i have to get out

i must maintain myself
i must maintain composure

for your attitude is toxic
contagious
i can feel myself spiraling

i've got to spread my own wings and drift to safety
i'm done trying to wrench yours open to save you
especially when you have them so firmly shut
hooray for manipulative friendships! it seems i am too nice, and i have landed myself a real problem. i want to be there for everyone, but sometimes i cant. sometimes i have to keep my own mind healthy. if im caring for someone else, who is going to care for me?

keep yourselves safe! do your best to recognize signs of manipulation!
May 2019 · 876
so simple
Evie May 2019
i can give others the world in a heartbeat

but i cant give myself a single sliver of hope

-----

i want the very stars to sing praises to each person on earth

because everyone has a little bit of universe in them

but i cannot allow those stars

to whisper a single note for myself

------

i must learn to love myself

as easily as i love others

-----

it sounds simple
May 2019 · 131
feeling quite lonely
Evie May 2019
someone chain me down
so i don't float away

someone hold me gently
to remind me i'm not alone

someone take me away from here
teach me to love again
life gets lonely sometimes and all you can do is sit on your bed and die a little inside
May 2019 · 620
tranquility
Evie May 2019
~
and the calm came over me
washed me away
like the tide sweeps away the sand

~
melodic words from an angel
as he searches for the universe

~
delicately you love me
fingertips gentle
grazing over skin
like its fine silk

~
honey colored rays of light
gently settling on your figure
softening those hard edges

~
intertwined in this moment for eons
i would jovially stay
a pure and untainted
nearly fictitious exaltation

~
May 2019 · 162
liar
Evie May 2019
you have no empathy
yet you claim to have my best interests in mind

you go through my things
yet you claim to trust me

you call me a disappointment
yet you tell everyone how proud you are of my achievements

you micromanage every move
yet you tell me i have a choice

it really makes me wonder
if im really the liar
May 2019 · 152
renting
Evie May 2019
as depression left
anxiety moved in

its almost as if my brain
is renting itself out to various diseases

one is evicted
another pays its way in
May 2019 · 96
what they said
Evie May 2019
whoever said words can never hurt me is an absolute *****

obviously he wasn't a very vocal person

words cant hurt if you never talk to anyone
May 2019 · 533
done
Evie May 2019
please stop
im done
i dont want to hear it
i dont care about the excuses

i did my part
i said sorry

i dont want to hear about why you cant
May 2019 · 274
packing a bag
Evie May 2019
clothes thrown into a heap
sitting on the bag to drag the zipper around
that midnight excitement
like a child on christmas
phone ringing
friends asking if they need this and that

wednesday night

the adventure begins
i cannot wait to goooooo
May 2019 · 251
crush
Evie May 2019
so i'll sit and watch
as you stay with someone else
someone you don't even want

and all that time you wasted
i spent wanting you
i have a crush and its a problem.
May 2019 · 430
best friend
Evie May 2019
and as we ran through the shallows
i found myself smiling
the water lapping my ankles
as i watched your blonde hair fly like a sail
the sun glinting in your eyes
the promise of summer around the corner
i missed you
i got to see my best friend for the first time in a while yesterday! she recently moved and i was so happy to spend time with her.
May 2019 · 155
golden
Evie May 2019
i want to be a summer girl
tanned skin
long hair
freckles
a smile
i lust for the sun
i pray for the warmth
daisies in my hands
bare feet in the grass
cold water creeping past my ankles
the warm nights full of stars
no worries
SCHOOLS ALMOST OUT
im a **** for summer :)
May 2019 · 395
no one
Evie May 2019
he was here last night
in my bed
his chest rising and falling against my back

our heartbeats in sync
skin warm

it felt so wrong

he isnt you

he is no one
trying to fill that gap sux
Apr 2019 · 428
hate it
Evie Apr 2019
i hate that i miss you
i hate it so much
i hate myself for getting so attached
i hate my heart for skipping a beat when i see you
i hate my stomach for dropping when i hear your voice
i hate my body for craving yours
i hate my mind for imagining the way you looked at me
i hate my eyes for tearing up in the middle of the night

i hate everything about me
as much as i loved everything about you
sorry to be so negative but im upsetti spaghetti
Apr 2019 · 268
a true fact
Evie Apr 2019
you're going to get judged no matter what you do
so you may as well get judged doing something you like
do what you want!!!!!
Apr 2019 · 250
?
Evie Apr 2019
?
its not my fault you fight
is it?
i hope not
Apr 2019 · 237
apple blossoms
Evie Apr 2019
apple blossoms float
through the air like pixies
the sun shimmers on her skin
like a precious metal
each freckle dotting her cheek and nose
like a new penny

water swirling in the creek
crystal clear cold
burbling merrily
through the stones
and leaves

her smile blinking in the sun
his hand
warm and tan cupped around hers
pressing his lips to her wrist
Apr 2019 · 171
high school
Evie Apr 2019
im a
rowdy
unforgiving
loud
angst filled teen

i'm going to do whatever i want
sounds awful
but

sorry dad
love you mom

you love me less and less each day
hopefully
once i've come home from a party
smelling like *****
and a boys cologne
it will be enough for you to give up on me
helicopter parents breed the sneakiest kids
Apr 2019 · 323
leave me alone
Evie Apr 2019
you left me

don't you dare get after me
because i'm doing what i please
with whom i please

i am not yours anymore
don't act like i am

especially

after you gave me up
go awaaaaay im so over it *******
Apr 2019 · 336
boys
Evie Apr 2019
i ain't got time for their *******
Apr 2019 · 160
starting over (again)
Evie Apr 2019
starting to think this might never work out again

starting to accept it

starting to see differently

starting to smile again
Apr 2019 · 228
accurate
Evie Apr 2019
"alcohol tastes better underage because the secret ingredient is crime"
-a wise person on twitter
Apr 2019 · 253
i know
Evie Apr 2019
i am aware my poems are not high quality

i am not a very high quality person

i just need to empty my mind out somewhere

poetry has become the unfortunate victim
Apr 2019 · 396
for the poets
Evie Apr 2019
poets are the most fascinating of creatures
coming in so many stunning varieties
lyrical flowing words
hard arresting phrases


you are all creators of such intense beauty
Apr 2019 · 375
sad but true
Evie Apr 2019
others come and go
~
you will always be permanent
~
even if you aren't mine any longer
i keep telling myself im over it
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