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Apr 2019 · 376
i am NOT
Evie Apr 2019
The Perfect Child™
**** sorry <3
Apr 2019 · 354
cared for by the universe
Evie Apr 2019
my blood feels restless in my veins
i need to move
to walk
to run
to speak
to scream
to be heard
to be ignored
i kick out the screen separating me from the night air
the roof spans before me
my bedroom two stories above the ground
reckless
i step onto the shingles
in my kitty cat socks you gave me
my t shirt goes to almost my knees
it waves around me like the skirts of a ball gown in the breeze
my hair tangles around my face
the moon illuminates my skin
my earbuds sing to me
feeding me slow sad rap
from a beautiful person dead and gone
"i just wanna lay my head on your chest, so im as close as it gets, to your heart"
my tears are grazed off my face by the wind
"nobody wants to talk to me, but everyone wants to walk with me"
i crumple to my knees, the shingles rough
"i just keep it to myself and try not to cry to loud"
the sobs ive been keeping inside shake my small shoulders now
no one can hear me
my voice is snatched away by the gale
my screams are sent to the stars
the moon reaches for me
the planets love me
the galaxies are my friends
the universe will care for me
as it has cared for many broken souls before
Apr 2019 · 370
i might have made a mistake
Evie Apr 2019
i sit here waiting for you in the dark
staring at my screen
my face illuminated by the white light
its not just the light that makes me look sad
crybaby whispering through my speakers
rough voice quietly soothing my twisted conflicted soul

why am i still waiting

why am i still here
why did i agree to stay friends. it just makes it that much harder. yeesh. should have let completely go. if you get my crybaby reference pleaaaase tell me and we can be best friends forever
Apr 2019 · 182
things will end
Evie Apr 2019
~and we shall begin anew~
~bursting forth from the ground like the shoots of a flower~
~waves of pure water crashing onto the sand~
~the soft touch of sunlight kissing your face~
~things~
~must~
~end~
~and we must know that we can be reborn~
Apr 2019 · 280
Untitled
Evie Apr 2019
it seems i am losing people

left
                                                           and
                                                                                                                   right
crazy how something that has been going on for so long can end so fast
Apr 2019 · 184
forgetting pt. 2
Evie Apr 2019
something has happened

it is plain to see

i wont forget you

and you will never forget me
its easier to deal with knowing i wasn't just a passing breeze. i left a positive impact that allows us to stay friends
Apr 2019 · 269
one day
Evie Apr 2019
i will love you
for longer then i should

we both agreed
this was for the best

we are stuck in quicksand
trying to hold each other up
the most you lift the other
the more you sink

one day
we will be in a better place
and we will stand strong
we will stand together
i understand we both need this for a little bit, but it hurts so bad.
Apr 2019 · 273
12:00
Evie Apr 2019
and just like that

we are over

nearly a year

gone
jesus christ
Apr 2019 · 90
slipping
Evie Apr 2019
starting to think maybe this wasn't meant to be

as much as it hurts me

a hard truth to swallow

the idea of you leaving makes me feel hollow
stupid rhyme but whatever
Apr 2019 · 294
my best
Evie Apr 2019
i'm sorry i am not enough

you don't even have to say it

you even deny it

we both know you're lying

i'm not trying to be a disappointment

everything i do is to make you see me as something better

i'm doing my best

cant you see that

i'm tearing myself limb from limb to please you

you should love me as i am

after all

you raised me
hooray for crazy parents! :')
Apr 2019 · 287
out of it
Evie Apr 2019
i feel the need to write a poem
i feel the desire to write a poem
sometimes it seems
everything has already been written
i feel i am out of ideas for now
god knows some other version
of hell on earth shall come along
giving me painful inspiration
i cant seem to find anything to write about today. i have an unhealthy addiction to lil peep for some reason at the moment and i am realizing his music is, in fact poetry, despite the fact that everyone thinks he *****. i certainly do not believe he ***** but hey whatever cracks your glow-sticks amiright
Apr 2019 · 277
summer
Evie Apr 2019
i long for the sun
warming me to my bones
smiling
freckles
tan lines
cool water
windows down
music too loud
late nights
soft breeze
late sunsets
early sunrises
no more of this chill
i cannot seem to shake from my soul
its time for summer. this cold ******* is awful.
Apr 2019 · 102
longing
Evie Apr 2019
i miss you

angel boy
havent seen you in about a week and im sad
Apr 2019 · 1.5k
forgetting
Evie Apr 2019
my greatest fear

reveals itself to be

something happening

and you never missing me
Mar 2019 · 241
good enough
Evie Mar 2019
everything i do is to please them
i follow their rules
i do as they ask
im home before curfew
i turn off my phone
i work for my grades

but its never enough
im still
untrustworthy
a *****
a liar
worthless
a disappointment

the unconditional "love" of a parent
incredible

im sorry im not enough
im doing my best
Mar 2019 · 602
poetry, the finest of arts
Evie Mar 2019
i write lots of poems
                          most mediocre
whatever is inside my head
                                    flows through my fingers
into the keyboard
                      i spill my thoughts into the world
for others to see
                its amazing really
and beautiful
              to experience everyone
                        
                               ­            through their poetry
yall are incredible and it hurts my heart because you all deserve the world
Mar 2019 · 179
everyone
Evie Mar 2019
i wanted to fix everyone
to make everyone happy to be alive
to give them a lust for life
to give them a sense of joy
to make everyone understand
they are worth all the stars in the heavens

i came to the realization
that not only
must i fix myself
but i cannot fix everything
i can only be a stepping stone
a support
a helping hand
a friend
a lover
a daughter
a sister
on their journey
towards hope
self love
recovery
i want to be there for everyone. especially all of you. you all pour your heart out into your melodic words. you are all so incredibly talented and you must never forget that. thank you so much for being who you are, even if you don't appreciate it yourself. im in love with all of you and your stories.
Mar 2019 · 274
11 months
Evie Mar 2019
I can never forget the mistakes we made.

..........................................................­.................................................................­.

But I can never forget the way you make me feel.
relationships are maintained when you are able to talk through problems and understand that if you really care for the person and really love them, you can figure things out. if they are really the person for you then you can hold on and both try to make the situation better. i wish everyone luck, and love, and all the beautiful things in this world.

happy romancing! ;)
Mar 2019 · 162
subaru outback
Evie Mar 2019
the car is a heap
an absolute disgrace
a blown speaker
backseat full of crumbs
a goldfish dropped into the e-break
cracked windshield
faulty wipers
burning fuel insufficiently
costing me more then i bargained for

its mine though
and i love it
we got this p. o. s. of a collage student who definitely ripped my dad off. ive come to love it as much as i would love a person. it may be a disaster compared to the rest of our garage but shes mine and shes home.
Mar 2019 · 157
information
Evie Mar 2019
im never right.
i cant have an opinion.
im just a stupid kid.
no one hears
anything i have to say.

i am the future generation.
start listening.
sick and tired of adults assuming they know more of what its like to be a teen in this day and age then i do. especially cause im the one living it. just because you read an article online doesn't make you an expert Karen.
Mar 2019 · 654
7 a.m.
Evie Mar 2019
as the sun rises slowly
it illuminates your eyes
you take my hand
you pull me in
our lips brush
hair tousled
by an early morning breeze

you are beautiful
perfect
i am obsessed
Mar 2019 · 348
2am
Evie Mar 2019
2am
you keep me up at night love
thinking of our future
and how wild the odds are
that i found you
Mar 2019 · 776
moved on
Evie Mar 2019
im so beyond done with you

so why do you keep bothering me

im so much happier with someone else

does it bother you?

god i hope so
******* :)
Mar 2019 · 108
tense
Evie Mar 2019
i sit here
in the dark
frigid
isolated
trembling
muscles tight and achy
from the constant shiver
the unrest in my body
the unease in my mind
the chill
that grips my bones
Mar 2019 · 222
bliss
Evie Mar 2019
my eyelashes flutter
like delicate butterflies wings
my head is on your shoulder
curled into you
my hand cupped
over your heart
feeling the steady rhythm
lull me into a peaceful slumber
i feel safe
you are my home
Mar 2019 · 233
old friend
Evie Mar 2019
you say you've told me everything
but i can see it in your eyes
i know you too well
your face splits
into a sheepish smile
you sit down once more
and tell me your stories
Mar 2019 · 239
for you
Evie Mar 2019
i have no words for you
                             at least none that can measure up

i would need perfection
                            which is unattainable
                                                    but somehow you achieved it

for how does one write
                              something adequate
                                                           to you
                                                                 my love
Mar 2019 · 328
addiction
Evie Mar 2019
warm skin
soft lips
gentle eyes
roaming hands
trading breaths
heart soaring

i crave you
Mar 2019 · 518
life
Evie Mar 2019
this **** wild
no kidding
Mar 2019 · 347
hopeless
Evie Mar 2019
something that scares me
is that so many people feel like i do
i want to help everyone through their hard times, but i cannot seem to help myself through my own
Mar 2019 · 178
burrito
Evie Mar 2019
to the guy
eating a burrito
on the plane behind me

stop

it smells weird
Feb 2019 · 432
angel
Evie Feb 2019
everything
               about
                       you
              makes
                       me
                  feel
                

                              iridescent
Feb 2019 · 240
a reminder
Evie Feb 2019
we are never in complete darkness.
even in a room with no windows,
light creeps under the door.
even in the dead of night,
the universe faintly glows above.

when you have been blindfolded,
your eyes rendered useless
someone else can see the light for you.
they can take your hand
and lead you towards hope.
stay strong everyone. it gets better. i swear.
Feb 2019 · 121
anything
Evie Feb 2019
have you ever gotten to the point
where you'll do anything
just to feel

pills
blades
smoke
matches
liquor

you really don't give a ****
what happens to you

as long as it brings your body and mind
your soul and bones
to the realization
that you really are
alive
"is anybody out there, does anybody hear me, i hate it when you fake care,"
lil peep </3
Feb 2019 · 254
how did i get here
Evie Feb 2019
how did i get to this point
where i cant get out of bed
my eyes look so empty
deep lifeless pits
my body aches
with the pain of being alive

i don't understand
is it chemicals in my brain
scrambled into the wrong combinations
is it something i did
if it was
i cant remember

i'm not gonna last long
Feb 2019 · 547
constant
Evie Feb 2019
i am sick of this endless cycle
a few good days
where i haven't felt little bits of my soul being ripped off
and lost in the wind.
where i feel i can conquer this illness
this plague

then i spiral

to weeks of bad days
where i cannot get out of bed
i am empty
tears welling in my eyes
for reasons i cant understand

there is no constant
instead there is constant change
i have no stability
no solid ground

people say change is good

people lie.
Feb 2019 · 446
talent
Evie Feb 2019
from what i understand,
some of you are sad
very sad.
some are mad,
broken,
beaten down by life
who wields a baseball bat
with nails sticking out at funny angles

from your sorrow comes beauty
the words you write
so moving

you're all too talented to quit.

so stick around

you never know when things might get better

please save yourself for another day
im always open to give any ounce of comfort to anyone. if you just need to rant send me a message!
Feb 2019 · 120
lovely
Evie Feb 2019
you're like a book i cant put down
i never want it to end
i never want us to end
for my lovely valentine who was stupid enough to get grounded so he cant even take me out. i love you, even of you're a ******* idiot.
Feb 2019 · 115
Erratic
Evie Feb 2019
Wild.
Absolutely ridiculous.
Insane.
Dangerously outlandish.
Unethical.
Bad choice.
Stupid.
Foolishly planned.
Daring.
Out of your mind.

But that's all I want.

To get out of my mind.
Feb 2019 · 95
Please
Evie Feb 2019
it hurts me so much
to know you hurt so much
it rips my sanity apart to know the inside of your head
is a battle ground
with you in the middle
my soul shrinks into a corner
my heart is gripped
in cold
sharp claws
i cant sleep
i cant focus on anything else but you
i know you're sleeping
happy to escape into unconsciousness

please be okay
we're going to make it

im going to call you in the morning
Feb 2019 · 111
trying
Evie Feb 2019
the inside of my head is either swirling
swirling with sharp
dark thoughts that pick at my soul
like vultures

or its empty
like a wasteland
covered in skeletons

i honestly don't know which is better at this point.
i just want to make it out alive.
i want to escape myself
Feb 2019 · 215
Nicotine
Evie Feb 2019
Such an unhealthy coping mechanism
Your brain seems to float,
Your limbs go numb.
Feeling goes away.
The white smoke curls from the corners of your mouth.
The anxiety floats away with it,
riding the small plumes.

There are better ways.
I know there are better ways.

But its the easiest.
And how could I leave behind such an old friend.
Feb 2019 · 136
Burnt
Evie Feb 2019
Depression is often hard to describe.
It is like...
I am sitting in a pit.
It is dark.
Sticky.
Like someone dumped hot tar,
right into my head.

Like someone tied my hands behind my back and asked me to play the piano.
Like someone blindfolded me and then asked me to take an eye test
Like someone broke my legs and then asked me to run a marathon.

There's glimmers of light, like dying embers floating through the air.
I am scared to touch them, even though i can use them to make more light,
and escape.
I could get burned in the process.

I cant seem to understand why
I am afraid of getting better

But really what is worse?
Being burned for the better,
or drowning in the thick, choking, vanta black of your own thoughts?

— The End —