it brings me such pain to see love poems written to someone who didn't love me.
the words i poured out over this boy who would cheat on me, and pick at my emotions.
it makes me almost uncomfortable.
i want to go back to comfort my past self.
i want to wrap my arms around her and tell her its okay, and that he isn't the one.

but,
the universe has its ways.
through a cheating liar, i met someone new.
hes quiet and sweet, with a warm smile and dark eyes.
he cares, he is kind.
he understands and shares my dreams and interests.
he is supportive and loving.
i just hope i don't have to look back on him with anger and regret.

i understand the long term affects of my actions.
i may not be an adult,
but i am old enough to understand.

ive decided this is my official coming back.

i missed all of you.

im currently quarantined with my extremely toxic family and its a struggle to stay sane and mentally healthy.

i need somewhere to vent and somewhere to feel the support of others and in that process i want to support all of you and read your poems and gain knowledge about your experiences.

thank you for being such a lovely little community, and a safe haven for people wanting to put their work out into the world.

i just looked back on a poem i wrote october 2019 about how i thought a girl was "too pretty"

well ive come to realize i am a raging bisexual, so yeah! character development.

hp isnt letting me post and ive just about live laugh lost my marbles

i haven't checked on this site in a while
how is everyone?
what have i missed?

i almost forgot about this small community
of beautiful people

things are looking up
things are getting brighter
things are getting warmer

hope is not only an idea
it is active
it is optimistic
it is stunning
it is eyeopening
it is life changing

self improvement starts small
baby steps every day
self love isn't self centered
self care isn't selfish
self image isn't vain

my heart has been opened
my mind has been cleared
i am starting to understand
happiness is beautiful
and it is real for everyone

i thought she was beautiful
every tiny detail was wonderful

maybe a bit too beautiful
and maybe i noticed a bit too much

i have nothing to say

i have no words for you

my emotions

slim to none

i cant tell if my heart is still beating

i cant tell you who looks back at me in the mirror

what creature stares at me

with gaping holes for eyes

i arrived just in time to watch you follow her into another room

i left just in time to watch the police turn into the neighborhood

i almost called you to warn you

but i realized that if you don't respect me

why should i do anything less for you

i hate spanish

thats all

thanks

i had you for a few days

a few golden days

but then you went to a party, you got wasted, you ****** your ex

and now she isn't your ex anymore

anxiety
smoking in the bathroom
falling asleep in class
social hierarchy
sleepless nights
baggy eyes
empty souls
battered and bruised
knives to wrists
hidden by sweaters
hidden by bracelets
seasonal depression
cold rooms
numb
C+
D-

“i’m not sure how long it’s going to last though. we tried to fix things but she’s being so distant recently”

i nod my head

inside that head i’m begging things to fall apart so i can have you

i almost had a midlife crisis and dyed my hair a soft baby pink

it woulda been pretty

pair it with a tattoo under my eye

a broken heart on one side

a sparkling star on the other

but then i thought to myself, it’s not exactly a midlife crisis if i’m only 16

more of a quarter life crisis

not nearly as dramatic

so i settled for painting my nails pink instead

the good weeks and the bad ones
they flow like a current
sometimes your temper is choppy
drowning me
beating me
against rocks and sand

other times it is gentle
and pulls me lovingly out to sea
i think i can trust the waters
i feel safe

and soon after
i am thrown against the cliffs
again

how much longer
till i am dragged below the surface
by a fierce whirlpool
sunk against the bottom
breath gone
eyes blurry
never to be seen again

please
please stop

i’d really appreciate it

you’re hurting me
i don’t like it

please stop

i had no idea this would happen and now i'm staring at the wall in a stupor unable to comprehend anything going through my brain because i shouldn't care but i do and i know you need someone but you wont let me help so i'm just confused and i'm so lost and so sorry

(im sorry. ill send her a message)
(and let her know how u feel)

                                                                                                  [oh. u guys still]
                                                                                                                  [talk?]
(i sent it)
(<3)
(i miss u)
                                                                                                                    [...]

detached
so detached

everything in my life seems detached.
my own dad fakes a father daughter relationship for the good of the show so people don't ask questions. out in public hes a saint. at home hes a monster. at home he yells and breaks things and points out everything i'm doing wrong.

my ex boyfriend and first love, who i dated for a year is trying to talk to me again and part of me wants to let him but i honestly don't know what to do. we've been apart for 5 months and i've tried to move on with other people and be with other people and i've looked around and had a few little crushes but as soon as they show me attention back my stomach feels like physically sick. is that normal? i don't even know. i'm just scared no one will ever make me feel the same, and if hes the only one that makes me feel as happy as i was, do i really want to spend time with him? we broke up because he started hitting on my best friend, and then as soon as we broke up, my "best friend" stopped talking to me and spread a bunch of rumors. i want us to happen again but honestly i don't know what to do and i'm just a little worried. what if he hurts me again? then what?

school ***** and i've stopped caring because its so close to the end of the year and i feel like i should care more but i physically cannot. like i need to care because of finals but i have no motivation and i just get ****** into snapchat and then boom 3 hours gone. plus i need a job and if i don't get certified for life guarding i have no job. certification is next week but what if i cant do it? i've been on swim team since i was 7. i'm strong. it should be fine. but like, my anxiety is a beast and tells me i cannot do this thing.

because of all this stress i havent been sleeping, and ive eaten two meals in the last three days. but its okay. everything is going to be fine eventually. its just not right now and that *****.

and you have me strung up again
wrapped around me like a snake
whispering lies in my ears

"you cant leave me"
                                "I'll hurt myself"
"you're the only one i can talk to"
                                                     "i'm alone and everyone wants me dead"

i have to leave
i have to get out

i must maintain myself
i must maintain composure

for your attitude is toxic
contagious
i can feel myself spiraling

i've got to spread my own wings and drift to safety
i'm done trying to wrench yours open to save you
especially when you have them so firmly shut

someone chain me down
so i don't float away

someone hold me gently
to remind me i'm not alone

someone take me away from here
teach me to love again

you have no empathy
yet you claim to have my best interests in mind

you go through my things
yet you claim to trust me

you call me a disappointment
yet you tell everyone how proud you are of my achievements

you micromanage every move
yet you tell me i have a choice

it really makes me wonder
if im really the liar

as depression left
anxiety moved in

its almost as if my brain
is renting itself out to various diseases

one is evicted
another pays its way in

please stop
im done
i dont want to hear it
i dont care about the excuses

i did my part
i said sorry

i dont want to hear about why you cant

clothes thrown into a heap
sitting on the bag to drag the zipper around
that midnight excitement
like a child on christmas
phone ringing
friends asking if they need this and that

wednesday night

the adventure begins

so i'll sit and watch
as you stay with someone else
someone you don't even want

and all that time you wasted
i spent wanting you

and as we ran through the shallows
i found myself smiling
the water lapping my ankles
as i watched your blonde hair fly like a sail
the sun glinting in your eyes
the promise of summer around the corner
i missed you

he was here last night
in my bed
his chest rising and falling against my back

our heartbeats in sync
skin warm

it felt so wrong

he isnt you

he is no one

i hate that i miss you
i hate it so much
i hate myself for getting so attached
i hate my heart for skipping a beat when i see you
i hate my stomach for dropping when i hear your voice
i hate my body for craving yours
i hate my mind for imagining the way you looked at me
i hate my eyes for tearing up in the middle of the night

i hate everything about me
as much as i loved everything about you

apple blossoms float
through the air like pixies
the sun shimmers on her skin
like a precious metal
each freckle dotting her cheek and nose
like a new penny

water swirling in the creek
crystal clear cold
burbling merrily
through the stones
and leaves

her smile blinking in the sun
his hand
warm and tan cupped around hers
pressing his lips to her wrist

im a
rowdy
unforgiving
loud
angst filled teen

i'm going to do whatever i want
sounds awful
but

sorry dad
love you mom

you love me less and less each day
hopefully
once i've come home from a party
smelling like *****
and a boys cologne
it will be enough for you to give up on me

you left me

don't you dare get after me
because i'm doing what i please
with whom i please

i am not yours anymore
don't act like i am

especially

after you gave me up

i ain't got time for their *******

poets are the most fascinating of creatures
coming in so many stunning varieties
lyrical flowing words
hard arresting phrases


you are all creators of such intense beauty