let us dream
an unattainable kiss
for then maybe I could
get the touch of your bliss
I want you to look only at me
let us meet in my dreams
as to where you’re wide awake
or when it is I
who is not visited by sleep
why is it then we cannot meet?
let me be ****** in so deep—
soundly while the moon’s at peak
by the thirteenth month of the year
I will pray to the moon of my wish
this will be the only time
where both you and I exist
let us open the gates of our hearts
behind the shadows in the night
with only the light of the room illuminates
our figures dancing behind the moonlight
is it only there we could meet?

I might not be the one
who will tuck you to sleep
But darling I assure you
I will be there for you
the morning you wake up
Warming up your sheets,
only if you would let me

I might not be the one
To intertwine fingers
with your calloused hands
But my dearest, I'll be gentle
I can keep you warm
Holding close onto you
Even if it's us against the world
I will be the one here to stay

I might not be the one
Who will be chosen by you
But my love, I will choose you
And only you still
Over a thousand lifetimes
In the end till forevermore
Even so, my only dear
I'd choose you

Maybe the fact that this place is so familiar, it gives me nostalgia.

The consciousness that you were once present in this place hurts; it brings me an ache in my chest — like a hole ******* through me — a piece that's been missing.

Because here, it just reminds me of you.

I am looking for a sign of your touch between these spaces. Tracing every edges. Through the hard wood, the dim lit wall lights, through the white sheets of the soft bed.

I am longing for your scent that I haven't even grown to know.
I am looking for you even if it has been a long while since you've been here. Your scent's no longer lingering here...

It's been long gone, you're far from here now...

Why do I even go looking for something that I am not familiar with? Why am I even searching for something I cannot reach?

I only pray for you, and only you.
Is that too much to ask?
I miss you so much that it actually physically pains me to know how far apart we really are.

My love, how long must I wait? – I long for your touch, I want to see your face. I just want to pull you close. Let me hear your heart beat and let me calm myself with your voice.

I want you to nuzzle softly in my neck, and gently press your lips on my cheek — can you feel them burning from your touch?
Let our lips dance, and let our hands roam – North, south, let us move to the rotation of the coast.

Will the universe align itself for our meeting?

Please let us be tied with destiny, let fate be at our stead.

sadyang ka'y layo mo na para abutin
pero nandito pa rin ako
nananatiling manalangin
Bathala, hanggang dito na lang ba
ang aming istoryang
di pa nagsisimula
maari mo bang pakinggan
ang tanging dalangin?
sana'y pagbigyan mo lamang
masilayan ang kanyang mga ngiti,
kahit di na ang pagdampi ng labi,
ako'y di na muli mananalig

eng trans:
you're just too far
from the grasp now
but I am still here
still here wishing— praying
Creator, is this really how it is
for the two of us; our story
that haven't even began
can you please hear
my only wish?
may you let me just this time
get a glimpse of his smile
even not for the press
of the lips anymore—
*I won't ever wish no more

at times I wonder,
from an elusive time
and place unreachable
where time no longer exists for me
this one's for the generations after mine
what would they do, as they
come across my poetry
and as they seep into the pages
they will delve into the sadness
of my sweet sorrow letters for thee
will they ever thought the same?
thinking more of our narratives
that should have been—
but was never put into paper
of a love that never came to be
wishing that it became a love story
rather than a story of me
loving thou unrequitedly

this must be a writer's curse
to feel everything, to not feeling at all
it is to let the mind pump to its beat
and letting the heart up high to soar

alas, this is where I have put my fate onto
to write and write and write
and let the pen scar the paper’s skin
for it to run its ink to the course
running, and running till the end of time
as long as till my hands bleed ink
it is to miss the things that doesn't exist
or at least in my head, it's there they reside
as it makes the rhythm of my heart reverberate

they are now a part of me, it always have been
it just took long for me to find and master it
bend it, and let it go onto my will
as much as I don't want them to be
it became my limbs, my everything
it is a part of me
the words are flowing down my veins
I am not alive if it wasn't for words
my heart won't ever grow tired
as it's the purpose why I'm living
and no one can take it away from me

here I am again feeling lonely
missing the sights I can't see
what can I do for me to reach
the stars up high before me?

why am I even here down below
with the things they have?
the things left unfamiliar
I have not been bestowed?
is it bad to ask for more?
why can't I have the sights to soar?

but in reality, all I wish
is the gentle touch of his lips
as he press it close against
the hollows of my neck
on these nights so dark and deep

I could care less for diamonds and rings
along with million lights that could sing

but how can I even reach him
without passing the riches
that put him up the skies in the first place?

— loving the stars

on depiction on books of fairytales
stories that were put to me as a child
to be tied on another being
pinkies and a red string— a promise
to spend an eternity together
with a perfect stranger in this world
that still do not put sense into me
to this day, but at some way
it made my heart feel at ease
that somewhere out far there
is looking for their other half as me

you're like a stain on my white dress
that I'm aiming to remove
it just leaves more creases on the fabric
no matter what I do, I can't, nothing
but in fear of losing you
I cannot throw you out of sentiment

—you're my favorite dress

I still dream of a fellow
that would save me in my sleep
He would trace the creases on my lips
his hair would tickle the tip of my nose
and his face would be the last thing I see
along his steady breathing and heartbeat
me close onto his chest
there would be a faint smile across my face
before I fall soundly asleep

Even as I enter dreamland
it would still be his name
that's the sound of my heartbeat

He would take me to far off places
and make me feel things
I haven't dwell before

Someday, I still wish that
it would be your hands
that will intertwine mine
and that dream will slowly dissolve
into a face unfamiliar
but like home all the same
you will slowly turn into reality
closer than we've ever been before
closer that you are within my grasp

— can a girl dream, love?

how could it be
that someone who doesn't
even know my name
have this much effect in me?

‘I want to let him go.’
it's not that I want to let him go
I know fully well
that my heart can't take it
but it's more of that 'I should'
either way, it hurts

describe how my eyes pierce through you,
beyond the windows of your beautiful soul
tell them how my glance
stayed with you for weeks

can maybe for a moment,
your breath hitched
and that static surged
from a brush of fabric?

see the skeleton in my body
and how they shivered
at the sight of you
see the depths of my soul
and how they're raging in fire
see how the trillion cells of my body
react in front of the likes of you
tell them how it left a mark
on your mind for days

I wish the warmth of my presence
linger bit longer than I hope it did

I want you to say in your chaste lips
'she had such a sad smile,
but she would laugh
till her rib cage tremble
beneath her tan skin'
I want to make you pause for a sec
'her laughs are like cries of a raven,
how it oddly resonates
a maiden hiding in plea'
I want it all pierced by your tongue

describe me like the lyrics you write
when you're needing of company
on lazy afternoons, even late at night
times when you write with your soul
and not with your hand on paper
melodies that could carve deep
into people's hearts
recite it like you're missing a place
from a different era in time

let this serve as a favor
all I wish is for once
the remnants of me
pass through your lips
sing a sad love song
dedicated for me

— a poem I wish you'd write for me

shove it down my throat
suffocate me with my words
please do it in my sleep
let me ask you gently

on a place far away
I believe our laughs play
by the bay till dawn
it is somewhere days doesn't end
as it traps time in our own little land
there is no song unsung,
no cries tears shed,
only our smiles would replace the sun
just a perfect wonderland
where both our hearts would lead

— too bad no such place exist; like us

'i couldn't care less about him really'
'i am not even serious about him'
'it's just a big fat crush, you know'
'it will easily pass by, don't worry'

i want to say all that
with a straight face
but i'll be lying if i did
i'd be playing myself bad

i'm tired hiding under a mask
where I have to pretend
that I love you less
than I already do—  I don't.

— you mean everything to me

Sometimes I wish
My pencil will break
and that my heart will finally choose rest
little one, aren't you exhausted?
Of how the world give you thoughts
that makes you run and run to the void
When will this head of mine
come back down the clouds?
Till when will these eyes stay
blinded by a reality far from truth?

Sometimes I want to blame this heart
for taking in too much, too much
excessively from what it can ought to take
I want to hold a grudge, for it ever falling
to wonders that tears itself from reality
Don't strange, delicate things
draws us humans more onto it?
Why am I so eerily drawn
to such things far off this planet?
A dream that's far from my grasp.
So far off.

Won't somebody, anybody, I beg
wake me up from this dream already?

— shatter me already

sometimes my dear
I feel sorry for the times I lean
towards such light like you
like a firefly lured, I am blinded
by your shimmering glow

why do I only reach out to you
whenever I feel lonely in his arms?
but then you can provide me the warmth
his hands isn't able to give into mine

how could I even appreciate a sun like you
only when the moon is already at peak at night?

all these times, you've only brought me hope
you made my heart soar miles
it fluttered farther than ever before
you've brought me sunshine beyond compare

my knight, your back stands safety and comfort
your eyes resembles the sharp edges of the stars
but then your smile radiates a thousand suns
you are the sunshine to my beating heart

how many times should I learn
that you are always there for me
you have always been
even if it's clouded in the distance
you're always at bay

It’s that look in his eyes. How easily he can trap me into his world. It’s so easy for me to be lured with such wild eyes. So mysterious, so captivating, and oh so warm like the earth.

They said that the eyes are the window to someone’s soul. If that’s the case, I’ve been in love with his eyes long before… it’s as if I’ve been drawn to them in a time far from here.

I’m in love with your soul…

Maybe that’s why I’m so scared for you to look away. Because of how much you can look me in the eye can bring me weak in my knees, just like that, you also have the power to stare at me, and shatter me all in one blink.

I usually don’t like silence in general – the awkward silences as they will call it (when I’m with someone). But with you, it’s a different case. I can actually endure these little instances of silence with you.

Because I know you’re there to fill it up. Like knowing that you’re present – that you’re there –gives me a sense of comfort.

We can take a pause and breathe without hearing a complaint from one another. I know that another person understands me with these wordless exchanges, with these simple gestures, stares, and soft-hearted smiles.

The spaces in between our conversations, and just the stillness of the atmosphere… You’ll somehow manage to add up the warmth, the comfort. Just your presence is enough.

I've always wanted
to write the perfect poem for you
but alas, my hands cannot create
nor my tongue cannot convey
a better way to represent such beauty
Though I ask myself
how can I even begin to surpass
an epitome of imperfect perfection
right in my very eyes
Darling, you're already a poetry
I didn't even need to write at all

— you're my everything

it is not the matter
of distance or chance
getting close to you
but where my heart
compass to

— it still leads me back to you

What a waste. Such a waste.
All the effort and time going down the drain.
The solution's so easy
So foolproof
Yet why does it have to be us to suffer
I thought we're going to be set free
Let all the hard work be paid off
I was excited to taste that sweet ecstacy
Yet in one glance, it's still out of reach
Another chance slipped away
Such a waste,
disappointing how the universe can't let us be
Ah, I must have forgotten how unfair life can be.
It screws you up whenever it got the chance
It's such an easy way out, yet why choose a more difficult route?
And that everyone ask me to be practical?
Why must I be the one who's selfish?
It's not all the time I ask for myself—
why must I be the one who will look bad?
This is why I kept my mouth shut
Bury myself in these fort of blankets and pillows;
at least here I can find comfort
What's a home if you're conscious of every move you make in these four walls confining you?
Do I not have a right to be upset?
Must I act like a robot?— it's not every time I can act perfect
I will instead mope around, I can't even whine
As if I can do anything about it, right?
I'll say goodbye to my dreams to aim high and spreading my wings
Wave at the anticipation of leaving the nest
I'm still stuck down here, dying to break free
For more years to come till my grave...
At least I have something else to anticipate, right?
May we let go of old ways that's keeping us from moving forward?— no, I apologize. I must not speak.
I'll just stay here and rot in silence.
And silence where I'm supposed to be kept.

It's hard to believe that that didn't even exist in the first place.
It's harder to deceive oneself of the reality that that was it all along.

at these times when the stars dip low
as the night sky is a shade darker
I feel myself fall deeper into blue
often times I cannot comprehend
how the world can be cruel to its ebb
haven't I sweat enough buckets to fill a lake
to get more to what I can ought to take?
as I hid in the shade at afternoon's peak
when I beamed when the sun rays kissed my skin
even though the rigor and gravity pulling us deep
we made it through
I thought the universe paid me off
with little things to keep me warm
— such little things, I say,
meant so much little more —
as I have hidden far too long in the dark
He had sent me gifts to treasure all through
— but why must you send off things
that also meant the world to me?
I do not have the right to question You this
but can I even make it through?
all along the deepening way of the night
with only a lamp post to guide me through
I cannot help but feel restless
letting these fears and doubts creep in—!
the twisted thoughts have taken over me
same with the fellows who got me through
we expect a night of toss and turns,
as we ready ourselves how this unfolds
how can we even sleep soundly this night?
when the monsters that is visiting us
is what used to be the light who helped us through?

pause the doubts
let the stream be drought
there will come a time
it will all fall place in line

As of now, I think of you
each passing day
Our meeting,
still etched in my mind
Since the day we parted
I miss you more each day,
I want to meet you (again)
I didn't know it was possible
I fell deeper, greater—
beyond of what I expected
It's engraved deeply in my heart
Your words and ethereal figure
You're what my heart's beating

Must I really wait
No matter how long
Till then I promise to be well
I'll keep my heart only for you

Even if
I look away
my heart seems
to find your way

Even if
Our gaps too far
I know
we could meet somehow

Even if
it's not today
our paths
will cross someday

Even if
my love's not enough
I know I'll love you
more each day

Even more
than yesterday

I know I started seeing things differently
Every time I look up the sky thinking
that I want to take every moment
sharing this beautiful view with you

— strolling

A paper left blank, unlaid
Hurt, numb to even lift a pen
To hear news of your passing
It was too much to bear

A moment of silence
then tears come undone
How could you leave too soon?
I thought you were healing...

Though these mourning came on too late
I'm sorry if it took too long, my mate
Your friend wasn't able to stand your state
Especially seeing your gentle face...

At least you're hurting no more

I went back again and these words laid
Please don't worry, darling
I know you're in good hands
These tears will still fall, but not too long
I know you want us okay, we will be
We will
But please be mindful you will be missed
So much
I'll remember you through our song
especially how you radiate us with your smile
You've done well, you can rest
Someday we will reunite again
At least you gave us comfort
that another angel is looking out for us

I just love and cherish him so much. Though, why is it so hard to convey to the world? Why and how is it so hard to understand?

And why does it have to be this way.

A simple girl loving a man far from her grasp. I thought love wasn't supposed to hard, nor it needs to be understood. You just feel it, and you just know in the depths of your heart.

**Yet why does this hurt so much?

my precious star in the night
I love those glint in your eyes
the dreams that you've now achieved
please hold that tight
never lose sight
of what fueled that spark

the night I saw you, I swear I fell
as if I'm a shooting star shot across galaxies
but I could never hold such blinding light
as much of what you hold in your very eyes

please, my love, never loose that glimmer
as mine is fading, you're my only hope

I dream that even if millenials pass
these eyes will see the same star
of what made her wish on stars in the first place

I hope that I can hold on to you the same
please, my love I beg
as if I'm holding onto my last breath

this is my only wish upon a star
that whatever you may be
that even if you stand out
among thousands of galaxies
never change your pure glow
my love, don't be blinded
for what may bring you
to your downfall
please, I believe
I put my faith onto yours
even that time may pass
your light may still reach
my heart the same as that night

Loving you
is like looking at every fireflies
lighting up all at once

Beaming its light, captivating me
As if it's all trapped into your eyes

Loving you
is like finding you after walking
through a desert

You were the water from the well
an oasis, that quenched my thirst

Loving you
is something like a distant memory
that I kept remembering

You are something I kept holding on
Something that I don't want to let go

Loving you
that's what you'll never know

You are the one who makes me feel alive
And the very reason why I die everyday

I have to tell you something
something that I haven't been able
to pass in another's ear before
I first tried writing music

Those lyrics of mine
never really left me,
it's haunting me with its monotonous beat
And it stayed with me still
But since I was horrible at it,
I stopped

Not till I met a boy who creates music himself
He makes me want to share a melody with him
but can't

I promised to myself one day,
even if it may be too late

Maybe the day
I'll be able to write a song,
is the day I'll be able to let out
all of these feelings
I have for you

Maybe by then
I can let you go

you were just a seed
I planted, expecting only a flower
but then you provided me a garden
you were so beautiful
but I must not pull you out
for your stem will droop
and your petals will die
so I watered you with care
handled you till you bloomed
ever so lovely—
till it was too much for me to bear
your roots, I ought to pull out
but you've been struck deep
into the surface of my skin
later suffocating me with your vines,
wrapping around my chest
so I will just wait for summer to pass
for then like the autumn leaves I fall
and these feelings will run dry
till it is too cold for you to grow
into the winter's unbearable ground

How deep is your love?
How far can you go for that one person
that you hold very dear to your heart?
Will you cross the seven seas
to get a glimpse of their eyes?

Your eyes remind me so much
of the deep caverns of the seas
Your gaze are so intense
that I am afraid I'll get lost into it
Your passion so deep
something that enamors me to you
How can someone harbor such fire
that even water cannot put out?

Your voice like a siren,
and the anchor in my ship
You keep me right above the water,
something that keeps me afloat,
that keeps me to my sanity
and the very person pulling me deep

Though, I don't want to touch you
For the fear that you might slip away
from my grasp
Like sand flowing away
as the wind disperse it on my palms

But I kept holding onto you still
Like an oyster holding its pearl
You're the treasure I hold the dearest

You are very like the waves
that comes back to the shore
Though I am not your shore

I know very well
that I cannot swim
Yet
I hope you'll come by
to save me just in time
Just how you always did

Sometimes words are not enough
to express how I love you so
and the pain of my aching soul

Sometimes your mind can be too blurry
to even put together the words

Late at night, at times I feel sorry
I can only send you love songs
As exchange of my beating heart

Maybe this is for the better
I don't ever want you to hurt
I don't want you to know
how vulnerable I am

So instead of sending my plea
I'll let these songs reach you
even if at times,
music decides to **** me

I've been losing track of time
As I lessen my time of sleep
It's as if my thoughts doesn't want to rest
As it keeps running its way towards you

I'm honestly feeling myself growing tired,
wanting to give into solitude...
But how can I even choose sleep?
When even in my dreams, you keep me awake?

I want to wake up
at the sound of your beating heart
beside me, with that intense stare of yours

I want to be the one
who will trace the lines
of your calloused hands laid out for me

I want to get lost
into the depths of your soul
as we both exchange our love wordlessly

I want you and me
intertwined into each other
with your hands wrapping safely with mine
As if you don't want to let go

I want you to love me
to look at me the way
I would look at you
to look at me in that way
you would give in
through the music you create

I want to love you
to express all the love I have for you
I only wish for you my dearest

But sometimes this want
is the hindrance to it all

But
I want you
I still want you
**But I must not

As day passes by, it never really occured to me
can my love overflow beyond its capacity?
Your love can fill me up to the brim
It is only you that can bring me off its course

To me, you're a serum I want to take,
even if they said you're no good for me

You're a melody that's ever so addicting,
a rhythm I'm trying to forget, but cannot

My love, you're chained to my heart
etched deeply — I want to break out of it!
But then you're the only one who has the key
I can't let you go, until you set me free

I want to approach you
how have you been?
I hope the summer's breeze
doing you well
I miss you
Heat's fastly approaching
But I still feel
the cold you're bringing

At least look me in the eye
Stab me, let me bleed
please, if you may
At least, pierce through me upfront

If this is goodbye
please tell me
Though, I'm afraid to let go

Just tell me
all the hatred
you feel against me

It was never my intention
to hurt you, dear
But I still did
I guess...
This will be the last time
I'll apologize

To be hurt by the truth
is better to be comforted with a lie

Rather than hesitant,
be straightforward
in the midst of the fight

I'm asking you
for what you think
I'll take it all in

So I expect you to tell it all
and leave no traces behind