Why is it that when I finally get to see them there,
closely, to the flesh, and we’re actually in the same room…
that’s when I felt the most distance between us?
Why do they feel so far way, still?
Why does it hurt so much that I can’t – in actuality – reach them?
Why do I feel the most sad when it’s supposed to be the time of my life?
Why is it that all I hear is white noise in this bustling crowd,
my voice echoing; pleading for your name, and your singing?
I hear myself asking you to stay...
Why is your ethereal figure just standing there before me–
'don't go'
–while I am right here gasping for air?
aren't I the one who will actually leave as the show's ending?
How can you bring my knees weak? Why am I in tears?
'I love you'
Why did fate decided for us to meet like this?

At least let me leave traces of you
etched in paper and ink
All my love and the pain
At least here it will remain
As someday
I know this will fade away
Along the wind and the rain
As it becomes one with it

dear Alice,*

roses, your lips flushed red
violets, I am blue
without you here
you're too far off the garden patch,
I've been looking by the bushes nearby
hoping I'll catch a black ribbon at sight
one last glance

I've been here underneath the trees,
but you're just fading,
the colors of the skies are melting
to blue, to orange...
with vibrant scarlet
then velvet of darkness of purple
I do hope the wonders of the land are doing you well

though as morning came,
I saw a pixie painting me in blue
a bob cat greeting me with its pearls
I'm glad to say
I'm moving ahead the meadow,
getting attached with her metal clutches
as she's getting near my flower bed
but I do admit
your dimples and flowy locks
could not compare
I still miss you

from Little Red

bakit ba pinagpipilitan ko pa ring ipaitindi sa iba?
hindi rin naman nila talaga alam
sa paningin nila, napakababaw, napakataas naman ng pangarap ko
isipin mo, ako? isang simpleng babae, minamahal kang isang lalaking maraming nakaaligid? na pawa bang isa kang nilalang na taga-ibang planeta
alam kong minsan ka na rin nakaramdam ng pagiging ordinaryo
pero sadyang ka'y layo mo na ngayon, iba ang takbo ng mundo mo
minsan inaamin kong nakakahiya, na ipagsigawan 'tong pagmamahal ko sayo
pero dahil sa iniisip kong hindi nila naiitindihan
at di kailanman na maiitindihan
itong nilalaman ng puso ko ay ikaw
sinasabi nito na mahal kita
na mahal na mahal kita
kahit di ko magawang ika'y lapitan
dahil paano mo nga ba mamahalin ang isang taong napakalayo sayo?
pero patuloy ko pa ring iniisip na mahal na mahal kita
inuulit ulit kong sabihin ito
kahit na alam kong di mo rin naman din ako maiitindihan
oo, alam **** mahal kita
pero hindi, mas higit pa sa iniisip mo
gusto kita
gusto kita, gusto kong mapalapit sayo
na mapasaakin ka
yung gaanong kagustuhan mo sa isang tao alam kong di kailanman kayang ibalik ang nararamdaman ko
pero bakit ko pa rin ba ito pinagpapatuloy
kung alam ko rin naman na wala tong mahahantungan
napakasakit man isipin na hindi ka pwedeng mapasa akin
gusto kong may makiramdam sa akin
pero hindi nga nila maitindihan
ikaw ang gusto ko
pero napakasakit na mahalin ka
bakit ba kasi ikaw pa?
mahal na mahal kita
gusto kong ipaalam sa'yo
pero paano nga ba?
kung sa una pa lang
hindi mo ako maiitindihan
ang tanging naiitindihan ko lang
kahit napakasakit man tanggapin
napakasakit man para sa'kin
pero eto ang realidad
na alam kong mahal mo rin ako
mahal mo rin naman ako
pero bilang isang tagahanga mo lamang

eng trans:
why am I even forcing others to understand?
they don't even know
in their eyes, it's so dense, I have dreams way too high
think about it, me? a simple girl, loving someone like you who's surrounded and looked upon to? as if you're a being from another planet
I know that you once felt what it's like to be ordinary
but you're just way too far from my grasp now, your world runs differently
I admit that it's embarrassing, to shout out this love of mine for you
but mostly because I think that they don't understand
and won't ever understand
that you are the one kept in my heart
it tells that I love you
that I love you so much
even if I can't even get near you
because how can you even love someone that's so far from your reach
but I kept on thinking that I love you so much
I will keep on repeating this
even if I know you won't even understand
yes, you know that I love you
but no, it's much more than what you think
I want you
I want you, I want to get close to you
for you to be mine
that kind of desire for someone you know won't ever reciprocate your feelings
but why do I even continue this?
if I know this would get on nowhere
it pains me to think that you won't ever be mine
I want someone to empathize with me
but they just don't understand
you're the one I want
but it hurts to love you
why does it have to be you?
I love you so much
I want you to know
but how?
if from the start
you don't understand me
the only thing I understand
even if it hurts to accept it
even if it hurts for me
that I know that you love me too
'you love me too'
*but only as your admirer

noong una kitang nasilayan
inaamin kong hindi ikaw ang nais kong kamtan
ngunit habang tumatagal,
puso ko’t loob, sayo’y natuluyan

hindi ko rin alam kung bakit
dahil ba sa boses **** nakakahumaling?
o sa mga matatamis **** mga ngiti?
mistulang nawawala ang iyong mga mata
sa tuwing ito’y iyong gawin
di ko alam, pero simpleng titig mo lamang
ka’y laki na ng epekto nito sa akin
hanggang sa palagi na kitang hinahanap-hanap
aba’t ginayuma mo nga ba ako?

ngunit, kung ano't saya ang nadarama
ganoon din ang kapalit nito kapag nandyan ka
sa mga panahon na wala ka sa tabi
pasakit at dalilubho ang naranas
bakit ba hindi ko kayang sayo ay mawalay?
ngunit kailangan kong magtimpi at alamin
kung hanggang saan lang dapat ang hangarin

ngunit aking nagunita,
ikaw talaga ang natatangi sa puso, at tuwina
ngunit kung gusto ko ring makaalpas sa sakit
kailangan ika’y kalimutan
sa gayon ay baka matagpuan ang kalinaw

pero ang alaala ng kahapon ay sadyang bumalik
kahit saan man magpunta, ika’y naka-aligid
kung alam mo lang ang aking tinahak
pagod, at hirap – naranas upang sayo’y makalapit

ngunit ano ba pa ang magagawa?
sa una pa lang, nagmahal ng isang tala
at kung bigyan man ng pagkakataon
mas pipiliing sarili ay ibaon
lahat ng nararamdaman
na hindi mo rin kayang ipaglaban

dahil hindi mo rin naman ako mahal,
mas mahal mo ang iyong pangarap
at hindi ako yun, ito'y tanggap

sakim man sa kanilang paningin
ikaw lang naman ang gusto ko
ngunit, bakit? bakit…
ipinagkait pa sa akin ng mundo?
pero ito ang nagpapatunay
na kahit gaano pa ako kailangan na maghintay
para sayo'y hindi ako nararapat
dahil tunay nga ba ang aking intensyon?
o ginagawa lamang kitang desisyon?
tingnan mo nga, miski ako may pagdududa

kahit man ito’y pag-ibig natin ay isusugal
kahit gaano ko pa ipagsamo sa Maykapal
wala rin naman itong mahahantungan
hindi rin naman ako ang iyong kailangan

kaya't ito'y hahayaang dalhin ng langit,
kung saan mang lupalop ito'y dalhin
pinaubaya sa Maykapal,
antayin na lang maglaho
ito ang aking huling habilin,
bago kitang tuluyang iwan

pero ito'y mananatiling nakaukit
sa puso't isipan,
dahil kaya nga ba kitang kalimutan?

ito’y magsisilbing alaala
ng minsan nating pagsasama,
kahit sa panaginip lamang

ang ipagtagpo ang isang ikaw at ako,
ang mabuo ang salitang 'tayo' –
napaka-imposible…
napaka-imposible.

eng trans:
when I first saw you
I admit you're not the one I yearn for
but as time passes by
my heart, and mind – fell for you

I don't really know why
is it because of your alluring voice?
or because of your sweet smiles?
it's as if your eyes disappear
whenever you do this
I don't know but in your simple stares
it has a big impact on me
until I'm always looking for you
oh my, did you put a spell on me?

but in what happiness I felt
that's what I also feel whenever you're there
in times that you're not beside me
pain and dreading was experienced
why can't I stand being apart from you?
but I have to resist and know
to where I should stand in line

yet I've realized
you're the one that's always in my heart
but if I want to get rid of this pain
I have to forget you
by then I might find peace

but the memories of yesterday kept coming back
everywhere I go, you're there
if only you knew what I've been through
exhaustion, and rigor – I have to face to get close to you

but what can I do?
from the start, I've loved a star
and if given a chance
I'd rather choose to bury myself,
all these feelings
that you're not even willing to fight for

because you don't even love me,
you love your dream more
and it's not me, I've accepted it

it may be selfish in their eyes
you're the only one I want
yet, why? why...
did the world denied + you from me?
but this just proves
that no matter how long I have to wait
I'm not the one for you
because is my intention real?
or am I just making you a decision?
see? even I have doubts

even if I gamble this love of ours
even if I plea from the Creator
this will just go nowhere ++
I am not the one you need

that's why I'll just let the sky take this
wherever in the heavens this will be held
let the Creator take charge
I'll just wait for it to fade
this is my last will
before I will leave you

but this will remain etched
in my mind, and heart
because can I truly forget you?

this will serve as a memory,
of our once encounter
even if it's just in a dream

for you and me to meet,
to form the word 'us' –
it's so impossible,
**it's impossible

If ever I fall in love
I want to fall for someone who also writes
I want us to be engrossed in each other's pages
As we try and understand the world's we've created

Most especially, someone who write's music

I want to get stuck into a different realm he'd created
I want to explore a world so familiar yet different all the same
I know how simple and complex music can be

But I don't really have to be,
cause I already am

At these instances, I stay up all night
With my thoughts, scribbling through paper
As I write about what happened after a long day

Somehow, you lead me back to you
Then I'll go on and write some more
At least now I don't feel alone

You're the only one
who ever showed me sadness
In every love songs

How is it that you can give feelings to your words
as if you've been in love before?
How can you explain heartache of losing someone,
without even experiencing it?

Or I just don't know you yet
Or maybe not at all

And with that,
I'm reminded of all the reasons
why I fell in love with you,
and being in love with you, still.

Funny how easily
I can be pulled into its course,
and be flushed with the waves
all together.

It's just a single wave,
and I'm back in your shores once again.

You'll never know
the pain and sorrow
I feel from loving you
Much more than the chance
of getting near you
as I float outside planet Earth
Though I'll keep wandering
I'll continue to jump
across space and time
Just to get a glimpse of you
I've yet to accept my fate
that you are a star
far from my grasp
and I'm merely a girl
admiring you from afar,
the one who continues
to shine brighter
each passing day
Keep on shining, love
as I stay here on earth
Let me just wish for you
as we're galaxies apart

I have a feeling
that we were once lovers
from a forgotten time

Only that we’ve restarted
When we crossed the light
Or at least, yours have

Whenever I see your face
I can’t help but look
at you with sad eyes

Tears kept falling
as my heart begins to waver
praying for both of us

why must our meeting be short?
why must we part too soon?

Can you give me your hand?
I want to stay with you longer

Can you pull me close?
I want us to cherish this moment

Can you not say a word?
Your presence is enough

Can I ask you to stay?
I don’t want us to end like this

Even if you’re close next to me
I feel that we’re worlds apart

Just by looking in your eyes
I already know your answer

You’re the one for me
But I’m not the one for you

If only I could whisper
All the things I want to convey
All the feelings I kept
In my fragile heart
All the love I have for you

I would want to tell
the whole world
how much you mean to me
how much of a beautiful human being you are
But I’d rather keep quiet
and tell it all to you
Besides, you’re already my world

Though I could only pray at night
when it gets dark
But your thoughts, they comfort me
and your voice lessens
the creeping voices in my head

Oh, I could only sound asleep
Every night
Wishing that you knew
In the midst of silence
It is you whom I want to fill it with

It seems like the blood in my hands
can never run dry
As long as I write for you, my love

Though, the bleeding in my heart
doesn't stop
as the words, they spill for you

Please don't let me stop
from loving you dear
At least let me have the privilege

I've never experienced such rapture
whenever I see your smile
along with the aching feeling
that follows through my heart

I've only experience such love
when I have met you
I never had so much to lose
not before I met you

Why does it ache so much
and soothing all the same?
That it will never be my name
that you'll speak
when the clock strikes eleven
One then... *three

Now I know how the Moon feels
being in love with the Sun
As much as it hurts from its heat and rays
The Moon kept admiring it, still
As much as they cannot be together
It still hopes as they are in the same sky
Only, she knows too well,
they could never ever meet

Is it bad that I want to hold your hands? I want you to lay beside me with the cold messy sheets of my bed. Hide under the blankets and stare into your comforting eyes. I want you to stroke my hair while you let me hold your cheeks as you break into a smile. Let me see your shining eyes form that crescent moon shape, and let me poke your dimples.

With the silence of the night enveloping us.

Let the sound of our beating hearts the only thing resounding the room.
I then ask you to sing me your lullaby until I fall asleep. I want you so badly beside me in these cold rainy nights. Or when the stars are shining bright. As I long for your warmth.
Let the gap between us be enough. The presence of each other be comforting – I know you are enough.

I miss you so badly even if I haven’t actually breathed next to you.

If you were beside me
At these instances my dear
would mind filling the space?

If you were across me
with your eyes locked unto mine
Could you melt the tears falling?

If you were here
Would I feel less alone?
Can you not let me feel lonely?

If you were here beside me
At times I feel empty
would you mind filling the space?
of the other side of my bed
of the cold sheets with your warmth
of the gaps of my hands with yours
would you mind filling the space?
of my lips that's longing for your taste
of my soul seeking its fated mate
would you mind filling the space
in my heart
that's been longing
for your angelic face?

How I hate the seas
And the waves it brings
For it cannot surpass
The love I have for you
Nor it cannot bring
You close to me

We breathe the same air
And see the same skies
Though these seas
It cannot bring
The same tranquility in your eyes
For only it separates me
From you and the warmth
You have inside

Oh it cannot give me ease
The same as your beady eyes
So only your plastered smile
For that I will make it mine
I will not mind the gap
No matter how far
For only time could tell
If we would part or not
So I will keep them inside
In my heart
And it will be forever in my mind

I love the smell of wood
the coldness on my skin
as the wind blows

I love the sun shining bright
the vibrant pigments it reflects
on water and on land

I love the skies to vast
with clouds moving freely
so serene and dark at night

Most especially I love you
the sun to my day
the warmth on my land

Your gentle face against the sun
as your hair flow through the wind
No stars can compare to you shine

I love how the nature feels so right
Just like your arms wrapped around mine so tight

Lately, I’ve become a hurricane
Caused by the imbalance of energy and
due to the excessive heat I’ve absorbed
which I couldn’t bear

I cannot control the raging winds I’ve created
That leaves people into the midst of aggravation

I make a mess out of everything
Every being I pass through
Sees the desolation I am holding
And I might further obliterate their paths as well
Sooner or later, they will cave in through the vexations within of me

I just want everyone to leave me be,
Let this walking disaster pass through

Besides, who would want chaos into their life?

You are my muse
the pigment in my hues
You bring me meaning
but sometimes the heart
can be deceiving

I'm risking myself from falling
but the more I resist
The further that I fall

The way your eyes shine
and the radiance in your smile
sends shivers down my spine

Your voice so melliflous
your laugh so vigorous
But I promise you darling
it's not just your skin
it's not the only reason
there's more about you
so much more
that I adore

Your flaws
your insecurities
seems to pass me by
I love you

I love your everything
Everything about you seems fitting
And this is what I am feeling
You're my everything

I cannot deny it any longer
Is it safe to say?

You've been haunting me
day by day
in my thoughts
and in my heart
you stayed

The sound of your voice
can melt me anytime
When you sing your notes
in my heart you aim

The way your fingers move
as you make your beat
It sounds like the rhythm
that my heart's resounding

I don't know what to do anymore
The white noise in my head
seems to go away
whenever and wherever
You enter my peripheral vision

As I am looking at the stars above
I wonder what you might be doing
I wish to each, I wish you'll be seeing
the scattered pieces I laid, my love

I'll then ask the one in charge of this all
"why is it only me that must fall?"
In these silent prayers,
am I the only one who cares?

I'll then ask if I could be one with them
At least by then, I can look after you
and give you light,
maybe by then I can shine
As I am etched upon the night sky

Luster all you can
Shine until I am blind
You're the gem
I ought to protect
and the treasure
I'll sought to find

Like each star on the night sky,
you're shining like diamonds
You're worth a millions
So beautiful, I could only sigh

I know
that you will never
look at me
with the same glint
in my eyes
as I look at you

chasing you I tried to hide
hesitating all I can
everything about you was beautiful
I admit
saying a word about it terrifies me though
keeping these thoughts,
oh I did
a word was kept, these feelings hid
denial I was to you, I was confused
even to myself I refused
resenting these feelings for you
yet you mesmerized me
luring me onto you
loving you, I did too
admitting it would be a crime though
giving signals was not possible too
confessing will make this haywire blow
oh I hid these feelings all too well
pretending that this was nothing at all
rue within me grew cause everything seems so wrong
all these I did to hide everything to everyone; **including you

she found herself staring too long
a glimpse of those eyes
every features and movement
laid intact in her mind

everything about that blonde
gives her something welcoming
though she tries to get away
risking herself into falling

I knew it from the beginning
this love is at fault
to look at you – it’s not allowed
and loving you will be a bigger crime

I miss you so much,
even if we haven't met before
You don't even have
the slightest clue of who I am
And I am not even sure
you'll get to know at all

Your every move
seems to catch my eye
And your warmth
draws me closer to you

I want to touch your hand
to see if it fits into mine
I want to touch your face
to see your eyes flutter

I yearn for your touch
I dread to hear your voice
and for you to be beside me

All I want is for you to sing
lullabies in these cold nights

But we could only meet
in a place called my head
As I drift off into sleep
In my dreams, we meet again

matagal ko na rin 'tong iniisip
hangga't maaga pa, ako'y bibitaw na
dahil alam ko una pa lang
sa huli ako'y masasaktan

masakit man para sa akin
pero bakit ba hindi ko kayang tanggapin?
na ako at ako lamang ang nagmamahal
na ako lamang ang maghihintay ng ka'y tagal

alam kong dapat hindi ko 'to iisipin
dapat wala na akong dapat hangarin
na higit pa sa dapat kong damdamin
dahil kahit kailanman
alam kong hindi mo ito maibabalik

pilit man kitang layuan
ako yung mas nahihirapan
bakit ba ganyan ang iyong mga titig?
lalo tuloy akong nasasabik...

bakit nga ba hindi ka pwedeng maging akin?

eng trans:
I've been thinking about this for a while
As soon as possible, I should let go
Cause from the start, I know
I'll get hurt in the end

It hurts for my part
but why can't I accept it?
that it is me, and only me that keeps on loving you
that it is only me that will have to wait for too long

I know I shouldn't be thinking of this
I shouldn't even yearn for more
for something greater than I should feel
Because I know that you'll never return it

I tried to keep my distance
But it is me that's suffering
Why are your stares like that?
I'm getting more eager...

**why isn't it possible for you to be mine?

It seemed harder
the more that I avoid you
It is just too late
to even think of escaping
I'm already a captive
from your unwavering light
*how can I even let you go?

Your words and gestures
seems to be made of gold
The sun and stars they seem
to be seeping from your skin

Whenever your fingers strum the strings
as you sing your melody
This is what makes my heart sing

Your smile washes the sadness away
My heart beats faster like the drums you play
When you laugh like that, what can I say?
Even your simple words can make my day

I never thought I'll see
someone amazing like you
In my heart, you are the key

To my soul, you are the cure
I love you, dear; that I'm sure

Even if we are worlds apart
Nothing can ever change
the love you left in my heart

it was nice seeing you after a long while
I’m right here, standing from across the fields
no flower in this meadow
can compare to your blooming smile

seeing your dimpled cheeks reddening
and the gleam of your eyes, melts me
even if it was not for me

Here I am praying that we could meet
Anticipating the moment our eyes will catch one another
Yearning for a glimpse of your beady eyes
And the stares of your eyes oh so melting into mine

I want to thank you for brightening up my day
To let you know that I truly admire and adore you
I want you to know that I love you
Even if you do not know my name

How I wish to meet you dear
So that both our hands can intertwine
As much as my heart wants to veer
It wishes to call you mine

seeing these wounds bleed
please be there to heal
in your arms of pink fluff
with your clouds so thick
please let me be lost
in your eyes

let us travel the borders outside
I'll stay by your side
though, you're better off without me
I'll let you wonder on your own
So let me be here to watch
how you set off to the wilderness
let me be entranced by you from afar

I'll be ignorant for the bliss
hoping to seal this with a kiss
though I cannot
I'm chained to do so
coped by these thorn hedges
with this fear of touching you

loving you will do harm
piercing both of our souls
but I'm willing to pass
these walls, I'll do it all
even if the chances of you
saving me is so small

it seems like a long, long time ago
the girl in red was searching for the down to earth girl in blue
did you manage to go down the rabbit hole again?
or am I actually the one who lost track of time?

why am I so drawn to your mystery?
you keep many secrets my dear
I should be giving up searching for you
yet the thought of you is intriguing

it's been a long time, Alice
I just hope you don't wander too far off the path

You are my escape
You bring me out of my own distress

You are my dream
The one I want to be
and who to be with

As much as you don’t know
You’re the very core in my existence
even if I don’t exist in yours

But that doesn’t matter, dear
Cause with all my heart and entity
You’re the one I adore

the way you look at her
is different from how you see me
I sure miss last summer
when you only have eyes on me

but it was my own fault,
it haunts me every passing day
I'm sorry; I regret
when I left you hanging last May