In my 16 years of existence
I've learned that everything isn't always that hard
I've learned that base on experience
Probably the hardest stage of everything
Is asking when, where, and how to start

it was nice living life
pretending to know what is right
pretending to see what is real

in this senseless world
i was hopeful
somehow thankful
that i once knew you
and if what they are saying is true
that you are there
watching from above
the holy mighty creator of love

thank you

and this is not a trial or a phase or a social experiment of some kind
i am truly hopeful that one day
someone can prove the existence of the highly improbable

because i did lose faith
in your people
in your existence
in my 'religion'

but now im trying
really hard to know the truth
and i know you, among everyone else, will understand

Which word better describes love?*

For me, love is a bird

Love can be free and it can fly
Love can spread its wings
And meet the windy sky

But for  me what describes love?

*Love can be cruel if it is wanting
Love is devious and somehow alluring
Love can catch you without a warning
Love can strike you like a lightning

Which word better describes pain?*

Pain can be a cloud filled with darkness
When you want to see the moon but you are hopeless

Pain can be a knife that your lover carries
Then he will stab you in the back and you will perish

Pain can be your never ending scream at night
It is powerful but silent so that you can't fight

Pain is life putting itself on fire
But you should know that pain is what people like me desire

Which word better describes you?

I am not like the water which flows along the rocks
Or the blood that fills my veins with apparent "facts"
I am not the potion that you swore you drink
You made them turn around me, doubt, and think

No I am **not that.

I am the dirt that fills my very inch
Because if you ever see me I promise to never flinch
Because in spite the fact that you did that to me
I will stay my own canvass and portray what I should really be

Which shape do you prefer?*

I choose to be a circle

It's true that I have different sides
So I guess you are now asking why
I always believe in limitation of different kinds
For me a circle being infinite is a lie

Just like how often life can lie
It will let you taste a bit of happiness
But it will slap you hard that you will fly
Because life is that good of an actress
It will break your heart then say goodbye

I am floating on the sea
With 3 petals that I picked

“He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me”

Those petals made me sick
They lied and now I see
I am the last petal that I picked

when people ask
"aren't you scared?"

i just smile at them
because deep inside my core i know i am
i'm terrified of failure
and i have been exposed to it during my youth

i don't know what will happen if i try
but i do know nothing will happen if i don't

so i as i smile
i tell them
"i am scared.
i am terrified.
but i'll do it anyways"

Learn to feel pain even though it makes you sick
In life happiness is much easier to be used to
But once you learn how to appreciate the true value of pain
You will realize how much it can really help you

We tend to make promises even though it doesn't fit
We don't care on what it can do to the situation we're in
It can hurt, break someone, or double up the heat

But NO

*We don't care if those promises can even be real

I saw the stone that you threw
The one with shattered frame
You cut the leaves into two
For me, it’s just the same

You poked my eye with a burning stick
And then you smiled again
You dropped my heart but never pick
That‘s when it’s not the same

She had clouds around her head

Building up with a threat

Storm was coming so she fled

With a parasol and her death

In the middle of the sea
Five petals on my thigh

In the middle of the sea
Four leaflets on its side

In the middle of the sea
Three roses floating by

In the middle of the sea
Two hands waving bye

In the middle of the sea
One girl cries and die

¤
stop claiming what i have

everytime i declare what is mine...

you took and left my innocent heart

leaving my chest open wide...
¤

It's starting
It's killing
Again and again
It's hurting

Circling inside
Mixing alive
Can't settle
No one can meddle

It's numbing
Blood dripping
Open flesh
Guilted mess

Tears stopping
Head rising
Masking savior
I'm a survivor

I believe in the things that people like me says

I don't trust them anyways

Believing is different from trusting

*But in order to trust, you need to start believing

Heard a new one
Another ***** you found
But you said she's already perfect
Times you spent are totally worth it

You said you don't regret a thing
Only the times when we're still one being
No problems and awful fights
Your relationship with her is your source of life

But tell me why
Every time you sleep you always dream of you and I
And in the middle of the night in your waking
My name's the one you utter and look at her, hurting

You might make the whole world believe
You might be able to make her feel relieved
You might kept your secrets from being revealed
You might be able to create the lies be weaved

But

No matter how much you try to pretend
No matter how much you think you and her are meant
I can see it in your eyes
You're feelings for her are just in disguise

Been thinking ..
Would I really express this feeling?

Well...
We've already started
So better just let it go and be written..

Before this had happen
I didn't know the little hole will grow and I'll be weaken
I've known you as a sweet little admirer
A boy that I thought will make my life better

With you
I'd experience almost all the "first time"
It's great before because I  thought our feelings really rhyme

But the world seems like they see it in the other direction
People judging, thinking what we're doing was a wrong notion
I don't care at first of course
But..
When my father told me what I'm feeling is wrong
I've rethink and had second thoughts if this should be stopped
If our love will stay forever or it will eventually rot
But you'd confirmed we're not doing something wrong
Cause you confronted and told him your love for me is strong

And you know?
Because of that my heart leapt with joy
Your love felt like it really replaced the void
In my heart which would really explode
If you ever lived me alone in the cold

Days, months, years passed by..
We've been together for a very long time
A perfect relationship, they'll say
And I won't deny, I'd also have thought it in that way

But seems there is something wrong
I've noticed the changes
When I seek your help and start to cry
You'll just look at me with a sigh
A sigh that started the spaces you've built
To ruin the things we've created with it

It is not accidentally built though
The barrier?
I've heard that you really do need space
From my dramas and doesn't need to see me a few days

That is the time..
The time I knew it would all stop
The time I knew you're already tired
The time I discovered you've found the girl who is really right

I've loved you.
Yes I do
Until now I can't deny
The feelings I have between you and I

You know the secrets..
The things I've shared with you even before we met
I'm not afraid though you'll spread and tell it to others
Because I know..
Even if you've stopped caring..
You can still be my sweet little friend

Now that I've had released it
Thank you dear friend for being there
And I want to tell you I'm not mad
At you or her, I'm not holding any grudge

As life goes..
It is normal that people change
It is normal that the feelings will fade
What isn't good is if you've not done anything
To change the things you know that doesn't have a meaning

I am a choice
We all are actually..
Even the tiniest specie

But I've always wondered though
Why are there second, third, or so?
We will feel much better if it's not like that
Every one of us would appreciate that a lot

I am a last choice living proof...

Not even second,
Always the last
In the meantime
I just hope everything would pass

I've been wondering
Why do stars make people hoping?

What I mean is..
Even a little tiny star feels like a perfect bliss

Do they know the fact that they should know the most?
The stars they're seeing is actually a ghost?

A ghost of a past that can't come back
So the hope they're wishing isn't really with luck

Once upon a time, you were one of my dreams

The ideal man of my world, my own little prince

*

Solving the equations inside my core

For so long, I thought the answer was you

But then a pebble happened to strucked my door

That's how I know this is too good to be true

It's ironic how badly I want them to forgive me





But I can't even forgive myself

everything in life is changing
so how could we find
a stable answer
to a changing thing

there's so many layers of uncertainty
but what we can do
for sure
is live the best lives
we can
within our means
and be fearless
and loving
because we will be back
someday
after all the chaos and darkness
we will be back

I hate how I care so much about the future

Every exam that I took made me afraid of failure

I just want something satisfying to happen to me

Knowing the feeling of satisfaction of what I am gonna be

Fairytales builds the hope seen on children's eyes
Those stories control their minds, filling it with lies
If I learned one thing from my childhood
It is to stop believing, it doesn't cause any good

In order to have a good flight...
You first need to know falling
So if you're flying freely at the sky...
Failing won't cause fear, darling

The girl was good and sweet
She was kind, admired, and deep
She knew how to sit
Lady-like and neat

The girl is funny and wise
She is smart, cute, and nice
Always makes new ties
Surrounded by the guys

The girl will be like before
With just a little bit more
She will be riding on a horse
Just what you've been looking for
Brave enough for war
She will be perfect and be yours

The girl will be good
Beautiful as she could
The girl will be happy
But the girl won't be me