‪I don’t know why I like you so much… What makes you so special?

I find myself thinking about you…
Is this love?

But, we’re just friends…

Sometimes all I want is touch you… Stare at you… 

Hear you laugh … 

****, Ilove your laugh.‬

Am I *******?

I feel like writing a love story.
But I forgot how it feels to love.
I remember the happiness but I don’t remember how it feels to be happy in love.
Since you’re reading this, can I just pretend I’m in love with you?
Can I just pretend I’m your man?
Or can we just erase our past and write a new and real story where we both are deep in love?
I see you scared of falling in love again, so am I, we had our time healing ourselves on our own.
Let’s gather the remains of our shattered hearts and form one.
Let me tell you how I feel.
I think we’re ready for this.
I don’t want to be alone; you don’t want to be alone.
Let’s try this together, you and me.

We must go through hard times in order to appreciate what we have.

I just hope this heart has some beating to do when I find my soulmate...
This heart has been shattered so many times I'm starting to doubt that it can still beat for someone...
I feel like it is here beating just to keep me alive, and nothing else.

Before we met each other… We were lost souls… We couldn’t figure out our purpose in life… we had nothing… no one…
We smiled, but the smile wasn’t genuine… there was always something missing… for me it was you… for you it was me… We were lost… Until we found each other… at first we didn’t fall in love... We were just friends... we talked, for days, weeks and months… we got to know each other… Then we were sure we were what we needed for each other all along.
So we decided to try… we did try… The passion was the strongest we’ve ever had…we only wanted to love each other, under any circumstances… the unconditional type of love… We did love… we did have our dark times like all other couples… but still we were perfect to each other... we STILL perfect to each other but… sometimes I wish you were still alive… I miss your touch… I miss you so much… I wake up in the middle of the night thinking you’re there by my side… the pain is unbearable… Sometimes I wish I had died there with you, I don’t want to move on I’m not done loving you.

I'm feeling depressed...
My room smells like cigarettes...
I smell like cigarettes...
How did I get here?
I swore never to do this...
Guess I should never make promises...
I apologize to the future me who's going to feel the consequences of this smoke...
I didn't know what to do...
This smoke is the only thing that seems to understand my preoccupations and insecurities...
The only problem is that it is killing me...

I like spending time reading poetry
Love poetry
Where everything is perfect
They make me dream
Dream of a perfect love story
They make me think of that perfect girl
Laying on my lap telling me about her day, dreams, plans
And places she wants to go
Poetry that make me dream about her telling me how many kids she wants to have although the number of kids she wants does not match with mine (laughs) but we always find a solution
We actually find a solution for everything in those dreams of mine
We are sitting by the beach having deep conversations
Or we’re making love in the woods broad daylight
Poetry makes my mind dream and my mind always puts her in those dreams.

How many dreams are just dreams because you are scared of following it and fail?
How many dreams are just dreams because you choose to play safe?
Or because you don't wanna risk what you already have?
How many of your dreams have you realized?

I tried my best
To find words
To describe
What I feel for you
Couldn't find the words
Couldn't describe
Maybe I’m not supposed to say with words
Or describe with actions
I’m supposed to make you feel what I feel
Share this feeling with you
Share my love with you

How long is forever?
It can be 3 years… one month, or even a day.
Yes, you can live your best love story in a day.
It’s not about time.
It’s about connection, a connection that makes you forget everything else and dive deep in that moment to live a little.
A connection that can only be made by two souls that have known each other since creation, maybe this is the definition of soul mate.
Now you’re going to look at that one night stand wondering if that was your soul mate, maybe yes, maybe not.
The point is, not everyone gets to live forever with the people they are meant to be with.
Or they have their forever that it’s not a long time but it’s intense.

I get distracted by little things
It looks like I’m hunting love
I know I want Love
But then I get distracted by simple momentary things
I know who I am supposed to ask out on a date
But, seems easier to ask someone else
Because I’m too scared to fall for that person
And get “we’re just friends” as a response.
“Hey I love you why you telling me your dramas about the guys you like but end up lying and hurting you?”
I think
But I never say
I just listen
“Don’t be fooled” I say
“I won’t” she says
Weeks later she telling me the same old stories
“Try me”
I think
But I never say
“What if she is telling me to ask her to be mine? What is she thinking?”
I think to myself
Gosh, I wish I wasn’t too scared to lose you as a friend
I wish you knew I mean it when I say I missed you every time I see you after two, four or eight months
I wish you were mine
Just mine
I fantasize about the things we could be doing if we were together
Then I remember what we had
Were we too fast?
Was it a perfect thing on a bad time?
I don’t know, but
I loved every little moment
I told her she’s one of the best things that ever happened in my life
I meant it
When did we **** this up?
When did we become just friends?
Am I in love?
How can I win her back?

(to be continued)

Faz um tempo que venho tentando encontrar alguém que me ame, eu achava que era suposto amar e ser amada de volta… não sei o que está a acontecer, será que o problema sou eu? Será que meu Romeu está realmente morto ou Homens não são capazes de amar? Ou eu é que dou passos errados?
Estou cansada de acordar com um homem diferente em cada final de semana que decido ir para aquele maldito bar para afogar minhas mágoas, só tenho 25 anos, com quantos anos é suposto encontrar o homem certo? Porque que só querem se aproveitar de mim? Será esse corpo que dizem ser perfeito? Será esse rosto que dizem ser lindo? Isso não devia ser motivação eles me levarem a serio? Deus, estou a começar a odiar este corpo perfeito e essa cara linda, só quero um pouco de amor. Todas as minhas amigas me falam de coisas que seus namorados fazem por elas, falam-me sobre as declarações de amor e flores que recebem e a mim só dão orgasmos atrás de orgasmos, meu ex namorado era um Brutamontes que achava que os presentes caros e **** eram as únicas coisas que eu queria, EU SÓ QUERO UM POUCO DE AMOR…
Aqui estou de novo, neste maldito bar, porquê que sempre venho parar aqui? Quem são essas pessoas comigo? Acho que estou bêbada, mas é assim que eu decidi fugir da realidade de não ser amada, e essas pessoas, que nem conheço fazem-me companhia, “Garçom, mais uma rodada” “ adiciona na minha conta por favor”.

Those Who Had Hearts Made Of Stone Surrendered To The Beauty Of That Girl With an Innocent Face... Today I See Most Of Them Picking Up What's Left Of Their Hearts.

I believe we all have someone destined to be with us...
I believe in destiny...
Showing love, affection and giving attention to my soulmate will be effortless, I believe...
Not just for few months or a year like other relationships we've had, but, forever...
Pure happiness...
Pure love...
Look at someone and all my body and soul scream "I love you" "I love everything about you, the flaws too"
Not just for a year or two... But, forever...
I believe that the person destined to be with me will love me for who I am...
And the things the others told me to change? Will make my soulmate love me more...
Love and be loved for long long years and still feel like we're dating for a week.
Yes, I believe in that and I hope I'm not being naive.

My feelings are complicated
Most of the times I don’t know what I’m feeling
Sometimes I just want to go out and live a little
Sometimes I miss the past
And then I find myself saying “start over”
I want to make stories
Instead of just writing them
I want to meet new people
Get in an adventure
I want to take risks
I want to fall in love again
Then the fear takes over
I work really hard to overcome my fears
I’m almost there
The universe does its best to give me what I ask for
Then I let the things pass me up
Or I choose to ignore
I complain about not having someone to share my secrets with
When I find someone I simply push away
I remember I used to trust people so easily
Now I think everyone is up to something

I’m not a good loner
I’m not good at being alone
I guess I will always need someone to take care of me
Emotionally and Spiritually
Someone that makes me forget all the problems in this damaged world
Someone I can take care of
I’m alright alone, is not so bad
I can do whatever I want
See whoever I want to see
But I’d rather connect souls with you
With good conversation
A little bit of pampering
And do all this cute things I have in my mind
I’m not a good loner
I want you because it’s you who my heart is asking for
It’s you my mind pictures every time I think of something good
Only you

Love is something magical...
You never know when it is going to hit you...
It can take years...
Or seconds...
You may fall in love with someone you know for 10 years...
Or fall in love with someone you just met...
That's the grace of falling in love...
You're actually never prepared...
You suddenly find yourself overwhelmed by this fantastic feeling kinda like a tsunami and all you want is drown in it...
Because it's best to embrace it...
Love is better when you embrace it and feel with all your heart...
You've been through a lot... Yes...
But, don't be afraid...
Love...

Sweet Divine body
A little too naughty
A little too shy to admit your body wants me
A little too dangerous when our bodies collide
Creating an everlasting desire like hell's fire
Sweet Divine body I happily admire
I thought I'd be nice to let you know I'd work on it if you hire
And I've got no plans to retire.

It is where I put everything my ex gave me...
I thought it'd be a good idea to put everything in one place so I can move on...
No I don't hate my Ex...
On the contrary...
This is why I'm putting everything in this box...
To forget this love...
I'm also blocking my ex on social media...
Call me childish but it's just unbearable seeing my ex with someone else...
I hope this love burns along with this box...
Oh yeah, I'm burning my Ex Box...

Open your eyes...
The person you've always dreamed about is there...
Right by your side...
Open your eyes...
Not those on your face...
Open your eyes...
The eyes of your heart...
I know, is not exactly as you imagined...
But that person has what you need...
Open your eyes...

Se não é Deus...
Quem ou O que nos faz acreditar que bons momentos estão por vir?
Quem ou O que nos faz ter fé?
Se existem coisas ou pessoas destinadas a serem quem as desenhou assim? Quem escreveu o destino delas?
Será que estamos sozinhos neste mundo?

Eu próprio me encontro a duvidar da existência de um Deus… É como dizem “ver é crer” mas temos de morrer para ver e quem morre não volta para nos contar os detalhes… Mas escolho acreditar que ele existe, não sei porque que prefiro acreditar que existe, mas parece dar algum conforto e propósito na vida. Duvidar da existência de Deus também me faz duvidar da existência de paraíso, mas prefiro acreditar que existe, e se existe eu quero ir para lá quando o meu corpo morrer… Mas também duvido que eu vá para lá, não sou perfeito, faço coisas condenáveis, segundo a bíblia, minto, fornico, até já roubei, mesmo que seja um roubo que eu tenha achado “inocente” por ser pequeno e que “ninguém notaria” é um roubo e isso é condenável, segundo a bíblia.
O que faz com que sejamos perdoados? Fala-se tanto do dia em que o mundo vai acabar e as almas puras serão levadas para o reino dos céus, o que eu faço para minha alma ser uma dessas que será levada para o reino dos céus? Pedir perdão todos os dias? Ou apenas no dia da nossa morte?
Qualquer pessoa cansa-se de ouvir pedidos de perdão diariamente por erros que cometemos por livre vontade, Deus não é uma pessoa, mas será que ele não está cansado de nos perdoar dia-a-dia?
Se existe Paraíso e Inferno eu quero acreditar que ninguém habita o inferno, quero acreditar que o diabo não tem nem sequer uma alma. Se todos pecados são dignos do perdão, eu quero acreditar que Deus perdoou todos.
No último julgamento que quero acreditar que ninguém se recusou a assumir seus erros e pedir perdão… e essa é a razão de eu achar que ninguém habita o inferno e se existem almas perdidas lá, são apenas réplicas e que as verdadeiras habitam no reino dos céus.

I live in a shell
I move, carrying my shell with me

I live in a shell
I’m afraid I’m not going to survive if I get out of it.

I live in a shell
I only take my head out so I can see the world out there

I move this slow because I’m carrying my shell with me
The world out there is crazy
This shell I carry seems to be the safest place to stay
And it is safe, but
Some of my friends and family members died in their shells
Ran over by cars or simply because the time had finished eating them
I wish I could get out of this shell
I wish I could fly
Explore the world a little bit faster
What is it like in my friend's shell?
They are probably wondering the same
No one other than me has ever been in my shell
Not that I don’t want to let them in
It was designed to be just for me
My own private shell
My solitary
My own private jail

I just hope God sees my smile as a Thank You because this smile it's a Thank You I say to God without even knowing I'm thanking him.

Time has frozen
It froze at the moment we laid eyes on each other
I guess the time only froze for both of us
Two Different souls
Yet, everything we asked for
My heart started beating differently
A different rhythm
I guess it was connecting to your heart, tuning the same frequency
The frequency of love in its most rare form called
Love at first sight
I could tell that nice fragrance I was smelling, was yours
What a perfect picture you are
Hi… I’m Chris

Uma caminhada para espairecer
Pensar na vida
Tentar encontrar respostas para as minhas questões...
Uma caminhada com a mulher da minha vida
Para falarmos sobre nós e nossos planos, e sobre a visão que temos sobre o mundo e as pessoas…
Uma caminhada com os meus filhos
Um de cada vez
Para tentar entender e saber mais sobre eles…
Uma caminhada tranquila a caminho da felicidade.

My Aura is different
My Frequency is different
I do not go with the society flow
I’m making my own path
Don’t know if I have someone who admires me
I don’t really care
I vibe different
Everyday a different thought
Everyday a different question
I seem lost to others
But I found myself
I was lost yes
Lost in my thoughts
Lost trying to figure out how to impress people
Lost because I didn't know I’m the only one I have to impress
I’m alive now
I listen to the “Life Manual” God gave us
I listen to what my heart has to say
I pay attention to the signs the Universe gives me
I follow them
I disobey them sometimes
But I always find my way back to the frequency

Woke up today…
Nothing has changed...
I'm still picking up pieces of my heart...
A heart that someone broke last time I tried to love...
That makes me wonder...
Is it worth it?
Is this loving thing really good for a person?
I mean... it felt good...
Until someone came and ******* it up...
Someone got hurt...
It was me this time...
My heart got smashed by a hummer...
Since then, I've been trying to recover...
But it seems like the remains of my heart were thrown in different continents.

These days...
These days I feel like...
I feel like every time I fall in love, some other "Me" comes, kills me and takes my place like "this is not what you signed up for, this is not your mission, you are not ready to love yet, so, I've got to replace you"...
And I feel like I died too many times because I fell in love too many times... And those other "Me's" keep coming back and keep killing me... That is how those multiple "Me's" decided to protect me from loving the wrong people...
But, yet, I think I will stop dying or killing myself the day I meet my soulmate.

Accepting a her as she is, is basically her showing up for an occasion poorly dressed and yet you hold her hand and enjoy the moment.

I want to go back to the day when I met you
I want to go back to that spot
A perfect day for a perfect encounter
That body…
I could tell you were dangerous
Perfect lips
A smile this gorgeous?
Girl, you’re dangerous, you’re mine
I knew you were mine
I just had to claim you
I had the feeling that
I started loving you way before I met you

Please ignore the mess
Ignore the sadness
Ignore the pain
Decorate as you like
Make it your safe place
There are things I managed to fix myself
I hope you fix what is still broken
Welcome to my heart
And please, try not to break anything

For so long you've been knocking on the doors on my heart...
Doors made of steel to protect me from intruders like you...
For so long I've been avoiding any kind of feelings that would lower my guard and turn the steel of these doors into liquid...
I didn't want to feel anything...
But my mind surrenders to the beauty of your smile, the color of your eyes and your words, giving you access to my heart...
Oops, you're in...
I'm ******* now...
Now I just have to pray for you to stay and behave...
Don't make a mess...
Everything is very fragile in there...
Welcome to my heart I hope you find your missing pieces there.