Insomnia what a cruel mistress you are.
You take me away from my safe haven, sleep, the place I go to get away from it all.
You make me keep living the day as long as you can.

You leave me awake and wanting, hunting my thoughts, running scared to sleep.

Eyes weak and heavy, yet my blood pumps hard, heart beat is quickens, and my legs restless.

Freedom of the pain, a ease into less chaos, and a sweet passing into the night is all I ask.

Life has boiled down to dumpster **** and self loathing.
The last stage of depression is shame.
I constantly look to my phone for ******* to want me, I find myself more alone.

The hard part isnt writhing, it's perfectly describing the pain in words.

That sight of my woman being with another man, drives me to **** myself. So I dare not look, ill go crazy before I squander this life.

Incomplete thoughts and bad decisions washed down with lots of drugs and alcohol.

In conclusion, im a child in a mans body, going through the motions. living just to keep goin, goin just to keep saine.

Her whispers, are a violent scream to me, one breath, I look frantically, and come running.
She threatens my very way of living, because without her, I know ill choose the wrong woman.
although the next woman will be great, its not her.
She is something else, a wild fire, free and forever burning.
While im a candle, short and burning fast.
A boy, never knowing defeat or growing up, hurt a woman in the form of a man.
Always scared of the risk love has, till its gone, I'll chase it blindly.
Letting go isnt easy, but giving up is forever.

When did talking to the opposite *** jump straight to flirting or cheating.  If your in a relationship and your significant other wont let you even add a man or a woman on Facebook because they think you like them and are flirting and cheating on them, theyve got some issues... and on the reciprocal end of things if your single and you have a person in a relationship add you or talk to you... thats all they are gonna do until they start flirting... and you will know because you will start smiling more often talking to them then anyone else... just because you have technology now with Facebook at your fingertips dont freak out about the opposite ***. Some girls find it easier to be friends with boys then girls... mostly due to the attention they attract from them. For guys we are programmed to talk and look at woman, that being said we were rasied to be gentlemen and learned to just talk, and by that friendships happen. So calm the **** down nd learn to trust will ya?

Problem is I didn't fall in love with her looks, because her looks can fade like Memories.

I fell in love with something you can't see or touch. I fell in love with their soul, those feelings don't fade so quickly.

But I can't get over the thought of her, what a blessing she was when I could see her, when I could feel her. Not only with my eyes open, but when they're closed that's why she always be with me.

Circling through this cavity I call a cranium
Cycling this radioactive water like uranium.

Splash a bit of color on this canvas called life.
Watch it jump out at you like bumps in the night.

Rattling fragment sentences with no complete thoughts.
Franticly thinking stupid, stuttering, ramblings, till I see dots.

Visions come quickly to my sanity bouncing back from reality.

Grasping onto my love for this one girl, is driving my life down in this porcelain swirl.

Sit back, relax, and drink this karma.

Her lips were so bitter sweet, dana could have made my heart skip a beat.

Fall asleep eyes, all night you have fought,
Keep your hostel mind at ease, hello deep thoughts....

Twisting and turning is the road, too far iv gone. Too far I have come. Why must it be so simple, yet so difficult? Simple because its this or that, difficult because you have to live with the choice.
Fame is the road I seek. Yet love is what im stuck on. Iv been down love many times, I try to stay on and I fail. I try to find the road I seek, I fail. This time, this time I will over come, I know this lovely road all too well, been down this road before.
Somewhere down the road Must choose one more time, love or fame...?
You see for both CANNOT exist.
A fear I will weather away walking aimlessly in search for what I was destined not to have in the first place.
Twisting and turning is the road I know the best. For it is my mind replaying mistakes I will never learn from.

In missing the memories, iv dwelled on what could have been. Stolen paradise, is what I like to call it. People will never know who or what I talk about in my memories, there mine. You will know tho, iv tried my best to stay away, because all you do is bring pain. Like a rose left on a car wind shield, if not done right will bring pain. But now I will push those deep, make my way into paradise with my love. She brings me hope, and pleasure. Not sure why she cares for a head case like me, but I love her the same. She may worry or fear for me, but ill always be hers. Although she and the others may have stole it, ill get to my paradise one day.

Our time is running out,
My patience is paper thin.
You seem like life is seen out of a snow globe,
I see life is a news paper in the obituary section.
It's not hope, its not life or love.
It's much more then that.
Its a race to the finish line, whether we like it or not, you have no control over it.
You can love me or hate me, but ill be lifes mvp when it's said and done

"Daddy why are you and mommy not married?"

Well sweet heart, ill tell you why.

Mommy and daddy used to date, a very long time ago, and daddy broke her heart, daddy still loved mommy very much and we talked everyday, years passed by and mommy wanted a baby, and knew we would be great parents, but mommy didn't love daddy the way he loved her, but daddy loved mommy so much, he gave her you. Mommy still didn't love daddy and we could never be together,  but she knew id be able to raise the perfect little girl, and here you are princess. Mommy has you, and I'll always have my two favorite girls.

"Okay daddy!"

Till death we still wont part. For you and I an are eternal. The depths of a hell on earth wont take you from me, for your heart lies in mine and I carry it always with me. It is my most prized possession. The love is stronger then the steel that supports a 20 ton bridge. Its my inspiration to move forward in life.

You are it. My fight in the world, for someone so small in the world make my life so much more worth it.

Its getting to the point where im not even getting hurt by her actions or rejections, I just mutter "****" and move on now.

If she would only spend the time trying to see and meet other people, on me, she would have exactly what she is looking for.

I lay awake waiting, hoping to have another chance or a sign or something...

God damns if I do, and **** if I dont.
******* and Netflix keep me company now a days, I wish I wasnt so ****** pitiful, where people feel sorry for me, so they hangout. I used to matter. I used to be somebody else.

Loneliness wont leave me alone.

It's not like I dont think about you, I do.
But it comes and goes.

I think of another every **** day, everyday since day one.

I try to let her go but it's impossible.
So ill hold on to that tighter and know that it happened.

But I remember you.

I hope she knows I suffered through alot of heart break.
I hope she knows I cried during the day thinking about it, laying awake at night restless over it.
I hope she knows I gave away my happiness for her.

          She was worth it.

Every heart ache... worth it.
Every late night.... worth it.
Every tear shed.... worth it.
Every lost smile... worth it.

     I earned every moment with her now.

Tragedy is a beautiful thing.


"Tragedy is a unbound force made of infinite coincidences to prepare you for the future."  *- Kyle Shirley

I talk to you to test the water,
Its still too deep to jump in, I have no idea why i still bother.

Every time you make plans with out me late at night, I get so **** jealous.
I hate to start another fight.

Your free as a bird, able to roam where ever you please. while on the outside I sit in silence, but on the inside I want a release.

I want to make you happy, I know with another chance i could. Right now im just bother some, to me just misunderstood.

Again I am still writing poems to reach out to you any way i can, but still nothing from you, everyday I feel less and less like a man.

The clock ticks hard,
Tick
TOCK
Tick
TOCK
as it chimes and rings, I wonder how many more rings it has left? As many times as it will before someone stops taking care of it.
This is one old piece of history, this clock has seen people come and go at all different times. If this face could speak or its hands point to a destination, the wonders.
Sad that one day this clock will stop making sure people go when they need too, that its chime will go unappreciated, ringing for no one to hear.
Like the clock I too, chime deeply. Travel throughout time, meeting the people I need to meet in my youth and then, ill be inadequate, go inappropriated, and be forgotten like a small clock on a ledge.
Ill be known forever in peaceful silence..

As Rihanna once put it, she's in love with the monster under her bed.
Similar, I'm in love with the monster in my head.
I am addicted to the pain and stress,
I walk around at night nothing but a mess.
I dream of walks in the park and late night dates to sweep you off your feet.
Now all I am is a ghost, nothing but you being discreet.
The whisper of your name releases endorphins of hope, it all fades by the end of this rope.
A lousy text or call could have saved me,
I am ***** by loneliness, still that even  fills me with glee.

When I kissed her, for the very first time, I knew my destiny had changed. For I didn't know it at the time, but I would love those lips, like i love the every tingle in my body when i see her, the warm hugs when she grips me so tight, and the way he hair smells when she does...

It aches with every fiber in my body that she is gone.

As I give this fake smile and happiness on the outside, im screaming with rage on the inside.
Every one I meet isn't you, anyone I'm with, isn't you, and everyday from here on out won't be with you.
I'm sad. I'm depressed. Isn't enough. Heart break isn't enough, it hurts more. More than not breathing, I'm on the cusp of no air but still here. How you die inside is loving them 1st before you, before anything always, and they don't love you back.

The heart, it weeps to be whole again.
Cries nightly, longing for its better half.

I close my eyes, in a flash its whole again.
The blink is over, and heart break settles in.
**** them with kindness just like she taught you.
I hang up my **** dripping with the stench of *****, I throw away this one night stand playbook.
Iv taken my armour off of my heart and walk out into the open a free man, willing to risk hurt for love, it's not my fault I want every girl, I was born this way, but never given the means to control it until now.

heavy thoughts bounce and hit memories of you colliding into happy thoughts ricocheting to bad memories. For a split second I think im happy. Right where I need to be with you. reality tells me that I'm still stuck, you're not here, you're with him, I'm still nobody.
just here with my heavy thoughts..of you. Bouncing about wishing, wanting to tease the salt from your lips one last time as we roll around on your couch like teenagers in a basement. The young blood pumping, rushing hormones fueling sinful desires, we could get caught at any moment by your folks. Then I snap out of it, calm myself down and think, at least it happened once upon a sweet time... go be happy with him, this is how it was ment to be I guess.

I fell in love with her hard,
Memories and present times clash,
many days calling her crazy, she calls me a ****.
I still love her all the same, although shes gone away,
The love I carry feels like just yesterday.
You will never know Whom I talk about in this poem,
Your not ment too. I started to rhyme and have reason in the beginning, now its all jumbled apart. This poem represents life, and love. in away were we try are best for awhile then we let what is natural, flow...
I gave up on her, and lost her trust. I messed up and sought out lust.
I was wrong and I couldn't say sorry enough, for it was my own undoing that has caused me pain, since her life has been rough.
I look at ash and wonder what iv done, to make this mess as I look back im still stunned.
Because now iv went back to rhyme, you must think all is good. For it is thus iv understood. For iv meet someone new and she is fine and dandy, I think ill marry her on top of some place warm and sandy.

... And so, the cycle begins a new,
How shallow I feel not here with you.
Lies I tell myself to sleep at night
Toss and turn, you were my only light.
Here I sow with another.
She tries but yet I still feel smothered.
Empty inside it seems to feel
Every day is a battle that I'm trying to heal.

I try and fight to stay away, giving you your peace amd happiness without me.
But memories of us hit me like a comet to earth, barely seen, beautiful, yet so abruptly it shakes the ground on impact...
I'll never be able to Say enough, to win you back or to tell myself to let go.
I may sit in my ivory tower, but im no king, but a jester left alone due to the plague of my past.
                                    **Sad
                               Troubled
                               Old man
                      Left dancing alone,
                    fighing himself About
           Words left that were unspoken.

he often walked, to clear his mind and the trouble he has. he came across the river,  as he looked deep into the reflection he saw his face disfigured, his eyes saw a good man, but the mind saw the devil. above him, he could see "good" looking down on him, judgement. "I am to blame for what I have become" he muttered "I will wear my disgusted life on my face", as if it was a mask he could never take off. Seems so clear like a reflection in a mirror... By this time he looked up from the water, looked down the road, and left his past behind him at the river. Although he still wears his devil as if it was a face, he ia proud at how far he has come. One day he come across that river and leave this mask and his woe at the river and move on.

As time is forever fleeting we grasp and cling onto the old faded memories, forgetting to look forward to the new ones.
We move on looking for new love to blossom and grow, less we forget it was planted in pain and sorrow we had to endure, to fertilize the ground work.
Often my tales unfold with mistakes I've never learned from.
Begging at new opportunities that linger at every new glance or brushed finger tip.
Pain fills my body with guilt as lust consumes my thoughts as I go back out into the wild, Looking for everything I ever wanted while it waits at home asking me where I've been...

My vague understanding of relationships and women have put my heart in a bind. It seems that my head and my heart can never get on the same page, let alone what my ***** has to think. It's frustrating to find someone and the timing just isn't right, whether it's on your behalf or theirs. The things you could be missing out on or what they could be missing, so you play it safe, so you can do the things that you want to do, be free. In all reality you're missing out on the one true thing that matters, finding each other...

Yes after all these years, I still keep your photo in my wallet, hoping one day you will come back to me.

Its not that you take up all of my mind, I have moved on, you more or less mame up a small portion in the back crevices of it, like a filing cabinet with a really long drawer.

Filled with Memories and wishful occurrences.
I am happy that you are still there.
Reminds me that it happened.
I am happy you and I are different now, shows me growth really does take time.
Most of all I am happy and you had no part in it🙂

If being single was so ******* awesome, you would think people would be celebrating being single, not have weddings.

This up and down ******* *****. Second guessing, thinking their is someone better out there for you. God its ******* terrible.

Its nights like this, where my thoughts are heavy weighing on my lonely heart.

I try not to think of the hardships of my past, but never the less... You come in.

I miss you when I cant sleep,
I miss you in my front seat,
Singing your tune
Laughing till noon
I still here missing you.

Im connected to a dead heart, pushing and pulling, restless...

I want to just give up, why do I have the will to fight? Why cant I just leave and never look back?
I just want it to be over.

He battles his mind during the day, he cant handle reality.

He slowly drifts to sleep, too scared of what kind of dreams will creep.

She haunts his mind like ghosts in a grave yard. The memories torment him.

Shes the last thing that crosses his mind at night, till he dreams of her.

The only salvation he gets, is the dreams where shes back in his arms.

Obsession doesn't come close. Its a dying love for her.

He dies at work, fights for an escape from the pain.

He knows you cant run from your mind, but slaving away at life because she is not there to enjoy it with you, takes years off of life.

Her heart is the sky, it has no limit.

My thoughts are dark, for there are no such thing faster then darkness.

Shes left me, so iv left me.

That one thing you want,
You can't have.
years go by
nothing's changed,
you Breeze through life
on Talent and luck.
your Luck's run out
and karma is cashing in

I dont wanna be 30 and still be tryin to "hang" at the bar. I wanna be at home with my family.

I want to come home from a rough day at work and see my beautiful wife look at me with a sigh of relief because she generally missed me not using me as a relief from the kids.

I want the best part of my day, to be waking up to her smile and wish me a good morning, and seeing her at the end of a hard work day assuring me everything will be ok.

I want a romance with love and passion not a one night fling