She wakes up every morning & looks in the mirror.
Not happy by what she sees,
she covers her face with makeup.
She thinks it makes her look pretty,
but I know she's pretty without it
& I tell her everyday, hoping she believes me.

You think your life is going well,
when before you know it,
everything flashes before your eyes.
We are humans. We make mistakes.
Being a teenager, I've realized I've made a lot.
Time to change my ways.
For myself.
I have learned from my mistake, & I feel like not everyone does.
No one sees I'm trying to be a better... me.

Music speaks besides the obvious words.
Music tells us it's okay to be different.
Music tells us don't let that boy hurt you
anymore.
Music tells us things we don't want to hear,
but we need to.
It'll tell you what some people are too
afraid to tell you.
Music blocks out the noise & pain we feel.
That's why we connect to music so much.

My birthday is tomorrow,
but I don't care.
My birthday is tomorrow,
but it's just another day.
My birthday is tomorrow,
but it doesn't matter.
My birthday is tomorrow,
& I'm just one day closer to death.

Come with me, lets runaway darling.
Let's get out of this old town,
& see what comes our way.

Grab nothing princess, let us just go.
Our whole world is a show.

We can fall in love in Paris,
or roam the streets in Venice.

We'll sleep in the hills of Tennessee,
& wake up & see the sun in your eyes.

Come & run away with me, darling.
The world is our destination.

I miss being a child who
didn't give a care for the world
except playing outside.
I remember playing in the back yard
all day till it got dark & momma yelling for
me to come in for dinner & to shower
before bed.
I miss not worrying about anything
except what stick I wanted to play with.

She's dangerous.
The way her eyes pierce your soul.
The way her kisses are deadly to your body.
Her touch will melt your skin.
Her love is powerful enough
to sweep you off your feet.
That girl,
she's dangerous.
But you,
you like the danger.
You're addicted to hers.

I want you to take a moment
& listen to me.

When you're laying next to the one you love,
do you ever put your head up against
their chest, & listen to them breath?
If you haven't, you should.
It's one of the most peaceful things
you could ever hear.

When you're laying next to the one you love,
do you ever just listen to them speak?
I mean really listen.
If you haven't, you should.
Listen to how the words just flow from their lips.
It's one of the sweetest things you could ever hear.

Try listening to the one you love.
Take a moment & listen.
You'll hear things different if you do.
Trust me, I know.

This girl is in love with a girl who wants to be a guy.
She said all his features look right.
She calls him her boyfriend & doesn't think twice.
She wears his t shirts like the other girls do their boyfriends.
She says the he carries himself is tall & strong.
But something must be wrong.
Because this girl is in love with a girl who wants to be a guy.

I remember
Those brown eyes
I had a dilemma for almost an entire day
Is this love?
I lay down on my bed
Just thinking of that girl
These thoughts were a wonderful escape from the present
She ran through my mind
Spun dreams of
Wanting her. & those brown eyes
I started to think..
Details upon details, playing with the fragments of my dreams.

Autumn is around the corner, darling.
The air gets colder, & the trees start losing leaves.
Autumn is beautiful.
Orange, red, yellow colors everywhere.
Late nights, cool air.
Cups of tea.
The perfect cuddling weather.

For years of feeling trapped.
For years in hiding.
For years of making everyone else happy.
I quit.

I'm breaking open.
I'm busting my shell to pieces.
I'm tearing the walls down for good.
For me.

I cut my hair.
I dressed how I wanted.
I am who I am.
For me.

But I'm still trapped.
But I'm still in hiding.
But I'm still not me.
I'm lost.

With these breast.
With this voice.
With this body.
I'm not me.

My *** won't define me.
My looks won't save me.
My voice will hurt me.
I need to change.

I'm forgetting society's idea of "normal."
I'm not a 'princess,' I'm a 'prince.'
I'm going to be happy.

Trans.

No more pain.
No more hiding.
No more being scared.

Teacher lectures.
Talking students.
Busy hallways.
Quiet librarys.
Running in gym.
Crying in chem.
Numbers & letters.
Words in a book.
Lockers slamming
& jamming.
Study.
Stress.
Test.
School.

There are some pros & cons
of spooning.

Pro #1:
Getting to hold her at night.
Con #1:
Her hair is all in your face.

Pro #2:
You're close to her all night.
Con #2:
You have no place but to lay on one arm.

There are some pros & cons of being the big spoon.
But it doesn't bother you
because you're holding the love of your life.

I'm not just lesbian,
I'm human.
They're not just gay,
they're human.
& you're not just straight,
you're human.
Gay marriage
is just marriage.
We don't have gay or lesbian
feelings.
We have feelings.
We hurt, cry, smile &
are happy, too.
We're no different
than the rest.

My girlfriend is the best.
My girlfriend has stolen something from me though.
I was scared at first but now it's okay.
She stole my heart
& she can keep it.
I know she'll take great care of it though.
She put her own lock on it, & she
swallowed the key.
My heart is heavy with love.
My girlfriend is mine.

The scars are a constant reminder
of what we've been through.
It takes almost everything
we have, not to add onto
the tally marks
lined across our skin
when everything we go through,
breaks us apart.

The problem with relationship
today is that people
don't respect other
people.
Like, hello?
They're in a relationship.
Back off.
Another problem,
the cheaters.
You're suppose to commit to
one person.
Give them your all.

Its all messed up now a days.
Trust, commitment, respect & honesty.
Try it sometime.

I couldn't sleep last night
& that's because you weren't there.
I need you by my side at night
& here is why.
I need your warmth
when I get cold.
I need you fingers tracing my
arm to help me sleep.
I need your body
so I can feel safe.
After all, I need my
soul mate
so our hearts can sync.

If I didn't have cores to do,
I'd stay in bed all day with you.
We'd cuddle, kiss & watch movies all day.
If I didn't have ten thousand things to do,
I'd stay in bed with you.
But,
I do, so I can't.
That's why I enjoy coming home to you at night,
8 to 10 hours of cuddling with you tonight, baby.

If I could build my perfect soul mate,
I'd build it like you.
My soul mate will
have beautiful eyes so I can get lost in them at night.
& long arms so they can hug me tight.
My soul mate will have a sweet voice,
so I feel comfort.
But I don't need to build a soul mate,
because I already have you.

Everybody likes to eat.
Some more than others.
Food is like happiness for our mouths
& our stomachs.
But nothing is bad with a little food.
It comforts us when nothing else done.

I hate you
&
it's all because of how you treated me.
No ones fault but your own.

Your heart & mind battle everyday.
They battle inside you
like
World War 3.
Just like other wars in history,
someone wanted one thing,
but
others wanted it different.
Your heart wants them.
Your brain says no.
Grab your helmet.
There is going to be war
& it has just began.

If you fall in love with me,
you'll be falling in love with a big nerd.
I like to read & I'll love to read to you.
I like to write & I will even write little
love poems to you.
I think forehead kisses are cute, so you'll
get some of those too.
I like museums, & parks.
I even like playing video games,
& I'll ask you to play with me.
I get overly excited about the science
channel on tv.
That's how somethings would be,
if you fell in love with me.

Food owns my heart.

Walk.
Don't run.
You might miss the morning sun
Or you might forget to breathe.
See, it's easy to get caught up in the world.
If you're always looking down at the technology no bigger than a basketball then you might miss out on your partner looking at your lips just waiting...
For a kiss.
Or
Maybe if you're stuck at work in a cubical typing with the sounds of a hundred clicks a minute then you might miss the chance to see the rainbow after it rains or
the little man with the *** of gold.
Just walk for a moment for the sake of our generation.
Let go of the idea that technology runs us & get outside & run with your dog or actually get down & play army men with your kids.
One day it'll be too late & the world we know will no longer be a world
We want to live out.

You're like a drug &
I'm addicted.
I can't get enough of you.
Your kisses are the most powerful.
I think I need them everyday to
survive
&
when I go a day without them,
I go a tad bit crazy.
Your touch could be a drug as well.
I yearn for it in the latest hours
of the night.
You're also my cure
from what you have me addicted to.

The scariest thing about falling in love is
that you're simply falling.
Just like if you're climbing rocks
& you slip & you feel your heart drop.
That's what it's like falling in love.
You slipped into their mind.
Falling for their beauty.
Falling for their smarts.
You're falling
&
it's scary.
But you can't help but to fall
for them.
Because they're perfect to you.

If you could see what I see through my eyes,
you'd see how I look at you.
You'd see that I look highly of you.
You'd see that I'm happy with you.
You'd even see that I fall harder
when I see you smile.

If you could see what I see through my eyes,
you'd see my eyes only see you.

Took me 18 years to realize I didn't want to really live because I wasn't living.
You're not living when you feel like you're dying everyday.
You're not living when you break down & cut lines across your skin like tally marks.
You're not living when you can barely breathe.
You're not living.
But you're alive & there's nothing you can do about it.
Pain & suffer.
It's a game.
You're facing your own monsters because you learned they weren't hiding in your closet but instead they're hiding inside you.
You're fighting against your soul.
Your body.
You don't know how to defeat them without defeating yourself.
So what do you do?
You give up.
You lost.
It's over.
Good night.

I told you I'd do anything for you.
I told you I'd give you my coat
when you're cold.
I told you I would love you
even on your worst days.
I told you I'd travel oceans
just to see you.
I told you I would kiss you
when you were hurt.
I told you all these things,
thinking you'd do the same
in return.
Turns out,
you kept your coat so
so you wouldn't freeze.
You took your love back,
when I was struggling.
You didn't even cross puddles
if it meant you had to get wet
just to see me.
You wouldn't kiss my scars,
which hurt me
second most to you.

You had a bad morning,
so you pick up a cigarette & light it once.
You had a bad day at work,
so on your break,
you pick up two more.
You're stuck in traffic,
so you smoke three more on the way home
& don't think twice about it.
You walk in your house
& see the bills stacked up.
Stressed, you smoke a few more.
You think nothing of those things, until one day,
your child is born...
that was the last day you ever picked one up.

I will give you my hoodies
when you're cold,
even if I'm cold too.
I will buy snacks when you're
in the mood for something sweet.
I will rub your feet after
a long day.
I will try to fix your car problems.
I will cook for you
at 2 in the morning.
I will run your bath water &
wash you down if you're too tired,
or not feeling well.
I will run to the drug store
whenever you need medicine
so you don't get sick.
I will kiss all your booboo's.
I will buy you little gifts
& I will clean the house for you
just to give you a break.
I will hold your hand so you
don't feel alone.
I will kiss you right before you go to sleep
& right when you wake up.
I will love you.
Oh yes,
I will love you.

I never hated you.
I never wanted you to go away.
I just needed you to change.
From ever since I was little
I wanted you to be what I like to call
Better.
Different.
I wanted you to be who you're suppose to be.
There's no where to go.
I wanted to wake up
& you just be a dream.
I don't want to hide behind this frame.
I don't want to run & cover & avoid obstacles.
I never hated you.
I just wanted to be me.

I'm up late,
thinking about you.
You run across my mind in the late
hours of the night.
I try chasing you, but
it's like you know the hiding spots inside my head.
You smile at me from behind the wise trees,
rooted on my brain.
I think I found you.
I spotted you.
You're right there. I can almost reach you, then
BOOM
I tripped on the tree roots.
Looking up, you're gone.
You're playing mind games,
in the late hours of the night.
Just like you always do.

You're here for me,
& I'm here for you.
You're what comforts me,
I'm what covers you.
We fit together,
I swear were meant to be.
We look at each other,
& get lost in each others eyes.
The deep brown of yours,
& the shallow green of mine.
Your touch sends sparks through my body,
& my touch gives you chills.
Being together is our own kind of fairy tale.
We'll have a happy forever.
We fit together.
We love each other.
That's our own feeling.
One no one can feel,
ever.
We stick together,
like each others doctor.
You heal me, &
I heal you.
Darling, I love you
& I know you do too.

Poetry
The Beach
Alcohol
Pizza
&
you.
Are my favorite things.

I searched the streets for you.
I've searched the church
& your house.
I didn't give up
so I searched the sky.
Surprised I saw you.
You were up there looking
down at me.
I miss you, please come back.
But I know it's silly to say that.
Knowing God took you for a reason.
But I really miss you

You have the power to make me feel anything
just by your words that slip
through your beautiful
lips.
You can make me
feel on top of the world,
then
tear me down & make
my heart ache.
You have the power to break me,
but I gave you my heart.
Knowing you could do it,
hoping your love is strong enough
for me, that you won't.

I'm trying to show you that I love you.
I'm trying to show you I need you.
Darling, please hear me when I say,
I want you in my life.
I want to wake up next to you.
I want to make you breakfast when the sun rises.
I want to cuddle & watch movies when the
moon shines bright.
I can be your one & only,
if...
you'll be my one & only too, darling.

You toss & turn at night
Trying to find comfort.
You think you got it till
Your body aches.
You realize why the
Comfort isn't there.
It's because no one is
in that bed.
No ones there to comfort
Your head.
No one is there to save you from
Those bad dreams.
No ones there to steal the night.
We toss & turn & fight at night.

It's late in the night
& I want to show you whats right.
I'll take you to a whole new height.
I'll be the one who protects you,
just like a knight.
Up in the air, do you see this sight?
I'm not talking about the moonlight.
Darling, I'm talking about you tonight.
I can hold you tight.
There might be a problem though,
the sunlight is coming up.
I'll invite you again tomorrow,
we'll see the starlight,
once again. darling.

I often talk out loud.
But it doesn't seem to bother you.
I know I talk in my sleep about
my awful past.
But it doesn't seem to bother you,
either.
I know I rant about the pain.
But that doesn't seem to bother.
After everything I do,
you listen.
You care.
You're different.

The problem is,
they think they're better.
The question is,
are they really?
They're no better than the man
sleeping on the streets
& they are no better than
the girl over there who can't make ends meet.
they're not better because
they have nicer clothes
or that fancy car that
park itself.
They'd be better by not degrading others.
They'd be better by showing they care.
But people are selfish, harsh & careless.
Don't be like those people.
Help out, volunteer, show you care to
those who have it harder.
This is our only world, our only
life.

I think our eyes play tricks on us.
Am I really seeing her with bruises?
Am I really seeing that man sleeping on the street?
Am I really seeing her arms marked like tally marks on a test?
I think our eyes play tricks on us.
Or am really hearing silence in the family home that should be filled with laughter.
Or am I really seeing the kid at school wearing the same things over & over?
No.
I don't think our eyes play tricks on us.
I think our eyes see the truth of our world.

Depression is the worst.
The pain it gives you.
It sinks deep deep down inside you.
Some of us handle it by
smoking cigarettes.
Some drink their pain away.
Others, like me,
cut red lines like tally's
across our skin.
None of these ways are good for us.
But what are we to really do?
We feel alone.
We feel destroyed.
We feel  disconnected.
The prescriptions ****.
Why do we have to have something
to swallow to make us feel better?

We shouldn't.

But some of us do.

Depression is the worst.

I've spent hours of days of a week for months
just to get you out of my head.
I think I get closer everyday,
until I hear a certain song
or see something that reminds me
of you.
No matter how hard I try,
you're always there.
Walking around inside my head.
Stomping, causing me headaches.
I haven't talked to you in months,
but there you are on the radio
or there you are on the internet.
You're everywhere
& nowhere all at once.
Aren't you tired?
I know I am.