Trying to find solace in the suburbs
when everything seemed superb
like that cookie-cutter,
picket fence,
faux fur mentality
they instill at the start

Just an infant with scars
He reached for her baby bump,
Then slammed it hard
onto the stairwell
She fell, wept, and held
That lil princess
and prayed she'd never have the same hell

All grown up. Alive and well
shes got different demons
different intricate cells
It's been said
she is special      she is awake
But, in many ways
She is the same

As that ANGEL who carried her 23 years ago
That's debt I'll always owe
A gift I'll never own
Carefully Constructed
and Creatively Sewn
shoved a soul into that shell
That'll one day guide her back home


Shes got her mamas tough, yet gentle heart
her smile, brevity and love for art..
she can write her *** off
like her
the wrote and the writ

Yet she's plagued by guilt
every ******* minute
GUILT for the life that she'd been given
GUILT  for each exhale emitted
She prays that God will have the sense
to go back in time and hit OMIT
(on all chapters even close to the word 'human'
there's GUILT for feeling guilty even more for despising your own )
"I must've slipped through the gate, admit it!
Or recruit another for your mission
regretfully, I must solicit
that I'm not fit for this position


I'm no hero
I'm the villain
If ya look close you'll see
I spit venom"
Mama walks in
smiles and says
"WE.
ARE.
WOMEN!"
"Betta recognize and
quit your *******'
as of today, you are living..
You are loved
You are safe
You are ******* winning

WARRIOR,
CREATOR,
QUEEN,
GODDESS,
INCARNATE..
We are strength & We are the faith
never to be broken
but we still stay brave


The Legend wont start
or end with you
Its a fight stretched out
through  time
You will understand soon
No matter how much you ask
"WHY"
It wont stop circumstance
wont stop lies
wont stop suffering
and will NEVER compromise

Your in the way of the wave, child
This.....  the secret to life
When in the way of the wave...
its only a matter of time
S0 if youre searching for solace
Will you promise
To memorize this line

My sweet
His eyes look up at me with sorry sighs
Those sorry’s cry,
A puddle of gluttonous goodbyes
Poured into your sight
Expression crept upon a still face
Still facing your ‘just waits’
Your ‘too lates’
Take a leap of faith-
It might be worth it

Speak easy
Hit the peace pipe
Hate is fleeting
...........................

Don't make a peep
Hear the sounds
Draining around you
Feel my silk skin
And forget


YOU

EVER

EVEN

EXIST
.............
Dear blood of my blood
Moon and my stars,
Do you really
Have what it takes
..To be wild
Truly and irrevocably wild
With me
And Leave everything behind
Sometimes I doubt if I do
But I need to be your hero
So there's no room for second guessing
All there is to do is just
GO

Powdered skin,
Brush strokes,
Go coat
those desperate pokes
The shakey nature
Of made up favors
So playful
And able
We are
To Make the devil
Weak in the knees
As he does me,
So what if you suffer
You are but a drop
In an endless sea
No one will notice
When you drop
And you bleed

Cobwebs;
That desperate correspondence
Of a salty conscience
... falls two droplets
Leaky prophet
NO, I have lost it!
Touched too much hot
Of the water faucet
Red hands
Scorned,
Reaching,
Torn
They remain this way
'Til they know what they're for..

Let's be real...
Can a Libra love?
Oh ****, here she comes
Her essence is next to
the sweetest dove
I've found her innocent
Disposition's only a trick
Little games she creates
Then gets too bored to ****** finish

She said, "well what's the point of even fishing,
When I had caught the only fish who ever made me seem smitten.. The only time I spit
I LOVE YOU and actually meant it
To this day, I still wait
For it to say
A certain sentence
One so significant, so genuine

Deep down, I know it won't
So it mother ******' goes
I won't forget the time you told
Me that I didn't love you only loved the mold/ I sculpted
In my broken skull cap
As if you were just a ghost that
I didn't understand each tiny lil piece and couldn't read your atoms, just as easily, as I could breathe

You'll never fully believe this
I mean it's, awfully gd sad
So how bout ******* buddy
Truth is, I can't love  after that...
I Keep imagining the laughs
And All these flashes of magic
I never thought I had
I learned from you and yearned
For the few visits that I did get

Though most are
Mad moments I'll forever cherish

In all fairness I thought you
Should be taught a lesson too
Let you Stare off, sullen
not aware of what you do

He stomped my heart like a bug
Then proceeds to make an art
Of zapping my synapses
& harvesting my counterparts
(But Why though? You try and hide those /mighty ******
high hopes you have)
To build yourself a new start"

The craving had been
More of a need
As of late

Energy taken
Energy generated
Or one could also say
One cultivated
One gave away
Every little thought
That you think

Isolated
from the rest of you
With steel walls
And the tallest gates
Barricade myself
In a little
Me sized
Cave

Wouldn't be surprised
If I never
            Even
                Came Out!

Uncomfortable flutters
Couple inches in
How interesting..
A river in the pit of miscreant
Now it's forgotten,
its subdued
It's  getting drowned out until I know what the hell to do
These flutters
Dont comfort me
Only confuse
And it  pulls at my sensory glands
To look like an elaborate ruse

Mopin' in an overpriced motel
Trying to decide what items I can sell... Well, what's few and far between
Hardly any parts are even left of me

though THINGS do not define us
Take a peek in my chest cavity
You'll see I am righteous
High-strung Yet somehow Vibrant

Here it is, kids
'Tis the season of unrest
There's no sleep just tweakers
Screaming obscenities
In shadow corners
"****" "****" "****"  "godammit"
Im watching his sanity go
Right out the door

Is it the allure?
OR
Perhaps its the warm bed?
That's keeping me from leaving right along with it
I bite my tongue til it becomes
Blood red
Before I know it my mouth
Begins mimicking my head

And I'm yelling ...


"****** I can't stand it, get your **** together man!"

Haven't set up an alter
In I dont' how many moons
The few times I tried
I truly knew the futility of it
And understood
That security, for me, is fleeting


Just another thing
That seems so easy for the others
Oh no dont applaud
My  baby brain  for its
Whining,ll just make it worse
So the other day after
I snatched the sage you left
For me outside your window sill
(Thank you btw)


I instinctively started
Making YET ANOTHER ALTER
Then broke down for the 5th time that day
"How could someone like you ever deserve a home"
Then I had remembered  
That Im not allowed to
Have a safe space

I'm a drifter
Pushing the limits
My health is at risk
Every minute
No one to care
Whether I die or live  

Sitting on my hands
In a thicket
Praying wishing waiting thanking
God that I woke still broken
Throwing up stuff
Everytime I tried to move

Hunger
Hurt
Thirst
Hate
Anger
Thankful
Stay low
on your toes
Heatstroke
Dryheave
Please No
Please make it stop
Oh god here it comes again
My Sweat drips endlessly
Chiggers bit my skin
So it wont quit itchin'

Bites that bother until next week
Typical....
All I want is a place to hang my hat
Or hopefully lay my head without trip wires surrounding
Me
All I want is to oggle my alter and call on my angels and my God
Without being on constant alert
Watching my own six

Bc your own brother will turn on you
Don't get comfortable
Dont relax
Dont unpack
Dont believe
A ******* thing they tell you
Prove me wrong then

Haven't had a mfr not turn
Haven't seen anyone actually keep their word

And why cant i set up an alter without it being destroyed?

Bed littered
With spicits
Debris
Of a fast chick

Afraid to leave my thicket
It could be tragic
To a has-been
Or have you not
Even opened up the gift you got

Too bad
You trap
Your talents beneath baskets
Dark and drastic

The mystery
Of screaming words
At the ether
Either way,
I'd rather embrace
The ricochets

Let's face it no where's
Safe
'cause people are evil
They know we need hope
And that It too will fade
So the mother **** it goes

I spend endless minutes
Attempting to create
Bufferfly effect
Set a second too late
All theres left to do
Is wake

Handgrenade Necklace
Fried brains for breakfast
Thank the universe
For making me reckless
To quote it he said
"This is a tangent
I can no longer manage"
Ripped the words
Straight from some shambles
I let mr. Psychobabble go and
Ramble til he's blue in the face
And logic is ripped from
His sensorys.
This is me
It seems I bleed
I'm a freak
I'm a poorly programmed robot
Shove me in little boxes
And watch me
Squirm

Each decision were given
every sentence we spit
has been mapping pathways
and to be honest...I'm afraid

I couldnt handle losing
Something so beautiful
Locked
behind our thot chakras
Pupils loosen to
Go all optical
Ilusions
project on screen


and how likely it could be
IT leaves me paranoid
I refuse to be the lepper led
to the poison pit
by somee lovely deceiving mirage

watch it bomb
get up and trek on
can't just let them watch
me rot
Cam, come on,
can't keep stopping

Wake up daily and thank god
I'll always pay homage
to the lot
that taught me this

perpetually in debt
to these lessons
I can't seem to get
cuz I guess Im thick headed

Not all is lost
I know it seems
****** off but there is still
plenty of pretty moments

closing in
freakin focus
or before you lose them

40 days in
and you think your cured
until you see a glimpse of your old life
in treatment they call it Euphoric Recall
thinking using comes with happy days
but you know its misery
when you have a random fit
a craving..
that pulls every atom in different directions
and it seems like nothing can stop it
this isn't a poem, this is truth
this is me crying out because I've forgotten how
no clever quips, no word play
just the here and now
what good is a sponsor when you cant be trusted with a phone
especially when a gut-wrenching void rears it's head
at 3.a.m
this has always been the hardest part of the day for me
the loneliness settles in ..
I start to miss people I shouldn't miss
My God, I am still sick
and I might always be this way
I shut my eyes and give up all my worries
eliminate desire from my heart
40 days in
and I was so close to giving up
Just for today
I will look my disease in the face
and say *******!

Shivers me timbers
**** up the guilt
She stays in the slums
With some ill killers

Seven ****** sirens
Submit to bleak conditioning
Routine rude awakening
Seek a beacon of hope
And hold it faithfully

Cake your mask in
Make-believes and maybes... still
they won't carry you to safety

I crave the ability
To shake the surface rabies, daily
Away we go bored & lazy
So, you say you hate me?
So what?!

Could ya focus on the love for once
The uncomfortable flutters/ in my stomach
Too close for comfort

Becoming one with underlings
**** them for functioning
I'm humbled but accustomed to the streets

Make that mouth
Match yo feet and
Go move your motion machine
One day; it quits breathing

Shivers seep through to the innards
Mister Mastermind
Have you earned the right
To learn what it means to be "your kind"

In crime we trust
And lust after lies
Mustered enough mayhem to tear up an afterlife

Waiting to combust
With the rowdiest
Sons a *******
So Solipsistic

How are all of you
Steering this ship
From a sole conscious
What does the abyss say?

Honestly I am fed up
With their kind!

Always
Trying to rewrite
The psalms of witches
All I got's my word
So that's all you'll be given

What?!
You gonna burn me?
Go 'head
Unburden me
Of these "impurities"


Energy's eternal
Watch as it's transfered
From my fingers
Back into the earth

The final embers were flickering
For what felt like forever

Sizzle
       Crackle
              Pop

They'll never learn from this

Gorgeous yet grotesque
way to be oblivious
can you please see us
as more than just meat

and try to meet my inner mess
one woman show, so it goes
expose the jester I kept
sheltered outta fear

they never let her feel accepted
been betrayed about a milli
but still somehow didn't seem to get it
it starts to set in something they said
super prevalent it convinced me

that we are hollow we are empty
always getting arrested by envy
guess you just jealous,
of my comedic intellect,
accidental elegance,
remind me to invest in it

Let me nest in positive intent
& sent messages.. Please,
SHUT UP AND JUST LISTEN
It it the distance dimensions
I might be privy to?
Futile the difference.. between acceptable
and dare not ******* mention

Better get it how you live, For Real fix it
Forget to exist
Cuz I sense you inching toward
a world of archetypes, white lies, and dead wishes
while alone your beautiful
I vow to never fluff you up
because my love your finished

Fully flawed
favorite flavor
**** the flock
I love your layers

gorgeous yet grotesque
forever interestin'
always messy
couldn't accept a dimension
in which we haven't met


see i will bleed for you and **** all these sheep for you
these weak dudes, they can keep it up then ******* get bruised
and although I'm a loser, Its no lie. They can't even see you
and you deserve the moon

your void is loyal
I like the noises that it makes
and I think it harmonizes with mine
better than okay our combined magic made
Never felt plastic even for a second
better reset your clock cause if your not

thankful all them stomach flutters
will become hate
from butterflies to quick little make shift shivs
stay gold, for you are gorgeous
they will gorge on each every blemish
displayed on your skin

don't be afraid to live
because your insides are
just as grotesque as mine
theres something about
that squishy equipment
and how
soft and sacred
maybe it's
slightly contaminated
like satin in a coffin

Because I'm better at being all alone
Than living up to someones expectations
And that's not living at all
They will drown you in plastic
To cover your flaws
I'm sure thats a job that lasts all year long
And I've got lots of them
Time to conjure one last acceptance speech
I'd like to thank the industry
for teaching me how to sleep with sheep
I'd like to thank the machines
For making, able bodied apes think this laziness is okay
I'd like to thank the dawn of a new age
Where hope is holding on with bruised fingers
Though we cheer passionately from the sidelines we wouldn't dare go up there to help it
I yell until passion wells
In the eyes of the wealthy who couldnt imagine a life that wasnt paved and pre packaged for them
But a single moment washed over us ,and so we lowered our
Heads to let it
Sink to the bottom
Now to unlock our DNA strands
Standing in a perfect circle
A surge of energy immersed us in the ability to understand what we weren't certain of
Electricity fizzed from our finger tips and now we're seeing this
Is being amongst brothers, sisters, and friends
No longer strangers, haters, liars or saints. Saints who sin .just creatures each was cursed with consiousness; in constant connection, we met to
Shed the skin of society chip at the obsession with illusion of time so we can finally aquire the tribesman lifestyle, simple, yet well earned we listen to the wind and learn from the Earth
I accept it as perfection
And think that pain is a hurt stray waiting in windowsills
Praying that peace will fill
Some lonely girls chest
Though she too was begging
To rescue something other than herself
To love is to welcome the infedel
With open arms
To love is to become and see
from each soul, go and leave  
yo tremendous
Ego half dead at the last show  
Now we reaching deeply to all walks of life, argue bout the art of hard knock life, weather lazy fate will win or through some luck find the strength to fight
Keep on getting beat down
But I rise up Everytime

Oh come on come at me I needa scapegoat for my anger
You came to play huh?
Wait til i load these lungs
lets release a contagion of language
if it's a virus anyway let's get sick and stain the papyrus with inkblots and secrets lost under my mumbles so I'm bout bankrupt on selling my emtions
To get well..very unprepared
I know, but under the surface I'm working on a dwelling I can go
To escape the hell
Here she comes they call it
The inevitable farewell
I accept the plane is powering down
Thank you for the freedom to scream my thoughts loudly
Though the crowd might be lousy
At listening
This time we've tried Bonding
Instead Of repeating
History
Farwell
To all of my survivors
Alive and well still wandering
Among the wreckage and can't quit bettering the new new
I accept you and respect you
So until our next hello my friend
Regretfully I bid you and the world farwell

Meatballs
And close calls
He can never seem
To quit cleaning..

Master of the matrix
May just be maintaining
I'd hate to malfunction

Once I understand
how it all works
It's my fault....

And now your hurt

Eventually convinced
I might be cursed
Because I can't
Hear the call..
No longer

Probably be hobblin'
Over
higher
hurdles
soon
And surviving rougher seas
Than I have ever seen

But,
Nobody can wage
A War like me

Sooo

Bring it!

I guess I should thank you
For the solitude
I definitely do
Deserve some me time

The pain gets
too much to handle
Too much flame
And not enough candle

By application only eh?
Another test of my proficiency
Why do they care?
To pick out the defected?
To nip at the disease?
To find some sort of control over the whole ****** thing?
I'm breathing,
Viable,
Mad as a hatter in the skull cap
And I will not be put on bar graphs
I choose to be defective
Free-styling to my enlightenment
Laughing Like the Buddha
I think to myself "how precious it is to be this faulty machine"

Closure
Is an illusion
Science shows us
Life is constantly
In flux

Cant keep waiting
On a certain moment, event,
Or epiphany
To button up our suffering
In a neat little package

We've hung on to this hope of
AFTER
Only "AFTER" is when I'll be healed
Enduring days won't be devastating
And suddenly I'll be this beacon
Of strength, I'll be able to endure anything

In truth,
Grief's a heartache
That never really goes away
The brain starts to play
With what's "fact"and whats "fake"

If this is the way
Then where am I going?

Back to bed again
Ive paid my dues
Waited countless hours in this
Half state
To ascend to higher realms
Yet i remain wide eyed
And worried
Counter parts ive wished to cast out
But havent found out how
push defeatism aside
Horizons rise
And set in these moments
While i convince myself
Who's body
I belong to
Out of the distance
Whispers slither in
Saying
"Forget what you know"

Here we go
here's my toast to you
toast to the wasn't
toast to the wish it was
cheers to cherished seconds
and subtle acts of love
GO ON!
scorch me if ya need to
and I shall do the same
the multiverse
is still jeering
in regard to our mistake
Meanwhile....
I'll be weeping
wondering why we ever were
why our hearts fused
and our heads got filled with magic
given years of laughter
I was reachin' for excuses
questioning why you
didnt care
about me in that moment
the one moment I wasnt there
I keep dreamin
til 'i break down piece by piece
my thymus gets confused
constantly convinved its
still apart of you
quit plucking heart strings
youre so ******* cruel
the weight is heavier than
that of the moon

July 30, 2011 at 6:25pm
There ya go  
slowly  starting to fade
in the concaves
the beam wanes
electro-magnetic waves radiate
straight through the skin
and to the veins
bleeding my own scarlet rays

Disguised as.....
an Indian eye
on my forehead
vines down
into a lava
sizzling bone tissue

Frying every fiber.........atom.......... and molecule
that piece me together

even still you scintillate
in an array of glistening grains
stirring in my bloodstream
static tension
aching flesh

I Rotated
the beam
and became
a reflector
scorching your innards
in
excruciating
ways

Micro manage
Call me standard
But i cant stand to stand
Cant stand to sit
Im overjoyed and poised
In all the wrong ways
Its constant disarray
These days were prone to fainting
And waiting around
For something that helps us feel "in place"
Guess it back to basics

11-23-11
Arrow head sticking outta my chest
Dont tell me who put it there
The blood & the dirt
The trash must be burned first ..
Left are the ashes
Of my illfitted words
Strike me
Or spare me
Slip me in with the heard..
I sit back and smirk
At the the decay..
Decaying EARTH
Can I get an applause for my brilliant work?

That we never thought existed  
We're slipping in and out of dimensions
Quick, knock me back to 20-12
Before the universal concious shift When we had no idea...
it had been a simulation
ever since.

Psychic evaluation
Plastic pent up devastation
Watch me from the outside
Shaking, facing corners like I should be faces
Growing thicker by pressure
Letters never mustered out
Quick short breaths
Soothe the skull cap
Bring light to a gray face
Scratched into the surface
lines of  insecurity, passion
Worry upon worry
New ones etched each morning
As I look upon the canvas
Motionless
I wonder do they find me boring?

Where have you been?
I'm always craving
Your response
Stop it
You stay
Stomping on
The friendship I want
For us
Why can't you just
Let me love
Family is few and
far between
What have we become?

So you finally
Got the guts
To migrate...

To give a guy
A chance
When you know it
Ends the same..
As the song before

Told you to knock
Down these walls
And build a door
Instead ya didn't
do a **** thing

But diss
And disappointment me
Did I expect
It to explode

With all your
Odes and empty promises
Love bombing
Cuz you wanted me

Now it's
"Our views are just too different"
You're "confused" and your too distant
To the point where I'm


Sitting,
Waiting,
Wishing



On You
Yet again

Eyelids
like cinder blocks
The constant want
Never been so ex-haust-ed

Jaws
Stay clenched
Careful what you wish
Could you be a bit more present?

Nails
beyond bitten
become
scratches, scrapes, and sores
inflicted
I get a rush of destruction
Everytime I dig them

But now that theres a
Purpose,
A point,
A *** to ****,
I can't slink back into the upset
After meeting contentment
..even flashes of happiness

Found love with someone who is  just as ****** up
But worth the struggle
It takes to save them

May you sleep in your final resting place
May it wash the tired from your face
May your eyes grow back their light, rid you of your wrongs overnight

And spare you
Spare you of that horrid sight

May you resist the urge to scratch
Shrug off the cringing as you look back
Back at the laughs you won't get back
And the trail of fabric you have yet to patch
Picking
At
Your
Scabs
Only
Make
Scars last
This I've learned from the things I lack
"One cannot run from their past"

You were,
Infected
And doomed to roam the Earth
With the horrid sight on repeat

Tortured souls
Placed gracefully
On tempered coals
"Don't sqeal, don't wimper, don't say a word"

They whisper
Because they can't stand the sound of their own indecency
..and ancient echoes ring through

"May you find freedom somewhere else
Fried through each and every cell
Into you , countless angels fell
But for now FOCUS...

Now, I know this place resembles hell
One day they too will perish
When that day comes
They will hear the screams of tortured souls
You my child, will see waving hands and windchimes

"So, for this glistening moment in human history
FOCUS .. on something bigger than yourself
Don't shrudder
Dont Shreik
Simply lay there lovely as ever
And burn."

Four play & War paint
Absorbin horror shows
The noises that corner mse
So many foreign coodinates

Drip through my head
I am the messenger
A witch you will never burn
Surely they'll stop hurting me

I play dead
Stuck in fetal positions
Just a symptom
Of disease.....
Probably

I'm a parasite some might say
So excited when your dead
Last 8 minutes where the
Brain stem shares

The mountains
You fail to create
Download from your database the endless wishes
You facilitate


We arrange to make love
Oh,  but make haste
Flashes attack before they fade
I like the fact that you can hang

Background folk rap
I bet this my soundtrack
Where I conjure compassion
And scorch out all of my bad habits

Rig up the riot gear
Ready the weapons
Slow up my heart rate
I will no longer
let this anger take me

Four play and war paint
Derranged
They have trained us
To crave what's dangerous..

Cold sweat
Soaking a little vest
Feel it caress
Each blemish
& bake up under the skin
Just...                     listen.....
I think that's the sound of my
Heart shiverin'
Though I can't really call it
One of the many....yes i seem to always   fall into this lawless state

Channel 2

Nightly News

Who even knows anymore?


The clink of dishes


Disarray


Discussions a-bout dynamite


Likely to tear my hair out


It's fair to say I'd scare


my younger self


Wouldn't recognize,


or even know how to reply


to the sight of things


Paranoia creepin' in


Might have to do with,


all that research I been readin'


Either tricks are being played


Or something is amiss
in the way you treat me...

I'm a junkyard dog,
who was scooped
from it's home
and taken
to the pound.

I'm a mother,
who doesn't show affection
because I don't know how.

I'm a raindrop,
soon to be converted
into a thousand tiny pieces
of a town's White Christmas.

I'm a house-cat,
easily amused by a pile
of dissected presents.

I am a child,
enthralled by the shimmer
and fantasy hoax.

I am a Grandfather,
whining,
because I let my spirit slip
years ago.

I am a pigeon,
indecisive,
sitting on a wire all alone..
I've watched all my brethren migrate
because this year..
I'd rather be at home.

They're bulldozing over your gravesite
To make more ******* apartments
Hey! Let's add more idiots to the mix
To forget you exist
This is where we'd go to hid our secret
No one will ever know the extent of it
So I throw your poetry in fire pits
To resurrect your presence
In the here and now my angel
I'm so elated you found peace
Though, I'm stuck under construction
Seeking ways to embrace the living
Were seperated by dimensions
Intention is key
I reach out for your hands everytime there's a breeze
You couldnt even give me a reason
Let alone write a letter
About what went down during your last fight to get better
Oh, i cried violently same as each false alarm
Each time you challenged death
He came back stronger than before
I want you to hammer away
On my puny brain
Take my memories
But leave their stain
Because not even I can embrace it's rich paint

Its getting down to the bottom
Of a bottle
I couldn't even afford
I see your face sometimes
In reflections
Periphery tricks
You're somewhere far away now
I don't want to write cliche love poems
Until ******* flows out of my ears
But I want to tell you....
Waking up next to you
and caressing your prickly Irish beard,
Making you laugh,
Telling you to stop poking me in the **** leg
Are the most cherished memories I have
Thank you for sharing them
I know I'll never wake to that again
So I guess it's back to searching for you in the dream world
Where you embrace me
and I'll say it's okay my "Bebe"
We're just fine,
"I love you."

... it's freaking frightening
To feel the rope pull a little too tight in me
Turns out they had thought

Most likey they
Should lie to me

Oh Happy Day
What a very Happy  day
Now, how many laps do I have to take
And how many acts could I actually save
til I one day savor it
Here, take your HATE you can cradle it
Ive been an angel of patience
still stuck in prayer
Theyll say
she is so much safer
without the danger there
waiting to break
her
Pain is simply in her nature

Here it is,
The moment
Where you know
That your soul-mate
............................
Is absolutely full
Of it


Daily routine disappointment
You refuse to see the point
And your sick of me saying
That These crazy,
"captain save a **" ways are
impeding our dreams


How the **** cant you see
past it?
You got life on fast-forward
Ignore anything important
Where you at young warrior?


I need you to reach the door,
Along with
fauna and flora
"Alohomora"

Here's my brain buzzing with bees
Hurry hush the need to want and want and want no matter the number
Or painful the colors
That accent your energy
Throw a fit to entertain
Those who are bleak
They fall asleep
satisfied members of the audience
And all the words that were meant to come out bold and interesting
Most times were to cure the mess within
Sweet peasant, your much more than passer-by stuck begging
My heart yearns for your pain
Also, your wisdom
Just look at the many spirits lifted
From the simple smile
That coats your existence
Sweet, Peasant
I regret to mention
The climb will be more tediuos
Than you could envision..

Where do we go now
After forging empires
Just to tear them down?

I love me
Then I   love  me not
One second I am thriving,
The next I an stirring the ***
Once again

Somewhat sensitive
I'll never know peace
No! **** that!
Don't be, just a subject
Of your conditioning

I'm here
To treat you
With decency
And teach you

How to see right through the *******

Personality is caustic, volatile, and drop dead goofy to a fault
I'll make you gasp
then **** your britches
Back to basics maven,
mayhem is what my DNA strands are made from..
I'm good at keeping you guessing
or in constant edge of your seat distress.
Let me learn you some lessons, take your spirit on a walk
Little by little
I'll undress it.
My personality in one shot
I'm a Cosmic freak
with a dash of silly antics.

Squeezing out water droplets
Just before bed
I'm reminded of what I miss
The definition of what I called "freind"
Was changed eternally

I ran out of work manic,
Raced to the tatoo shop
And got what I had wanted for so long
A fish fossil right there on my forearm
Coverings for angry cuts
I went home and cleaned it, runned it down with lotion
And I'm reminded of this familiar sting

Flashbacks hit
And I was 14 again
Sitting on the porch with you nursing my wounds
My arms were swollen and sore
Sliced from top to bottom
And you were the only soul I told
You wrapped me up in bandages
And showed me yours
You said "see we're both ******* up!"

8 years later I lie on a mattress in a living room floor
Punched in the gut by the thought of you
And how you could take your own life
..you also took my best freind

Emptiness has this warm subtle sting and I'd rather feel pain than nothing
But it's not self destruction anymore, it's therapy

And it makes me feel close to you.

A winter storm builds outside my window
I leave it open then proceed to punch the pillow
Only. So. Often.
The coffin
Must feel similar to this
People who refuse sleep
But keep getting buried
On a loop
A pitch black room
Oh so relaxing
Watch me toss, turn, and flap
A billion times across this matress
And now
Delirum becomes a pass time
It's insomniac Olympics
Such a *****,
That I win every time

The stag
Is but a symbol
One in which I can't escape
What a dark alarm
I wake to
To remind me of the fate
I blindly run from
...I'm