A winter storm builds outside my window
I leave it open then proceed to punch the pillow
Only. So. Often.
The coffin
Must feel similar to this
People who refuse sleep
But keep getting buried
On a loop
A pitch black room
Oh so relaxing
Watch me toss, turn, and flap
A billion times across this matress
And now
Delirum becomes a pass time
It's insomniac Olympics
Such a *****,
That I win every time

Squeezing out water droplets
Just before bed
I'm reminded of what I miss
The definition of what I called "freind"
Was changed eternally

I ran out of work manic,
Raced to the tatoo shop
And got what I had wanted for so long
A fish fossil right there on my forearm
Coverings for angry cuts
I went home and cleaned it, runned it down with lotion
And I'm reminded of this familiar sting

Flashbacks hit
And I was 14 again
Sitting on the porch with you nursing my wounds
My arms were swollen and sore
Sliced from top to bottom
And you were the only soul I told
You wrapped me up in bandages
And showed me yours
You said "see we're both ******* up!"

8 years later I lie on a mattress in a living room floor
Punched in the gut by the thought of you
And how you could take your own life
..you also took my best freind

Emptiness has this warm subtle sting and I'd rather feel pain than nothing
But it's not self destruction anymore, it's therapy

And it makes me feel close to you.

The stag
Is but a symbol
One in which I can't escape
What a dark alarm
I wake to
To remind me of the fate
I blindly run from
...I'm

How hard can it be to mend a heart.. all those sticky sinews,
Barely beating, begging for something new
The many and the few
Boot stomped, and regret kept fretting
Letting them trash the ****
I meant it when I said I loved
To be sick... the paradise within us
Go,
add a dash of bliss
And It Creates the perfect mix
Sit back and let the cryptic sink in..

To welcome the empending doom with both arms
Is a foolish thing
But at least we turn a head toward it
I on the otherhand have been working tirelessly to avoid it
Living half mass
Emotionless
Regirgitating old knowledge

Sweat attack
I'm Solo Dolo
On re-lax mode
Who's asking?
Lack of plastic evidence
Let that hot modern medicine
Do the rest
No where to go
No hope in tact
Blabbing til I couldn't
hardly  move my mouth
If it was allowed
I'm sure
That this tongue could
Move mountains

Little bomb
In the backgroud
Shake the house
And rouse my bones
How exciting is destroying
The destroyer
And all they're faithful crones

I hear a whisper calling my name...
Am I any connection to that of my flesh?
I feel a something brush me
Am I just a result of a feverish mess?
No, I see nothing but field and fireflies
no one is here
but me the bugs and the stars
and I can't help but laugh
while you **** your way to deportation
I **** the world for freedom
and drink the nectar from it's crevasses
some are stuck curled in fetal positions
til the mission is clear
This isnt our perm- state
We are the example of change
the fire in the distance, the drum beat, the discourse and disarray
the smile growing on a pouty face
Grabbing life by its antlers
I scream
"Thank you universe, thank you
for I am finally let lose from my cage!"

I stand alone
opposed
against all odds  
against my world
against my God
I am alive
I coexist
among city-slicks
and dolled up *****
I didn't sign for this
You can miss me with
that "calling me a victim" ****
I don't need your ******* sympathy
because I value  voice and opinions
brewing under a chokehold throat
I was taught to let em know
lay it at em cold
and most will loathe it homie

Bandmate
Belittle me
We Been too mad to practice
Yeah there you go
Back in your casket

Clip them lips which you been
Flappin'
Keep Searching for better aspects
Here's some magic
How do you react when you learn what your mad at?
Bet it's dramatic
I'll bet you beg God to grant us a crumb of laughter

Oh let the stars ALIGN finally
No longer will I fret messing with em incessantly
Or wish they were someplace else

Live in the present
I expect it will be gone soon
And so will they
I dedicate every inkling
Of love I mustered up


Dumped it
Every bit
All at once.

F* it.
Because
I have practiced
How to muster
LOVE
From the flood

Apres moi, la deluge
And after the flood
Here I come
patterns repeating

I need to
summon
A hundred suns
To soak up the

The damage done..

Apache' tears
in the bathtub..
Simulacrum
Face caked,
in Heat baked,
Red paint,
Can't even fathom
How much you would need
To feed the ****** *******...
I'm cleaning out closets
So out with the bones
when I thought I'd forgotten
There, I saw your ghost
Screaming down, from the barrel
Of a gaping black hole
Apache' tears
In the bathtub
Askin'
please just bring him back home!

Stumble clumsily
to that of which you think
is your sensei...
and ask
Why must I bow?
Take a break just take it down
a notch
Just watch me howl
at the moon
meditate let the sun
hit you in the face
Awaking you to a new
confusion
"better mean what you say
so you'll still be sitting when you
float away through hazy old
sayings displays testaments to progress
even frogs respect goggled honesty
from lilypad perspectives
directive flush and disconnect
from freshness"

I shall not want
But it's natural
Compulsion to worship desire

I shall not fear
But it's encoded deep in my DNA
It's reaction not intellect

sloth is my weakness
Hiding in my cozy corner
Ducking shiny eyes
That crave feedback

When I'm consumed in this
My replies are short and hollow
I need my manic back but my body isn't ready
Every atom needs to be recharged in order for me to live again

Because I refuse
This mood takes days to pass
Pray. Meditate. Fade into thin air
Away from judgement
Away from attachments
fear and desire keep me lazy
like dipping a toe in the rabbit hole
my wit keeps me sharp, steady, and aimed at the ready

Because one little slip could prove dangerous or deadly

I still read your work
in secret..
watching your life through a screen
where beautiful words dance
from the fangs of rambling monster
So much gray matter
in between neurons
where potential lives
and I understand the pain
that comes with distance
and disease
but, I have my own work to attend to
and I can't afford distractions..
you'd place heavy creatures on my back
in the hope that they would eat every good thing that came into my light
and yes, they are ravenous and powerful
but I've got a hunger in me
that surpasses all
and it isn't for you anymore.

Don't want to be
Eager to meet my maker
But I'd trade places
With you any day...

12-2-11
Pieced & Plastered
All my batter
On the wall
Did the red splatter

Like it ever even mattered
I float away
Explode in laughter
"Oh at last I'm free"

All the little bodies staggered
One by one
Right towards disaster
Then they pray for a
New master

Because they can't think for themselves
I am one of the unworthy
Strike me down when
I'm not sturdy...

You can't hurt me
Na, you can't hurt me
'cause I've already hurt myself

Here's me learning how to write again
In a world that is dying
Here's me learning how to live again without the thirst
Here's me learning how to love again
Because I know you will need me when you are let loose from your dungeon
Here's me attempting to be human again
Because we need more heroes instead of vampires
I am one in the same
Laid open, waiting
for the wind in me
To shift

How many days
Must I run through
Til happiness is found..
Too many..
Still I hold onto to the hope that I see some golden arches
With waving hands to greet me
Angels singing all around
Acknowledge my accomplishments
But I'm just a sloppy slab of ****
Constantly digging
For diamonds in coal mines
And happiness, it only exists
In my mind
I know this
And once i find it
I will bury it six feet under
Never to be lost or forgotten
Again.

The slight pitter patter
Hits our skin
Like symmetry
We could never sound it out
Or ground it in reality
Its singing now
It seems we'll have to box our ears
To even hear it
Dial it down to semicolons
And blank spaces
Sketch it in later
How i roll
The famous ******* procrastinator

I thrive off weakness
Seeing the deepend
As a way to way to
Try and breath again

This town is diseased
with atrophy
and it's snatching whatever's left
Godlyness
doesn't exist here.
Only the disgust
behavioral ****
we season our addictions with.


I'm worn down
Still refuse to forfeit
**** out the  bad
If you crave bliss
Then you'll have to avoid it
Heavily
etching forcefeilds
From the electricity

We now
Got a hex to protect us



Flee far away
from this vortex
Every inch I move forward
Means more
getting ****** in

But before that,
I was flooded with
scenes of great importance
I want to be better...
than this town,
these people,
and have something
Redeemable

In the end
I'm alone
tapping in my room
with a big cloud of anger at my back
..hoping it'll make me run faster.

Its either
Chaos, contagion, or comatose
They weigh in
Those
Heavy
Pheromones
find a way to
Overgrow
Almost anything
No Matta what

Leaking sloppy leaflets
in my T.V. dinner
knowledge hardly seeked
means these lessons

are heavy here we are
deemed to repeat em
..................................
as if they aint needed
keep breathing.......deep

breath veterans
catch residual drips
gifted down the latter
from our herritege

Beat
allow sweet vibration
sweep me to such a profound
synch       spiral
through the cortex

Here's a slideshow
of your **** show so far

Beat
allow me to forget
about being human
for 3 minutes
I beg you
can't do this alone
dopamine doesn't seem to get released
as easily
as the lucky loo's


where do I go to meet my teachers
have yours eyes roll back then
pulled into the sediment
please
plug me up where
the soil once slept
so it doesn't tire of me
does the dirt know what it needs?
how did my brain forget to breathe?

Im a vague ****
Made bankrupt
Able to lay claim
To anything I touch

Pull my people like puppets
Til they need Me

Pitiful
Oh The great lull
Of insults
Cloaked head to toe with the **** your scared to face most
I scream into the ether
Either way just know
I hate hope
And holy moments
Lit up for showbizz
Do you copy-right?
I like how
The credits keep rolling
Whatever the weather
Or how separate we seem
Listen. I. believe. it. all
Starting with subtle stings of the sensory
So sensitive the skin it is
conscious of itself
Slowly you'll notice, what you were taught is false
The epitome of love is accepting
dreaded loss.. to convey what's sacred listen to a mouth that doesn't talk
I sprout chills like saplings now
Rapid wavelengths happening
will u accept this message
I'm meant to stumble
Then ultimately fall
it's a bit fictional
how
Real it all
looks
From the inside
It's like my soul shook
And took images
Of fish
In glass boxes
To project on the
Backs of my eyelids
To remind me how my insides
Can also breathe life
I can synch with those of different species
To unveil the secrets we need
To emit empathy

I'm doing the moon walk
Through life at this point right
I've comtemplated hiring a Hitman for myself
As if you'd miss me
Truth is I couldn't handle it
If you weren't there with me
that minute when spirit leaves
I'm sure I'd dredge up every bad thing we'd ever done to each other
Carry that hurt to lay at the mothers feet
And tell you with hot tears that hey it's okay
I'm so sorry just know I still love you the same
All I wanted in the end was to smile beside you
..As my soul exits this frame
I will be reincarnated
As the hot tears on your face

Light years away..

I'm tracing

State lines

On an old roadmap

Time and distance

Shrunk down to scale

Miniatures make my dreams

More believable;

Spirit always fluttering

Like a hummingbird

Underneath my ribcage

Much like a bird

I'd like to one day learn

I'm not stuck in this rut for eternity

My great migration, still waiting

Compass in my dome piece

Magnets to map my pathway

Am I even able move away?

NO land owned
NO field of gold to catch me
NO big parade to welcome me back
But I get bug chirps
And static humms
And that is much more filling
We are the dumb
and we are the willing
The sound of white reminds us
How much time we steal
Or does it get stolen from us?chewed through it in our chest now we make our way
While wounded
Saying NO to death
Each time it tempts me

The itching; affects, don't let 'em tell you otherwise
Stay Lost in the ink blots
I promise, It'll help you forget
We're all scared
We're all aware
but w continue keep it quiet.
We continue to hold onto
what we should riot.
We attempt to itch away
what we cannot change..
and that just makes us uncomfortable.
But in that frustration I learn,
love doesn't exist without forgiveness.
But that still doesn't fix this!
So I drink away
my mangled brain
trading this pain
for dizziness

Man is the only being who knows he is alone
Enclosed in echoes
Blankets and old clothes
Coagulate to make my den feel more home
I am full
I am present
Buffering my way to the message
I no longer crave the mess
Because I am a tool that tales
drip through,
It doesn't matter what distress
I have hammered in myself
Suffering aint a selfish thing
It's stuffed into every scream
Every memory, every piece we squish together
To show others we are whole
We should know we're not alone
We can reach 7 billion other monkeys
With soley a phone
we can also fill our void
With something of sustenance
Like poetry,music, Sci-fi, religion
This way we'll never go hungry again

Wasting days
by pacing
afraid of the intake
I've been craving too much lately

Starting to doubt my own will
we base it off what we build
The objective: to thrill
Invent new ways to feel

React gradually
the moon lit up a battle scene
It's A childish dream
to resist the whispers
and then fall asleep
it's hard to breathe

recoil

If weakness is unveiled
Could a foe be a friend

If you're skin read like braille
Could that friend be a lover?

It didn't have to get here,
Ya know
Grow out of it
Peak around the wall
Who's crowding yall
Not my story
Flash forward
I'm just here to record it
Of course
Why wouldn't I?
Portals and doorways
Are the Same thing
Wait, wouldn't that be cosmic  foreplay?
Who cares
Can't prepare one bit
Don't you dare try and parent me
Can't and don't distract you from
Doing it
Do more
Duty to drop bombs
And send thought bullets
Sa'll good when the observer isn't hurting right?!?!
Take me out of the equation
Destroy/create  pains/gains
Conflicting issues
And I turned my back
And let it become a wall
Apologies, some are long overdo
They know not what they do
But most times I think they do
Let me take a sec
To sit down and
duel this one out
Please stop talking
Can't concentrate
Voi/ces Hiss
Toppling over
One another
Assuming their all above rank
Ain't okay with playing favorites
Untie me

Adventurous tales
from the darkest intenstines
Graceful vapors, seethe and strangle
Destiny waits for those who
bite down

DEAR EARTH,
we cry at the sight
of your curves
each minute I'm given
is a new way to face it


Avert the curses
my enemies  
burned in the skin
primal urges encourage
you to use the hurt
as it hits

FREEDOM is about to be plucked
from my eye beds
and thistles will take their
place
A thorny reminder of a slow-moving
monster..

Maybe its better to have nobody, then have a leach
Wretched over every facet
waiting to dissect you in the most gruesome of ways

Maybe it's better to be bored
And unknowing than to be poisoned by waves of euphoria
Or the parasitic ***** that run this town

Maybe it's better to love simply for the sake of it, thriving off this new energy he brings you, than searching for a soul too much like yourself

Maybe it's better to be content I think
Then I think again, maybe it's better to be sad happy lonely angry scared because that way I'll never stagnate

Maybe it's better if I carry all my doubts to the great mother
Rather than carrying the **** through life with trembling hands
Putting my faith in something larger than this faulty machine

Maybe the rage gives me power
Makes my writings fly straight off the page and into your bloodstream

Maybe I'm the main character
In a show like the twilight zone
..Or twin peaks
Where I'm the only sane one left here to document it all

Maybe I'm happy for once and the serotonin just hasn't resumed
It's fill line yet..

Maybe
Just maybe
All the answers and all the possibilities are here
Questioning me

I pay my ***** 4 quartas
To sit in the corner
And make sure
I'm safe while I rage
In a game with torture
And gore
No need to be afraid
Of horror anymore
My ****** got my back
And a pocket full of quarters

Sober Poetry
Boastin at ferocious levels
Knock em dead
Adjust your peddles
Let me see about your openess
More like an overgrown need to control a sitch
I'll beat the basic *****
Right outta ya
Leave you destitute  to find your way out blindly
'Cause that's how you learn right?

It's been said by the tribesman
grief is definite
death is certain
I hate how it's poetic

Head stretched too thin

to write the final sentence
On a script
our maker
had prewritten

Alive & Arms wide
we collide
with oblivion
Still I sin
and continue
breathing

in spite of terrible tribesman
that like to keep
lies locked between
teeth
and spread stories
where sweet girls are ******
in hopes they believe they're
superior
to the victims
they meant to
rip to pieces

stealing dreams
from the few people
not stagnating
in misery

Sad we started
leaving wishes
where they bloom

Demented Distance
dead empty
the light
inside you
is soon to diminish

Doomed to move
through dimensions
useless in my attempts
to rescue the universe

Demolish all the nonsense
you've ever wanted
Everything you were
taught inside that box is false

From afar
I watched
as you dropped
the plot
Demi Gods died for all this?

until held hostage
in a monsters death grip
ever since I expect
the most unfortunate
of situations

because its better to
remain
in a constant state
of suffering

When real danger happens
It will be downplayed
Making US think
It's okay
To be afraid
And blame the little guy
Don't think of commenting
Just keep that trap shut
Kick me under infinite tables
Sweep it under multiple rugs
Stop BLUFFING the DONT BE
DONT BE DUMB
Dialog, that keeps
Popping up....
It was around this point that my notebook got stolen
And I lost an amazing poem
But new version coming soon.

What is quality of life
Without substance ?

Why break your chains
And flee your cage
To keep on rotting beside
Monsters of a different kind

They're scraping out
What soft parts
I've got left

And I'm aware
My sense is leaving me
Feel it pulling away
Like a string
tangled up in both ribs

Why be that courageous
By taking that step
Just to rescind back into hiding

I built up barracks,
Turned off tears,
And carried my armor
On my hip
every second
Of every day

I won't even attempt
To listen
To my own advice

If you were to ask me
How I think one should act
I'd preach how vital
It is to be raw
and vulnerable
Because it is beautiful thing

I admit it
I'm a cliche'
Who uses complacency as a shield
Instead of becoming the hero
She wants to be
The one who
gos all in,  
no protection,
no hesitation,
But all passion,
And all chest

I know that my power
Is most likely stuck
Under a pile
Of child-like
character defects


I think I'm finally ready

To dig through my mess

Keep on

Searching the Earth

For assets

I could use

To better my human

Do not forget,
That you should
Always be watching
for the knowledge
That unlocks
life's secrets

Remember that time
I escaped an inferno?
Covered in blisters and burns
...It was unnerving
Eternal pain

That day I learned
Each seconds is pertinent
If I comply like a blind sheep
I'll miss the miracle
Happen that's in front of me


Im refusing
To be
A cog
That wants
To be caught
In the machine

The drops ,
they drip
but gently
This time
I can only hope
the softness reminds him
of me
Where have you run off to?
You left me
out here in the rain
to dry myself

The crow
still remaining
every morning
forever hanging
on the corners
of lids
I sense
paranoia
seeping in

trying something new
Its time to
Crawl outta my box
No Stoppin'
Push that foot
So heavy in the gas
That they deem you to be
"ALIVE"
Adrenaline is the easiest high
Hyperventilate til were lazy
& blue in the face

Keep your eyes on the lamppost
for that is the only thing
that matters
Matters?? Not
sirens, cellblocks, or
mindless chatter
Place it on shelf
the wind knows it must
shatter

Weak,
Your finding meaning
By pleasing, each and every
Transmitter
What a way to let em have it
Flap yo jaws
All flabbergasted
Mad at the fact
You fell for a sad trick
And kept on running toward
What I thought was magic...
They said I could have it
.....................................
Along with a scratch
To add to the list.

I'll never forget the time you told me
"I can see myself with her"
Now all the flashes in all there forms come to plague me
The room riddled with symbols I was too dumb too see
How I let another ******* me in the first place is astounding
When I never believed in this ****
How about now that you are with her, what do you see?
Another victim?
Creatures naturally want what they can't have
So give them none of you
That way there's no ammunition
When guns go slingin'
Truth is you never should've made a room here
I told myself you were only here to trash it
And I was right
Yes words are ****, but it seems the truest of things spill out before we can catch them
Especially things we meant to lie about
I told myself I couldn't fall for you
If I would've listened we could have still been ******* friends..

This pen beats the ink to
stink bleeding into oil wells
that were too afraid to speak

Breaking bone barriers
from reasons in the distance
begging to be drug into
existence

Ask & receive
I can see your conceited
halo
Gleaming in those shiny rhyme schemes
What are you afraid of?
trailing off the barren track?
Bumping into the unfamiliar?

Let the people see
your trembles
only the truest humans
can relate

The trembles that make
your temple shake at an
involuntary rate
makes you reach for
dreams you buried
eons ago