Closure
Is an illusion
Science shows us
Life is constantly
In flux

Cant keep waiting
On a certain moment, event,
Or epiphany
To button up our suffering
In a neat little package

We've hung on to this hope of
AFTER
Only "AFTER" is when I'll be healed
Enduring days won't be devastating
And suddenly I'll be this beacon
Of strength, I'll be able to endure anything

In truth,
Grief's a heartache
That never really goes away
The brain starts to play
With what's "fact"and whats "fake"

If this is the way
Then where am I going?

Eyelids
like cinder blocks
The constant want
Never been so ex-haust-ed

Jaws
Stay clenched
Careful what you wish
Could you be a bit more present?

Nails
beyond bitten
become
scratches, scrapes, and sores
inflicted
I get a rush of destruction
Everytime I dig them

But now that theres a
Purpose,
A point,
A *** to ****,
I can't slink back into the upset
After meeting contentment
..even flashes of happiness

Found love with someone who is  just as ****** up
But worth the struggle
It takes to save them

Let it stream
Be believable
be-come a beacon  an
What am I butta heathen

So to me **** talk is a cakewalk
I'll chalk it  always
Straight up Block it outta memry
Non-stop
Vestiges

I Never been so
Non- chalant
Null in void
So numb to it


But sometimes heaven hits

... And after a billion epiphanies
A weakened soul
Can be made redeemable
All on my own now

What is quality of life
Without substance ?

Why break your chains
And flee your cage
To keep on rotting beside
Monsters of a different kind

They're scraping out
What soft parts
I've got left

And I'm aware
My sense is leaving me
Feel it pulling away
Like a string
tangled up in both ribs

Why be that courageous
By taking that step
Just to rescind back into hiding

I built up barracks,
Turned off tears,
And carried my armor
On my hip
every second
Of every day

I won't even attempt
To listen
To my own advice

If you were to ask me
How I think one should act
I'd preach how vital
It is to be raw
and vulnerable
Because it is beautiful thing

I admit it
I'm a cliche'
Who uses complacency as a shield
Instead of becoming the hero
She wants to be
The one who
gos all in,  
no protection,
no hesitation,
But all passion,
And all chest

I know that my power
Is most likely stuck
Under a pile
Of child-like
character defects


I think I'm finally ready

To dig through my mess

Keep on

Searching the Earth

For assets

I could use

To better my human

Do not forget,
That you should
Always be watching
for the knowledge
That unlocks
life's secrets

Remember that time
I escaped an inferno?
Covered in blisters and burns
...It was unnerving
Eternal pain

That day I learned
Each seconds is pertinent
If I comply like a blind sheep
I'll miss the miracle
Happen that's in front of me


Im refusing
To be
A cog
That wants
To be caught
In the machine

Therapeutically nuking
What used to be
Can a noose really have beauty
Who is me
Quit picking and poking
At the details
The mirror shows
Where ive failed
And held myself
Lower than anyone else

Part 2
_
But as usual
The topic got lost again
I've got a habit
Of losing focus
What a wonderful daydream
We deemed worthy of unearthing
Can two cut up corners
Endure morbidness
And ignore the torture together


A few feet from the closet
Awful Monsters
began to plot  
Sabotage and dishonesty
Launching black bombs

Plus hexes and next level testaments plus test after test after tests after tests

Sure yeah monitor this ****** mess
YOU ALONE made
Take from yo teammates
Next lead an army of hardly alarming fickle ***** to fight
For you
Loyalty aint what you do


What a shame
A bully came in
and basically begged me to beat
Her repeatedly
Not only poking my ego
But
Weakening the way I see myself
Way to ******* go!
wait how did she steal the whole show from under us
Playing puppet master
To cover the lack of self control
Hard to mold an identity  
When you born with no soul

  Part3
___
Now she dictating
This entire ship
Turning partners against
Each other
With a curve of her serpent
Tongue
And makes sure to hiss curses
Wicked whispers that
will worm in
the cracks
Of every door that slams
Behind her
Just another reminder
That its never a matter of manners
It's always these double standards
"Do as I want not as I flaunt"



Meaning she might as well
Own the planet
As long as there no one to answer to
And Nothing standing in the way
"Only the unloved hate"

To Think or to feel
To Hate or to heal
To Share or to steal
To Love or to fear


Fill in the blank
We   too much
and_ too little

Man you's a
Manic nerd
Making spoken word
Mad libs based off Charlie Chaplin speeches
Maybe she's mad at the fact
I got my eyes on my own work
   And that personality comes  natural to me
That irks some people ???

I suppose, bc everything comes easy
besides the easiest things
Which we continue to feign
for
This void we keep feeding
With fake ****
It cannot be taken
Qor be caged, obtained by paper,
or by glistening gold stones  or trophies or credit nor connections you cannot teach it or trade it

Part 4
_
maybe you were right man
Can't believe I  Spent so long asking why would they
Take my crumbs after I've JUST BEEN MUGGED
Or jump me
already injured
unprovoked
So apparently broken
What they don't know
Is how Many minutes I spent
Tearing up in envy
Over what everyone else got
Hopin' I could get a taste
Of the same
Kind of amazement

When all I should ever be is grateful
In these minutes that remain I will
Make full
all my
empty achings
That waste
Time trying to take me down

Too much light inside
For dark dealings
To penetrate my forcefeilds
The healer can never be killed
These shields were
Built too  Too tough
By my guides
To let any evil seep through

Facets of a false positive
All we can do is keep it honest
Lost
And
Locked away
At the same time
When to be mighty
And when to hide
Guess it depends
On the timing