I am irate
I hate my flaking space
My creaking personal facade is fake
I am meeting my brown and crumbling fate
I am rust, a lust for solid iron personalities I cannot satiate.

I am beat up
By the tides of course,
But my heart does not feel the watery weight of feeling.
I fear this ocean wrings me dry
Despite the tides of emotion
They lap at my skin
I'll just drink a tea
Sweeten it with warm memories
I'll let the waves wring me dry

That stress does not control my lips
Or my change my mind
It only breaks down walls
And it's the truth I didn't want to show
That rushes out

Maybe you're ****** jazzed when you find it,
maybe it grows on you,
maybe you wear it out but it makes you feel things,
and you go back to it when you need comforting.
The best music is the song you've worn out with love over the years,
the old favorite,
the one you appreciate
not for newness but for familiarity
and wonder

Poetry is the
***** napkin we use to
Wipe moods from our hearts

I'm a bleeding heart
Because someone sliced me

Love dies
Because we realize
We had thought it to be infinite
But we appear to near the end

No human emotion
Can ever be dignified enough
I will always tilt my head
Down in disgust
At my very own own words
Own feelings
And I will be repulsed
Emotions are the tools
Of
Children
I am too old to express feelings
How disgusting

Yeah sure
But some day we'll realize how different we are
Some day you'll be on top of some other girl, you don't know it yet
But I do.

She'll be like you, and better for you, and you'll be better for her
It'll be simple and easy and you'll spend the rest of your lives together

Sure, every once in a while you'll lie awake, missing my mystery and the beauty that darkness creates
You'll know that this new girl will never know you like I knew you
You don't know this yet honey, but I do

What I'd really like to do right now is kiss you really intensely
With a lot of feeling
Drops of emotion will condense like dew on your skin, iridescent magenta
Maybe every kiss will seep into you and radiate pink, until we're both glowing
Maybe you'll get goosebumps even though my hands are warm and I'll trace love letters across your skin
We'll blend together until you can't tell where you end and I begin, for a split second, we'll have the same sighs, the same laughs, the same eyes that see the same things
Something otherworldly, I feel otherworldly sometimes when I'm with you
You sometimes break the world when I'm with you, so we exist is some other place
Some other world that can handle the gravity of your kisses

It used to be nothing but music
Day in day out melody
Now I begin to hear a news caster droning on
Through the holes in the music
The music of childhood
I dread the day I can no longer drown out the world
The day when instead the world drowns out me.

Sometimes I'd like to think I'm sane
when I know were all so crazy
I like to think that you'd say yes
while lots of others gave me maybe
some days I dream of ways to fly
instead of always crawling
sometimes I think of how the morning stars would make a pretty grave
but most of the days I'm dreaming of your face to block this ceiling
I'm tired of looking at the paint and feeling cold sheets
Be with me please
You're all that I need.

He says things that sound iconic
Not that I would ever share
Some say love is so dishonest
But hearts can mend where liars tear.

3:00 meows are rude
Go the **** to sleep

Quiet throughout all the rooms
I sing to drywall

My poetry is ****
I apologize to you

What's the                                   point of
             running forward                         these days if I'm
         only going to run back               wards the next days
       Away from him. He was     a  tantalizing mystery. Now
       I just see his violence.           How very unlike we are. I
          just want to withdraw      myself  from  him for fear
              his ways will seep in      to mine. But I already
                 know what's happen     ing. They already
                     are. Rest in peace,   pieces of me. I'm
                        already losing    myself. Piece by
                            piece the beautiful original m
                               e disappears with no **
                                       pe of returning.
                                           Ever again.
                                                Love,
    ­                                              -S

Does it really matter?
Should I even bother documenting these days with poetry?
After all the love that was there drained away
and my heart began it's decay
Is anything I feel worth saying?

Everything went flat
                                    Heart takes on a dull tone
                                 He poured it into me
                                A connection starting with one kiss cemented it,
                                                                              the flat world I live in
                                                             How do I add the dimension?
                                                        This isn't how I remember love
                                                            What happened?

Why did I ever deviate from listening
Talking just encourages releasing secrets to the wild.

Now I'm falling for him but I promise I wont let myself
He only ever loved my best friend
everyone loves her of course
but he and I are so alike
like clones that took different walks of life
I see him maybe falling towards mo too
but I'm too afraid to ask
I don't want to hear the answer.

I wish I had some meaningful words left for you all
even as I write this I know its finished product is going to be
horrible absolutely
but I love you all dearly
your write such wonderful words
I just wish I had the attention left to read them
Like when I first started to write
and I produced phrases worth hearing
as Robert Frost said and will forever say
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold
I suppose I couldn't stay gold forever

I'm so tired of being the odd one out
left politely out of the loop
Sure I feel bad about my ignorance
but Jesus you should have told me
Wouldn't have ****** up if you'd have told me

You act like it's such a big thing when I get it wrong
but I get ignored by you all anyways
My own heart is my best company
lucky me
and I guess you'll never know the loop I've left you out of
Take that

Yes you have that I bet.
Sit with the interned, let it caress you
all the while it ***** the time away
straight from your internal clock
along with neurons
social and family relationships
so much time
What the ******* guys
you'll die with no memory
of ever living.
Think about that.

Dress to impress
My face does the rest
Walking with silence
That comes off quite violent
in my own mind
Swept up with their childish
But not truly innocence
Losing my sense
And grip on the world
Let them imagine I'm still just a girl
Let me tell you my world
Isn't a thing you'd imagine

Is it wrong that I interrupted her? My own mother.
She was telling me science,
what we consider the truth...
But I am already too fragile when it comes to that.
Without the magic
I ceaselessly pretend to see in the world it is nothing
pointless, really.
I made a decision, mom,
one a long time ago
when I had to be there for myself
when The Truth in my heart
was different from the truth in everyone else's head
I chose my heart,

I chose a life of mockery and being called a child, even by you.
I told you I didn't care if that was the truth, that I wanted it to be real so that makes is real enough to me

and you pulled over and made me sit in the back seat
Just because I didn't want the laws of your world to tear apart mine **again

Who can know why I'm afraid of you?
They assure me that he's not direct,
he deals through manipulation...
but I'm afraid
of?
Who can know?
All I know is the thought of you stealing me away
destroying my tenuous hold on this world
my innocence
Even as you act so normal every day.

Love is an illusion
everything is fake
you make your own reasons
to give and to take

Every person needs a fall back,
one thing, an Idea
that will never leave.
The root of your goodness
the reason for your living
Not a person, people are temporary
the fall back to make you permanent
So when they shut me out I am not hurt
I tell myself
Live the wiccan way, you don't need them
and it is okay again

Even though he would have taken things from me
taken things and never given them back
even though he only wanted my blood
out for blood
and my body
he was someone to talk to
and it hurts so bad
almost as if... my heart only hurts at the idea of a break up
doesn't matter that I never loved him,
that he forced me,
flattery is the way to
distract
attack
and retract.
no questions asked?

There is really nothing
that can hold more promises
than a duffel bag.

All you see is clothing
but you keep glancing over at it,
waiting to find more

because it fills you
with hope of a better place.
Says "I am leaving,"

and you know that soon,
at least for a short while, that
travel holds you tight.

Sticks and stones
are what my soul
will run to when you're done

your words do drill
a deep cold chill
until I'm brittle to breaking


Roses are frosted
all flowers in bloom
close up with cold tears
they run from you too

Why can't my heart
turn my insecurities into
words and phrases you'll like and relate to
so you'll give them a heart or a share and temporarily
give me a fickle reward because I'm a pointless human being
and day in day out
wish I could put my suicide into words
a literary suicide for every time
I hate my life and
wish I could go back
to being innocent before
I broke anyone
before I realized I'll have to grow up or die
before I became the
weak one
incapable of even
martyrdom.

Why does every emotion live across the street from me?
I stare every day
over my morning coffee in this blank apartment
trying to stay awake,
alive.
And the apartment across the street has a window,
an open window,
and I spy inside and glimpse the colors.

I remember having those here living with me.
How though
can I trust memories of feelings I've forever lost to the next building?
Can I?
I feel their echoes.
But when I go downstairs the pancakes will be flavorless and
blandly white with gray thick
nothing syrup
drizzled all across them. I'll have to eat
to stay alive
but don't think I like it one bit.

Just another rant about society
Here goes
Yes sir, yes I'd like to submit a complaint
as I stare at my shoes, my hypocritical shoes I walk in
All I am able to read these days is about love
People write
about love
lost love and the
spacesinbetween
Will someone show me
their life?
Freedom?
Friendship?
Trust?
Because today that's what I need
A break from the self created waves that wash us

Lights will flash
Tempers will stir
Beauty will dance
Days will blur
                           Until life ends.

feel listless
and that's enough of a poem for me.

Feeling utterly
unknown and unloved today.
It gets tedious.

Freedom is the prize,
and I guess love is the cost...
walking in-between

I'd almost trade my eyes
to have a normal lifetime
unique to safer

Let the calling pull
drift with direction in mind
follow waves to purpose

are loathsome
drop them
notes are sour
heart is dour
leave them, leave them all
why not?
discard what doesn't serve you
just a little girl here
waiting anxiously to be discarded
please?

you don't know how much it would mean to me if you smiled
like my opinion doesn't matter well
it has to matter to someone because
I am all alone and of my thoughts
and emotions don't matter then
what have I left?

Days are normal
My picture fits into the frame
perfectly with the others

My puzzle piece finds a home
along-side the others
and life goes on
passers by don't take notice
of anything odd
because days are normal

I've never known a soul
aware enough to notice
the glue on my edges
the film across my figure
the way my edges fade out some days

my image wavers if you look to long
so keep walking

you may not see
but the feeling of incongruence
discordant interference in my voice
shows your heart the truth

my days are the wrong shade of normal
time is slower here
and life goes on

Falling out of love:
Back to reality, oh
there goes gravity

He was my gravity.
Does my gravity miss me?
(I chose to let go)