I
Said I’ll see
You tomorrow
But
For him
Tomorrow never
Came.

Every time I fall in love I hope I never will again.

A pointed finger,
A shaking head,
A loud voice,
A thought of dread;

Chattering teeth, bleeding finger beds,
A thousand scars, a strangers treads;

It’s time to sleep, so shut your eyes,
But be careful, he’s always watching,
He knows your insides;

All your secrets, all your lies, all your misgivings, there’s nothing you can hide;

Your souls exposed, your gut and heart,
And if you look to close, he’ll steal your parts;

So cry silently, swallow your fear,
Cause if you don’t, you’re next my dear.

He has the most beautiful eyes, like I’m looking into two perfect pools of green. They sparkle like the stars and put the colors of the ocean to shame, and god when he smiles my world stops. Everything orbits around him like he’s the center of the galaxy. And he has no idea that he’s the center of mine.

In 22 days it’ll be one year since you died.
How is it possible that the world kept turning while the space you existed in disappeared. Grief never leaves you, it catches you off guard. It’s in every photograph, every spot you use to fill, in the eyes of our friends, in my memories of you. It’s the building we worked in, it’s my backyard where you sat, and it’s everytime I see a blue rubber band. How can a wound tear open so many times without ever quite healing? How can it be that your gone but I still feel you in every room. The world kept turning without you, and that breaks my heart.

I know I should be done with you,
And Every time I’m ready to let you go,
I see your ocean eyes,
That dimple,
My whole world in one pupil,
And I can’t let you go,
They say the devil is charming,
But even he has nothing on you.

If you build a wall,
I’ll build a door,
I’ll knock until it opens,
And hope it never closes.

I can't explain my feelings to you they’re  a jumbled mess,
I'm confused , I'm scared , I can't connect , my sins i can’t confess,

In all honesty I wonder how you keep from shuddering when I'm around ,
I'm cold & Broken, I’m so lost I don’t want to be found,

I can't control this urge to run - to flee down this dirt track,
My foot prints stretching in one direction never looking back,

I'll leave a paper trail of folded love letters for you to read when I’m gone,
Cause I’m not brave enough to confess to you, I’m afraid you’ll see through this facade,

I won’t return,
Back here,
my dear,

So pass along my goodbyes,
Send my love away,

Please tell my parents I won't be coming home, oh please tell my parents I won’t be coming home, no I won’t be coming home,

I haven't had the chance to touch the sky or even walk on clouds ,
Never been to Italy or to chicagos city crowds,

I’ve never been lost at sea or seen the northern lights,
But I’d rather wander aimlessly than stay here and fight,

I'm so far gone driving the wrong way down a one way street,
I might be behind the wheel but this cars controlling me,

If you told me to jump off a bridge id thank you for suggesting it,
Cause honestly most nights I’m just looking for an excuse to finally end it,

So pass along my goodbyes,
Send my love away,

Please tell my parents I won't be coming home, oh please tell my parents I won’t be coming home, no I won’t be coming home,

Waking up to cigarette burns and half drank bottles of liquor,
Light shining through the blinds, my head burns,

The sun in my eyes is like a light houses beam,
A blinking beacon ment to guide me home from sea,

But I'm already lost in this ocean of tears ,
Stuck in the waves till the storm finally clears,

I don’t think the rain is going to go away today,
So I wash it down with gin and tonic,
& hope to god I don’t choke on my *****,

At least I’ve finally had a taste of the real world,
As bitter as it tastes I don’t think I can go back to being that old girl,

So pass along my goodbyes,
Send my love away,

Please tell my parents I won't be coming home, oh please tell my parents I won’t be coming home, no I won’t be coming home,


Only thing keeping me motivated to move on is an old photograph I have of a boy I once loved ,

Haven't stopped moving since I read his name off his headstone, I can't even remember the warmth of his hug,

Doesn't matter where I go I still see that concrete angle with his face,
Doesn't matter how far I run, how much alcohol I drink, I can’t forget his taste,

My memories are torture, I’m stuck in their chains,
Ive cried so many tears they’ve turned into a cloud of salted rain,

It stings my skin so sweetly I’m Afraid it’s my only escape ,
Can't turn back this ticking clock, life waits for no one and I’m late,

So pass along my goodbyes,
Send my love away,

Please tell my parents I won't be coming home, oh please tell my parents I won’t be coming home, no I won’t be coming home,

What do you think is tougher?
The human skull,
Or a revolver?

Tell my parents I won’t be coming home.

Cause f*cking up takes practice
&
I feel I’m well rehearsed

Is it just me?
Or
Does everyone have
Their first heartbreak
At
Sixteen.

If you’ve never **** your pants,
I don’t suggest you try it,

And if you have a sweet tooth,
I don’t suggest you diet,

Because pants are expensive,
And junk food is delicious,

And honestly grownups ******* themselves is absolutely ridiculous.

God didn’t make me,
For you to break me.

I stand in the rain because it’s better than hiding in the shade.
I hope the sun stops coming up,
And we lose all sense of time,
Because time makes me anxious,
Every second ticking by is one second closer to death,
And I’m not ready to die yet.

I’ve always hated goodbyes,
But not when it comes too you.

Why do I always fall in love with the kind of people that wont love me back?

He gave me a gilded cage,
All I wanted was to fly.

Her smile didn’t reach her eyes.

He said “let me ruin you”

So I let him, cause I knew I wasn’t whole to begin with.

I said “obliterate me”

And he scattered me into satisfying pieces.

He said “broken girls always taste the sweetest”

Like salt and cherry lip gloss.

He was an enigma machine,
he guarded his secrets with military precision,

She was an open book,
one that no one ever finishes,

They were tragic,
one said nothing, while the other said to much,

One stood tall and ramrod straight,
the other depended on a broken crutch,

Both were destitute,
One was loud, the other was mute,

He suffered in reticence,
she was filled with penitence,

They both left the world of their own accord,
They chose to fall upon their own swords,

They were heartbreaking until the very end.

I tried to die once,
I failed,
So instead I tried to live,
Here I am,

I said to death,
Come and get me,
But death didn’t want me,
So I said to life,
I am yours,
But life laughed,
You belong to time,

So I begged time to hold me,
But time said you can’t hold on to me,
So I held myself instead;

And I thought,
What’s missing,
It was love,
So I asked love to find me,
Instead I found him,
He gave me life,
He gave me time,
He gave me love,
But death,
Death took him.

So I begged death,
Take me with you,
He said,
It’s not your time yet.

So here I am.

It was an endless November,
Turned into a cold December,
Let’s hope January is forgiving.

Every morning I listen to bag pipes while I shower, I always feel so ridiculous standing there water spraying while the god awful music blares. But then I smile, because it makes me think of you.
You like to listen to them when you’re exercising. I’ll never understand your choices in music, the German folk songs you send me to fall asleep to, the weird bands you insist will teach me something, or the fact that you listen to Beethoven for fun (just like every serial killer ever). You have a disturbing ******* for guns, literally. I think you once told me you love shooting guns more than having ***, and I whole heartily believe you. I think you always managed to say the most awkward and terrible things and make me seriously question why I’m even friends with you. But then you look at me with those deep sea eyes and I feel electrified. In fact the only time I feel alive is when I’m standing next to you. Everyone says you never talk, but it seems like I can never get you to shut up. Always sharing way to much “I did not need to know that” information. The word ***** that comes spewing out of your mouth astounds me. Some people think your odd and intimidating cause you’re eccentric and always have this dark brooding look on your face. But they just don’t get you, I love that you are wholeheartedly yourself and nothing else. You like what you like and never compromise on that to impress someone or fit in. You stick out in an ocean of bland personalities. No one makes me laugh the way you do. No one makes me feel the way you do, most people don’t make me feel at all. Your smile keeps my wheels turning so why do you have to leave? Go on this journey without me. I’m terrified to think that you're going to start sending German folks songs to someone else, that their Apple Music suggestions will look identical to mine.

I don’t want anyone else to listen to bag pipes in the shower.

All my life Ive wondered why I was alive,
All the pain, all the heartbreak, all the horrors i survived,
And then one day I met you,
And all my stars aligned,
I lived to see your smile,
And then you said goodbye,
You painted my world in color,
Woke me from my slumber,
Now the darkest parts of me
Trickle out my eyes,

I lived to see your smile,
I’m dying with your goodbye.

I always knew you’d break my heart, So why am I still surprised that you did?
You let me see parts of you that no one has, then you left those parts with me,
And took some of me away with you.
My tears are like acid on my skin,
How did you root yourself within me so deeply but still leave without a care?
You coaxed the love I was reluctant to give only to let it shrivel in a hole you dug into my chest. Even now I miss you, all it took was one smile from you to destroy my entire world. Those deep sea eyes had me in a trance, like a siren waiting to drown me. You came in like a whirl wind and swept me off my feet, but didn’t stick around to catch me while I fell. My body broke upon the concrete, my pieces scattered about.
I think I’ll just leave them, I don’t think I’d recognize myself even if I managed to assemble what remained.
Cracked porcelain instead of youthful skin, just an empty vessel left for the moths. And stupidly I’d do it all again, just to hear you laugh one more time. I’d do it all again.