How do I keep this flame alight
How do I keep the rain from my eyes
Will you still want to kiss me when
The lipstick fades
Will you still want to hold me
After getting laid
Why do I give you power over me?
I think it’s time to take it back.
I want you to be entirely distracted by my surface
the sunlight above me
I want you
I want you content with my forecast of calm waves
Follow my subtle guidelines
Behaving as a good mother I"ll command you out of the ocean
if you swim too far from shore
Or if you dare plunge your head under me
Remain floating on my surface layer this is where the
honey moon stage lasts
Do not stare into the eyes of a hurricane
storms in me churning off the coast of "you had no clue"
will leave you washed up on Island Nowhere
Absolutely no swimming after sunset
I don't care if you hear the waves sigh all night
In this situation I am God knowing whats best for you
saving you from drowning in my cycle
And I lay here awake
4 years go by
And yet I'm still here
I still call for your love
Which I don't receive
But yet here I stay
Waiting for you to notice me
Waiting for you to kiss me
I get a pack here and there and off he goes
We love together
Nothing has happened
It's been 8 days
I miss it so much
I miss those hot hands
These small hands of mine won't do
I need you
I want you
I crave you
You have me
But you don't want me
What am I suppose to do love
Wait for you?
Do I fight for you
Or leave you
my eyes are drenched with the oceans tears, vast and never ending.
my throat is choked in a bile of desperate words that want to be free.
my wrists burning in this warming sensation, that I want to cut out.
my lungs filled with the reminiscing smoke that was your words, laughter and smile.
It's given me cancer.
The cigarette **** that I kept consuming even though everyone told me to quit. I tired too, I'm still trying but then I keep crawling back to this needle and inject my veins with a distraction.
I feel warm, and I'm breathing normally, but then it settles in, I'm empty, needing to calm myself down with the sound of your voice that I can't hear.
get out of my head.
The 21st. 2:16am. I told you you were going to hurt me. You were destined to hurt me with your too soft paws, accidentally pulling out your claws and ou didn't want to see the blood spatter.
The 21st. 2:17am. This is when I told you I loved you. Maybe, definitely, always. You never said it back.
The 21st. 2:18am. You told me my heart was too big, but still not big enough to hold everything. I sure as **** couldn't hold you.
It's been three weeks and I still see your blood on my bed sheets.
The 21st. 2:19am. I told you I would never be heartless like you. You told me if that's all I aspire to be, I'll be nothing more than another ******* cliche.
You were ****** and I was dumb and we were toxic waste.
The 21st. 2:22am. I said, "Honey, I'll never be like you." You didn't get it.
My mother's eyes are weary. Your mother's eyes never stopped creating seas. *
The 21st. 2:36am. I pushed you into a lamp. It shattered.
The rest of their eyes are filled with contempt and I don't know if it's for you or me, but my god, it feels like me.
The 21st. I lost track of time. You slapped me. You slapped me again. I am lying with the lamp.
I screamed and you shouted and we were alive.
The 21st. 2:53am. The cops stopped by for the fourth time this week. They called it a domestic dispute, but it just felt like breathing in water.
You were the false positive of a pregnancy test, nervous and scared and alone. I was the father too scared to stick around. You were the drug induced high that kept going.
The 21st. 3:26am. I told you, and I quote, "We live fast and die young and we are dying fast."
And then you stopped
I burned myself on the toaster twice just to feel you touch me.*
The 21st. 3:27am. You were lovesick and I was high as **** and we were too far gone.
Not sure I'm pleased with every part of this.
He came inside of me a year ago tomorrow
He didn’t want to stay and now I’m filled with so much sorrow
Why can’t you see me?
How does it feel to **** a ghost?
Do you know how it feels to feel invisible?
You dumped your emotions on me and then you dumped your load
You unpacked your baggage and left it on the floor
I tripped and fell over it and then I wanted more
My judgment is poor...
I’ve burnt my tongue
On the ashen words
the dark past
Up in flames
I see the writing in the sky
I see the writing on the wall
Social graces social falls
Static whispers crawling deep
Keep the dream slow and sweet
Nine fathoms deep
a buzz and rush
I feel the situation hopeless.
You claim ‘Love’ but what is That really?
my fingers are numb
Love is no reason or excuse.
One must feel love to accept love-
and I do not feel or believe in it.
Everything is shutdown. Out of order
Come back tomorrow.
Try again. No pass no admittance.
No crime or punishment.
No smiles or tears with me.
A blank wall. Cold brick.
Cracks shored up again and again.
A full time job shoring up these cracks
Crumbling cave ins
I think of you everyday & often still.
I cry when I see love stories & heartbreak.
I cry when I hear 'there is always hope.'
I had so little faith & was so afraid.
I never wanted to hurt you.
I hope you can forgive me giving up
I am still in love with you.
I pray now those feelings fade.
Love doesnt thrive in the dark
but set free a proclamation a declaration
a truth shone in light
. No shame.
No closet feelings buried ;
No whispered desires and intentions
The illusion crumbled in my hands
and faded from my eyes.
I could not SEE
how we were supposed to BE
Too many lies weakened the line.
So weak ripping easily this love line
no longer yours or mine sayonara
Its all Hay wire
a fine Tangle and bind
Be so kind & hang up
your hang ups clashed with mine
no nurture no teddy bear cuddle
But sharp cuts
a twisting jumble of words lost in the rumble
Lost in rhyme
delete unfollow block mute ban hide
I still know your alive.
© Lesley Wood
To hear recording:
It's always you
My hornèd demon
I hold your hairy head between my legs
My head pounds as yours torments
Your forked tongue finds every opening
You slither hither; hypnotic dance
I forget myself. I forget what else
You love me deeply
Our twin flames flicker wildly &
Burst the sunrise
You wild beast of animal and man.
I will catch you if I can
You were my all, my reason for life
I once dreamed of being your wife
Stars fall like fireworks from the sky
But Night descends quicker than stars
Entranced, trapped, enslaved
Not love but tortured dreams
Your cruelty astounds me
your manipulation and slight of hand
The curve ball, the trick in your eye.
How do you do it?
Smoke & mirrors. All of it.
Here now, now gone.
Hear the echoes of the crowd.
Memories of your face.; Trickster grin.
And I, the fool born every minute.
And again, The Mask.
The mask we all wear, but tear off.
Your mask, you keep on.
Under the smiles and grin.
The hornèd demon is reality
The animal that walks like a man.
A beast walking upright, horns gleaming
in the moonlight.
Pan Satyr, your Dionysian dream.
Your mask so sweet & smiling.
Your funhouse & shattered mirrors .
Your thousand faces laughing.
I’ve left it all-behind me.
© Lesley Wood
To hear recording:
she's still coming-of-age,
like those bad films with those bad boys
trying to tell her secrets that aren't really secrets;
to lips that only turn out tricks.
they all don't dare forget her
because, when she leaves,
she's never gone too long.
she doesn't have time for quitting--
she's a dreamer with an "ever after" in sight.
she's a winner, she's a sinner.
get too close and, you won't regret her,
until she's left you for dead,
gasping for more in the **a.m.