The meeting of the minds is taking place in a booth in the back corner or the pub with those beer nuts you like so much

The Cheapskate
The Peddler
The Chiseler
The Swindler
And The Big Shot

Originally it was supposed to just me the Big Shot and the Peddler
Then the Chiseler squirmed his way into the scheme
Since three was already a crowd no one protested to the company of the Swindler and The Cheapskate

"Around of scotch for my homies!" says The Big Shot to the barmaid
The Cheapskate turned pale and whispers into The Big Shot's ear

"Four scotches and a tap water!" The Big Shot called out

The last time these five character went in on something together it turned into a huge power struggle

The Big Shot got too big for his britches
The Swindler tampered with the numbers
As he and The Chiseler blamed the blame game
While the Peddler was managing the tensions and just trying to get all he could off his hands
And the Cheapskate putting as little as he could in to get as much as he could out of the whole thing

Those were their salad days
Wheeling and dealing
What a shame they never came out clean
At all
Such a shame

But this time they will not repeat the trauma
They're in it to win it
The sweepstakes scam of the century
The feel good moment

They all knew none of them got along
But they had to get on with it

The plan was intricate
First the Chiseler would take every love letter intended for a physicist
Then rewrite in as a hate note
Upon reading the phony expression of disdain
The physicist would dive into his work to get his mind off it
And develop his studies of String Theory

Then The Swindler would buy the theory from the broken hearted egghead with the money The Peddler made from selling the spinning squares that make a dizzying circle he got at wholesale from his guy in Cairo

The Cheapskate would then gather a few undesirables from the abandoned paper factory and have them ransack The Physicist's lover's house and hold at gun point to have her cough up a few of her ***** little secrets which include the fact she had been sleeping with The Big Shot

The Big Shot would at that point step in and end things with the Physicist's Lover and tell her it was because she could even protect the material things she owned
Which made him question if she could guard and protect his heart

So The five masterminds would have the rights and royalties to The Physicist's String Theory, his lover's every last belonging, The Peddler's wacko drugs and his connection and a few of The Lover's unmentionables
Plus the Big Shot gets to get laid

Not bad for five guys who couldn't get along

And not a single cop out or snide remark thrown

Thusly it was agreed upon with a five-way spit hand shake that if anything would happen that could incriminate any of them, The Swindler would answer for everything with his feet on the ground
Because the Chiseler had Plan B which involved a jailbreak

The castle is under siege
And the flames accentuate your eyes
So forgive me for seizing the moment
But may I make you a sandwich with the crusts sewed on?

You're perched at your widows peak
Staring off at the constellations we have on stand by
Hoping you'll make it to the day of consummation
Wishing for your wildest dreams to come true

The frugal miser and the mogul in search for something lucrative became drunk best friends at the house party last night
It was a kick-in
Five bucks a head
They're gonna invest in a fresh start
In this cruel world
They're prepared to eat they're own words though
They're all talk after all
And you are what you eat

I want the world to have a restart button
And then voila, presto changeo and quid pro quo
Replace the custody battles with relay races
We'll be they x's and they'll be the o's
But I'll be on call

For all the stuck up's
The violators
Selfish
Wastes of life
Who want to be the richest stiffs in the crypt
I just want a cool looking sarcophagus

Rash decisions
Bold and brash envisions
Car crash collisions
Crash and burn
Taking turns
Knotted stomachs churn
Death by ignorance or live and learn

Hard working father looks in the kitchen
And sees his son who he wants the best for
He wants his boy to become a man
To take everything life can give and even more
But the son has other things on his mind
Unintentionally slashes his father's dreams
To the father he's straying from the footprint path
But not everything is always as it seems

If it ain't broke how could you fix it?
Don't worry about all of your worries
One for all and all for one
Live fast die young, just have some patience

Mother loves her daughter so much
Tries to protect her from all that she can
The closer she pulls her the harder she'll push her
Both feel the other will never understand
But they know when they look deep in themselves the see each other
And after all the yelling and cursing they'll say "I love you" to one another

Somethings are easier said than done
And actions speak louder than words
When living with constant change
Get to know yourself, just take some time

We resort to name calling
When downloading and installing
Upload then uninstall
The preambles to the pitfalls
The hostile hospitality
The aromatic pheromones
But memories who've reprise their roles
And take *** shots and low blows
Overlook the unturned stones
Overgrown baby's scared
Student loans and ingrown hairs
They have an eye-witness
So they come for a search and seizure
Drastic times call for drastic measures
I mean it when I say you're really a treasure
Made of cubic zirconium and pewter
I can't confirm or deny
If it's all according to plan
And I'm inclined to decline
I just may just to your dismay
Or I plum forgot
Because I've lived my whole life with my head in a sling
I discourage the disparagement of  releasing disclose information
But speak of the devil
I almost missed it
This is my own theme song so you all better get ready to sing

The piper's come to collect
Do you wish to go farther or further?
"I will take time to restore chaos and order"
Everything will be fine in the morning, so do yourself a favor and relax

The string on the kite spool is made of doll hair
Mincemeat pies
Someones trying to get my goat
It's the stutterer with a broken nose trying to read aloud

"Ch ch ch choo choo choose yo yo yo your battles"
"A a a and d d d don't le le le let any any any anyone fi fi fi ffff fight them for for for for you"

I'll give it to him, it must of taken a lot for him to muster up enough guts to do that

There was a sign the said "Canebreaks" do they mean sugarcane or a rattle snake? I'm not going to check it out both are bad for my health

Over on the other side of the park is a hot blooded swindler
He's  selling provisions
Tiny morsels of food for outrageous prices
For anyone with a dormant and insatiable appetite and no concept of money
He's bound to find someone who will take him up on his offer sooner or later

Over in the crowd I hear someone asking people to join her in a hostile take over or was it a harsh take down? Either way no one was into it
I'm not too sure she was either come to think of it, probably blowing off some smoke

Under the gazebo I see kids taking something
I guess sweaty foreheads that sheen and quavering ligaments are just modern ingredients to coming of age
But is couch lock necessary?

Now I'm face to face with my fifth grade teacher
She's got tenure now
She's barefoot and has a dour look on her face
I can feel that she's tired of the same day in day out life she lives
But I guess there's no way of knowing for sure

Oh no, someones got a gun
There is always "That Guy"

Everyone runs, scatters
Moms pick up their children and run to their cars with their husbands right behind them

The drunks stumble, bumping into one another

Only when danger is near do you see how nimble and limber people can be

The gunman scales the chain link fence and fires of a few rounds and shouts, "I DON'T GIVE A **** IF THIS DOESN'T FIT THE ALLOTTED TIME SLOT!"
"ALL OUR CUMULATIVE SCORES ARE MISGIVEN AND THOSE WHO HAVE DESECRATED OUR VOWS WILL BE OVER TURNED!"
"IT'S A RACE TO THE OTHER SIDE AND IT'S FIRST TO THE FINISH!"

He put the nose of the gun to his face and pulled the trigger
His brains dangled on the chain link fence

Why did I have to over shoot the turn and wind up at this weird *** picnic/fair/festival/bloodbath thing?

The spitting image
Was just in spitting distance
When she pricked herself in the spindle
And fell into spinet
Then ended up in the hospital on Guerrero street

The two dunderheads
Compared biceps
Engaged in a ******* contest
Their **** was red, forgot they had eaten beets
Now they're on their way to the hospital on Guerrero street

The embezzling imbecile
Who invented mystery meat
Was selling cowlicks at the concession stand
He had a heart attack when a horse voiced mulatto paid him in coins with no cash value
Now he's on a pram in the hospital on Guerrero street

The improviser had a bright idea
And epiphany
There was a light bulb above his head
But he was taken by the under tow and got water logged
Now he's held up in the hospital on Guerrero street

The beggar women ******* from a rusty spigot
Who studied the doctrine but didn't read the document or get the memo
That she was due for a mammogram, she was distressed
She could barely make ends meet
So now she brings he tin can of pennies with her to the hospital on Guerrero street

Amidst the unfortunate
Amongst the idiots
There is me, the one who got his hand stuck in peanut jar
Sitting in the waiting room damning myself in the hospital on Guerrero street

The splitting of hairs
Anti-oxidants
Numbers that are easy to remember
And the counting of sheep

Sure enough
The Penny Pincher is bent out of shape
Clean as a whistle
And secretly queer as a three dollar bill

My life is an open book
Case closed
Looking for the special someone
Who will see my half closed casket half opened

Fast acting laxative
Are you chicken?
Reopen all the wounds
For what it's worth
Will you go by the rule of thumb
If it's all the same to you?

This dissertation, written by a double-jointed stunt-double
A sentient being
It must take one to know one
Because he found me immediately
We counted the tally marks
Crushed cornflakes on a Kashmir carpet  
We met a paraplegic paralegal  
Whose views we're, for lack of a better word "perpendicular"
We we're entranced by him
He spoke of integrity and the dangers of toxic relationships
And how the service of justice is only so-so
He was enmeshed by contractual obligations and deadlines
He left us with two last pieces of advice
"Talk to yourself often, for you'll surely know best for yourself"
"Forgive yourself, for forgiveness proves strength and admitting your wrongs shows humility"

The stunt-double wrote his paper on this
And I wrote this poem
This occurrence so rarefied yet malleable
      -Tommy Johnson

Here I lie
The smirking contradiction
The creative destroyer
And I never sang in tune
Born to die
Be burdened and be a burden
Steal the glory
There I am, walking away from the cosmos
My tears puddle in a mason jar
I touch a quilt and I hear the voices of sullen souls
Am I loved?

It's winner take all
For the tile of "Belle of the Ball"
You know the in's and out's
Your familiar with the ropes
No retreat, no surrender
Don't let this siphon your energy
Don't let 'em ruffle your feathers
Bob and weave
Head, body, head, body
Feed it through
Never hand over hand
We're at such a high altitude
There is so fallback
No drawbacks
To getting this off your chest
It's fight or flight
In the moment of truth
So chalk it up to natural selection

Buried hatchets and gateway drugs
Third wheels in search of two way streets
Manic compulsions are my hobbies, I need closure
The bad news bearer has me pegged, I'm still unsure
The bad guy still harbors feelings, drowns in his thoughts

Use you foresight to see that you need
To do the breast stroke to win
But in hindsight I guess you shouldn't have made that last brushstroke beforehand
Clog my toilet with a dollop, you hoot and holler, you'll get a wallop
Rebuked and cold cocked, so despondent kick rocks at their glass house

Goose eggs make green house gas
Do or die, cardiac arrest
Life's calling
The call is dropped
You're unfit for this
I'd like a life line
It's survival of the fittest

       -Tommy Johnson

I've been caught
But I'm not
Should of thought
Hawk eyes gawk
I've been caught red handed

I'm so scared
They don't care
It's not fair
They sit and stare
I'm a scared yellow belly

So  I'm running
And they're gunning
Hear them coming
This ain't funny
I'm running with cold feet

Awkward silence
Take advantage
Treacherous
Times tables

Royal tea
Sonar submarines
The perfect crime
Placebo dream

Never apologized for how you feel
Or the time you were galvanized
You don't think
Or feel about that

You don't have to put up with the put downs
With the stubborn
With the skittish
Pushing buttons

Thumb your nose, far be it
For me to cut to the chase
To the same boat
It's out of the way

On and on, so on, go on

Go cold turkey, chain reaction
Taste of your own medicine
Be upfront, ride the coattails
Pen pal, inadvertently

On and on, so on, go on

In the crossfire
Of burning crosses

Down the hatch
With crosshatching

       -Tommy Johnson

There's no pep in my step, no glide in my stride
The pain's agressed, all in due time
Seeping sinkholes, our pet peeves
Incorrigible succotash, your crows feet

Buy low end
Desire high end
Broken records
Break world records

That body slam has left me abatic
Tried being the better person, look what that did
A seismic toss cost me the use of my legs
I did my best, that's what they all say

Buy low end
Desire high end
Broken records
Break world records

This was based on clear line of communication
You and I both know how to listen
And you and I both know how to hear
Where will we be in a year with this thing?

Will this just be a life lesson?
Another game of trial and error?
Happy Fourth of July, kiss me
This moment will last forever

What was it that brought us here?
With your head resting on my shoulder
It's been some time since this started
I show my love on a cool night in October

Is this just a lapse in judgement?
Are we setting ourselves up to fall again?
Happy Halloween, come here
Let's talk of wonders from where and when

First clenched, teeth grit and spit in each other's face
Belts around our necks, we go together
Against the odds, we're out of favor
We don't care, to die would be an awfully big adventure

We have built something from nothing
Given meaning to the meaningless
Merry Christmas, tell me
Are you as happy as I am doing this?
Every day's a holiday
Everyday's a holiday
When I'm with you

The Lollygaggers gag on their lollipops
As the ice cream truck passes them by

Those moment when you're trying to be funny are the finest cuisine for my hypothalamus

Seeing you display what a sinch it is for you to make an *** of yourself

All you are is a big noise
And your life is held together by safety pins and duct tape

We have a treat for you all!
It's Captain Obvious and The No-duhs
With their newest hit single, "A picture of a picture"
How existential are they?!

They use a clavichord, a harpsichord
A mellotron along with an autoharp
And of course a theramin to express this song to the universe

I will say no more
Here they are, Captain Obvious and The No-duhs

"Hey, are you free today?"
"Hey are we still on for tonight?"
"Do you live in eternal
Or temporal time?"
"Lets look back on our
illegible live's highlights"

"I got a paper cut from a bookmark"
"But I haven't got a *******'s clue"
"If I should round to nearest tenth"
"Or pop all of the animals made from balloons"

"Now, I'm looking at a picture of a picture"
"And I'm truly the worst for wear "
"You missed the cut off date"
"You're camera shy so there"

"Hey, you wanna chill today?"
"Hey what you wanna do tonight?"
"Want to watch the changing of the tides?"
"Or take in a movie then go and grab a bite?"

"I disregard the label makers"
"And mark all the typos"
"Shorten all the long winded speeches"
"And smelt all the silver idols"

"Now, I'm looking at a picture of a picture"
"And I'm truly the worst for wear "
"You missed the cut off date"
"You're camera shy so there"

"Knit me a sweater of vanity and greed"
"Sew me a lust and sloth tapestry"
"Croshay me a hat of envy and wrath"
"Macramé me a bracelet of gluttony"

"Now, I'm looking at a picture of a picture"
"And I'm truly the worst for wear "
"You missed the cut off date"
"You're camera shy so there"

       -Tommy Johnson

Fish heads for dessert
Confetti-saltwater taffy for lunch
Canned laughter for snack
And peptide bonds for a well balanced breakfast
"But whats for dinner?" says The Windbag
"But whats for dinner?!" screeches The Mimick
Hmm, well we have a choice between the sociocultural criteria and a toxic relationship
"Can't we have popsicles with answer-less riddles on the sticks?" asked the Windbag
"Can't we have popsicles with answer-less riddles on the sticks?!" copied The Mimick
"Leeme alone!" cried the Windbag
"Leeme alone!!" yelled The Mimick
In the end the decided to eat the pockmarks of bird feeding cohorts
They picked their teeth with proven points
Then watched The Windbag play the glockenspiel
Followed by The Mimick on the xylophone
As I put the leftover scraps in Tupperware, making sure to burp it before I put it away
       -Tommy Johnson

Helen of Troy is singing into a pantyhose pop filter
With her stereo-tone voice
She has a death wish
Chipped nails
Spellbinding rasp
And a ****** lisp
She takes her daily dose of Vitamin D and Composition B
She sings about what she sees
Severed heads chanting "freedom"
The industrial illusion
Dog eared and frayed pages of misspelled words
Cancer emitting devices causing problems for the ones on hold to be put on a sucker's list who can never seem to get a word in edgewise
But when you ask her what's wrong she just says "I don't wanna talk about it"
She goes on to collect bottle caps and pop tabs to bring to the fun fair
I hope to hell she isn't another spark set to ignite but just fizzles out

       -Tommy Johnson

Let's stay in today
With movies
And blankets
And us, there's nothing we need to say

Laying in my arms
I'll never let you go
There is no one else
I would want to hold

Let's stay in today
Let's kiss until
Junes turns into May

Laying in your arms
I already know
That you are mine
And I'm yours
That I'm sure of

Let the house burn down
We will sleep safe and sound
I want to expire together
And be with you forever

Let the flames eat us alive
I'll die with your hand in mine
I want to expire together
And be with you forever

Lets stay in today
And do anything
And everything
We can think of

Laying in my bed
A dream came to my head
But you took the words out of my mouth
And you said it instead

Let the house burn down
We will sleep safe and sound
I want to expire together
And be with you forever

Let the flames eat us alive
I'll die with your hand in mine
I want to expire together
And be with you forever

Mine is a love that will never fade

If tomorrow never comes
It wouldn't make a difference
I know
It wouldn't make a difference at all

Must break these restraints
This isn't fair
Abandoned
Betrayed

Mine
The Sandman has given me a bed to make and sleep in
Why oh why? Release me
Unleash me
Unhand me
Remand me
Yahweh
Win some
Lose some
Great rich misfortune
Decayed withered family tree
Shambled moral poverty

Great
Hemlock
Archaic Apothecary
Toxic apple
Petrushka, Punch and Judy
Enunciate
Look at the pale reflection

**** my parturition
**** my ruination
Father, tomorrow may never come
Move forward from this lie
I must be on my way
I feel it weighing down on me
Shot nerves
It's here, times up

Get on with it, it doesn't make a difference
If it all ends today
I'm sorry
I wasted what you've given me
For a moment of weakness

You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time
I deserve this, not your compassion
Look deep in my eyes
There is no way out of this
Illusion of existence

You gotta be kidding me Ms. Ogyny
That's why you hate yourself?
Because your have ******* and a ******?
You find it the most unforgivable sin
To be plagued by estrogen

Tell me Ms. Anthropic since we're on the topic
Why do you despise human kind?
What about them troubles your mind?
You think they're disgusting and not to be trusted
Someone or something made you this way, it must of

Life, life oh deadly life
It plays by the rules of day and night
I just wanna feel alive
And know, just know I'm doing right

But right alongside that feeling
There are times when I wanna die
I wanna be under the ground and sleep forever
There are time when I feel like that'd be better

So Ms. Ogyny I guess I see
Why you hate yourself because I hate me
I hate myself more than anyone else
I'm just a notch on Ms. Fortune's belt
Or maybe I'm just the welt

So Ms. Anthropic, I guess I'll drop it
Because I get where you're coming from
People are cruel, ill-mannered and inexplicably dumb
And from this cold hard fact I've become numb
I cannot wait for Kingdom Come

And I Mr. Fyde, wish I would die
Because now I realize how much I hate my life
I suffer from incredible self-dislike
The pain is obvious from the outside
And I say my goodbyes as I commit suicide

Greetings from your Christmas cards
Your perfect lawn and two car garage
Aren't you all such a perfect family?
Thinking no one can see underneath

Father would you like to tell
Us all about the girl you sometimes see
Your juvenile adultery

Go look back the photo albums  
You will see happy time smiles
Of people trying to keep it together
But falling apart all the while

Now am I right or am I right?
So am I right or am I right?
About the daughter who sleeps around
And the one tracked minded boys she goes down on

Go to the house
Don't call it home, with a camera
And take snap shots of behind the scenes
And see sadden home that cannot get sadder

Lets go to the beach on a sunny day
And unwind for a bit
Forget your ***** up son
And all the drugs he's done

Lets go to the park for some fresh air
And relax for a second
Let go of the hate you have for your wife
And her matriarchal grip she has on your life

Lets go for a drive take the top down
And enjoy the moment
Continue to deny and repress
Your parent's deaths and your lack of success

Just drink your whiskey and muddle through
Pray to your God, if he's even listening to you
Broken and divided
They're a happy family

Just pour out a few more "I love you's"
And regret ever saying "I do"
Broken and divided
They're a happy family

Blood is thicker than water but you're thirsty
Blood is thicker than water but you're thirsty
Blood is thicker than water but you're thirsty
Blood is thicker than water but you're thirsty

The Tumbleweed has emancipated itself
From the top heavy game of Follow the Leader
To create something iconoclastic
And concave the convexed cyber cafe that sends it cease and desist letters
But it can't resist to say  "I vote for the suicide note I wrote two Thursdays ago" three times fast
It packs the essentials
Then takes its leave to go find people who care to share
And are interested in the topic of role reversal

The suicide note said as follows

"To you,

I'll use small words.
The shame I have is too much for me. After living  a life here of excess and fantasy.
I've lost the chills it gave me.
The warmth it provided.
I hate you all for making me love and care about you.
I'm thankful for what you have given me.
But it would be bad for all involved if I push myself to smile another minute.
I need to go find the cool spark again.
Thank you for all you've done.
Please be good.

**** it, **** it, forget it

You'll be okay

Carry"

The Dallards are not hip to the fact that aging, sickness and death are pervasive

The No-Shows still have their auspicious wealth and derive their generic credence from portion control

The Dullards and No-Shows are a package deal, buy one get one free

They are deathless

Due to their coping mechanisms

They wait to swim a half hour after they eat in lieu of their over indulgent and impatient tendencies

Weak minded fools who cannot see the fine line between integrity and despair

My private username  is in the Public Domain

I guess I'm too headstrong for all the bubble bursters

Placate my phosphorous soul
I'm sorry for my outburst
I'm an oddball

Inconceivable
What am I to do with these overdone and overdue Blockbuster tapes I have just finished over viewing?

I contrive white elephants for all those who tip the scales
Whose guesses are as good as mine as to how some make time to fold a thousand origami cranes

I've been beaten with broomsticks and Plexiglas riot shields
Because I was looking for the middle way between indulgence and denial

But rest assured, the glum lobbyist is going to counter balance the dumbwaiter
As the elevator operator takes the escalator because he's all about time management

When I was young I could see people's guardian angels and auras
But now the angels are gone and only the auras remain

"I hate my life and all the choices I'v mad that have brought me here"

Mrs. Mulch is trying to get up to speed with all the goings-ons

"Penny for your thoughts?" she heard some one say
"After all, that's all they're worth"

"Here's ten cents, got buy a personality" somebody replies

She can't get used to the permutations of people's supra-mundane lives

She's dropped her defense mechanism
"When I say you I mean me"

She pokes holes in their logic
"When push comes to shove the going gets tough but push never showed up and the tough have gone to shove off"

She returns home to water her Venus flytraps

"Things have changed"

She argues the broad definition of love

"Give it a spit shine I say"
"Examine it with my magnifying glass and mag-light" she adds
We look and see our friend who suffers from psoriasis
Cracked hands and lips
Bleeding

His words began to sprawl and spiral

"Stop being so evasive
Get on with your wishful thinking
And your search for silt"
"Check the crevices of brick pavers"
"See the baseline and note the incongruence of unmarked graves"
"They took the Hippocratic oath and sang the hypocritical ode until the day they died"
"You got that *** of ABC gum and your security blanket so doze off"
"They hired absent minded chaperons to watch the die hard death defyer "
"There is a time and a place for everything
Between time and space there is anything
No rhyme or reason
For the x-ed out calendars and changing seasons"

We had no idea how to respond to any of this, notwithstanding we gave it a great deal of thought
       -Tommy Johnson

You always take away my confidence
You sometimes leave your condescension
No genuine communication, just leave
I sometimes leave my insecurity
I'll always take things to heart
No such thing as compromise, just stay

Ain't got no job, money's drank
All dropped out, face is blank
All ya got are the clothes on your back and a pocket full of hope
Took the job, then ya quit
Not worth your time, repetitive
You'll never have a future, a life, a love or a home
There's something telling you it's time
Time for you to go
A little voice saying that it's time
But you still don't know

Inspiration
Gotta move leave my life's station
Get to the other side of the coast
Home is where you make the most of it
The tough get going, so I better get
So I better get
I'm out

ABC
123
IRS
911
FBI
411
UFO
0...operator?

There goes The Moonchild
We're all waiting
We're all staring
Here's The Moonchild

Where is my loving heart?
The world flashes at my yearning hidden under her umbrella
My life flashes right in front of my eyes, up to the moment I die as I live it
Thank you so much, what is the cost for me to eat my heart out?

Neurotic Nina thinks shes possessed
Makes a mess trying to sort out her life
A substitute trigonometry teacher
Looking for a spiritual healer
Bought Ayahuasca from a dope dealer
Silly girl

Two towns over is Elliot
Lives for the hell of it, but sees no point
They both go out for some coffee
Pumpkin spice lattes so frothy
Nina was upset that it was so costly
Out came her spastic demeanor
That Neurotic Nina

Look at Elliot though and the funk he's in
Looks a little like Bob Dylan
And **** man, he can sure play guitar
He's gonna go far in his new red chariot
You go Elliot
Noise, noise, noise

Wearing stylish clothes
Getting high but feeling low, as they hang off his bones
But he's one of my favorite friends
The chill vibes he sends
Where ever he wanders and roams

Oh, who could that be
Aw no, it's back!
It's sliding under the front door
Wiped its feet on the welcome mat
We never thought we'd see it anymore
Never thought we'd hear from it again, but now it's back
We never saw it coming
It never crossed our minds
And now sevens eating nine then asks if I'm hungry
But I already eight

It wants to be boarder
It will pay rent when it is due
Take in this disparaged disorder
We must thoroughly think this through
Against our better judgement but not our will
We let it in, our joint decision
To tolerate it we take these pills
Won't rid us of the cause but combat the symptoms
And now sevens eating nine then asks if I'm hungry
But I'm afraid I already eight

This is how you love
To find yourself
You must love yourself first
Smile, this suffering won't last long
I'll play you a song

Man, just let it go
It ain't worth the stress
Girl, just hold on
You ain't seen nothing yet

You'll let me have your body
But never let me have a good look at you
I wanna know what you look like
On the inside

Oh yes
That's it
That's the way
How you feeling today?

Breathe in
Love hard
Look up
Run long

And so it is
As you live, you also die
Before your eyes, lays your life



That janitor is soft spoken
I wonder what's on his mind
That reserved kindly custodian
I wonder what's in his mind
I wanna have a beer with him
Wanna crack some jokes and see him grin
The maintenance man behind the broom
I wonder what goes through his mind
That quiet caretaker
I wanna get inside his mind

That was then, this is now
Who was where when what was how?
Hear them take their last breath as they're shot down
I scream
Floating in the gene pool, expecting the man who can walk on water to arrive
Sell outs and everyone who has had a bad week even though it's only Monday

Whippersnappers hang their heads in shame
I am one of twelve
So expendable
We live in gluttony
Lineleaders, math teachers, bottom-feeders have no idea
Watch them fall and be forced to crawl on their bellies
We laugh
Lewandowsky-Lutz dysplasia, getting back to your roots
Progeric clock-makers, lying dead on The Yellow Brick Road
Thin-skinned Transsexuals putting bricks in their purses
We live by eight
We die from our weight
And go unbloomed
       -Tommy Johnson
Standing in a nuclear reactor somewhere in Chernobyl looking for the truth
It might be in my contaminated endoplasmic reticulum
I am a radiant
Doppler radar
Monopoly dollar

Singing in the shower, amateur hour
Projecting sour notes
Pouring out their hearts and souls, hear them
Trying

Moo-juice nectar, spilling off The Round Table
Blondes in red bracelets, Kabbalah saves them
Henry pays no tax, John Berryman's bats tell us
You are the lunatic
We are the two quarters of a half-wit
This whole thing is insane

       -Tommy Johnson

The Nail-biter saw her as his saving grace from a life of lonesome worry
She saw him as a meal ticket and a free ride
He over looked her granny ash
He disregarded her speech impediment
Always holding his tongue when she stumbled on certain words because he loved her and all her imperfections
She had a bullet proof black hole heart and his common sense was stuck in a sound proof cell as they had what seemed to him to be, passionate ***
He worked day and night, coming home with dishpan hands
Saving up to buy her a bouquet of hydrangeas, tulips and baby's breath
She took them and said, "Wow, thank you you're such a good friend"
The Nail-biter left and drove his car into the nearest embankment
She did not attended the funeral, she was too busy having dinner with The man with OCD who didn't have tics but tocks
She knew the routine and loved every second of it

The Benchwarmer with peeled eyes and a chip on his shoulder
Was all ears but under the weather

The Pick of the Litter told him to hold his horses and that he could not pass go to collect two hundred dollars

Bob his Uncle was down in the dumps that day
And ***** his Aunt's eyes were bigger than her stomach
But she had a punchline so funny it would rock your socks off then proceed to knock them off  even though they fit like a glove

But somewhere in the crowd there we're various whisperers and a soothsayer who knew The Benchwarmer would win it big single-handedly that day

And they all shouted from the stands

"You got a good head on your shoulders, you little pain in the ***!"

The Couch Potato is glued to the screen with his tin foil hat on
He sees tailor made charades being played for keeps
Superficial calling cards being dropped into mailboxes
Gravy trains being engineered by some guy subject to temper tantrums and growing pains
Window shoppers searching for second hand teapots, swear jars and unofficial other halves

To him it's all real
Is he wrong?

Put on your dunce cap and ponder that

       -Tommy Johnson

Let down the draw bridge
Cast your lots
Draw straws
Pick an alias
Then go off topic with the sleepwalkers  you had a falling out with

See the check and balances that pale in comparison to The Mighty Hill of Beans

The people in the two square mile town must have something going for them
They can all recite and summarize their code of conduct

"We must exercises proper window seat etiquette, understand that names make it harder to slaughter, use our home field advantages when given and turn phrases where needed."

They all either have over bites or under bites
But all have clubbed feet and hold a roll of film under their arms
The film shows how their predecessors leveled the playing field
As their enemies stood stammering as their armies we're vanquished under The Mighty Hill of Beans

Mayor Moniker went on yammering, buying his own *******
As all the people who puberty hit like train give him a standing ovation on their once battered battle field  under The Mighty Hill of Beans

I guess it's something in the water there

The Dark Pariah and The Mouth Breather went to go get a jump start on their blackmail and their payback

All the kissup's
All the suckup's
Who think they're the best thing since sliced bread with the crust cut off
Who pick on people's foibles and leave their self-image in shambles
Not to mention all the narcissists who claim to have coined certain phrases we all use, then pucker up to the ***** of those who can keep up with the Joneses

They were going to make this world go belly up
Remove all of the potholes and speed bumps in life

The Dark Pariah wrote his plan in chicken scratch
And The Mouth Breather wrote his in calligraphy

The Mouth Breather's plan was to kick start a new denomination of hero worship
All followers must give themselves rug burn and stick up three banks in thirty minutes then put their plunder in the collection plate on Tuesday mass

The Dark Pariah's plan was to create music to their ears
That would make them hopscotch off a cliff and free fall to their deaths
This was part and parcel for his sham to exact his vengeance

But ipso facto they never followed through with their plans due to sheer laziness
And now they're both dominated by remorse and online FAQ's

Get on with your lifelong crisis
But know the difference between response and reaction
It's all too familiar
Paper covers rock
Rock smashes scissors
Scissors cuts paper
Mask your bad breath
And get rid of that embarrassing screen name
You've served your time to society
Now go search for that cat with the vast collection of tongues
Reanimate the dead and beaten horse
But don't let yourself get bullied or get thrown under the bus
Stand up and use your great stoicism  
Use that pulley powered propulsion system you call a mind

He's found himself in the closet
After he lost to himself in a game of tic-tac-toe
And tied his lobster bib tightly
Then hid his cheat sheet, for the pop quiz he knew was soon to come

It's curtains for her
She let the cat out of the bag
And now she's up **** creek with ****** for paddles to go **** herself with
Right in the birth canal

Then we'll auction off the ******
We'll pass them off as European defibrillators
Maybe some extremist will want them
If we spew out enough mindless dribble

The All Time ****-Show is about to begin
We have
The Chronic Masturbater
The Hypochondriac
And The Pathological Liar

It was either sometime yesterday
Or sometime tomorrow
Or was it sometime today?
That you were all going to make fun of the boy with the cleft lip down at the laundromat?

Out of the three of you The Pathological Lair sticks out like a sore thumb
I can tell he was the runt of the litter
Who always bites off more than he can chew

I see the Hypochondriac has convinced himself he has eczema  
He rattles off all his symptoms
Inordinate filibustering  

Now there's the Chronic Masturbater
He looks like he's over the hill
He's only twenty one
But the blue circles under his eyes and the deep defined lines on his forehead denote his inelegant aging

I sign all your lives away in my horrible cursive
And now you belong to the ragtag trigger-happy posse of gun-jumpers
My billfold his happily filled
So I must go do some reconnaissance
Spy on those who have quit their day jobs
The fish out of water

You must find that thing that really rolls off the tongue with a nice ring to it
******!
*******!
*******?!
....*******?

No...
Go hang youself with dental flossed you home-schooled fool

Indentured servants we're just an after thought

A line has been drawn
And you have nothing to say about the height chart in the door frame
***** smocks
The ebbing and flowing of passengers in the middle seat
Who do nothing but leave coffee rings everywhere they've been
And say, "my left shoes has a sturdier soul than I do!"
Then forget to close the toaster oven
Rusted lamp posts and artificial flavoring
The Kettle telling The ***, "don't do me no favors"
I see clear coasts and those who've missed their boats
They should have taken their piece of cake
Now, this is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you
Getting back to business and usual
Better make that eyelash wish count
It's a free for all
It's sibling rivalry
For all the brown-nosers
Who live up to their reputations of raised leg urination
Give me a pull start
And then demote me to cabin boy
       -Tommy Johnson

I nominate the *** that's been brought to a boil
Our plans fell through
And we're about to go under the knife

Rise and shine
Like peas and carrots
Like loaded dice and the counting of cards

Aw, you beat me to the punch
You are not some run of the mill curator
With a reduction in pay, you know your stuff

I blame my dichotomous thinking

Well, Skanky Kelly V.
How could this even be?
You're bleeding down Washington Ave yet again
That new man of your's, he beats you
He cheats, talks down and mistreats you
Because he knows what you are Kelly V.

Me, I'm not too sure what I want
I *** around the town of Dumont
I live a life of echoed apathy
With not much on my mind
I looked for a good time
And you offered Skanky Kelly V.

If you ever met Kelly
Your jaw would hit the floor
She looks like a model from a magazine
Curves in the right places
One in a million faces
Everywhere she went she caused a scene

That night I fell asleep
She left and hit the street
To get off by any means
She found a willing man
And the cycle starts again
For that Skanky Kelly V.

Here's to absent friends
Who have to had the wool pulled over their eyes
Causing them to take unneeded detours
That delay them to their appointment at the mortician's

As their conversation went something like this...

"Who took the cookies from the cookie jar?
Was it you?"
"Yeah! And I'd do it again too!
I just want to watch the world crumble"

"Hurry, get this on tape!
We're gonna be famous!
This can't wait
The not so innocent will remain nameless"

"One lump or two?"
"Seven"

"There's no place like home"

"Unbeknownst to me, my rose has been thrown for me"

"I don't know you, but that's where you are"

"Bad form"
"Poor character"
"Unsportsmanlike conduct
Yellow card, take five in the box"

"I've spared Jacopo  
He will be my right hand man
Let's hop in the hot air balloon
And get my revenge"

It had to come up at some point
And now we're leaving
For the garden
Intangible
Interchangeable
Infinity times eight

Operating on sleep mode
Missing out on everything
Tiring being yourself
But it isn't that big of a deal

It had to come up at some point
And now we're leaving
For the garden
Intangible
Interchangeable
Infinity time eight

They won't get it
I'm not so sure if
Then again
We all have our up's and down's
I mean
If you want
You can
If not
It's okay

It had to come up at some point
And now we're leaving
For the garden
Intangible
Interchangeable
Infinity time eight

Never, once
Occasionally
I'll blame myself
Then I see
That you see
Idiosyncratic neuroses
I feel, I hear
Once in a blue moon
And accept
The faults
And different points of view

It had to come up at some point
And now we're leaving
For the garden
Intangible
Interchangeable
Infinity times eight

I turn on the TV and see
Riots, looting and destruction
I was confused at what I saw
Tear gas and the national guard
Rubber bullets, for what?
An unarmed man was shot and killed
At the wrong place at the wrong time
They had a candle light vigil
Just a day before
They began to act out in hate

This documentary on Netflix
Shows life and lives around the world
Mundane to miraculous
The opportunity and essence
Unspoken
It gives me hope

Wakened by a nightmare once more
I have my morning dosage of nicotine and caffeine
Hop the turnstile
Forgot my wallet and my keys
At least I'm right on schedule
Running up to the office
Lying down on the couch
And unfurling my troubles

Now, I see the linked headlines
Almost 2,000 dead in Africa
A horrible outbreak
Some think it's a hoax so they protest and attack
Casualties and quarantines
International epidemic disease
And I'm sick just hearing about it all
I'm so sorry

The army brat has come back
He whistles a whirling tune
And speaks of charms and amulets
He gambles and always wins somehow
You can now tell he's feeling free
Hiding behind witty sarcasm
He couldn't care less

Let's agree to disagree
And understand that we have a misunderstanding  

The ornament doesn't care much about her appearance
Just about her performance on the playing field
She rides her boards goofy-footed
Always making plans with Mary Jane
Building Rube Goldberg Machines
Cleaning up after Pavlov's dogs

Let's agree to disagree
And understand that we have a misunderstanding  

They can't get out of their own way
Brushed hair, combed teeth with two different shoes on
Suffering from ADD
But demand perfection
Refuse to bend or break
Don't let them latch on and bring you down with them

Let's agree to disagree
And understand that we have a misunderstanding  

We're flip-flop-waffle-minded people
Who can't make heads or tails of signs and labels
Who are aware of the bad blood between some
Unintentionally manipulating and deceiving one another
We're on the third pitch, let's not miss it
But even if we do, we look good doing it in style
When we make exclusive appearances

Let's agree to disagree
And understand that we have a misunderstanding

       -Tommy Johnson

All that I own is worthless
Yet, everything reminds me of you
Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia

Guardian angel watch me
As I write a tale of loss
Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia

Raven-black hair
Dark brown eyes just like mine
Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia

Now I write the tale of loss
And of it I dream
Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia

Her voice echoing
Finding me
Across the water

Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia
An other boy a year an a half older
You only left six numbers

Car crash took your husband
Oh, you were so young
Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia

Crying moon
Angry mind
Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia

I will write my tale of love
In hopes you will see
Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia

Find me
Read my tale for you
Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia

She never skips a micro-meal
She's familiar with her own late night solo acts
Reaching down, drenched nine fathoms deep

He's on the outside looking in
Slipping on his finger-less gloves
Hiding behind a smile as his feet take him
Somewhere dead

Over-stuffed mellow-dramatics
Prima Donas and drama queens

Its four o'clock I need, a pick me up
It's too early for this, I need my stuff
Oh, it's nothing, don't ask me what

It's time, time for my medicine
It's time, that time yet again
It's time, my habitual regimen

Soul subtraction brings me satisfaction
Eternal extraction gives me satisfaction

Security
Comfort
Vindication

Means to an end
All's well that ends well
I mean well
Well, ****

       -Tommy Johnson

When I look at you I need pace maker
Sipping whiskey straight no chaser
Superman with liquid muscle
So I'm gonna give it to you

You're laying on your back
And I'm ready to attack
This is something you've never done before
This is something new to you

I just can't help it, it's partly your fault
You made my spinning head come to a halt
You said, "there's no commitment "
"Let's keep it casual"
"Because after all"
"We're just wild animals"

The both of us going crazy on each other
They say fatal attractions endangered
It's rare to find such a giving lover
Who is always down and one with nature

I feel you clawing on my back
Making moves, I can't keep track
Biting on my lip with an evil smile
You love it rough
And now I know I'm in trouble

Anything goes in the wilderness
But you best forget your innocence
Can you feel that insatiable hunger?
"I wanna make you mine"
"Give it to me now"

I just can't help it, it's partly your fault
You made my spinning head come to a halt
You said, "there's no commitment "
"Let's keep it casual"
"Because after all"
"We're just wild animals"

The both of us going crazy on each other
They say fatal attractions endangered
It's rare to find such a giving lover
Who is always down and one with nature

It'll leave you breathless
Vicious so relentless
Make it so good you wont forget this
This moment so precious, wishing it was endless

We can't help it we're just wild animals
Basic instinct, we're just wild animals
It's all natural when you're wild animals
Welcome to the jungle, you wild, wild animal

I once knew a girl, a very stranger girl so opulent
Who said she'd do anything if I showered her in compliments  
She told me to bow, and that now she was my queen
She said the key was to talk sweetly, say things I didn't mean
I lied in the bed, enjoying the moment, no words were spoken
A few hours of that then she said, "take me home"
She said she'd see me again if fate allowed
She told me to tell her she was pretty, I laughed out loud
Now, she has a man, her number one fan on demand
Empty, meaningless words just for her and her lack of confidence

The drifter and the comely young women who gleamed with charisma walk passed the rabble-rousers on their way to tie the knot

The rabble-rousers cheer, tossing out superlatives, praising their oncoming matrimony
The young woman is chomping at the bit to finally settle down
The drifter is on the same boat, he can't keep living the life of a rolling stone
He's gonna give the married life a whirl

She has her dress in a brown paper bag and he has on the shiniest cuff links this side of the Pacific

Some say they just portrayed a happy couple
But behind closed doors they had hidden intentions
But I'd wager that they truly loved each other  
But my my opinion is superfluous, they know in their hearts what they're doing is right
So they got that going for them

They make their way to the ****** who is set to marry the two
Until they are ambushed by pinheads with the gift of gab and know it all's who know nothing  but still try to talk out of their ***** even though their heads are already wedged tightly up them already

Egregious questions and tauntings of habitual bullshitters
What was God thinking during their creation?
Good thing the worst of them all has been tarred and feather and ran out of town on a rail, or so I've been told

They finally reach their destination and say their vows right off their cuffs
Say I do, kiss with just me in attendance
And leave all these sheep all these irritants behind
And embark on their new life together

The living legend is ****** into a rut of pining for his splendid playwright
She was his everything
A new breed of woman
No societal entourage could compare
No jovial jubilee could top her
Her humongous measure of perplexity
Her grace
Her charm
Her mystery

He now despises himself for this moment of nostalgic weeping
The mucus makes it hard for him to breathe with his deviated septum
He looks for something to alleviate his sniffling
And eviscerate all his emotional anguish
Nasal spray and bourbon
He can breathe but the alcohol only exacerbates the visceral issue
And dampens his already flaccid spirit  

Clouted with the disheartening reminder that it wasn't all her fault
He fumbles with the bottle while retracing the event in his mind

"It was the golden age of bronze metals"
"She was asked to do as she was told"
"A white lie"
"A foul up"
"An accusation"
"An accessory to ******"
"Madcap ad libbed alibis and recounts verbatim"
"She turned on them, they killed her"

The bourbon was gone, his nose was stuffed again
Wheezing, gagging, crying  

What's the word for when a living legend wants to die?

Utilize the practices and maneuvers developed in Hell
Watch the coherence of the corroded coercion
A little birdy told you to ignore the tingly feeling on the nape of your neck
And to use a little elbow grease to try and heal this place of its discord
The leave posthaste
Or so I've heard

Years have passed now a mountebank calls all those who suffer from foot-in-mouth issues, racing minds, unjoggable memories and anyone who's psychiatrist couldn't shrink their problems
"Come one, come all! Try the new elixir that with one taste all your worries, all your hardships, all your dreadful  nightmares incarnate will vanish in an instant!"

A large crowd made up of rogues, shot messengers, plate scrapers, date rapers accused of buggery, banished bums and exiled urchins, frail victims of nit picking and guileful gimmicks now surround the platform and end table stacked with tiny bottles of cloudy liquid

"It will help you pass a drug test, prevent you from waking up on the wrong side of the bed and you'll be able to recite the alphabet backwards!"
"Yes! You heard it here first, Doctor Meerkatt's Magic Elevating Elixir!"
"Now in a variety of four fruity flavors"
And coming soon, Dr. Meerkatt's Fast-acting Magic Elevating Elixir!"

Lines form
One for those who wish to take their's home and drink it
One for those desirous for mainline vaccinations
I go on neither line, I'm not susceptible to theses types of things
But I could be if given enough grief and desperation  

I've seen this act before
I've seen all the mind readers
All the fortunetellers
All the traveling sales people
Who collectively have the same goal
To attempt to sell some product or idea that seems worthwhile but in reality is nothing more than a cheap farce that you pay for with your milk money and your intelligence

I'll leave these scavenger hunts for trinkets of cures and hopes for the naive ones and the thoughtless adrenaline junkies who's minds will be abducted by some quack or prevaricator and their ignorant rants
Their "ignor-rants"

It just pains me to see you be a part of all this, my old friend
You were once a caring, cautious person
Now you're an abstract con artist
Now you're just Dr. Meerkatt