When the air hits my chest
it reminds me of the place
where you come to rest
when the rain strikes on my face
it misses your lost lips
that used to wander in daze
when the wind wipe my wrist
it recalls me of the place
where you used to call a bliss
awestruck, wonderstruck
was the only game
but now, dumbstruck
is the only known fame.

this is
the only lair for you
so I am not worried
if you lost your way.

I'm afraid,
afraid of something
something that feels like
tailing me,
but don't, don't
don't mistaken this
it doesn't follow me
neither haunts me,
out of necessity
it reflects of something
when I looked upon
the troubled water
from the unending bridge.

It hits me,
like a hanging skin being stitched.

Love me
if you love me.

If you love me
why don't you
come here
and say
"I love you"

and we
can start anew.

maybe
it is
about
to end

but
you always
know when
tomorrow

begins.

I heard that
you're coming back,
but don't ever be like lush,

when things turned black,
head went off in a rush.

I do not want to live
in fear anymore
I do not want to live
without desire anymore
I want to move to
a city where I know nobody
where I will have
a movie marathon alone
where I will have
a dinner at my own convenient
where I will have
the entire space to my own
where I will talk
to myself in front of the mirror
where I will suffer
alone from my crooked back
I am pretty sure it is
more meaningful than
to be greeted by
thoughtful strangers
to be harrassed by
vengeful neighbours.

sometimes, knowing that
you are loved from afar
will make you want to fish
for the sun from the star.

The genius in the crowd
it does not mean that they are loud
sometimes, they look just like the rest
but they are here to create the chaos
to every star, every meteor
in the entire infinite universe
they are not supposed to keep tight
being remote and ideally fit everyone's sight
and chased away the adrenaline
to crush the convex of the serpentine
they will never cause any harm
the time and space will always be there
waiting for its monster to grab it
while bleeding profusely by just doing it
as the stop watch ticking, closing down
on everything but nothing
they realize and aware of the potential
of losing any remembrance at their disposal
as they divert everything away from the sunshine
you will weep and sink into the oblivion
of eternal shadow and spirit
letting all your troubles and mistakes free and
knowing they have not hit the stride at all.
The genius in the crowd
does not mean that they do not look like the rest.

Such a
disappointment
I have placed
myself in a
confinement

and

lurking for hope
in desperation
is no longer
part of the
only question.

Our love disregard the feeling inside us.

Just like the hitman, just like the cosmonaut, we are looking for the holy grail which is disputable after all, while everything that adores and devotes itself to us slowly fades away.

We serve the alternate illusion of eternity despite the struggle that love faced in fulfilling the well, that will never be well.

What is in there?

Look at the babies
they are sweet, free
and pure
everyone adores
them, yet you;

you
are everything
that contradicts them
when you were
just one of them,
not long
ago.

the wilderness
in a soul that is scattered
all over this vast, empty universe
always challenged,
left without any apparent
guidance, nor any cult,
firm formulae
we are that only soul,
slow, without direction, colliding
all over this hazardous place
relying on our instinct
and complicated mind
the component of each particle
are intense non-binary
and it helps us to disrupt
the pattern of our non-existence,
and therefore, yes,
here we are.

This ideation
with any prevention
or without
any encouragement
will still be an ideation.

The proposition
to vanish
and disperse
the entire town
within this state
is nothing more
of an eternal insult
to the intelligence
of any insurgency.

The resolution
to establish
and entertain
an institution
is nothing more
like an immolation
committed by those
who are severely loyal
on the day of a funeral rite.

The confession
of his excitement
towards his own
destruction and
epidemic distortion
is nothing more
like a random fly
dancing gleefully
to its own death.

This ideation
with any prevention
or without
any encouragement
will still be an ideation.

24.5.2014

With money
you are happy
with money
you will act silly
with money
you will not be lonely
with money
you do not need this body
with money
you can always be free
with money
you don't want to be
anything that you can be.
with money
nothing is left for you to see.
but with money
you cannot buy the empathy
and with money
you cannot buy
your sanity.

lock
the door
before
heading
out,
everytime.

innocuous.

cut
an apple
into few slices
and leave it
for days.

indecisive.

Things deteriorated
at an alarmingly rate
and we are set
for another horrendous spate.

But this is our time,
there's no such thing as fate
and you always know,
that nothing is ever
too late.

A song starts, and it will end.

Eventually.

I will play your song all over again.
As the outside just started to rain,
and I light the joint to heal the pain.
All this time, even in the
tiniest, tightest lane,
I don't have to think, I always knew
the outcome.

And knowing that you have reached
the plateau, I feel numb.

My endorphins have never failed me.
Every time the tune crawled and bit my doldrums,
it did not fail me.

I feel fine, and everything shines.
I am done, and nothing put me off the lines.
I just had to, and it feels so true.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
I miss you, and I wish that you knew.

25/2/2014

There is no
debacle;
just a set of
uncertain chronicle.

we are like
a glass full
half of water
and most of us
want the other half
to be filled
for the feeling
of full, tight grip
breathtaking
drowning
because that
is what makes
this life complete
and for them
anything
that fills in
the vacant
empty space
it could be
apple cider
rice wine
maple syrup
rat’s blood
as long as
it fills
they are
content
and satisfied.
but for
some people
like me
the void
and cold nature
of the space
that has been
keeping us
alive
and
we cannot
be bothered
by it
at all.

Death
knows no
victim
death
knows no
mind
death
knows no
regret
for everything
that death
has done
it is just
part and
parcel
of its
own
duty.

The                         failings
of


mainstream media

is a bless
                to the society.

mind drown in a sea full of life
take a season off for a slow dive
right at the middle of the earth
trap the sun and show its worth
of another thousand of surrender
at the bottom of your heartless cave
set the parity for the raging thunder
that owe us a save, after another save.

I wanted
I really
I really, really
wanted
to write
something
that is so
beautiful
something
that only
an angel
could think of
something
that blows
our possessed
crooked minds
away
something
that could
captured
the heart
of thousand roses
and rhinos.

Noting
on what I
am doing
at the
moment,
lies are
here
to stay
to feed
to satisfy
those with the
precious
unperturbed
untortured
minds
to congratulate
them at
the end
of their
endless quest.

Too many times
in our life
we have
been given
the clue
and we should
have known
that it has
no other duty
besides that
it will build
us up
or break
us down.

There is nothing
much to worry
in this life
except for
our acts
and its
consequences.

there is
a hole
a space
an empty bracket
in me
waiting patiently
to be filled
like a junkyard
a ***** bottle
a sanitarium
a minute
after the minute
you read this
on every clock
and once it is filled
with all the particles
needed
I will rise
like a tiger
released from its cage
like a thunder
freed off the cloud
I won't even care
about the universe
because I decide how
the stars, the rocks
out of the black hole
collide and erupt
and nobody can
stop me from
breaking the lines
crashing the minds
of the constellation
to seek
something out of it
as it is just
a mere sign
that I looked
in solitude and
compassion.

There is a hole
that is
waiting patiently to be
filled in me,
there is.

He is immune to things that could shake him
for years and years
like the rohypnol, cotton bleach, light beam
more tears and tears
been shed upon the Christ's myth
and nothing could indulge in more width.

He can never lie in the bunk
throughout the summer, forever
a thousand of ships have allegedly sunk
into the oblivion, since we gather
in the acrimonious way in withholding
the frivolous conviction that we refused.

He missed thousands of roses, lilies, daisies
He stepped on it, he couldn't resist
when they arrived to announce the capture from the harem
he departed just to leave a terrifying mark all over them.

He dragged his soul through the abandoned street
street of hope and lie that forget to greet
tend to set ablaze any shape of territory
Inferno's fault is that it never told us the whole story.

He is now dancing alone on the sacred mountain
savoring the peace that he thought he could never obtain
horrendous mistake when they set him apart to be blamed
even Abraham made up something to take everyone's sight off the frame.

They shirk their responsibilities resulting in the furor
he wished that he can never be bothered anymore
for John, Donald, Henry are passersby in waiting
and the Sun now, seems to be brighter and deafening.

It takes me years
to go to nowhere
I've been waiting
for the moonlight
to wrap me up
for the sunshine
to burn me up
but I can't let go
the pain of not wanting
a revenge on the
sight of deity goddess.

Age
shall not
worry me,
nor the years
condemn.

I yearn
for an existence
that goes beyond
everything,
and nothing
deserves to bind me
and dethrone me
from my own
plateau.

I deserve
every single breathe
that I heave,
and there is
nothing off me
that you can
steal.

There was a cotton candy
wrapped with a bleeding ham
on my spineless lap
the lady luck smiled at me
while handing me
a burning, fiery horseradish
and while I'm shaking
at the point of receiving,
I felt free and relieved.

I took turn
ramming it up my mouth
one by one
pieces by pieces
yes I did, I did
sado masochism
Sade barbarism
but it felt nothing
out of this world
I felt at ease, I felt at home.

I bit my lips and wanted more.
but nothing could have
satisfied me,
and I always knew it.

I command myself to do so,
so do I.

There is no way we can
determine
not every smile reflects
happiness
not every weep reflects
sadness
we have zero
chance
on guessing our fate.

I thought it was easy
to be you
and
you thought that
it was easy
to be me
but
nobody thought that
it is not easy
to be anybody.

There is no way
we can determine
anything.

29.10.2014

I look
past
your
own past,

and you
should look
past
my
own past.

Despite realizing that,

We
are
made
of our
own past.

It feels like
you just came
and visited me
yesterday.

The lemonades
and Anna Karenina
left open
on top of
the coffee table
waiting for us
to drink it
till there is
not a single drop
and for us to read
to debate
and to fight over
before we close it
and go through
another tale.

But you are not here
as the table
has been left
unattended
long time ago.
It was not
there alone
just like the day
we dragged it home
from the waste bay
and stationed it
at the center
of the hall.
It was full of mess,
dirt and marks
I can't hardly see
any signs
of love and
happiness
and pride,
the same feelings
we used to have
on it.

We used to run
to the grocery
down the corner
and laughed at
all the flattery
over the dinner
We used to kick
all the jittery
over the thunder
and shoved
the maturity
down the throat
but now we are
slowly getting
used to be like
a stranger
like a feather
off the duster
fly separately
on its own
to meet the final
destination
of its soul.
you are
no longer
here with me
to encounter
the thunder
as the lady luck
choose to
smile on you
and I fall into
the lethal oblivion
that stays longer
than the morning dew.

You may have
long gone
perhaps to the
end of the world
or to the center circle
of the endless whirl
it might be forever
or just like
the stay with me
that ends
prematurely,
but I hope
you know that
you will always
reside in the back
of my mind
at the bottom
of my heart
permanently.

I believe
that there is a life
somewhere out there
that is waiting for
a meteoric burst
in it.

But life is still
just a life
if it decides
not to leave
the uncorked bottle.

We are all bizarre,
but that is not our deepest scar.

To know whether you are strong
or not,
break, break and
break everything
that you have
into bits and pieces.

Only then
you will know
whether you
deserve to be here,
or you should just
cease to exist.

Well, we are all going to diminish, eventually.

After all,
we are made from
nothing else but
bits and pieces
either it is
a dream
that you nurture
all this time or
a trait
that you pick up
from others or
a move
that you steal
from a movie.

Break it
for its strength
and invincibility
it will still survive
and kick everything
into life.

A puzzle
would never be
complete
on its own.

Pretending to relish in
such a blasphemous living,

is an unpalatable,
nonsensical nerve wrecking blink.


Pretending to be alive
when you are not holding the knife,

is accepting a story
without important, logical strife.

I don't
remember
or
can quite
understand it
whether
all this
will drag me
into hell
or heaven
whether
all this
will lead me
to the tip of
the sky
or the edge of
the sea
whether
this is
a true love
or just
an honest obsession.

But
every single
morning
when I wake up
with you
in my arms
as I stare
deep from
the end of my
fiery eyes
to the end
of your
flowery eyes
there,

I knew it.

I just knew it
and
I deserve it.

This is just
a waiting game
that needs nothing else
besides perseverance
and persistence
to make sense
of everything
that will succeed
in disappearing
completely,
on one fine day.

I want to return
I want to give back
all the good things
I do not want to perish
in the broad daylight
I do not want to wilt
in the coldest night
and in doing so
I need this life,
I mean it this time
I do,

I really do.

We left our hearts
in the graveyard
and now you ask
for a new start,
well isn't that
sounds like
the funniest part,
when all the doors
and windows have been shut.
Still you have the guts
to pick all the pieces,
all the shards
when you are not
even a wildcard
in our hearts.

Go away, die in lake
go away, rot in hell
you leech, son of a witch.

I fail,
like everyone else
before me or after me,
I can't hold the fort,
I can't ride the wave,
I can't bite the cliff,
but I should be proud
that I have never been
in the contention
to be excluded
from being chosen
by the mother,
from being taken away
by the father.

It will never be
the question of how far
we made it,
but it will always be
the question of how
we will deliver it.

I can see it beforehand
three months three wounds
and the Death is dragging me
hail the eternal chain
hail the Danse Macabre
the allegory is dead,
the hegemony is trapped
in the continuous fashion,
insurmountable passion
Oh Lord, you must've
loved me.

What I think
what I say
and what I do
shall not be a meal
that you can indulge in
before you digest
and criticize it.

This freedom
this tiny little space
that I am able to afford
is not for you to steal, rob or breach
and I have fought through
thousand of nights and days
with nobody but myself
to gain all this.

Therefore,
I shall refrain myself
from doing things
that will inflict the process
as there is enough barbarism
in this world
without my help.

And it might be useful
for you to know that
what you think
what you say
and what you do
is something that
I am not interested in
and not something
for me to have a hand in
unless it has something
to do with me but
as you might have known
there is nothing that I can do
about it.

So,
bon appetite!

I am fixing the racetrack
where all the thoughts there
have turned black,

reclaiming my isolated dignity
retraining every part of thoughts
connecting every incomplete dots

which will lead me to the adjacent poles
that are satisfied with their own nature
science taught me nothing but
selective decision and sense of entrapment
whisper to your pillow before
every intentional breath

“am I just a vehicle to every unidentifiable selfishness or am I just living up to my own means?”

I've poured
half of my juice
inside the glass
on top of the table
when the nature
came calling.
So, I went to the loo
expecting the juice
to wet my throat
and work its magic
few seconds later.

Turns out
the cat had climbed
the table and
accidentally kicked
the glass
while reaching
for the fried pomfret
under the cover
which I never noticed
the existence of it
while I was away.

I have lost the word
to describe
the situation
and I have lost my mind
over the situation.

22.6.2014

the love

is for us to hold in high affinity,
and to be protected like our sanity.

Poetry
makes me believe in possibilities,
it turns the coffee table upside down
it lifts the bed from its hiding corner
it feeds me with every outlandish ideas
that offers the olive branch to my cerebrum.

It makes me feel,
wonder and believe in risk.

It challenges me.

Most of the time
when I am lost for words,
poetry patiently waits for me.

It helps me in overcoming
my scars, my fears.
It embraces my weaknesses.
It never looked down on me,
it accepts me and my individuality.

Dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline,
just pour everything in.

No rush, just honesty and reality.

Poetry
I love you
with all my sanity.

Put a mirror
in between us
and you might
not see yourself at all.

Pretending to be
a functional adult
is exhausting.
Pretending to be
a conventional writer
is much more
frustrating.

25.5.2014