Friends,  family and foes...
Can they ever erase my solitude?
Can they ever erase the persisting loneliness?

I have laughed with them,
Suffered with them
And of course,
have suffered for them.

They have been there like the moon with the earth and the earth with the sun, in every orbit of my life.

But still my solitude and its silent pleasure persists.
Like the hurting echoes of the unspoken words...
Still I find myself lonely
Amidst the jostling and screaming herds.

Is it because they seem so transient?
Like a deceiving but fair illusion?
My soul makes me question even reason by making it appear like a mere dilusion.

The one who knows what we haven't questioned yet.
Is in oneness with the ultimate bearer of souls perhaps.

All our souls are destined to be one...
And in oneness there is only solitude.

At times we find ourselves
Living that very day
Which decides our path...

I feel my 'that very day' is tomorrow.

I need to know...
Does big decisions really have the power to change lives forever?

If so, then mine will change completely...Tomorrow

I wish I could know...
If only we could remain ourselves
Could our lives direct decisions instead of decisions directing lives?

Some people believe that life is too unpredictable...
But I've been through so much unpredictability
That a predicted life seems unpredictable.

You cannot predict life but that doesn't make it unpredictable
Because these two words are not mentioned in Life's dictionary.

Tomorrow I can become poor
I can become rich
Tomorrow I can become aimless
I can become determined

I can become heartless
Or can gain a wonderful heart
I can become the master
I can become the slave

The only thing that I don't wish to become
Is someone other than myself

It's a decision within a decision
Like a dream within a dream

I decide to remain who I am
Before and after decisions...
For me it's more difficult than many difficult things...
Perhaps one of the most difficult tasks in life.

The 'big' decision may alter my path
But that 'small' decision will get me home...hopefully.

I get betrayed a million times
And lose faith in everything that's called love or trust.

But poetry brings me back again
And makes me fall in love as many times as a new leaf takes the place of a dead one.

It makes me trust people again
And makes me realise the beauty of all words that can possibly exist.
I'm born a million times.

That night we went out for a long drive.
Me and my beloved.
We exchanged sweet words and melodies.
We knew we were the best buddies.

Suddenly there was a blazing light.
And I saw a truck comming for our lives.
I knew it was too late...
I clutched her hands tight.
And then, for the last time
She looked deep into my eyes.
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◆
◆
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I got up from a deep slumber.
Feeling numb, feeling nothing.
Then suddenly her body crossed my eyes.
She lied there in a pool of blood so bright.
I stood up in an instant and went by her side...
And then to my horror I saw my body lying beside.

I tried waking her up.
I attempted to take her hands into mine.
But my fingers passed through her hands so divine.
I shouted my lungs out...
But all I could hear was the silence of the night.

Then an old man...Perhaps God himself
Parked his car and took her to the hospital.
I walked beside the car which ran at infinite speed.
The next day I knew it was time for me to leave.

She slept on the hospital bed...
And illuminated the room's thousand corners.
She was the divine goddess
And I was the sinful Ghost...
She was the brightness of the lights.
I was the darkness of the shadows.

A few days later,
She was rendered physically fit.
But her heart was incomplete.
Coz during one of those good days.
I remember her giving me a piece of her heart.
For me to keep it safe and protected.
I wanted to return it.
But they didn't allow me to come down to earth.

I always knew I am a sinful man
So why did heaven take me in.
Then I remembered its becoz'
I loved her so deep.

Years pass by
And I watch her toil deep within.
Her diamond-like tears
Wet her bed every night,
And she keeps talking to me
Without getting any reply.

One day I decide to defy the heaven's rules
And walk down on the earth so beautiful.
They punish me to die everyday in hell.
But how can that be as this heaven is my hell!

I visit her during her sleep
And before returning the last piece
I kiss her forehead
And get a taste so sweet.
The next morning.
I see her smile return.
I see the girl who is jolly and fun.
She notices a locket on her neck.
A heart shaped one...with our pictures on either side.
She takes it off
But keeps it safely beside the white roses.
I am a memory now.
A beautiful memory.
But only a memory
Nothing more than that.

She soon leaves for work
But on the road she stumbles and falls.
First I run but then I stop.
A tall young man helps her up.
First she hesitates, but then takes his hand.
I smile and stand still behind.

Now she has a happy home,
And I walk the roads of hell alone.
I have gone out of your sight
And you've me out of your mind.
Thank you his beloved for forgetting me.
Thank you his beloved for saving me.

At times things get so beautiful...
Its hard to even imagine,


Its NOT a dream.

The Rage and Wrath in my soul shall burn down your black world.
The fire in it shall perish your dark soul and feed on it.

Its true, that even this tortured soul shall pass into oblivion.
But from it, a new world with clean hearts shall emerge.

Like a phoenix from the grey ashes of it's predecessor,
Like a new sun from the darkness of this never ending night.

Life's what we think of it...
Life's what we make it.
Life is indeed a mirror,
A mirror reflecting us...
Reflecting our thoughts and our visions,
Our dreams and aspirations.
Those small desires...
And those beautiful laughters,
Those weird imaginations
And those amazing destinations...
They are all a part of us...
All those people who create magic in our lives...
And all those who help us revive....
They are indeed what makes us and our life.
Those moments of joy and laughter are more valuable than we can think of.
Those human bonds are immortal and above all...
There are moments as well
Of pain and struggle,
Of injustice and betrayal...
But without them,  there is no us.
Those moments are the reason for a balance,
An indirect reason for our happiness...
Enhancing the taste of a joyous moment
And helping us learn our lessons.
They give us a share of our sadness
And make us realise the value of real happiness...
Such is our life...
A coin with many sides...
Creating a rhythm so beautiful,
And striking a beat with the great soul...

I long for you badly.
And I write about you like crazy.
Words help me put out much of the feelings
Which are otherwise tightly compressed...hurting from within.

I know for sure its not love.
Coz I've barely spoken a sentence with you.
And acted in the most stupid manner possible.
You surely must be laughing behind my back.

I don't know who you are
Or even how you are.
I only know whenever you are there,
There's a quick and silent beating of the heart.
...and a lot of butterflies land in the stomach and I simply don't know from where.

I know for sure its not love
Coz when you are with someone else
I burn for a while
But then I simply don't care.

I know you're just a passing moment.
Very much unlikely to be a part of my comming days.
But for sure, in the present, your presence makes me crazy.
Coz somehow I know you are the only one I might as well never achieve.

Belive me. I'm not quite good at keeping relations happy.
I know you'll be much happier with someone else...someone special.
I don't want to spoil the unspoken magic between us,
Which of course you will never feel.

The memory of pain keeps coming back but the feeling has almost completely vanished.
Its strange that at times, I seem to want to cherish pain, but there is no pain anymore.
Nothing to cry for...nothing to feel for.
My life might attract many onlookers.
A life with no pain, a life with only smiles and laughter.
But let me warn you, its very difficult to attain such a life where you have escaped all fears of pain, all feelings of pain and all people causing the pain.  
Its not easy to reach a point where you can forget at will and remember only on command...
Its not easy...
Perhaps only when we get the whole share of our pain, we attain a state where we can switch on and switch off pain at will...
But believe me...
That's not something you'll want to have...

Human relations....
Two words, many meanings,
Two words and many feelings...
These two words were present in every corner of my life so far...
These two words were a part of me so far...and I really do hope they remain a part of me forever...
But even after being so deeply involved with these words for years,
I do not understand them...
I cannot explain them...
And that inability causes a sensation so strange,  
I keep musing, whether I should try again...
At times, I find myself so very drawn towards one person...
But as time passes things change...
Our paths change...
At times, I feel I can trust the whole world around
But then again,  things change and those feelings drown...
At times, I feel friends are a reality,
But then betrayal makes me discover the world's cruelty....
Sometimes I get detached...
When things don't click the right way...
I cannot explain it yet, coz I don't understand it yet...
Sometimes I go far away...
Away from people, away from friends....
Just to discover new ones perhaps...
I know, that's just not the way...
But that's the only way...
For a person who discovers a new 'himself' every time he meets a new face...
For a person who sees a new reflection in each face...
For a person whose heart is of a traveller's and whose eyes are those of a wanderer's...
Searching for new mirrors...

Why did I run from the people I love?
Why did I expect them to understand the unspoken words?
Why didn't I cry when I knew they'd soothe me?
Why didn't I let go of myself when they hugged me tight?
Why was it that my pain always took the form of rage?
And my unspoken sweet words acted as knives piercing their veins?
Why did I tell the unforgiveable truth instead of telling the divine lie?
Why did I make such mistakes
And why don't I realise?
Why is it that they still stand next to me and say
"We'll always be by your side"?

Its always the breath of the night
Which steals my breath away...

The lack of passion, desire and will
Can cost a lifetime...