| <- this is a line
        A line never ends.
        Line starts with L.
        So does love.
        Imagine for a minute
        My love is a line.

Love is sweet, love is kind.
Love is torture, love is blind

Love the girl who can't love herself
love the girl
              so that she can learn to love herself
love the girl
              and in time she'll learn to love you too
love the girl
              your strength is her vitality
love the girl
              it'll be worth it, be patient
love the girl
              and she won't leave you
                                             I swear I won't leave you
so, love the girl.
Love the girl who can't love herself.

The ghost of things
I never  said
keep me up
while I lay in bed.
In the minutes
that come before sleep,
I ask myself why
I never took the leap...
Of all things I am
One of them is not bravery,
in fact, to my demons,
I am in slavery.

I pick up my pen
intent on the drain.
I write 'til my fingers bleed.
I write 'til my wrist is numb.
With the pain of cramping
at the joints,
keeping my mind on point,
draining the pain
to anoint the page,
with the curse of living, again and again
with nothing left to gain.
Emptying my heart.
Draining my pen.

The nighttime never bothered her
It went hand in hand with solitude
When solitude was a friend.

Cold breezes
   Dewey feet
     Star-filled eyes

The nighttime never bothered her
Until the magic was snuffed out
With one lustful shout.

Frigid winds
  Numb feet
    Lifeless eyes.

Some say I'm obsessed with the night
and I, I say they are right.
I used to be afraid of the dark
the full moon
I used to be a huge horror fan
and well, I still am.
But I grew out of those childish fears
and now I see the wonder
as I gaze upon the stars
and adolescent angst
makes the night feel akin
to the dark thoughts
but as we mature
we realize that the night
is just the prelude to
a beautiful dawn
a new day
a new start
and the glory
of a beautiful sunrise
seen through introspective eyes
and even as I type
an essence of my thought
is lost
or simply kept
as I heard it put in another poem
and it resonated with me
like thunder on a dark
and stormy night
I used to feel afraid of the thunder
even though mom
would say lightning is something more
rational to be afraid of
but she couldn't hear the monsters
in the thunder that were out to get me
now thunder is calming
as I realize that there
are more worrisome noises
in day-to-day life
Going back to the night
as I sit outside
and tears stream down my face
as my eyes look into outer space
and I realize I'm just a speck
in this greater place
just floating on a rock
moving to and fro
like the waves that
crash shore to shore.
But we are all universes
with our thoughts
and even as I type this an essence
is kept
and lost.
Some say I'm obsessed with the night
and I, I say they are right.

I'm sorry that I never measure up
to you
to society.
Maybe if I had longer hair,
skinnier thighs.
Then, maybe then,
I would look good in your eyes.
If I modeled myself after
everything,
yes, everything,
because you can't really call
the carbon copy
plastic
crayon-riddled
barbies
an adjective that would make them
sound human.
Sometimes I wish
I was good at mimicking
society and perfection
just so I could get
a little bit of your
so-called affection
But maybe I was born
to be different
and that just means
I was born
to be
*alone

I'm okay with being not okay, okay?

I like the way ink runs across paper,
typing is cold, unfamiliar, and unfeeling.

One day
I'll be smart enough
To stay
Far, far, away

From destructive foes
But snow is pretty
Until it snows and snows and snows.

Fires burning
Old wooden homes
But the house is me.
And I hate to stay.
And I hate to stay.

Something about the way your eyes sparkle
when you say you love me
tells me that we always meet
at the wrong time for one another.
That our love orbits
but can never be too close.
Always just missing each other.

At the precise moment our eyes lock
we get pulled away; the tides are just too strong.
Never can we ever be more than just friends.
A love like ours can only destroy
and we are too scared
to take a chance
that we are the best way to destroy each other,
if destroying is what we desire.

Hold me close
Never let me go
Till sun comes up
Before it's too cold

Don't shy away
From the burning flames
As passion consumes,
Destroys, and leaves hate

I went to our place.
It was rainy.
It was cold.
It smelled of peaches;
the thing you thought of,
when you thought of first kisses.

I went to our place.
It was rainy.
It was cold.
It's funny how fast
that peach can mold.

Breaking into pieces and trying to super glue the parts together
Being twisted and damaged and acidic corrosion
Getting a welder's mask and tools
To melt the pieces together
And nothing is the same, forever.

Someone once asked me to write a poem
just for them,
And I smiled sadly, and asked for heart break.

Music pounding, I felt it in my bones
Bouncing around my ribcage;
The only place I've felt at home.
This intruder destroying the walls of my heart.
Debris falling like lead to the pit of my stomach.


The dizzying lights
And astounding heights.
Falling through space,
Seeing his face.

Music pounding, I felt it in my bones
Shaking around inside my skull
Voiding every thought, zeroed and null.
In a crowd of people, feeling alone.
Each breath of cool air, through every pore.

The dizzying lights
And astounding heights.
Falling through space,
Seeing his face.

Music pounding, I felt it in my bones.
And I wonder,
Where is my home?
As I slept, I wondered,
Where is my home?

I saw you
    looking on through
        seeing the person
Not the who.
All you want to see
    is what appears to be
        Would you dig any deeper,
Just to see inside of me?
Always overlooking
    and continuous mistooking
        just another cycle
of eyes just looking
Don't you know there is more?
    Do you ever want to see past the door?
        But you truly don't care
In fact anything you glimpse, you ignore.

Trees loom in the shadows.
Forbidding and threatening.
It reeks of 3am.
The animals hush their cooing.
The cars drive a little slower.
The rain is a bit colder.
It pierces the skin.
Each drop an ice dagger.
The sounds all around.
Enormous in weight.
The silent screams out.
The shadows come out to play.
Monsters and demons
make homes in the hearts
of the lonely still awake.
Of the poet
who feels 3am
as a kindred spirit.
Who knows lonliness in the pits
of his stomach.
He swallows sadness
and mashes his pillow
fighting the urge
to just cradle it to his chest.
It reminds him of
the eternal her
The girl who loved nighttime
who craved the cool dew
of the sleeping grass
under her barefeet
as she waltzed under the moonlight
with owls hooting
their sweet lullaby.
She swayed and danced
light as feathers
and she always danced
in his mind.
And she always danced
in his mind.

She is emptiness.
She is disappointment
and cigarettes
hiding under breathe mints.
She is hollow
and resentment resounds,
reverberating,
and vibrating
her core.
She is anger
and grief.
She is mourning
and sorrow.
She is hopeless
nothing to look forward to,
not even the promise of tomorrow.
She is loneliness
and guilt
for letting perfect love
just sit there and wilt.
She is the morning after
a night of alcohol.
She is the memories
she desperately tries
to drown in another
cacophony of music
and sounds.
She is depression
that she tries to throw to the wind
as she throws another handful of pills
down her mouth.
She is hate
and it eats away
until there isn't much left
to say.
She is you.
She is me.
She is everyone
but no one.
She is.

Take Note..
(This is how a heart breaks)
It starts with a look
leading to hand-holding
and light conversation
     (with an underlying current of something deeper)
Cold nights fast approach
and body holding
and murmurs of sweet nothings,
just reveling in the warmth
     (and something warmer)
Blazing furiously, a passionate
burning and consuming
like fire to an old wooden house
     (but that house is you)
Forgetting each other
blinded by the lies of forever
never, ever questioning
     (but of course, it doesn't work if you can see)
Then weeks transform into month
slower than molasses on a cold day
drifting, little by little
     (but so little you never know)
Hand-in-hand walking starts to feel different
'til that one day, 'til you reach that one day
where everything subsides
      (no reason, no rhyme, a thorough good-bye)
Walking away
you must never look back
never knowing how tears could form a mask
     (why?)

Forever we used to whisper
While Forever was just a vapor
Here and gone
Ripped as far as
the distance in your eyes
We said Forever..
But who knew Forever dies?

I wonder if going all in is a decision
you think about
plan about
dream about

But I know it's not
when you're consistently
cash broke
out of luck
or out of time

You keep saying you'll get a big break
but I wonder if you would ever
apply yourself
save yourself
plan for yourself

Simply put;
You cannot keep running into things headfirst
and then complain
that your head
hurts.

On my way.
Never looking back.
I approach the cliff,
the prospect; black.

I was settled for in my relationship and he loves me, he loves me.
I can't shake the feeling that I'm second best, and he loves me, he loves me.
He looks at me but I'm not the prettiest, but he loves me, he loves me.
I know in my heart that he loves me, he loves me.
But I'll always know deep in my soul, I was settled for.

My eyes meet yours
Do you notice me
in the way I notice you?
Or do you have a different
method of noticing the who?
Do you even look,
when you are seeing?
Can you know,
without believing?

There's a fine line
Between love and hate.

And I love the way
He hates me.

Do you know who I am outside of church?
There's life amidst death after all.
I'm not a scholar.
I'm not a saint.
And I'll admit
I've professed stupid things,
All in your name.

did you know that your the thread
the thread that keeps me hanging on?
did you know it?
did you know that when i dream
your face is what i see?
Did you know it?
did you know that
your my everything?
Did you know it?
You don't, of course
why would you?
you'll never know
I wish I could tell you
just what you mean
to me.
three simple words
sum it up
but its hard
you don't know me
not even my name
that's never gonna change
did you know that your the thread
the thread that keeps me hanging on?
did you know it?

I am a writer, but isn't everyone?

Love recognizes nothing but love.
Pain be ******.

We are electric
     from the first drunken kiss.
Passion's flaring
     on our first night's bliss.

We are steady
     falling asleep in a lover's embrace
Worries dying
     we've found comfort in this place

3 months as of today.
Around 3:30. It will be exact.
We didn't know what else to do.
I was tired of trying,
tired of fighting.
I wasn't even worth your trying.
You refused to compromise
and you lied about changing.
You didn't put in the effort,
I don't think
you ever cared enough to try.
our relationship was
worth the fight,
this I swear.
It just gets so exhausting,
fighting for two.
I know better now,
relationships between two people
only work through
communication
and compromise,
and trying to meet each others interests,
doesn't matter if you don't have much in common, the effort will be noticed,
and greatly appreciated,
because it shows your partner
how much you want
to be with them.
But you never saw it that way.
If it wasn't something
that interested you,
you pushed it away,
no matter how much
it meant to me.
No matter if it were me.
I went out
and tried to get on your level
only to be rebuked.
I try to make you see
how much you meant
and still mean to me.
But I never saw,
no,
not even once,
if I had even meant
anything to you
Anything at all.
3 months,
you act like the closest,
most intimate,
love never even moved you.
3 months,
you have pretended
like nothing ever happened
between us.
3 months
and you ignore my presence still.
3 months,
you still haven't said my name.
3 months,
you need someone to talk to,
and I wish that person was me.
3 months,
and I'm still carrying this weight.
3 months
and I'm still in pain.
3 months,
I'd still take you back.
3 months,
I think I'm insane.

To the people I've left behind...
I'm sorry and
I hope against hope, that we meet again.

It's been a hell of a journey
Pitfalls along the way
And days I thought
Spiraling downwards was the only way.

Turning away from good friends
Committing my sins
Only numbing the pains
As the pain only gained.

I wonder as I wonder
If I had it all wrong
Climbing upwards
And falling backwards.

I'm sorry and
I hope against hope, that we meet again.

"Not all who wander
are lost"
Yet still, I wonder
where am I
and where are we going?

But I know where I am
I'm in a library,
sipping a coffee
lost in my thoughts

Any of which range
from "what's for dinner?"
to "why am I here?"
Ranging from shallow
to deep.

My mind making
leap to leap.
Leaving me confused
and wondering,
Where am I
and where are we going?

She stares past as her life flies by,
some memories sweet
while others dissatisfy.

She remembers she was 8
and her dad pushing the swing
with muscular ease
as her hair swayed
with the honey-suckle breeze.

She remembers her 15th summer
racing on through
bringing with it raging hormones
and ***** boys.

She remembers bitter tears
shed on mother's caring shoulder
when Robert said that they were over.

She remembers prom and
mistakes she made
and the boy who never again
glanced her way.

She remembers the agony
9 terrible months later brought
for a tiny, screaming baby
and she remembers the love that grew
in spite of the pain.

She sits on that bench and
quietly remembers her child’s firsts:
teeth, words, steps that grew into strides.
and her only regret: only the man
with his godawful pride.

She climbs on the bus
gently grasping the hand
of her bright eyed
and well-loved child.
And this child,
this child,
who is wealthier than most
for the child knows only of
love.

It's late
    I should be sleeping
(Who knew I'd miss you so much?)
3 A.M. came and went
    I've never felt more spent
(Who knew I'd miss you so much?)
Losing weight
    but gaining in the bags under my eyes
        and baggage in my thoughts
(Who knew I'd miss you so much?)
Can't eat
    But I eat anyway
(Who knew I'd miss you so much?)
Stuff my face
    Purge my sins
(Who knew I'd miss you so much?)
My weary brain
    my downtrodden heart
        It takes everything just to start
(Who knew I'd miss you so much?)

I saw you today,
first time in a while...
You looked good,
you wore a smile...
All those fights,
all that hurt,
doesn't seem to matter
when you talk to her.
I want to be jealous,
I want to be mad,
but I'm at a loss,
I'm not even that sad.
'Cause I saw you today,
first time in a while...
You looked good,
you wore a smile...

Traces of you linger
Scents, Sights, Places; Triggers
I can still taste your sweet breath.
I can still feel the ghost of the butterflies;
The haunting only your face brings.
Whispers of memory.
Tears have worn broken trails
down my face
crashing into the place
the eroded space
of my heaving chest.
Shallow breathing of a
heart, half beating.
The instinct to survive
hanging on by tiny thread.
One more memory
will send me over the edge.
I'm at the ledge,
I'm at the ledge
Toes hanging over.
Just a nudge.
*Just a nudge