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:):
Megan Hoagland Jan 2013
:):
If Life has taght me anything yet, it is that a person can never have enough notebooks.
?
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
?
I think I'll take up painting

Get these bright colors out of my head

I need room for my thinking.
..
Megan Hoagland Aug 2013
..
I've resigned myself to the company
Of my mirror
She's never left me.
        My shadow knows the truth.
The pain I bear is for me alone.
Why would I share?
10w
Megan Hoagland Jun 2013
10w
"I'm done crying."
As the tears rolled down her cheek.
I am actually not sure if I have read this somewhere, but if so, it awards merit as to how I feel right now. But in any case if this is something you have wrote, please let me know, and I will take this down, I am not in a right state of mind
Megan Hoagland Mar 2013
You are worth it,
someway, somehow.
You are worth it,
I truly wish you could see
just how much worth
you have to me.
15W
Megan Hoagland Jul 2013
15W
When I thought that my heart could shatter no more,
That was when it tore.
Megan Hoagland Mar 2013
1 month, 3 weeks
since I have last known your hands as my own
since I last had you body for warmth to hold
since I said "I love you more than you know"
1 month, 3 weeks.
We are strangers with memories
farther apart than we were from the start.
My first kiss, my first love, my first true look into a soul.
1 month, 3 weeks.
how could three years, a lifetime, just end?
how could we be so close, and so far?
how could we be so open, so blind?
1 month, 3 weeks
and I'm finally falling apart
and I can finally cry
and I can finally see
1 month, 3 weeks
Is this what it is to be happy?
Is this what it means to be free?
Is this life?
1 month, 3 weeks
and I'm finally happy.
Megan Hoagland Feb 2014
3am the Enemy
3am the demons come out to play
coursing through the soul
the heart- it’s prey
The mind- the playground
monkey bars
and jungle gyms
a place where ‘what-if’s’
hang and linger
the air is pungent
and regret permeates
the night humidity
all but makes the stench lesser
putrid like rotting garbage
like the doll you
had to keep you safe
as a little child
that since should’ve been thrown
away
years ago.
the haven for mold
and dust mites
and other things toxic
3am
human’s one true
enemy.
45
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
45
The cold nips at me
bringing with it
a faint memory

many moons have past
rushing through seasons
can we really make it last?
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
I wanna be immersed in my writing.
I want to drown in my ink.
Who else better
can understand me
than paper and ink?
Megan Hoagland Feb 2014
I no longer hate the areas
you used to criticize.
My arms. Stomach.
Hair and my thighs.

I no longer get sick
when I stare deep
into my eyes.

The shape of my face
to the curves from my hips
feels like a poem
that fell from a great poet's lips.

I sing all the time because your words
can't hold me down
won't hold me down

and I smile too,
makes no sense to frown.
My body is glorious
who cares if it's vain.
Megan Hoagland Apr 2013
The weight of her pain
with nothing left to gain
she ended her tears; sent them down the drain.
Thoughts of him nearly drove her insane...

She packed his things
she sings, she sings
and she heard his name
but it no longer stings.
She sings, she sings.
Megan Hoagland Mar 2013
Why can't I write?
The words refuse to flow
or drop like rain...
All inspiration stuck
in the great in-between.
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
How sad is it when a writer cannot write,
                                               a singer cannot sing,
                                                       a dancer cannot dance.
words, melodies, rythms, are all in my head,
then it comes along
                                    BAM! the music is dead,
all of a sudden the fiercest dread,
                                    the strongest depression,
weigh on my worn out chest; opression.
09-12-12 I just found it!  Probably needs editing, oh well.
Megan Hoagland Jun 2015
His body next to mine.
Full of bliss; feeling sublime.
Megan Hoagland Feb 2014
The bruises on my body
are nothing
compared to the bruises left on my heart.
Megan Hoagland Apr 2013
Rushing next to me
you grasped my hand
just looking at me
with that stupid grin
I pointed it out
and much to my dismay
you pulled away
smiles and laughter
lighting your face
maybe you were playing
but in all honesty
I wouldn't mind your staying
Your hand so soft, warm
was more real than anything I've felt
(In a long time)
The happiness that ballooned
kept me afloat for a week or two
yet you have not grabbed for my hand again
What do I do?
Should I reach for you?
Megan Hoagland Feb 2014
The crickets serenaded her
and she danced in the moonlight
a slow waltz
savoring the feeling
of the dew drops.
Bare foot and free
she sings a soft melody
with the owl
in the pine tree.
The moon guiding her
safe and sound.
She danced.
She was free.
Megan Hoagland Apr 2013
The butterflies in her stomach
assure her she is alive
with a nervous glance
and anxious sigh
she dreamily wonders about "her guy"
How very schoolgirl-ish *giggle*
Megan Hoagland Oct 2016
Numbing pain with remedies unwise
Trying to forget
the past of lies

Going through day to day life
Such a battle,
so much strife.

Climbing out of bed
whispering
"you can do it, you're not dead"

Wanting with super might
to yell and cry
managing to mumble and sigh.

Resigned to the way
life seems to be:
Struggling; a vessel of empty

But each step taken
even with the ache'n
Is another foot forward
In the direction of hope; toward.

Each day gets better
don't stumble now
lighter as a feather.
; Choose to keep going
Megan Hoagland Jan 2013
I go to the mirror
Surprise
I hate the girl once again.
So I'll get the bleach.
I'll get the dye.
To change my aspects
To disguise
When all I want is to die (dye)
Dying my hair again. Any color suggestion?
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
He woke to find this lovely woman in his arms,
her face lit up with the morning sunlight
and her hair framed her face like a halo
like in one of those hopelessly romantic movies.
Her face was gloriously calm
like he’d never seen before,
no etchings of worry or hints
of sadness to shadow her face.
His immediate and only thought:
how beautiful she was,
not just physically attractive,
but emotionally,
mentally and in
personality.
He was amazed that they were both
somewhat at peace:
both having had many sufferings in love.
She awoke with surprise
much akin to his;
they had both slept through the night,
peacefully,
no tossing
no turning,
no worries
to keep them awake.
No sadness to make them wake
in the middle of another
dark,
cold
night.
They slept together
not in the ****** sense,
but out of a need to ward off
another lonely night,
and out of a mutual love,
one that has smoldered for years,
not an intense “I want to f--- you” flame
that sparks
and burns
bright and
passionate
but soon turning to ashes, No,
this is a fire that has built slowly
and made to keep
each other warm
through many
harsh
cold
nights,
a flame that only gets stronger
with time.
A passion that is there,
but doesn’t have to be addressed
because simply holding
each other
close is enough.  
Two lonely people with a
beautiful,
intense,
all-consuming
love
that will inevitably
change their lives;
after facing the fire
the two  become
one
and live in that
“happy ever after”
that many desperately
seek after but
few ever find,
all they need
for the rest of their lives
is found in each other,
and for now,
that is enough.
Kinda slapped it together, but, it's alright I guess.
Megan Hoagland Apr 2013
Looking through pages
I see only memories
and feel only a bittersweet feeling
but it's fleeting
I wonder how you are doing
but the moment is gone
it was merely fleeting
I felt a faint stirring
somwhere deep within
there and gone
it was only fleeting
3 years together ended so fast
*after all, it was only fleeting
Megan Hoagland Oct 2015
I miss the way I could laugh carefree.
The way smiles used to light up my face.
But when I glance at him,
I see he struggles to do the same
and occasionally we will laugh together
and our smiles make the room seem brighter
and for a moment we're weightless.

And in those moments
my hearts swells to capacity
with love for this man
who can make me feel like I used to
by just looking into my eyes.

We see the depths of each other's souls
and find that we are equal
and always have been,
in this life and the next.
An old one, written for a feeling I long for with someone, day and night.
Megan Hoagland Apr 2013
Do you hate me in the way that I hate myself?
I do not think I can continue to live… this way.
I want everything to be all right
but I break every night.
Where is my peace,
my solace,
can anyone relieve this ache?
I am always chosen last.
Why can’t I be someone’s first choice?
I am not.
I have never been.
I am always on the outside looking in.
I am the outside,
I am the fringe.
Megan Hoagland Mar 2015
Let's get drunk off cheap wine.
Make out under the stars.
Feelin' spiritual tonight.
Hallelujah, amen.

I worship the taste of my lover.
Soak up the sweat from his skin.
Feelin' spiritual tonight.
Hallelujah, amen.

Singing praises that sound like moans.
Sighing his name, scarring his back.
Feelin' spiritual tonight.
Hallelujah, amen.

Laying claim to the blessings.
Anointed by hot breath.
Feelin' spiritual tonight.
Hallelujah, amen.

Some would call this sin.
Some would condemn, but I'm
Feelin' spiritual tonight.
Hallelujah, amen.
Megan Hoagland Aug 2013
Turning 18
I don't want cake.
I hunger for change.
Megan Hoagland May 2015
Can we be lovers if we hate one another?
Love and hate, closer than you think
Stemming from passion and passion's all I've needed.

So, slam me on the bed,
Rip these clothes to shreds.
You hate me so good.

Yank my hair
Leave me gasping for air.
You hate me so good.

Can we be lovers if we hate one another?
And the answer is yes,
It's always ever been, yes.
Megan Hoagland Jan 2013
I hate everything
myself
you
the mirror
the dust coating on the
material items
i hate those too
and this.
I hate the blue sky
and endless goodbyes
i hate the color of your eyes
and the sound of your familiar sighs
i hate the way you move and
everything about you
I hate my brokeness
I hate my wholeness
I hate my family
and faking smiles
I hate emptiness
lonliness
and people
and I hate my craving to
just be loved
and I hate that i am not.
Megan Hoagland Jan 2013
Choking on words
While consonants hold me back
"you need help"
My mind does snap
Pushing the limit
Stupid me, so timid
I comfort all
But all doesn't stop to think
About the girl starting to
*sink.
Megan Hoagland Mar 2013
Why do I hurt so bad?
I took on a pressure
I never should have.

Lies and deceit,
treacherous foot trails,
and dangerous emotions.

Am I always doomed to fail?
Am I cursed to do wrong?

Everytime I try to get up
Life comes crashing,
yet again.

Can't do it on my own.
I guess I really can't.
I need help.
But I never ask.

I'm drowning.
No one knows.
And if they do,
they care not.

I can't keep living
this way.
I need help...
How do I ask for it?
Megan Hoagland Dec 2015
Smiling gently
snow is falling
heart is breaking
for Christmases of old.
Times are changing
World is older
souls are merging.
Warm fires
bright eyes.
Warm fires,
bright eyes.
Couples dancing
families gather
the lonely watch.
Megan Hoagland Sep 2012
Does anyone ever tell the truth
when they say how they feel?
Some part of them holds back,
afraid of offense, frightened
of rejection

Everyone holds back
I just want to scream
exactly how I feel,
but repercussions would
vibrate back and snap me
in two.

So I hold my tongue
and softly speak sweet words,
pouring honey in your ears,
things I know you want
to hear.

Trapped inside,
dead, though I'm alive,
the silent screaming of things
I shall never say,
shaking the bars of the prison of
my lips.

I'll keep it hidden away,
'cause fear is a tight chain,
and I am a
coward.

So I'll slip back
into the shadows
lest I say too much...
Running from this madness
until it catches
up.
Megan Hoagland Jan 2013
I love
   hate
    Fume
       Grieve
          Wallow
             Weep
                Regret
                   Cherish
                      Live
                         Laugh
                           Smile
                              Frown
                                 Yell
                                    Whisper
                                     I am beautiful
                              Ugly
                                    Quiet
                                   Loud
                                 Ashamed
                                Proud
                              Guilty
                            Innocent
                           Forgiven
                          Begrudged
                         Hated
                        Loved
                  I'm no one
               And everyone
             I'm me and part of you
          I am just human, too.
Megan Hoagland Jan 2016
Inhaling smoke into tarry lungs
Exhaling poison.
Drinking alcohol to numb the agony
Setting fire to a scarred esophagus.
Selfish to a fault
Its always about the big ME.
Doing favors and expecting
to get something out of it.
Ignoring the small and weak.

I've seen the worst of humanity.
I looked in the mirror and it reflected back to me.
Megan Hoagland Aug 2013
I am a creature who abides
In silent darkness
But lives in the hope
Of pure light.
Megan Hoagland Dec 2012
And 25 lines later
I'm still writing
some will percieve this as deep
but it's not.
They are just sheep conditioned to the machine.
No this is just a mixture of thoughts
on thought
and smiling clowns who wave
as I exit the rave
of my blackened mind
to something sublime
than just sitting here
watching time
and cradling my fear
of the unknown and
everything I hold close
whispering to me
why does everything I love run?
I scream, shaking the prison bars,
i would never choose this
I'd rather be in solitary
but no one hears
not with these paddings on the walls
where the corners are dark and hold
frightening men
who hate me
and all I really want is to sleep,
but when I finally wake
I'll drink some tea
and cough it all up
oh what irony
I don't even like tea.
Megan Hoagland Jul 2014
I'll write you a poem
when you break my heart into pieces.

I'll write you a poem
when you leave and ruin me.

I'll write you a poem
I want my heart good and broken.

Use me like a rag doll

and I'll write beautiful
and bittersweet
words.
Megan Hoagland Nov 2013
His love songs made her sigh.
His intent made her cry.
Megan Hoagland Jul 2013
Can it really be
that this is me
truly happy?
Megan Hoagland May 2015
Words used to fall
From this mind of mine,
Flowing, gushing,
Waterfalls of inspiration.

Gardens used to bloom
From the ink that anointed
Many pages.
Like April showers bringing May flowers.

But lately I'm more like October
Bringing death and decay
Slowly fermenting to cold December.
Megan Hoagland Nov 2012
Children laugh and play
a man and woman
together forever they stay.

Many warm Christmas seasons
many smiles and much laughter
all of them with different ryhmes and reasons

Walking hand-in-hand
in the autumn park
looking for a soft piece of land.

a lifetime of resonating warmth
and happiness
seems too high a price,
but i can see it all, yes every last thing,
when I gaze into your honey brown eyes.
Megan Hoagland Oct 2013
Hello? Oh hi! How are you?
Indistinct mumbling
static crackles
as her face falls,
you can see how the news
affects her,
she seems smaller
and you can hear the sound
of crushed hopes
and dashed dreams
reverberating in her ears
as the blood roars
and her pulse pounds at a sickening
pace.
Well that is... Great to hear... Why did you call?
This question
hung in the air
and clung to her fear
that maybe he never really cared..
You can feel the weight of
broken promises
as it permeates the air.
I'm really glad you are happy
Then a click of the phone
and a scent of despair.
You can feel that she has
aged,
a dozen lifetimes
as she whispers into nothing
a bittersweet
Good-bye
Megan Hoagland Aug 2013
Unsure what to write
In a neutral melancholy
With normal anxiety
In a state of natural worry.
It's time for poetry.
Megan Hoagland Oct 2013
I am waiting for
That one day where time doesn't stand still
when your name falls from my lips
the day where your name won't fall from this mouth.
I'm waiting for the memories to lose their power
and the places to purge the image of us.
The day I'm living for
is that day
when I hear your name
and I won't feel a thing.
I'm waiting for the pain to dull
and for someone, something
to take your place.
I'm hoping for a savior,
praying for reprieve.
I'm waiting
just waiting.
There was so little from the start,
but my patience is waning
and it's wearing on my heart.
Megan Hoagland Mar 2013
The agony
the torture
pure and sweet.
Haunting dreams
on the horizon of my
wanderlust vision
of pleasure and guilt
and a love that shall never wilt.
Megan Hoagland Dec 2012
I wrote today.
Just to feel how smooth the ink
would flow from this pen.
I wrote and bled it dry.
I wrote today,
Proof I didn't die.
What did I write?
It simply doesn't matter,
all that matters is writing
in and of itself.
Yeah, I write everyday,
but I haven't truly
written.
Megan Hoagland Sep 2012
write, and set yourself free
write, like never before
write,everything and nothing
just write.
write, every emotion
write, til your fingers are numb
write, just write
'til nothing is left.
just write.
Megan Hoagland May 2015
Last night, I met up with an old friend.

Last night, I saw the stars, closer than they've ever been.

Last night, I felt each hot breath and shuddered in delight.

Last night, I met up with an old friend.
Megan Hoagland Feb 2015
I catch myself thinking
About the sparkle in his eyes
As he pulls me closer
And I just sigh.

I catch myself thinking
About the way his thumb
Caresses my palm
As we sit in the silence
Of my deafening pulse.

I catch myself thinking
About the way we laugh
After staring at one another
And the butterflies
My pounding heart
And widened eyes.
This one's for him. He's inspired me to write again. Even if nothing comes of it, I'll forever be grateful to the man who showed me it's ok to smile again.
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