one of my favorite songs
is the one where
my heart beats faster
when i make you smile

oh i'm sorry
i was kind of drunk last night
well not actually
that's just how i feel
when i'm past the point of being tired
i couldn't see straight
and i don't remember anything i said
did i tell you i love you?
oh maybe i wasn't supposed to do that
well... ****

i waited
and waited
and waited
for you
to show up
and hold me again
like you did
back then
and it took time
but you came back
and you kissed
my lips
and put your
hands on my hips
and said you loved me
again
i waited
so very long
to hear that
flow out of your mouth
once more
i thought i would
never have that gift again
but i did
patience was never
a strong trait of mine
but i waited
and waited
and now you're mine

i understand if you don't want me anymore

just close your eyes
you'll be alright

i've spent my whole life making other people happy when all they did was leave.

it *****, doesn't it? feeling like you're not good enough, no matter how are you try.

if i lost you
i would hurt myself
and that's not just words coming out of my mouth
it's a fact
it's the truth
because there is no me without you
you without me
we are inseparable
soulmates
we are meant to be
and i know you'll never leave
and i'm content knowing that
but there's a lot of people who would try to separate us
and that's what i'm afraid of
of losing you because of them
because no one here wants to see me happy
their only intent is hurting me
no one cares about me here
that's a fact
it's the truth
if they did, why would they leave me so blue?
if they just knew how i felt about you
then maybe they would understand
but no one here wants to listen to my words
they just hear what they need to say instead
i would hurt myself
it's true
because i couldn't survive without you
i don't want to
i would try jumping off buildings
reminding myself of the feeling of falling
i would try splitting open my veins
to try to see that my blood's still running
circulating for you
i would try swallowing pills
to fill the hole inside me
to try to feel something else
than the agonizing pain of being without you
i would try holding handguns to my heart
wondering if i have that courage to keep waiting
wondering if i have the courage not to do something stupid
i would try drowning in water
to remind myself of the way my chest burst with love
i would try tying ropes around my neck
to remind myself of the way that we are tied together
i would hurt myself to remind me of you
i cannot survive without you
and we all know it's a well-known fact
that i destroy myself when i'm hurt
i don't eat
i don't sleep
i don't do anything that's good for me
because what's the point if i already can't breathe?

I'll paint my room yellow
and make it bright
so maybe it will restore my light
So maybe I can feel like the sun again

darling, you know exactly how to make my heart remember how to love

i'll see you for the last time as i walk out the door

this is where i feel rebellious and free
no pain
no feelings
just focusing on the feeling
of my feet hitting the ground
and knowing i'm really not supposed to do this
smiling and laughing
losing my breath
i always do this at least once a year
it's my tradition
running through the hallways at school
i'm free
teachers are teaching
the hallways are empty
and i'm just running

You held me and told me
that people are confused
because they do not know if we're together or not
And you also said you were confused
But I couldn't tell you that I wanted to be together
I don't think you would want me

I'm scared no one will ever love me the way I love you
I'm scared I won't be able to love someone the way I love you
I'm scared

She had rose petals in her hands
A grey dress
Her hair in pigtails
Like a little kid
That's how she felt inside
Like a little 7-year-old
In love with everything in the world
Her smile lit up a room
She probably would have danced if she could too
The way she laughed at the little things
and just had to hug everyone she knew
She would probably be the flower girl at this wedding
and she would be honored to be in such a place
Flowers are her most favorite thing
Mostly because she is one herself
The way she grows and blooms
Even through all the rain
and the thunderstorms
And she's such a beautiful sight too
Despite the ups and downs
She still thrives
I do not know how she does such a thing
With so much pain clinging to her
It's amazing
The way she survives
She gets hurt easily
Only because she gets her hopes up about everything
Always tries to see the positive side of things
But sometimes the world just shatters her
The moment her dreams are crushed
and her happiness dampened
She hurts
And unfortunately this happens a lot
But she still pushes through
And I honestly do not know how she does this
Because the pain drags her down so easily
But she's a warrior
A fighter
She's stronger than you think
And I love her

music notes on a page
i wonder if your heart looks this way

I sleep constantly now, whenever I can.
I try to run away from reality in my dreams.
To be awake in my life right now *****
You didn't call again
And how do you think that makes me feel?
I'm not good enough.
I don't know why.
I thought I was.
So feeling all this pain or sleep?
Yeah
I'm going to have to go with sleep.

there are so many thoughts
tangled up in my head
and i'm not going to stop
writing about them
until my pen had bled
its last words

i believe that everything is beautiful in its own way
so why can't i see that in myself?

I love you
You kept kissing me this morning
My neck, my cheek, my head
But not my lips
Not yet
You say we're just friends
And we are
But with benefits
Is that crazy?
I shouldn't do that, right?
Well, I'm sorry
But you're the only person I can feel love for
I'm stuck
I never understood that before
Being stuck in love
But now I know
I'm stuck in love
I'm actually and literally stuck
I can't feel love for anyone else
But I'm content
I'm okay where I am at
I have your number again
And I can call you again
And I asked you to go to homecoming with me
And you said you didn't plan on going
But you'd consider it for me
You held me all this morning
And told me you could fall asleep right there
I could too
And you told me you wanted to go home and sleep
And I made a joke and asked, "Can I join?"
And you said, "Yes, but we won't be sleeping."
You make those jokes all the time
But it doesn't bother me
I feel like you still want me
Am I wrong?
We're taking it slow, I guess.
Maybe it will progress into something more
Who knows?
But you're the only one I can love right now
So please don't leave me lonely.
I love you.

I used to think I could control the weather
What I felt inside always matched what was happening outside
When I was happy, the sun shined bright and the warmth wrapped around everything in it's path
When I was sad, it was cold and it rained.
But it's more than just that.
When something was tearing me apart, it rained harder.
When I wanted to scream and cry and not be alive, it rained so hard, it flooded everything
Lightning shot through the sky and the thunder shook the ground
I'm sorry in advance for the storms I may feel
I can't help it
I didn't ask for this superpower
It was just given to me
And I try to keep it all inside
to keep the sun shining
But sometimes I just break
And I'm sorry in advance for all the damages that may take place
I didn't ask for this superpower

I now understand why Taylor Swift wrote so many songs about break ups
Because when you're in that moment
It's the only thing you can focus on
The hurt, the pain, the agony
It inspires you in a way
Because when you're sitting there
Trying not to cry
And so much pain flowing through your veins
It overtakes your system
It's the only thing you can think of
And I'm sitting here in guitar class
with tears metaphorically dropping on my guitar
But I won't actually cry because
it wouldn't help a thing