Let it out and
Don't be afraid
To cry.

Let it out,
Because surviving is
Hard enough

When all you
Have is yourself
And you're trying

Your best to stay alive.

You say this is the end
Of your story,

And somewhere along the way,

You've convinced yourself
You've written the last

Chapter.

But it's not what you pictured,
It's not a fairytale story,
A happily ever after.

Things never go the way
You planned it.

Now it's pure survival,
And you're fighting every
Day to live another day

And not take the easy way out
And simply end it.

Why do the clouds
Keep the sun out
Of my mind?

The shadow's always
Looming and it's
Neverending.

I strike the match
And the fire always
Gets put out.

My heart's always
Broken and I just
Want out.

I want to feel
Something more
Than sadness.

Always hurt,
Always wanting

To break from this
Cyclical cycle of misery.

When will the light
Shine through and

Reignite the fire
Inside my heart?

Life gets harder
And I keep wanting
This to end.

Give me something
To live for, because

I find it harder to
Live for myself,
And it's killing me.

Two years forward,
Life continues to move on.

I take steps to avoid,
Going back to the hell
I once put myself in.

I remember telling you,
"Please forgive me if I forget you right now."

I took a precautionary measure,
To save me from demise.

I was so fragile back then.

Any memory of you,
Made me feel like I,
I was the cause of your death.

I blamed myself for every little thing.

I wasn't there when I should've been.

...When I was mourning your loss,
They told me to stop being ******* myself.

"You did nothing wrong.", they would assure me.

In a way, they were right.

However, I can't stop but think,
That the smallest gestures
Would have made an impact,
And you'd be here tonight.

Maybe you would be alive to this day.
But reality sank in. I realized...
There was nothing I could do,
To save your life.

Moving on seemed like the only option.
As hard as it was to admit, I had to let go.
There was no way I could bring you back into this world.

I had to face tomorrow like it was another day...

Another day has gone by without seeing you smile,
Another day has gone without hearing your voice.
Another day has gone by, and I had no choice
but to move on without you by my side.

Over the past few months,
I've realized nobody is perfect.
Not even myself.

I've realized it's okay to fumble.
It's okay to fall.

It's okay let my emotions
Get the best of me.

It's okay to be angry.
It's okay to be sad.

And I've realized
It's okay to slip up
And fall off the tracks.

I know I'll get right back on the path,
And head towards the direction
The direction towards redemption
And the acceptance of self,
Instead of seeking approval from others.

I know I've made mistakes in the past.
And I've made mistakes in the present day.

For far too long,
I've lived my life,
With a cloud of regrets
Hanging over me.

I can't let the past or present,
Dictate how I live my life.

To move forward,
I have to learn to love myself,
Instead of seeking love from others.

I must learn to forgive myself,
So I can forgive others.

Life is filled with trial and error,
We're all trying to find ways
To find solutions to problems
Instead of trying to fix ourselves.

Today is the day
I work on fixing myself.

I can't live my life
Focusing on the past.

It's time to enjoy life.

It's time to move forward.

You found me
in a broken state,

heartbroken,
building up my walls,

classic fight-or-flight,
trauma calling the shots.

I gave up wanting more,
but you came at the right time—

not to save me from myself,
but to show me how to live,
let go,

and let bygones
be bygones.

I couldn’t believe
that someone

would give me
a chance,

but you never
gave up on me,

even when I was
falling through
the cracks.

You showed me what
true love should be,

and I’m never going back.

Just got robbed another time,
And I
Wish it was something as simple,
As someone taking my bike.

But life throws me
for a loop

I'm a f-ck up
And I'd like to just
for once, die

I'm a train-wreck
About to lose it
Near platform five
and Self-Pity Avenue

Someone get on the phone,
And tell them what I've done,
Because only others can
tell my story

Take out all the fun,
and leave me staring at
the sun.

I'm a f-ck up,
I know **** well
What I've done.

I'm not dead and
gone.

Roll the cameras,
3, 2, 1
Fade to white

Pan to the right,
And now I'm in sight

Read the paper today
And
The report says
I'm a wreck

What's new, today?

Interrogated again,
They asked me some
questions and took
some photographs

Long story short,
i was truly f-cked.

Looking almost gaunt,
I'm looking around,
And everyone's looking at me

(Am I alright?)

It seems they
Better call the doc

Because they just captured
The day I almost went dark.

Believe me when I say this,
I've seen better days,
and this isn't it.
Not by a long-shot.

And so, I end up
flipping through
the pages and I

See the reckless
Behaviors and antics

The hospital stays,
Complete and total
havoc

I'm tired of it all,
and it's all
So f-ckin' tragic.

Used to be up at 4 a.m.
Kept myself going

Hyped up on hard drugs
And ramped up in overdrive.
Not even wanting to quit.

Now I'm up at night,
******, one habit to the next
And all I do is cry.

I'm a mess, I'm a wreck
And sometimes, I just want to die

But today,
Just for you

I'd like to, for once
Stay alive, not give up,
and try, honestly

You talk like you own me  
But the past is messing  
With your head.

A long-standing crush,  
One-sided and so  
Destructive.

You've fallen in a  
Pit of despair.

Instead of focusing  
On yourself,

You left me broken  
And bruised

And I don't know  
What to do.

It's got me feeling  
Hopeless

I'm lost and  
Confused,

You're getting  
Under my skin.

I didn't ask you  
To bleed for me

Your focus  
Is so obsessive

I'm one step closer  
To the edge of  
Cardiac arrest.

I only wanted to  
Live and let go,

But you're still  
Stuck in the past,  
Stuck inside yourself

Not making any effort  
To do better and rise above  
This and help yourself.

I have my doubts,
Dreamin’, always
In the clouds.

But dreams aren’t
Reality, and already

It feels I’m lost in
The shadows.

I only wanted
To be part of
Something,

I only wanted
Everything and
In-between.

But life is about
Battles we pick
And choose,

And already,
I feel I’m going
To lose.

Doubt in self,
Everything and
Everyone else.

Already pulling
Me under, right
Beneath my skin,

My heart is bleeding,
For all the wrong
Reasons.

People come in
My life for a reason,

Some last a lifetime,
Some leave before

The change of the
Seasons.

But doubt persists,
And already I know
How this will end.

I still have my doubts,
Always dreamin’,
Always in the clouds,

I'm always
Running for cover

And riding the storm
Before the rain

Enshrouds me
In the darkness

Before I have a
Chance to recover.

i don't have
the time

(don't have
the time)

for this
internal
fight.

i say i've
got hope

but i let
it take over
me tonight.

what a tragic
mess,

a cacophony
of internal
sounds

spinning from a
broken record

filled to the
brim with
regrets.

if this isn't
a test,

my strength is
enduring,

and i will
make the best
of this.

i said i was
lost,

but my soul is
unwavering

and
because of you
by my side,

life is a little
easier

to manage
and survive

and that's
enough for
now.

Waking up, curtains closed near the bedside.
The alarm clock ringing, reading six past two.
You bring yourself to, walking past the obstacles scattered on the floor.

The entrance of the door, only arms length away.
You open it, only to feel betrayed.

You expected presence,
You wanted something more than solitary,
Something more than waking up alone.

You're only talking to yourself.
In your head, your conscious wanting insight on what lead you through this path.

You carry on the day,
With a weight on your shoulders.

Everyone you see is a familiar face,
Are you sure they're your friend?
Would you believe what they say, just for the sake of colloquy?
You go along with it, only to feel betrayed.

Approaching the buildings ahead, the debate conveys.
You stop & stare.
Consternation, fear, the crowds see through you.

You walk along, only to feel betrayed.

The facts keep on going,
You keep on showing,
Dreading, knowing, they remember the worst of you.

Unlocking the door, five stories above your home,
You study the people from before, lacking in trust, faith. Promises and fate. The closer they get, the more you hate.

You close your eyes, only to feel betrayed.

Plans change,
It’s nothing strange.

People come,
Then they leave.

Like a carousel,
or a revolving door,

The ones we loved
come and go as
they please.

There’s no need
to worry, no need
to be torn.

It’s just that

We outgrew the
ones we thought
we knew,

And only holding on
to a select few.

It’s nothing we
did,

It’s not what we
chose.

It’s just the
realization

that part of
growing up

is finding who
we are too.

Years have passed
And I finally see
With my eyes open.

Years of misery,
Tears, enough
To cry at a funeral.

I was in a comatose,
Waiting for someone
To bring me to life.

You were the one
I wanted and

You were right there
The whole time.

And that’s when
I knew,
At that moment,

Everything
Would be alright.

Back then,
We both went

Our own paths,
Made our own plans,

But somehow we
Crossed paths.

And now, loneliness
Is a feeling that’ll
Never last.

Years have passed,
But I can finally
See,

You were the one,
Meant for me.

thought that it
would get so much
better

but next year
showed up,

and i'm stuck
in the same place

floating down
the same river,

waiting for things
to change.

i'm stuck
with the same
thoughts,

same memories,
same feelings
and feeling

oh so lost.

i can't change
who i am,

i can't forget
the past

but i can try
to move on,

because we both
know i can't be

your favorite
song.

a final repeat
before love comes
undone

and i stop this
cassette and
finally

move on.