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Elin Roberts Oct 2019
i’m lost

i’ve finally caught up
with that wide eyed girl
who turns away when i look in the mirror
searching for meaning in cracked glass

reflections of an abused past;
they haunt my day to day life
shadowy figures lurk in gloomy alleyways
cause me to flinch, relive my pain

so i find it easier
to tuck myself away, safe inside
hide from the demons and shy from the light
lie about my emotions, ignore my own plight

and the blanket that hides me
is torn by the seams
as i torch my own dreams
and all that they mean

choking for air in a fog of memory
i grip tightly to old habits
and they do die hard
turn self sabotage into a form of art

create fragile beauty

shroud it in misery

shroud it in me

hide the false promise of who i hoped to be
live the ongoing lie that is now my reality
cos if they ask how i’m doing
if they can’t really see

i’ll answer them with

‘i’m fine, leave me be’
had a down day, vented on some digital paper
Elin Roberts Sep 2019
you make me wanna dance
spin me into a never-ending evanescent grace
your soul hanging in the balance with mine

your fingers trace the script of my body
written in ink, stained black and blue
bruised into my soul by hands so cruel

so many poems of insecurity
are bled into the deepest parts of me
blurring the lines of reality facing sanity

but you
you make me want to dance
you clean the slate that's tainted by my past

your gaze, only ever loving
as your lips part to whisper
the beauty that your love provides

days that once were haunted
by the harsh actions of undeserving men
seem like a distant nightmare

your constant reassurance, your unwavering understanding
you find the lost parts of me
lead me through the dark to where i'm meant to be

i see a future for us
provided by our love

i can't ever thank you enough
i'm so in love with such an amazing god-send of a man
Elin Roberts Apr 2019
10 years
Seems like a landmark
A traumatising reality
The cold clasp of death
It grips at the starless night
And the moon, oh, the moon
How she screams
Oh how those noises swallow me whole
Elin Roberts Mar 2019
your game once more
seems to have fallen through
empty hands that scream treachery
your face, unfamiliar in its absence

eyes that once provided comfort
they're glazed over with cold indifference
i crave your empty love, your hollow affection
i crave to read your lying palms and i seek the love that isn't there

gratitude is hard to find in solace
for i feel neither
pitiful words that scream betrayal
your soul uncaring, unbalanced

foolish now, is how i feel
foolish to have believed your words
dripping with the fake scent
of a love never known to me

take advantage of my my caring soul
take it all
drown in my lust and in my love
choke on the emotion your heart adores

the love you so blatantly lack
i see your greed now
shining upon its twisted shrine
my heart is but your centerpiece

shrouded in your ignorance
lost love in all its glory
Elin Roberts Nov 2018
so turns out
naked humanity
in all its vulnerability
seems to have hit
a chord within your soul

tell me why
my scars seem to encourage
an uncomfortable isolation
that is felt within myself
when your gaze averts mine

i can’t help but feel
that your thoughts aren’t understanding
your adamant resistance is clear
when you won’t let me explain
that this isn’t a means to an end

i don’t enjoy what i do
to myself, at least
as if watching the last drop dripping from
a serrated blade
brings any form of peace to my mind

you cut across
the veins of my emotion
with uncaring words that scream
‘i don’t have time to indulge in the attention you seek’
when that isn’t the case at all

call me dramatic
my mind has turned to static
into sound that echo similarly
to the demons that hold my heart close
looking into the eyes of a soul that resembles a ghost

a ghost of a former me
they say lovers are the ones that got away
yet never look at that face in the mirror
watch that gleam in your eyes shimmer
melt away, become the twin sister of decay

watch it melt and rot
let it become an infinite not
not a cause or a claim
not an excuse to anyone asking why your depression
‘is a thing’

you needn’t ever feel
the need to engage
in a conversation where you feel
as though you must explain your pain
because indulging in the small mindedness of bigots who’s higher horse is diseased

is never a necessity
or an accessory

but a privilege
to those who will take the time to listen

and maybe even care.
don't make me my mental health a sin
Elin Roberts Sep 2018
I am a lighthouse standing strong
Against a stormy sea
Beat me down with the violent rain
But I'll never stop being me

A lonely sailor I may be
Stoic in silent solitude
Watching all that is to be, all that is to come
Freedom seems a fleeting scene and reality is seemingly numb

But yet I stay in this place
Resolute is a lonely silence
Watch the clouds, and read the sky
Feel the rain yet remain bone dry
Forever searching for a reason why

Why a lonely lighthouse such as me
Shines so bright when it wishes to be
So easily abled to turn off the light
And embrace the fade of a dark winters night
Elin Roberts Aug 2018
forever feeling miserable
struggling to escape
the head space i'm in
yeah this is a funny way to start a poem
but what to do when i struggle to find a piece of paper for this pen

the pen of my mind
sounds silly but yeah
this pen's run out of ink in an aspect that i can't describe
don't understand the pain i feel when the worlds insecurities and judgments become real, when they break the ******* seal

dear god.

why judge a person by the colour of their skin?
their religion?
their view?
the position they're in?
when white privilege becomes an overbearing shadow of a supposed 'gods' sin
when the upper and middle classes decide that they're in

the saddle of a higher horse
lacking the feeling of remorse
deciding the laws and punishments of an irrelevant choice
that has nothing to do with our selves
and everything to do with an intimidating insecurity.

it breaks my heart, and
i've no idea where to begin, where to start
i can't describe the pain i feel when i look into the eyes of one
who's been denied of their own identity, their own individuality
their claim and their right to decide where to start
on figuring out the person they want to be within their own heart

someone, please, set me free
from the limitations of my imagination
i need to escape the boundaries of this deluded reality that society
has carefully and tactfully created
to tame the thoughts of a mind such as mine
to stop me being free

free to believe that i am my own person
free to believe that i am an individual form of me
free to believe that my heart doesn't beat to the rhythm of a reality that's very purpose is to destroy the extraordinary

that IS human nature

to those reading my poem, i may not make sense
but then again, what does, guess i'm creating a certain suspense
in this day and age
filled with societies decay
societies need to destroy and conform those who live outside the standard that is expected
the standard that is reflected

in the eyes of those who feel the desire, to want so strongly to be connected
to a group of the earths people
who were born to create a deflected
sense of abnormality, because their lack of understanding
reflects their personalities
and bless them in the sense that they'll never understand
that people were born because
we were always meant to

band together

live together

die together

and that is our reality
first one i've written in a while
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