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Alcoholic,
That's what I am.
Numb,
That's the brand.
Comfort,
That's all I want.
Memories,
That's what you haunt.
Escape,
That's what I try.
Inside,
That's where I die.
Allison Wonder 2019

I came to the realization, through my Intensive Outpatient Program, alcohol really does have control over my life.
Today I took a bath.
Turned the lights down low.
Cold drink.
Lo-Fi beats.
Pax.
Today I took a bath.
The water steaming hot.
Face mask.
Bath bomb.
Relax.
Today I took a bath.
Recover from the day before.
Clean body.
Candles lit.
Lilacs.
Allison Wonder 2019
Lying on the bathroom floor,
blade resting on the sink.
Unsure how to get up,
I feel myself begin to shrink.

Bloodied tissues looking down
on the mess lying below.
Beaded drops continue to form,
until heavily the must flow.

Shivering against the cold,
damp towel draped over.
***** body frozen in fear,
flashbacks still they hover.

Passed out from exhaustion
of the war raging inside.
Help comes to pick me up,
instead I wish I'd died.
Allison Wonder 2019
My counselor quit.
Such short notice.
Today was my last.
Personal stuff.
I understand.
I still hurt.
New guy's name,
is Anthony.
That's already
a hard one to swallow.
Abandoned again.
Have to start all over.
Allison Wonder 2019

I didn't cut today.
I want to **** myself today.
Instead I cut.
I made it 42 days clean.
That's because I cut yesterday too.
But hey,
I'm still breathing.
Right?
Allison Wonder 2019
I'm tired of lies.
I'm so **** confused.
Are you real or
am I being used?

Hope shouted out
with joy from the shrine.
Believe in Him,
leave fear behind.

Entrust your faith
and you shall recieve,
everything we've taught
our flock to believe.

Except for those
who go above and beyond.
Rather, in pain
their lives shall be donned.
Allison Wonder 2019
Surrounded by people
yet nobody cares.
Voices thundering
but no one's there.

Do this, do that,
conform to our views.
Bow down, submit,
it's ok to be used.

Drink your liquor
try to run from the pain
Make it worse
and drown in the rain.

Ignite your bud,
mind light and floating.
Indulge in sweets,
ignore the bloating.

Slice your skin,
unveil the mask.
Enjoy relief
which never lasts.
Allison Wonder 2019
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