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2.3k · Jun 2020
Self Destructive Writers
You can always tell a self destructive writer
By their poetry

Because sometimes they are redundant
And other times they are expressing pain

But they always tell a story of being hurt
And locked into their own head

But this my dear, is why they write
Because the person in their head is trying to get out

Self destructive writers
Are usually dark

But when they are light
They tell you how perfect you are

So that you don't do the same thing
That they did to themselves

Self destructive writers
Don't want you to make their scars
On your arms
To all those out there who are this way, trust  in your loved ones, you will get out of this. Thank you for encouraging other people to be who they are.
1.7k · Feb 2020
If I had known
If I had know that I was going to write a poem about you I wouldn't have
If I known I would fall in love with you
I would have never met you
And if I had known how much I would hurt
I would have already been dead

But that's not the way that it works, is it?
We are to find love
Find pain
And everything that goes with
But I never wanted this I never wanted to feel
I hated it so much
You hated me so much
But I can't do much about it now,
Can I?

If I had know
I would never had felt this way
I would have never had my heart leap
And jump out of my chest
If I had known
So much would be different
And you would be long gone
1.1k · Apr 2020
Description Vol. 10
He taught me so much
When no one really cared
He loved me as his daughter
When no one else was there.
He was my mentor
And later my caregiver
He was an amazing person
My half sister's father
(The only thing we had in common
Was our mother)
And he always told me
There was something wrong with her
He had known
That she was his daughter
The reason he fell from grace
But he still loved her
Though she betrayed the human race
His cold blue eyes
With warm rusty hair
Cool toned skin
My mentor
Mr. Carver
This is an archetype mentor/caregiver. Enjoy
698 · Apr 2020
He left her blue roses
To commemorate his love
Left her notes,
Telling her to notice him
When she didn't
People had to die
People who looked like the victim
Who deserved to survive
But not everything is perfect
When predators lurk in the night
He stalked her until her wounds had healed
Those three little marks
That she left on his brow
Marring him, molding him
Into the scar of a person
This stalker really is
583 · Apr 2020
Broken Wings
My flock left me
When I fell from that branch
Hoping I could fly
I broke a wing
Now I'm prepared to die
I am unsafe
Just another piece of meat
To just another animal
That thinks that they want me
I am pointless,
There is no hope
I am a wingless bird
A wonder to us all
520 · Feb 2020
Fear is consuming
I don't want to live
But I'm too scared to die
I wonder what I'm worth
If my life is worth anything at all

Depression is consuming
It eats away at me with it's acidic teeth
I have been poisoned
This is what depression does to me

Emotions consume me
Leaving me alone and afraid
Fear fills my bones
As I wonder what is there left to live for
Is there anything left to live for
Other than the rainy days that me feel right
And the way I feel on those lonely gloomy nights

People don't understand why there's nothing left of me
I have been consumed by everything I find consuming
494 · Apr 2020
Into nothingness
Never allowed to be who I am
I just want some freedom
I don't care what it is
I want to dye my hair purple
And get a nice lip ring
I want gauges in my hears
And to get some more piercings
I want to get a tattoo
One that says, '*******'
I also what some help
To not feel so suppressed

I have never been myself
Even when I am around people I love
Because no one really likes me
Though I like to be myself, it's fun
All that I'm saying, is it's just a little dye
A little hole in my skin
That will go away when I'm done
Please oh please
Just let me be myself
I want to be different
I'm currently somebody else

I know you don't get body art
Or the fact that it's just as beautiful as a poem
I know that you wouldn't want to look at me
Even though I'm stuck in your home
All I'm asking
Is for you to allow me an identity
This person that I am right now
Is not the real me
I just want some help
To not feel so suppressed
I'm a smart person, I'm in all the good classes, but I don't like looking like a stupid little blonde everywhere I go. I hate not having body art, it just feels like my face is a canvas I'll never get to paint, and my hair is the frame that I never got to pick.  I don't care what people think about me. I don't think they'll like it. But people have to understand, that people don't get body art to impress, they get it because our body is a blank canvas.
444 · Feb 2020
The Night
The darkness wraps around me like a long lost cloak
The night is young, the night is old
I wandered the woods many a night
The tree bows gently touching my hair
They pat my head and tell me that everything is okay
The night is my escape of inescapable pain
436 · Feb 2022
as long as i don't flinch
you nearly hit me
you know i have a problem with that

of course i flinch and of course you say sorry
then you just move on with recklessness
with no regard to me

you edge closer and closer
to leaving a bruise on my face
but you don't care
as long as i don't flinch
you don't have to apologize, it'll all be fine
in the end,
372 · Apr 2020
I don't understand
Why anyone would want to be pretty
When they could be unique
I know that I would rather be me
Than be pretty
Sorry to say that looks ain't all that
But trust me,
It's the character that matters
Not what the character's wearing
It is more beautiful
When the character does something
That is pretty
When they tell you
How amazing the character looks
And how everyone ought to be jealous
I'm sorry,
But I want to match my outside with my in
And if my inside has purple hair,
A lip ring
And stretched ear lobes
Then that's exactly what I want to look like
Because to me, that's an action
And you know that actions
Are really what makes a story

So who here wants to be pretty?
I'm having struggles with my identity because I have been told so many times that I can't do what I want with my body, that I am believing it, and I still have not been able to be myself. So.
367 · Apr 2020
Alien Planet
Green forests
Dark places
Romance and lies
I'm sorry that I came to this alien planet
I don't belong here
My heart belongs
To dry grass
And smoky summers
Not this green
Rain filled place
That only sees the sun
In the last three days of summer
I'm sorry that I don't belong on this alien planet with you
The darkness envelops me
Trapping me in a hazy greyish blue fog
I am pushing away the tendrils
Of murky gloom
That find me when I am running after you
I don't belong to this alien planet
That is only seen through the dark green trees
Follow the river of my mind
Into the cascading waterfall
The cliff that follows the Divide
I am sick and twisted
But not in the right way
I am sorry that I cannot stay
On this alien planet
A world so blue

I am upside down
Tossed this way and that
I am twisting with the beat
Of this song that is life
I am a dancer
That picks up on the winds of time
Follow the path
That leads to your demise
Welcome the alien planet
Where skies are a dull grey
The land is dark green
And cloud cover is constant
Where the mist of time
Takes over your mind
Welcome to the Alien Planet
This is where you reside
Red tendrils of fire
Curl in the windows of my old home
When I am remembering the stories I am told
The haze holds me close
In a smoky embrace
Clearing your mind is impossible
When you are stuck in a dark place

Don't worry, I'm not there anymore. Just wanted to write something for a character in my book.
343 · Mar 2020
Desperation eats at my soul
As I constantly want for more likes
More notices
But when they never come
My mind clouds with the possibility
That they never will
And no one will ever notice
When I have gone
And where I went
I plead with desperation to the world
'Accept me, accept me!
For I am just human
I am just like you!
Please accept me
if it's the last thing you do!'
But I have learned
That not everyone is in agreement with my personality
And not everyone will find a way to accept me
But the people I love
Have accepted me and all my flaws
And for that I am grateful
But I still have all that desperation
If I told you the truth
Would you run away too?
Or would you just accept
My overflowing desperation?
332 · Mar 2020
No One
If I couldn't feel
Would you call me strong?
If my eyes never started to well,
Would I be good enough?
If I was dependent
If I was putting out
Would I ever be liked
By someone that I loved?
Or would there still be no one

If I was less of myself
More of everyone else
Would you think that I was nice?
If I blended into the crowd,
Would that surprise you?
Would it make me
Just another victim
To your sightless eyes?
Or would I just be no one?

If I was a girl that could be loved
Just as easily as it spilled from my blood
Would you love me then?
Maybe if I was pretty enough,
Perhaps I had a smile,
If my defense wasn't to be rough
And live in constant denial,
Would you see me then?
Or would I still be no one

I am tired of living under a guise
Of words that cut like a knife
And being unseen
To the nakedest of eyes
They wonder why I am so tough,
Why I have never shed a single tear
They must think that my life is fine,
That it's better to hurt than be hurt
But they don't no how much hurt
Goes into being no one
I am unseen to everyone I have ever loved
I am gone
To all of those that I will ever want
But maybe I can just continue
To be no one
331 · Mar 2020
Without Meaning
The words mean nothing
As I try to fill my writing full of emotion
And nothing can lift me up
Let alone drag me down
There is nothing I can do
To describe the meaningless words
But write down some more
Nothing has any meaning
Not a single word

It hurts me to say
To bring myself to this grim truth
But it hurts me to be here sitting next to you
My meaningless words
Are not just on paper
But the garbled speech coming out of my mouth
And I couldn't say anything to you
Nothing at all
But I was hoping to say just one thing
I'm sorry for my meaningless words
I'm sorry for everything I've done
I wish that I never done anything at all
314 · Apr 2020
Too perfect
Too lovely
Too willing to die
She let death kiss her lips
Without saying goodbye

She said that everything was just too much
Her life was too hard
Everything was too challenging
Even when it wasn't

Too hidden
Too unseen
Beauty underneath
That will remain her majesties
307 · Apr 2020
Breathing without living
Looking without seeing
Hearing without listening
Eating without tasting
Bleeding without feeling
Pacing but not walking
Hoping but not praying
Crazed without lunacy
Taking without wanting
Breathing but not living

Surrounded without belonging
Alone without loneliness
Saying without believing
Speaking without thinking
Desperation is overcoming
As I try to find a way
To not breath without living
Not really hard to rhyme when everything ends with 'ing'!
290 · Mar 2020
I hope to not be trapped in a hell that I call my own
Maybe I will be happy and not feel so lonely
But happiness is what I pursue
If I finally obtain it
What is there to chase after?
What is there to spur me on?
I hope to be somewhere good
With nothing but the things I need
And everything is just perfect
In my own little world
But what if that version of Someday
Doesn't exist
And I am only left with a bad taste on my lips
Wishing that I had never thought of Someday
Of a world that is better than ours
With no pain
No suffering
And no wishing that you could die
Sadly I think Someday
Will only ever exist in my mind
A place of war
And heartache
People and their wavering lies
I'm sorry that I told you of Someday
A place so perfect
That it will never exist
I'm sorry that if for a moment
I gave you the smallest glimmer of hope
That one day
You could find this Someday
And everything would be fine
That all is good in the this small world
That I'll just call Someday
She told me that if she was anything
She was a desperate attempt
Of a human life form
She told me that she never felt sanity
Never felt normal
But she told me that her desperation
Was just because she wanted to fit in
It wasn't her fault
She was the daughter of the guardian
'I just want my story to be told,
Truthfully indeed,'
She said to me, as I sipped my tea
'Truthful, I can try,
But honey, story telling is based on lies,'
I smiled as I finished my brew
And walked out planning the death of you.
I have a name for this shapeshifter now. Her name is Ruby. If you have any thoughts on what I can do to make Ruby a proper shapeshifter, and a good character, please contact me via this website. Please read the rest of my descriptions
283 · Apr 2020
What is Weird?
What is weird?
Is it when a girl decides to get a buzz cut
Or when a boy wants to wear long hair?
Is weird when we stop creating rules
That keep the harsh gender barriers alive
What is weird?
Is it when your son comes home
And tells you he found a guy that he loves
Or is it when your daughter tells you
That she loves a girl?
What is weird?
Is it when a person dyes their hair,
And shaves it into a mohawk?
Is it when a person wears spiked clothing
That is a defense from society's hard fists?
Is weird when a four-year-old child is worried about a job
Because they have seen what it has done to adults?
Is it weird when children hide their feelings
Because of hate from other students
Or is it weird
When students are terrified to go to school
Because we are afraid of it being shot up?
Is it weird when people are afraid to go out
Because people are getting shot at concerts
And getting bombed at their place of worship?
Or is it weird that we don't cry anymore
When we go to sleep at night
Because when we were growing up
We were desensitized
To war
And violence
And people who never accept
That we are people
Whether you lean right or left!
We are people
Whether you like the same ***
Or nobody at all,
Because in the end
We are all people!
I just want to remind people, that no matter what we let define us. Stop the hate people! It's not fair what we are doing to our youth! What we are turning these people into. Stay safe everyone!
275 · Apr 2020
To Anyone
Tiredness is okay
Don't feel bad if you are tired at the end of a long day
Lay down in your cozy bed
Let the covers drown you in laziness
If you are tired rest
Because you deserve it
260 · Mar 2020
Can I ever be loved?
I sit alone at the table
I watch as my friends walk past
Failing to meet my soft gaze
Do I look pretty to you?
Or do I just look
Like something that you've never seen?
Why do you look at me so,
When you know you have no feelings
For me, other than to loathe?
Can I ever be loved
By a person who knows?

I see the couples making out in the halls
Their passion bigger than their egos
Which are big enough to cover the earth
In one fell swoop
Darkening everyone's door step
But not a single person will look at me
For I fear that I am ordinary
Just another person in the crowd
Unseen to the naked eye
Can I ever be loved?

For I know that you'll never share my feelings
You'll always fail to meet my gaze
When I bump into you,
You'll be repulsed to the point of running away
Surrounding yourself with danger
Is not going to keep love away
But it has for me
And now I want to give way
To the possibility
That the danger will never fade

Can I ever be loved?
If he was anything
(Other than himself)
He would want to be a book
Resting on a shelf
He wanted to be a story
Told by a person who knew him well
He wanted to be all the character
Who didn't have any flaws
He wanted to be perfect
The best character you ever saw!
This man was fooled into believing a lie
A lie he had been told all his life
Anybody can be flawless
But with that logic,
All your flaws are amplified
Please believe me when I say
That I made his story true
He was the antagonist
He was the bad guy
But he wanted all the right things
The only thing he did wrong
Was believing in a lie.
HIIII! This is another character in my book. He is the lovely villain in my story. THANK YOU, Will Clark ( a person who made my life quite hard to live in school) for inspiring my antagonist, William O'Bane. Even though I despise you, you have helped me in ways you can't know. (Joke's on you now!)
252 · Dec 2020
I can understand
That it might be strange
To write of green eyes and their depth
When really I know nothing of it
I was lost in golden eyes
And pretty smiles
Admiring your face when you didn't notice
I never really saw, did I?
Kind of ironic
248 · Mar 2020
Cherry Blossoms
Cherry blossoms fall from trees
In a beautiful scene
Mixing with lilacs
And the scent of lavender
I waited for you to come here
Waited when the snow fell
And before that, the leaves
It feels as though I am stuck here
For all eternity

I watch cherry blossoms
Fall from the tree above my head
Look for your halo of beautiful blond hair
Your amazing blue eyes
That shown me through the darkest night
Cherry blossoms fall
Marking you vanity

I wait for you to come
Under this cherry tree
Where we first met
I know that we're locked up
In a self-induced quarantine
But I'll wait while the blossoms fall
Wait for you to find me
Under the shade of these pink blossoms
That showed me shade
In times of light
Sometimes the light turns into the dark
When you have know idea where you are
233 · May 2020
The Last Stage
Maintaining control
is the stage where the predator
will do anything to keep his victim
a victim
He sits on the couch
With his arm slung over you
His breath is sour with alcohol
And cruelty
Knowing that he has power over you
There will be no changing the story
The story that contains
Both you and him
Is not your and his story
It is only his, and it will only ever be his
Because of him, you have been completely and utterly
These are the stages of ****** harassment, Stay safe out there guys, read up on these things, and don't get hurt. Sending love.
He looked into my eyes
As though he could see right through them
I fell into his endless oceany eyes
As he told me that I was shameful
That I was nothing to him
He told me that I wasn't worth the dirt on his soles
I can't help but love him though
Because I am supposed to be with him

His watery blue eyes
Tell me that I am trying too hard
To tell me everything is fine
Even though I know it isn't
He is so turning
Like a road with switchbacks
I am not your mountain
Stop being so indecisive
You like me, or you don't
So just tell me, am I beautiful
Or am I nothing?
Villain description for a book I am writing. This character is based of a guy I know who is a trading *******. You're welcome Will Clark
229 · Apr 2020
Do you remember
When we aimed to happy and pleased
Remember the days when being normal was being happy?
Now that I am in this horrid years
Between the age of 12 and 20
I am stuck with feeling unhappy
Amidst so many others
With less than maintained roads ahead
Remember the days when we didn't wish for death?
Remember when life was easier
Instead of shrouded with hate
Just looking at another person
And waiting for the feeling to fade
Remember the days when we didn't care?
When we didn't care about our clothes
And what made us look fat
Our faces or who we make laugh?
Remember the days when I was loved
And not just seen as a miserable *****?
Remember the days when I had you
To soothe my burning hateful itch
Remember when we didn't have to fear adults?
When we didn't question their intentions
Remember when we were just obnoxious adolescents?
When life was just making your parents annoyed
And butting heads
Remember when life
Was actually fun to live?
Hope you enjoy this depressing little poem
She was a lover
She let her heart guide where she would go
That poor, poor, misguided soul.
She died in a fire
That held nothing to the flames of passion
In her heart
But she didn't know that compassion
Held no guard
To the fire that burned her up
Margo wasn't essential
She had to go
I'm so sorry Margo
I told the protagonist her father died too
She'll let your brother know
A friendship turned into something more
When the brother held hands
Of a fatherless daughter
Both grieving the deaths of their mentors
Margo was a lover
And the father a fighter.
I'm sorry you had to die
For their relationship to blossom
An author never regrets killing. It just adds dramatic flare to say you do. Though, I will miss the brothers Farely. They are very good characters. In this I am talking about my protagonist's love interest's sister. She is a lover archetype, and she inspires love to the protagonist and her love interest. Death can tear people apart or bring them together. She also happened to cause the rebellion with the love interest!
228 · Dec 2021
stopping myself
bad weather will stop travel

but another rainy day in my head
and everything keeps going

i'm stuck standing in the middle of everything
like the whole world is moving

and i'm just here


where i was before
where i always will be
Their golden hair
Shines brightly in the sun
Not too terribly serious
My jesters, my cousins
My beautiful comedics
You have provided me with relief
You joined the rebellion
Because you believed in a cause
That was so much bigger than anyone
You were tired of being taken advantage of
So you joined us
Told me about everything
And when people died
You brought relief
Jesters dear,
I love you so
I will never ever let you go
I'm so sorry I let you down
Here's a description of my Jesters! The brothers Farely (name inspired by the book Red Queen by Vitoria Aveyard!!) both dying in battle after telling her they would always be there for her to lift her spirits. They were twins, and they died for a cause. A cause they believed in. I will miss you, brothers Farely.
217 · Apr 2020
Why not?
Why not be blamed
For something I did not do?
A crime is not a crime
Unless it has been committed
But this my friends,
It was an accident,
And I am afraid I did not do it

Why not be blamed
For a victimless crime
When it happened right before my eyes
We take the time and time again
And it starts to get real
The happenings begin

Why not be a motherless child
In a world that makes that okay
I am a victim of a crime
A crime that can't be faked

Why not leave
Mother dearest
When I need you most
To work my way through this
I'm starting to hear voices in my head
Help me, mother,
I just want this to end
I am not crazy
The voices haven't pushed me over the edge
Find me, mother
Even though I know you're dead
I am writing this for a friend who is having issues at her home right now. I hope you like it, dear friend.
217 · Mar 2020
If a sea could made of tears
Mine would overflow
If something could burn
You from the inside out
I would be ash
If you could drown in shame
My lungs would be full of water
If it was a crime to love someone
That made you hate yourself
I would be charged 20 years to life
214 · Apr 2020
In a Book
I am not living in a book
Where there is always the perfect guy
The perfect story
And everything ends perfectly fine
I am in a nightmare,
The worst part is that I have no idea how I got there

I have fought until I was spent
My ashes floating in the wind
Until I realize that I am in a book
And not the kind that you want to be in

Life is an untold story
Unfolding on the path ahead of you
I am living through a pandemic
Tell me what you would do?
I am living in a book
Are you sure that you don't want to give it a quick look?
211 · Apr 2020
I think I know
I think I know these people
When they are only real to me
Because I made them alive
But only in my head
When their memories started to fade from mine
I put them onto paper
I made them characters
They made me feel safe
Like I wasn't alone
But I was, and I didn't know

I think I know these people
That I see in my daily life
But when I look at them
They all start to fade away
Because these people are not who I think they are
They are people that I never knew
Because I never bother to hear their story
When I was so caught up in mine
Turns out every person I thought I knew was a lie

I think I know
When someone is sad
Or they are hurting
But I just look at them
With a saddened look in my eye
And walk away
Waving goodbye
To the people I think I know
The people who know everything about me
Know every detail right down to my soul
When I don't really know them
Because I am so self-involved
I don't think that I am self-involved, but I do know that I know people like I think I do. But I know that everyone comes with a story, and sometimes those stories are something like a tragedy.
209 · Mar 2020
Dark Night of the Soul
I find myself within the darkest night
One with inescapable pain
And rocks chipping me away
I am in the dark night of the soul
One of the worst times in my life
I wonder how the moon ever looked bright

'Will I ever come out of this night?'
'I don't really know'
My mother told me when I was thirteen years old
I was already tired of life
Worn down to a crackling wire
That sparks to the touch
I'm dangerous to those who know me
And even those who don't, know enough
I'm trapped in the dark night of the soul
Can someone please open a window?

The dark night of the soul
Envelopes me in its embrace
Smiles as it kisses my face
'Hush,' she says,
'Everything will be okay'
But I have run from this night that has taken me, hostage
I have escaped this cage of the day unlit
I am past you now
I have beat the dark night of the soul
Now I can love
Those who matter most
209 · Jun 2020
Telling me words
You keep telling me words
That I can't understand

Because my brain has checked out
I am no longer there

People keep talking to me
But I can't hear their voice

My head hurts
From all of this warbled noice

My heartbeat has slowed
I wanted to go to bed

But you are stopping me
From resting my weary head
208 · Feb 2020
Seasonal Feelings
Something lights from within
And a fire boils my blood
I have seasonal feeling
Let's make it known to everyone

There's nothing I can do
When spring turns to summer
And summer fades into fall
Finally I reach winter
The one I've been waiting for most of all

You never really had feelings for me
So I pretend you do
When the world reached that season
That I fell in love with you
205 · Mar 2020
Someone Said To Me
Someone said to me they didn't want me
I was far too harsh to be loved
Far too scared to be nice
Someone said to me
I wasn't capable of feeling love
I wasn't ever going to be relaxed

Someone said to me the reason people don't like me
Is because I'm far too strong
In will, in personality
To ever be wanted

They all started talking
Saying things that weren't true
Someone said they didn't want me
Because of the way I am
201 · Apr 2020
Dried Up
I am lost
Without words to guide the way
I cannot see more than ten feet
Directly in front of me
I am nothing
I cannot hope to be anything more
Please don't tell me that I'm perfect
That 'you're good just the way you are!'
I'm really not okay
So don't pretend that I am
I am tired of being me
I am tired of being sane
Because I'm not
So I'm going to pretend that you don't treat me like a slave
That I am not just your personal maid
I am used to being stepped on
Used for anything at all
I just want to feel something good
Love that goes bother ways.

But I am dried up
I have no more love to give
All the people I have loved
Have drunk me up
Given me nothing at all but pity and a sad smile
As they walked away
Relishing my denial
So don't tell me that you want me
Because I know that want is not love
And even if it was
You don't deserve me
Because I am all dried up
I hope this resonates in the heart strings of other people like me. YOU ARE BETTER dOn'T bE A FreAKiNg DoOr maT! You do deserve better than what you are getting. Believe me, you do.
199 · Apr 2020
Descriptions Vol. 2
She stood there
Like the sun sits in the sky
Blank and waiting
Breathing until the moon arrives
Her dark skin
Is a memory
Of the ash and soot she trudged through
Just to get to the battlefield
Just to say, 'I told you'
Her hair is weeping in the wind
A matted mess of former glory
She wonders would she have ever been
What she wanted if she had the chance too
But alas this girl was strong and wise
A memory of days gone by
Remembered only by the past
A memory that is bound to last
Another description for my story! I hope you guys enjoy!
She says she is sorry
For being who she is
When she all she wanted to be
Is someone who feels
She tells you that she is sorry
Because she knows it is a lie
She couldn't feel sorry
Even if she tried
'Never feel remorse
For the things you've done
Don't tell them you are sorry,
You might as well be gone.'
Her words are true
As the world is round
She wishes that just once
She wouldn't apologize
For being who she is.

But she spits the words
Because she has been *******
By words that she has said
That make her look her very best
She screams
As the blood becomes tears
I'm sorry I'm not who you want
I'm sorry that I'm not perfect
I'm just so ******* sorry
That I am not who you want
Because god forbid
I was my own person
Instead of just your little toy

The only reason she says sorry
Is so that you won't **** her
For being who she wants to be
HIII, just righting descriptions for my book!
194 · Mar 2020
Sadly I am unable to say
That I never felt this way before
Scared, alone, isolated
But all of the feelings have become a part of me
Like how roots are apart of the tree
That gave birth to a thought process
Bigger than anything we could have ever known
Sadly for some of us, this thinking is hell
But if I were given a choice
To be able to think, to breath,
To hear, and to see
And never to ever think
I would rather be blind
Because then I could see the world
Through unclouded eyes
191 · Apr 2020
Trust me
Age is just a number
I am a young child
With the brain of someone much older
Maybe I should know more
About finances
Or something useful
But so far
I know about all the things in life
That adults keep secret
I don't care that I have a young face
I have a soul that has seen better days
Stuck in a body that doesn't fit who I am
In a place where happiness doesn't exist
If you saw what I see my personality as
You would see a girl with green hair
(Old grey at the roots)
Three lip rings
Two stretched ears
Baggy pants
Tucked into combat boots
I would have the harsh face
Of a thirty-year-old chain smoker
I wore heavy dark eyeshadow
And liner that reached my hairline
And my green mess on my head
Would be put into a Janis Ian style
And in your pain
I would offer a grim smile
My body would be ravaged with time
Like a sharp rock
Stepped on one too many times
Age is just a number
I've seen too much
In such little time
Even in my mind, I am thirty
No one can take that away
Age is just a number people. You don't know how old you are until you really look at what you would describe as your personality. What should be your identity. You have no idea how old a person really is, just by knowing what year they were born.
188 · Mar 2020
Trusting Time
I've been told to trust time
Like somehow it would save me from the night
When my dreams threaten to eat me alive
Like festering rot
That continued to develop over trusted time

When I was told to trust in time
I took his advice
I truly thought that everything
Would simply be alright
But time started to devour my bones
Leaving me without a soul

I've been trusting time
For a while now
Waiting for it to save me
But maybe time
Is what was wrong with me to begin with

My march towards a place without time
Is growing increasingly fast
As I sit on my bed, I wonder
How long I will last
188 · Mar 2020
I don't feel anything right now
Not a distinction of pain or sorrow
Nor a tad bit of happiness, let alone glee
I'm sorry to say that I feel nothing

The fake words upon your lips
Beckon me closer to everything that is you
Pulling me into a world
That is drenched in blue

Nothingness creeps upon me
Like an unrelenting stalker
I am the goal, I'm what it wants
All nothing wanted to do was feel

When the night is over
And we are no longer young
I want to remind you of the days of nothing
And all of what you've done to me
She will be tough
Whenever she is spoken to
In the wrong way
She will tell you what she wants
And she'll tell you right away
She will breathe because she can
Not because she needs to
Her heart is solid brick
With not a care in the world
But don't let her indignation fool you
She cares more than you could know
Her feelings have been muddled
By so many years of pain
What if instead of crying,
She just made it rain?
She will step outside into the scorching sun
Let her hair flow
In the dying wind
Don't be bothered to save her
Because she's only ever saved herself
Indignation is dangerous
Unless you're smart enough
Yet another description in my book!
168 · Sep 2021
paid magic show- pt. 2
but all in all,
you're tricks aren't all that bad
i can still love you
can still find joy in your words
and the way your hands move

i can't help myself
if i'm paid to put up with it...
paid to watch
i'm fine with it
i love it,
in fact.

i wish there were more magic shows like yours
so that when you disappear
i won't have to be alone
168 · Dec 2020
as if there was
you know that i can't miss the way it was
because we never were
nothing can be used in that way
that grouping "we"
i could never say that about you
all i was to you
was nothingness
a friend you needed to comfort
when all the words didn't get to her head
i obviously couldn't say the same about you
you were so much more to me than you could ever think
all of the words you said
all the warmth i felt in your skin
resonated in my head for weeks
there was no "us"
but i keep talking about it as if there was
167 · Apr 2020
'I'm so tired.'
He smiles at my words
'Can I lie down to sleep?'
I ask as I lie on his bed of needles
My small whimper
Makes his grin grow wider
My eyelids are drooping
I don't even care that he's drugged me
He decides to bind me
And take away pieces of my brain
He replaces them with new memories
Of him laughing
While I scream in pain
So much pleasure has come
From me pushing away the day
That came before
I am being lashed
Hurt from the inside out
The flogging took place
When he was the one I wanted
The sadist watches me
Cry for mercy
But the sadist is me
And I don't know how it got this way.
I wrote this poem when I was in a dark place. Just know that there are people out there that are like you. They know your pain, even if their situation isn't the same. My heart is with everyone right now. Hang in there. Better times will come. I promise
164 · May 2020
Bleeding Eyes
my eyes are bleeding
red dots fill my sclera
my cornea is bruised
from seeing all this chaos

my iris is small
and my pupil big
from all the darkness
in which I had to live

I am sorry to everyone
whose life I have darkened
but will you please stop darkening mine
it's just not fair.

Please stop making my eyes bleed
it hurts too much to stand
I cannot live this way
my life is out of command

please let my eyes take a break
from the screen

I want a rest
to not be imprisoned
behind my eyes
because the world has been harsh
and there is so much punishment
for being who you are

let my bleeding eyes rest
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