Perhaps if the world stopped turning round
I wouldn't be wondering so hopelessly
Into the forsaken dirt of the ground
If you stopped hurting me so endlessly
But maybe it is just my twisted mind
The blanket covering me in the dark
When through the misery there is a rhyme
Of deep-rooted poetry that is art
And more through the misery, there is you
Fiding me in my poisonous palace
Maybe you shouldn't have wished me anew
And in this irony, I shall no bask
When you come to tell me what you've meant
Because all you ever were was hell sent

what if i told you one of my teachers
told me that men wouldn't love me
if i didn't stop biting my nails
or that if i kept my hair short,
people would think that i was a boy
and that i should continue to care what they think
over what you like
what you want to do.

now what if i told you i was five when my teacher told me that?
what if i told you i was a child
when i was told i was undesirable to the opposite ***

what if i told you
that today in class
we had an argument about basic human rights
that we were arguing about how people who weren't white
or cis
or straight were less than human
and the people that defended them
the people who said that they were people
were called "the blue hair girls"
and criticized
and told that they were bullying
the teen boys who were being small-minded
simply for trying to explain to them how they're humanity
and how it's okay

what if i told you that i was told i would never make it
that my dreams weren't reachable
and that i should lower my standard
to be accepted
and when i pushed back,
they told me that i was a *****.
i didn't argue,
because i still believe them.

what if i told you that fathers could steal their daughter's virginity
and still be notified that she was getting rid of the baby
that he placed inside of her
that he still got a say in where it went
and if she could actually get an abortion

what if i told you
that people thought it was okay
to be cruel and god awful
and say that it's all because of what the bible says
because jesus said that it was wrong
that people got away with years and generations of sexism
and racism
and homophobia
just because they thought the bible told them that it was wrong.

what if i told you i wanted out of this world
what would you do?
would you even care?
i don't think that you would.
you would move on
thinking that it would be weird
if you tried to offer your help.

what if i told you it wasn't?

I was going to write a poem about chains and dungeons
Just to illustrate how you had trapped me
But that wasn't true
You haven't trapped me
I have trapped myself
In your strange wake that bring me near
Then pushes me back out the ocean of the people caught on your riptide

I was going to write a poem about chains and dungeons
Just so that I could tell about what you had done
How you had kept me there to torture me
And how you didn't know that you were
But then I found that it was all a lie

I was going to write about chains and dungeons
Tell about how you did this to me
But I decided to tell the truth about  this cage
It's made of the strongest brick,
The biggest chains that wrap around me like a python
But this torture
It's self-imposed

Someone said to me they didn't want me
I was far too harsh to be loved
Far too scared to be nice
Someone said to me
I wasn't capable of feeling love
I wasn't ever going to be relaxed

Someone said to me the reason people don't like me
Is because I'm far too strong
In will, in personality
To ever be wanted

They all started talking
Saying things that weren't true
Someone said they didn't want me
Because of the way I am

you know,
i have this pen
that i borrowed from somebody,
i don't even remember who it was,
but i kept it,
i still have it,
because i knew that's the pen that you liked
that exact brand,
the same model,
the same ink,
i couldn't get rid of it,
even after the ink ran out,
i kept this stupid meaningless pen,
the one without purpose,
just like i kept these feelings,
i'll keep holding onto them for you
in case you come back
and you need them
like you'd need your favorite pen

it calls to me,
coos out my name and a sweet song
sung only by those who know her as a love;
but who needs to know that?
it is but useless information
until you hear the song of the moon
and in it's kindness you weep.
her sweet heart sits on your sleeve
dripping a sweet silver dew
of understanding nights
wishing you were her
if only to be admired by so many
just like you.

it is all for not
until it isn't a worthless effort any more;
breathing underneath her radiance, belong only to that of old gods,
the ones that god abandoned when we didn't feel the need for them anymore.
but the moon,
she stayed
as we loved underneath her glow
her mercury-esque cast shadows.
her sweet blaze falls pleasantly on your smile
and i feel the moon in my heart once again;
think of her kindness to me
in nights of dew-dripped eyes,
and flattering silhouettes.
i think of her now,
looking at you.

my hair has started falling out,
and there's one too many canker sores in my mouth
my gums have started to climb back
revealing more and more of a yellow, throbbing tooth
i have dark circles under my eyes,
and my weight is no longer consistent
i'm tired
and can't stop crying
because this isn't just forgetting to shower anymore
this isn't just taking an extra long nap
because you're trying to avoid your problems
this is no longer a seasonal sadness,
i can see it on my face
and in my eyes

i was already half dead long ago
i guess my body just had enough waiting

He has dark hair
Almost like the night
Dark enough to seem as though it was black
Even though it was blue shining bright
He is completely different in the day
Saying things he would never say
His mouth is a cruel curve
Because everything he says is absurd
His eyes a gleaming blue
To match his night-like hair
He isn't you
I wish you were here

Fear is consuming
I don't want to live
But I'm too scared to die
I wonder what I'm worth
If my life is worth anything at all

Depression is consuming
It eats away at me with it's acidic teeth
I have been poisoned
This is what depression does to me

Emotions consume me
Leaving me alone and afraid
Fear fills my bones
As I wonder what is there left to live for
Is there anything left to live for
Other than the rainy days that me feel right
And the way I feel on those lonely gloomy nights

People don't understand why there's nothing left of me
I have been consumed by everything I find consuming

I'm afraid to love
Because I know people who "loved"
And hated it
Because it made them feel everything at once

And it hurt them
Because love is blind
And I'm afraid to love
Because I already can't see

i took drowning lessons the other day
turns out,

i'm really good at it.
really good at ******* water into my lungs

and falling asleep
never to get back up

i took drowning lessons the other day
turns out

this feeling
in my chest

that won't go away
and always ******* persists

it what it feels like to drown
burns

a lot really,
more than you'd think

like if they opened your chest,
filled it with alcohol and lit it up

i took drowning lessons the other day,
thought maybe it would wash me clean

i thought
it could wash away the pain.

if i told you all of the dark things
all of the pathological lies i've told
you wouldn't trust me any more
so when i tell you this
believe me
because it might be the only reliable thing i say
don't trust me
don't listen to me
and never think that the words i'm saying are real

Her eyes are a green ocean that you could float in all day
Her fur a crimson that will wash you away
My smile grows when I look at her face
And I find myself when I pet her softly

A beauty everyday of the week
My Sasha is truly unique
Her mellow attitude and gentle breath
With put me to sleep, a gentle caress
Sasha is the most beautiful one
Sasha is Rylie's dog

Do you remember
When we aimed to happy and pleased
Remember the days when being normal was being happy?
Now that I am in this horrid years
Between the age of 12 and 20
I am stuck with feeling unhappy
Amidst so many others
With less than maintained roads ahead
Remember the days when we didn't wish for death?
Remember when life was easier
Instead of shrouded with hate
Just looking at another person
And waiting for the feeling to fade
Remember the days when we didn't care?
When we didn't care about our clothes
And what made us look fat
Our faces or who we make laugh?
Remember the days when I was loved
And not just seen as a miserable *****?
Remember the days when I had you
To soothe my burning hateful itch
Remember when we didn't have to fear adults?
When we didn't question their intentions
Remember when we were just obnoxious adolescents?
When life was just making your parents annoyed
And butting heads
Remember when life
Was actually fun to live?

Don't tell me
That I don't know what it feels like
To stress

Don't tell me that I am too young
To understand

I am tired
Of being told
That I don't know

Please tell me that I am smart
Ask me to talk

Don't tell me
That I am things I am not

Become the character
That you write
Lose your reality
A little more
Every night
I am tired of this dullness
Give me an adventure
Let me become the character
That I have worked on so hard
To write

The paper was crumpled
Where her tears had fallen from the air
She put everything into the pencil marks on the page
Until the day in which it was torn away
She cried so more when people read the words
And called her strange for feeling something inside

The only thing strange was that she felt what they did
Only so much more
They were too scared to show it
Too scared to write it down
Until that day when her tears streaked
The crumpled paper
In which her feelings were shown

She was one of them too
She knew that they would never know
How it felt to have it all there
On the crumpled paper
Because the paper never called you strange
It knew all too well that pain that you were feeling
And everything that you were going through
She found that crumpled
Piece of paper
Quite relatable

you can ******* try
to hate me more
i don't think that you'll be able to
but you can certainly try
how is that working out for you?
how is hating me,
and talking **** about me
and never saying anything to my face doing?
does it feel good to never have confrontation?
does it feel nice to know that i'll "never find out"?
because i can tell you right now that i will.

so you can try
with all of your might
to destroy me with your words
and i'll just sit here and take it
because sometimes it's hard not to

sitting here waiting
waiting, waiting still
but you'll never be here will you?
you'll never show up in time,
so i'll be sitting here waiting
wishing for your magical appearance
like a magic show you pay me to watch.
keeping me hooked on your constant entertainment
needing you to be there
but you're not going to show up.
so i'll be sitting here waiting.
see you when i see you, i guess.

he gave me a cunning fox smile
and i lost it

that desperate art kid who writes poetry in the dark
the little one in the corner, that's me

he was this god.
gorgeous, and funny
chaotic like he was a trickster, and i loved it

and now i'm alone
and hoping to see them again

every single last part of me knows that i never will again
that our already small time together was dwindling
and soon they'd move onto something new

i'm just a little tired
that's all

a tiny bit delusional
nothing else

i wouldn't worry about me
not yet, at least

Dear moonchild,
If you are reading this
You know about the sun
How its rays mean it's our time to sleep
Because we aren't the normal creatures of the Earth
Sometimes they tell us
That our smiles are menacing
When we meet up at the in-betweens
Dawn, and dusk
I've only known a few day wakers
They found me too profound
My silvery skin
And gray hair too much from them
My smile brought tears
My skin too real for them
You see, moon child,
You'll always be too different for the day wakers
But it doesn't matter
Because we sleep with the moon
The natural state of the Earth
In the forest
With all of the other little creatures
They thought too extreme
Or not extreme enough for them
We are never right
But I think
In their pink skin
And brown hair
They look like fools
Their stupidity detracting away from their non-existence
So moon child,
Only rise when the moon is up
And sleep when it is down
We don't follow the rules
Of the day waker's sun

i sit on the throne
blood and mercury dripping down my silver crown
made of sharp diamonds and blades
regal dark green dress as i smile down at you
i've lost myself
but honestly, i don't care
the power rush is too much
sweet heart, best you leave before i hurt you

it's cold in my castle all alone
but for once i control something

how is it possible for me
to miss the way it used to be
when there was never actually anything between you and me
never anything real at least
there were looks back and forth
and blank stares on my side of things
but i found those eyes of yours like a pool,
one that wanted to drown me
to take me into their lugubrious depths
dismal dismay of the broken ones
was my newest fate
so tell me
how is it possible for me
to miss the way it used to be
when it's the same?
when i'm still drowning
and you still don't care
and i'm still in an oddly chaotic place

Let's just say...
That someday we figured it out
We figured out what it all means
Why we are actually all here
Wouldn't it be a slap in the face
If we just figured out
That we were here for nothing
That all of this struggling
And one-sided love
And hatred
Was for nothing
That we were never supposed to learn anything
Never supposed to figure out who we are
Or help other people that we loved
Wouldn't you be taken aback
That we were here
For nothing at all?
That all those beliefs you had about yourself
And about the world
They were never real
And I know that I'm just rambling
But I don't care
What would you think of it
If we found out we meant nothing at all?

i've started watching children's movies
because i can't take a big plot anymore
after everything that i've seen,
something more than a kid's plot makes a dull pain in my head

i've made everything light green,
so i don't overload on color
so that my senses aren't assaulted by the barrage of defiance
willing me to speak at it's unsightlyness

i've started shutting down,
going into to default,
because if i keep creating personalities for other people,
i might just explode

i've left everyone alone
because i can't be trusted anymore.

my eyes are bleeding
red dots fill my sclera
my cornea is bruised
from seeing all this chaos

my iris is small
and my pupil big
from all the darkness
in which I had to live

I am sorry to everyone
whose life I have darkened
but will you please stop darkening mine
it's just not fair.

Please stop making my eyes bleed
it hurts too much to stand
I cannot live this way
my life is out of command

please let my eyes take a break
from the screen
please

I want a rest
to not be imprisoned
behind my eyes
because the world has been harsh
and there is so much punishment
for being who you are

let my bleeding eyes rest

C rying all the night through

R inging our the pillow case

Y ou haven't come home yet

I doubt that it with ever happen

N ever felt like this before

G o away. I know of you lies

only in dreams
do i let myself feel happy
only in dreams
do i finally let loose
let my mind venture into depths unexplored
only in my dreams
do i say all of the pretty words
that irrelevant to reality
only in dreams
have i loved you
or at least let myself
because when i love in real life
it hurts

Broken words
Sharper than glass
Break the girl's heart
As the blade breaks her skin
What you had done
Has broken her apart
She wanted your love
She wanted to know that you cared
But when she found out the truth
And how many miles away it was
She started breaking apart

She wanted your love
She wanted you heart
But she never wanted you
To break her apart

There was nothing I could do
As the knife sunk into your flesh
I was unaware
Of all the pain that I was causing you
The blade that I had
Steadily sinking into you skin
And there was nothing I could do
But say sorry and beg for acceptance from you

I'm so sorry that I hurt you
I never meant you any harm
Sorry for all of the lies that I told
And sorry for the times that you believed them

But there was nothing I could do
As the blade I wielded broke your flesh
And the marks that I made deepened
Causing so much pain

But there was nothing that I could do
There was nothing to be done that could possibly save you

after last night
when you said you didn't want me
and you toyed with me
and you hurt me
i don't want to talk to you
i kind of want to pretend that it never actually happened
but i can't actually do that
not really
i can't just run back to you and apologize,
say that it's all fine
i did some things too
some things that probably hurt you
somethings that i regret
even if i refuse to apologize for them
i feel bad
but i kind of don't at the same time
you said some pretty freaking hurtful ****
i wish that it wasn't like this

but is it even really like this?
or is it just pity?
is it just you trying to make me feel better?
hoping that I do something better
the bottom line is that I don't believe you
I don't believe any of it
I'm sorry but
am I really?

I don't know anymore
I really have no idea what this is
and I really, really hate it

If a sea could made of tears
Mine would overflow
If something could burn
You from the inside out
I would be ash
If you could drown in shame
My lungs would be full of water
If it was a crime to love someone
That made you hate yourself
I would be charged 20 years to life

you know that i can't miss the way it was
because we never were
nothing can be used in that way
that grouping "we"
i could never say that about you
all i was to you
was nothingness
a friend you needed to comfort
when all the words didn't get to her head
i obviously couldn't say the same about you
you were so much more to me than you could ever think
all of the words you said
all the warmth i felt in your skin
resonated in my head for weeks
there was no "us"
but i keep talking about it as if there was

we couldn't find the page you were looking for
the one where you made the mistake of asking the internet
if you were ******* normal
haha what a laugh
obviously people don't have thoughts like yours
it's quite clear that people don't have to constantly fight themselves
but hey its me
isn't it?
i'm full of wonders, aren't i?

i don't know what to write
but i haven't run out of ideas
they're just all jumbled in my head,
one huge mess that i need to uncoil
but the wires in my head are too strong
unable to bend to my thoughts to what i need them to be
like i'm trying to build a sculpture
but the clay refuses to be worked with
turns to steel, which turns to rock
which then crumbles to stone

so, i've hit a rut in the road
and now here i am
writing to an audience who doesn't care for me
who don't really bother reading my poems
just to tell them, i don't know what i'm doing.
i hope you're okay with that.

I wish there was a poem for life
Not so many written in the late hours of the night
One that could express love and anguish
All in the same sentence
One that could describe grief and the feeling of a knife
All in the same line

A poem that you could memorize
And tell it to yourself
On all the lonely nights
A poem that could make you laugh and cry
In one sonnet
You would thank whoever wrote it
And cry when they said they didn't
Then your tears would fill yet another ocean

Some people have told me my dreams are something I will never reach
And I have told them to wait until they can really see
Some of them do
They wait for me to succeed but others just sit there
Plan
Commiserate
And curse me when I got there just fine
I laugh when I wish for something
Than obtain it the minute

I wished for a poem of life
It turns out I've already wrote it

Thrown away
When you are done
I'm tired
Of being disposable

dark forest and a couple high teens
the world is spinning around us
as we realize we left ours
glitter and stars and constant laughter
let the music that hits just right
play all around us
like i submerged in the liquid of this feeling
let's hold hands
and cry tears of silver
as saturn decides to play the moon
in our epic play of worlds
will you come with me?
join me in darkness darling
let us be children again
let's believe in magic again

all the stars are soaked in tears.
all of the night's darkness covered in concealer
and precariously perched sunglasses.
the moons craters can be healed by some cold water
and carefully applied eyeliner.
but why should we cover what happened?
i mean, it just happened,
it just is.
it's not anything except itself,
right?
there are special tears reserved for the night,
for those particular shadows.
sometimes, it's best that the sun doesn't get jealous
that the moon is the only one who gets to see you like this.
'why love the moon
when it is only a reflection?' the sun asks
'it's like loving a mirror,
it's never going to be real'

oh but the moon knows why you love it
there is no such flattering light
as that which falls on your tears
when you decided to stop brushing them away.

Cracking my neck
Preparing for battle
Calling my men
Those of whom you can't rattle
You cannot play these mind games
It won't work, these men have been tamed
Place all your bets
Put down your day's wage
Watch and listen
As we end your meaningless day

Cracking my neck
Reading my best work
Laying you to rest
As I read my last word
This adventure has been fun
I'm telling you, it has
But the story is done
You must now go to bed

I'm seeing clearly
Through the tears
Because what I need to see
Is something to do
Something to write
And so far I haven't found it
Behind these sleepless eyes
Because I am too tired
To deal with anything
Other than my drooping lids
And my tear crusted face
But other than that
Life is just great

it astonishes me that no one else feels this way
when it's so normal for me
to feel this waterfall of everything all around me
like rain, if there wasn't any air
falling to fast
and all at once
like a sheet of sadness
it makes me happy that no one else feels it
but also a tad crazy
to know that other people do actually cry when they're sad
not just a few drops
when they explode

I want a nice boy who writes
Because he'll understand
Why I have this search history

I want a nice boy who writes
Because he'll have answers to all my questions

I want a nice boy who writes
Because he'll understand me

I want a nice boy who writes
Because he'll watch me finish my book
And read it with pride

I want a nice boy who writes
And tells me all the best obscure
Internet cafe

I want a nice boy who writes
Because for once someone
Will understand my mind

you get bored and change the subject
find something you find fascinating
and throw it at us
just to spice it up
but i'm done with your self-inflicted plot twists
done with the manipulation
i wasn't done talking
wasn't done telling you how i hurt
but that's fine
lets talk about something different
please
by all means

I didn't even know
That I would stay up this long
Because I am TIRED guys
Not crazy so..
leave me alone
When you say
That I should let the words go to sleep
because when my head is done for
anything that is said
written
communicated in one way or another
it is so ******* done
that there is no meaning
to be had
other than I am ******* tired

it's a lonely feeling
here with all of these people
none of them talking to me
none of them noticing me
all i am is nothing
here with all of these people
none watching as the tears fall from my eyes
none of them caring
as i worry away about things that i shouldn't care about
it's lonely here and it hurts
i wish it didn't
otherwise, it's not so bad
all of these people not bothered by me
it's not bad at all

**** is the only crime
That saying you "couldn't resist"
Is a defense
Whereas for other crimes
That is a confession

Stop saying you can't resist
Because you can
And not doing something
Is easier than doing it

People don't **** outfits
People **** people
Don't say she was asking for it
No one asks to be violated

No one

And everyone can resist

It's

So

*******

Easy

Bones rattle together
As the dead start to rise
As the population decreases
Secret have started to die
Until that one day
When secrets
Are no longer what they are
Secrets are an ever seething
White marble scars