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Mar 2015 · 231
Time
Atypnoc Mar 2015
They say that all will heal with time
And perhaps this is the truth
For those who fear heights at some point decline to climb
But passing suns just smear what past to youth
Feb 2015 · 1.7k
Atypical Narcolepsy
Atypnoc Feb 2015
I'm just

I can't feel my lips
on my face
so still
i cant move them
on their own
i can't tell if they are parted
i can't tell if they exist
i can't feel my hips or
my feet, or my lefs
i can't move them
i can't feel them

i want to break
i want all of the confusion, the disconnectedness
i can cry

but i can't escape this
and i can't can't escape this
there is no break

a million scattered shattered steps
stood stunning
chameleon flattered

I can't move.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6n_z-FdEkw&feature;=youtu.be
^unlisted
Feb 2015 · 349
15Bats
Atypnoc Feb 2015
I met you in the first moments of the last year of my life.
I've come beyond my worst pretense of fear inherent strife.


I've been waiting for fifteen, for the past nine years
Passed berating what I'd seen til at last conscience clears.
Feb 2015 · 427
TORCHID
Atypnoc Feb 2015
Remotely whet my appetite
Might as well try it
What incited this riot!
Expansion instead will I write
From four letters beyond our two words
Until some future thoughts take flight
Crossing greater expanse than do birds
From this dizzying height
Somehow gains me insight
Ignites
Pure white
Technicolored invite burning
Brilliant despite
Me
No matter how bright

To define the way you make me feel tonight
To hell with the line, say take me, **** polite
TORCHISTRA
Feb 2015 · 836
Humillion
Atypnoc Feb 2015
You learn something new every day
so long as you don't let your ego light the way
Feb 2015 · 285
Pictures
Atypnoc Feb 2015
Picking myself up and off the floor
picking myself up to pick off more
to pick out the sick among sore rhetoric
leaves me torn wondering, what for?
Feb 2015 · 727
With Sam August
Atypnoc Feb 2015
Is the flower first to wilt alluring?
Is ugliness empowered thirst enduring?
And does the **** thrive in it's leeching ways?
Spreading, choking, seeping, seeking prey
first of (hopefully) several collaborative poems with the infamous Sam August
Feb 2015 · 405
Compensation
Atypnoc Feb 2015
I couldn't keep myself when I awoke from throttling the route
As I choke myself on all the words that sound like some cop out
Feb 2015 · 2.3k
Truckers
Atypnoc Feb 2015
I don't know where, if it will end.
Refuse to voice or recommend.
To treat what ails us is pretend.
Slips through fingers apprehend.

To help more than to hurt,
reflexive sunny disposition
which can cradle sallow sleeping stoic pride.
Distinguishing the dirt,
collective run beside conviction;
acting ladle heavy, heaping, terrified.
 
Leave things better than you found them
Received our debtors stand; surround them.

I wonder if to soothe what ail,
under apprehension prevail.
Therein lies each us, our grail -
our demons sinking in each nail.
Atypnoc Feb 2015
Once upon a time there was a bend in a tree, which grew among other trees and lay among the rocks covered in mosses of different hues of purple.

The tree with a bend had a heart, which was aching.

Because as it had been growing, among the other trees, up from the ground with the rocks and the mosses, it had been burning…

But it swallowed the smoke and it made all efforts to conceal the fire, and the embers, smoldering…

And while growing and burning, with the grand secrecy eking out from the ground surrounding the roots, into a sort of fog or mist that hazed the acre, this tree took some maligned pride in the secrets she kept.

Because she knew, regardless of any other perception of who she was...she knew there was a fire within her. Whether that fire being a good thing, or a harmful thing, did not cross her mind as of consequence. Because while one is still growing, without knowing of consequences...relativity does not exist. Like Shroedinger’s cat, really.

She took pride that the secret was one of physical threat, one with an aura of risk. One that would not be delighted in by those around her, were they aware. One that in fact may frighten them.
She felt brave.

And she felt clever.

Because the low-laying fog or origin unknown to the rest of those around her, she knew the origin. And for this, she felt clever.

The fire was a hunger insatiable; but deliberate, and bade time. A sick balance was struck between that which could be afforded to burn in secrecy, and that which was necessary to stoke the fire.

And for some time, she believed this agreement was manageable, sustainable, and perfect.

Then, a day came.
Where another tree, once seeded nearby, emerged from the soil.

She found herself proximally closer to another tree, than she had ever really anticipated.
And it was small.

And she realized, how grown already she had become.
The fires inside of her, had burned down slowly over time to the base of her trunk… burned her from the center, outwards, but more so down, to the base, where it festered and expanded and thrived on the emerging’s of her roots.
And it thrived, and it devoured her where she was anchored to the earth.

She beheld her nearby sprouted neighbor...she looked downwards upon him, and she saw how tenderly he was held to the soil, which had ashed somehow from below?

And she realized how fragile this child was, she realized how innocent, she realized how impressionable, and how dependent upon her roots, and her barrier to the wind, he was.

It was here that the realization dawned upon her for the very first time, that the life she had created for herself- and the intricate and meticulously hidden secrets she harbored ****** the fresh child who was planted in her soil, to depend upon the strengths of her roots, the strength that all around her naturally assumed existed.

She became frantic.

Bound by brittle, burning roots to the place she had sabotaged in her own short-sighted impulses to define herself as a mysterious and special tree.

And the fire, which she felt had coexisted as an equal within her, she realized was not with any of her interests at heart.

And that which she had begun so long ago, she could not extinguish, or tame.
And her own damage, pain, inflicted in her decisions still were of little concern to her, but to face that now someone else completely undeserving of any of these consequences would suffer greater than even she: it broke her.

She lacked any plan to remedy, or seek help, it was far past a point where those around her could offer anything to save her, or help her, or quiet the fire, or save the child.

And so she lived on as a slave to the wicked fires gnawing away at her everything, at the air surrounding, of the soil, of the example…

And she died far too slowly, as she watched each passing day those around her living timid tender serene lives of trees

Oblivious in the 'fog'
….and while the young tree beside her came up, but far slower than other trees ought to…

Came up, without solid foundation, roots that were unable to take hold in the ashy soil
came up, feeling the heat from below and beside, but never knowing well enough to realize it was unusual.

The burning tree died too slowly, and she watched the tree born and die from neglect and inadequate surroundings.

And the small tree wasn't even noticed by any of the other trees, because the burning tree was so enveloped in shame and sorrow to even properly acknowledge the presence of the acres newest sapling.

And so, on she burned, every dawn rising upon the fallen, wilted twig beside her, that only she had known.

And her ashes kept any others from ever seeding and sprouting near her.
And as the years went on, the area surrounding her of death and sorrow spread,
And she was alone.

The end.
Feb 2015 · 754
Fatality
Atypnoc Feb 2015
Everybody acts to empower individuality
to flourish standing certain til succumbing to mortality
though this agenda seems to cease concerning edged reality
and those we carried to the ledge, toss across their totality

I don't know how to get along in a world
where my shared experiences are inhibited.


I sailed across the sea to see if it would be worth the journey
didn't account for the return trip, had bet would be a gurney
and the ocean or salt corroded that which upon I sailed
and i never made it anywhere. Stupidity prevailed.
Feb 2015 · 349
Steadaty
Atypnoc Feb 2015
If nothing. Ever. *******. Changes.
The next best thing just rearranges.
Everything your bleary mind
Remembers you would hide behind.

If nothing. Ever. *******. Changes.
Same old **** you moved deranges
Warping so you'll never find
What not to see you must be blind.

If nothing. Ever. *******. Changes.
You stand still while life estranges.
What's immobile can't unwind
Leaving you taught, alone, unkind.

"No, nothing never doesn't stay the same"

"So something forever isn't sort of a game?"

Yeah, the name doesn't blame what it buckles in shame
the name doesn't blame  under shame.
Feb 2015 · 783
Adelante
Atypnoc Feb 2015
I'm so ******* dizzy from remaining in one place
while the world thrashes around me and collapses into space
it's a wonder just how breathless i am left when the whole race
i ran immobile unsure whether to flee from the life ever-giving chase
Feb 2015 · 905
Thenso
Atypnoc Feb 2015
I lack the strength of character to come right out these words
I lack the courage to confront my pride amongst the herds
But beyond common decency you contemplated and so brave
gently gave me the map of your heart; which led me to my grave.

So to you from dizzy dreaming, eyes far open wide
I am telling you, abandon me. And when you do, take stride.
You have conducted yourself since day one, so dignified
And I beg of you take my word, I'm not worth what you provide

Love of a good man from a good woman shouldn't hide
And a woman is not good if she's unfit to place aside
selfish expectations knowing how ******* hard he tried,

I love you
And all I will do is hurt you
and shove you.
Feb 2015 · 412
0
Atypnoc Feb 2015
0
Every ambition I fought through the night
At the time, in my head, was a valiant fight
As onward we waded, led I in the recite:
Somehow,  some way,  after this pain is delight.  

But as evening bore down just short hours ago
Dawned clarity I feel perhaps the last to now know
This isn’t some garden where jack-**** will grow
Instead line for slaughter, only pain to bestow

I became selfish dizzied by desperate plays
To justify to myself, to you, all the days
Where somehow deluded enticed all the strays
And for granted I took each of your earnest ways

I don’t know what I became
But tonight I don’t see things the same
I’ll remove the monster I can’t name
By destroying that which I can’t tame.
Feb 2015 · 7.7k
WASTING
Atypnoc Feb 2015
I just want to know if I'm wasting my time
on some ideals that don't exist outside my head;
to trust it will grow after tasting and climb,
maybe heals moving forward instead.
Feb 2015 · 479
Boomer
Atypnoc Feb 2015
Hard to believe but I cannot deny
what you give, you'll receive
all your friends are a lie.
Jan 2015 · 5.4k
HOMEOSTASIS
Atypnoc Jan 2015
She chases homeostasis,
   with assorted frantic faces.
She is home when her heart races
   as she desperate fills the spaces.

Replaces
missing graces
with far places
dreamed in cases;
displaces
taken paces,
just retraces
lost embraces.
Baseless
Jan 2015 · 993
Hands
Atypnoc Jan 2015
YOU WILL NOT REGRET MOVING FORWARD
Jan 2015 · 415
Linova
Atypnoc Jan 2015
These, my friends, are the beautiful days -
where the dawns consume our mournings,
and the haze which engulfs everything that blooms
                     beyond this narrow scope of presence,
we will remember never fazed us, facing uncertainty that looms
                      among our marrow; hopeful tense,
and we will know, sometime, right
               now we can't yet grasp for want of knowing
where these paths go, to climb, which height
               or which ocean this is we're rowing

We will look back to these moments of obscurity
Filled by pigment as black, today's just gray until maturity,
Until fate took imperfect cracks to fill what's unsure into purity
We will look back and will be proud of who we were in our obscurity.
Jan 2015 · 906
ToPasa
Atypnoc Jan 2015
All it takes is you believing
we could make this work,
    but leaving
         just to lurk
    prompting grieving
         just to perk
                me up ascending on some chariot you broke
                            defending all the arson in the mirrors with the smoke
I cough, and choke
til I awoke
       the words still stuck inside my throat
       you swore you wrote this swollen note
Tell me then, pleading, revoke
to which you reply, I misspoke.

All it takes is you believing
faintly, even so
I'll pound pavement retrieving
anything we need to go.

All it takes is you believing
and I'll vicious fight our cause
til I'm buried or I'm ashes
consuming body by my mind
which precedence for you defined
to hush protests below mustaches
bristled veil the daily grind
and anyone leaves us behind
sees our reflections brightly shined
and they all crashes
and they all crashes

all it takes is you believing.
Jan 2015 · 3.5k
Repress
Atypnoc Jan 2015
You saw by panes held by thin wire.
Two-ways seeing crumbled fire.
I remember autumn
Checking at the bookstore
In your vans on film you wore
No conception of bottom.

A kid from Mexico, 15
Convincingly my age unclean
Walk summer down West Sylvester
Powder sugar walkway, tester
The ******* **** is blue
Wild eyes tell me you knew.

Back across the fairchild lot
He slid to drive; I told- we bought
They'd taken off without their lights
He barreled lone known route recites
As I scream STOP
IT ISN'T WORTH IT
I'LL GET YOU BACK
PULL OVER, ****
No one taught us how to quit
We rotten without teeth to grit
Jan 2015 · 3.4k
Johanna
Atypnoc Jan 2015
Johanna, Joanna,
Ella paga mañana
Volver para un frente
Teniendo la mente
Sin ropa, sin aire
Asfixia sin despair

(Johanna, Joanna
She'll pay tomorrow
Come back for a front
Having the mind
Without clothes, without air
Choking without despair)
Jan 2015 · 926
PROMPT: Free Will (?)
Atypnoc Jan 2015
We're free
To do, to say, to be
Whatever makes you proud of me
I can oblige, I don’t agree
I can't see eye to eye, you see
I'd lie to try evade that sigh
Assumed reply consumed by why
I had no say conceived the sky
Each passing day perceived too high
Trespassing lay bereaved to die
Til watered ground believed too dry
The forest falls; no use to cry

You never asked to be born to any life
Your say, it mattered none
If ever tasked to bring morning with a knife
Poor day, pit-pattered sun
Wore spray, spit-spattered gun
Swore stay, sit-shattered spun
Floor display wit tattered won

Door away fitted undone
***** will say bitter begun
A score to play hit her home run
Too poor to pay **** owing one

A roar made sore ripcords I tore
Demanding, MORE!
Standing, what for?
No landing, or
Backhanding, or
Still stand ignore
Can't stand no more
Line by line; meaning for the first portion:
They tell us we can be whatever we want to be
that we can speak freely, that the world is our oyster.
But here, I'm only free to become that which you wish of me.
Although I acquiesce, I resent it.
We don't hold the same standards.
I spin fables of what I've done, and hide that which I do, to keep from hearing that heavy sigh of disappointment.
Saying less gives you more room to see me as the daughter you wish I were.
I didn't ask to be born.
I didn't ask to be born with a disorder that requires medications that used to make me into a monster.
I'm ready to go, every night that I lay down
Water the grave with the tears, now dried up
If a tree falls and no one is around to hear it, why bother making a sound?
Jan 2015 · 323
Sacrilege
Atypnoc Jan 2015
Was built upon good faith, foundation benefit of doubt
Although uncertain, leaning, favoring the untread route.
Impossibility! shout the jaded to the wall
to dulled reverberance , stability hushes each call.

But what window once met face to see far reaches of what may,
That pane you e'er panel, each nail hammered by what you say
til it's yourself left to talk to in the dark away from day
will you wonder how much longer with yourself you have to stay?
can you see in all that darkness what a coward you portray?

I wish deceit your venom elicited even apathy,
if not warranted repulsion of regard of you set free
but what thrashed to disbelief lurches into - for you i grieve
i'd never **** the worst to from yourself you'll never leave.
Jan 2015 · 1.2k
The Shack
Atypnoc Jan 2015
Comes quite quickly end denies
     No longer able fantasize
What a fool prioritize
     To feed myself such wicked lies
Overwhelms in tortured cries
     The only love ive known still dies
What a fool, you, I despise
     Feebly I demonize
Oh god agree **** compromise
     Take me instead this ****** surprise
So ******* wrong, internalize
     To walk your shoes arent my size
Someday dunno when realiez
     The good, the bad, and always dies

We all born will live to die
     Be so torn, we'll give our lies
Free to mourn all ****** goodbyes
     Agree adorned with compromise

I'm still here
Do they hear?
By all means what I held dear
Forest falling, no one near
I donno quite how I appear
All I know is we're

Alive
I'm still here
Revive
        good cheer
To thrive
       my dear
The drive
       to steer
Alive we hear

Alive we're here
From What the Shack Means to Me, prompted in November 2014 at www.tinychat.com/theroarshack
Jan 2015 · 286
Untitled
Atypnoc Jan 2015
Whatever it is,
at the most is a phase
What immovable present
when is posted a maze
What arrested this instant
as we blink by the days,
That which cannot afford
is that for which repays.
Jan 2015 · 1.0k
Bio
Atypnoc Jan 2015
Bio
Narcoleptic storyteller living the dream; it's a ******* nightmare.
Dark eclectic gory hell or giving up steam; watered luck is right there.
Appear today; drawn tomorrow
I could tell which words you borrow
Inconvenienced shades of gray
Eighty shades of sorrow weigh
today, which way to say,
I will stay here when you stray hear
they may play fear, bray they pay dear
Ever listen on to bold tomorrows.
Jan 2015 · 1.2k
Untitled
Atypnoc Jan 2015
it's nice to know it's not for naught
there's value in what can't be bought
where my plans convene with thought
i invest different kind of plot

honeycomb are to the bees
as madness is to mysteries
and are polite priorities
nectar of insecurities?

the recounted sheep are bleating/(bleeding)
cry of wolf to deaf misleading
as i bray again repeating
every note so self-defeating

thrown about the limbs of trees
chaos with-in-discrepancies
that which we melt just to freeze
wring tangles such as these

my journey is while they sleep
shepherdess lost counted sheep
the edge, again, to fall or leap
for flight first failure grade so steep

My white whale wild in the seas
This ship no sail, nor north agrees
Ever-spurning taste of tease
I am ahabs intricacies

to illusion am i ******
eternally roaming the land
through burning thirst for empathy
-i'm plagued with insecurity

in an old biblical story
mortal glimpsed our father's glory
From that instant's blinding light
was driven mad took his own sight

if i could measure and define
truth and where it draws the line
which cliff faces only mine
encases truly, i am fine

chronic illness violently
supressing luminocity
onlookers hang silently
as ash consume ferocity

speed builds on tracks in my train
I know this is too fast, again
upon myself, 'you dare complain,
without reference to real pain?'
all avert their eyes, refrain
saying nothing is my bane
am i alone and insane?
this focus that i can't explain?
creating reason for my pain
purpose for and by diseased brain
Jan 2015 · 684
Breathless
Atypnoc Jan 2015
Breathless, I sat silent as each word formed on his lips
and from his tongue, took flight; floating in the air
to find their way straight to my heart, and burn like acid drips
leaving holes I know that nothing can repair.

The moment breaks as I am asked, where on this I stand
I burst and flood; they watch as drowning, I died
for if to save our sinking ship, I can't retreat to land
then I'll wait here until I'm told to come inside.

But I'd misjudged the shouldered weight, and buckled at me knees
I turn to see no one run in my defense
Unsure the cure will come in time to free us our disease
I walk away from suffering your convenience.
Written about the meeting where my marriage fell to pieces.
Jan 2015 · 581
Beginning Dies
Atypnoc Jan 2015
Why, given these winnings, are you compelled to defend…
Where I live in the beginning that lies at the end?
To die driven and spinning, far too fast not to pretend…
Decisive will the sinning burn a lonely man to blend?
When I live in the beginning that lies at the end.
Second portion of "Anomie" by Atypnoc and Anomic84
soundcloud.com/baird-atypnoc/anomie
Jan 2015 · 968
Anomie
Atypnoc Jan 2015
Descending kind of flight
Of thought
Associated free
Comprehending blind of sight
We sought
Delay of anomie
Pretending find the right
Forgot that
Which we can't agree
Defending lined the fight
That bought
Every hidden fee
Made into the song "Anomie" by Atypnoc and Anomic84
https://soundcloud.com/baird-atypnoc/anomie
Jan 2015 · 2.1k
Beast
Atypnoc Jan 2015
Why turn on the light illuminate the beast that's here?
Who stirs beyond the softness of the focus so unclear...
Condensing on the hairs sprung straight from necks the breath so near
And if i light it, we ignite it, I haven't ways to fight it, giving sight to insurmountable fear

— The End —