It was the coldest night
Since this bee brain could remember.
These frozen vignette windows
Reminded me I was still here,
The wind screeched through the
Tiny gap in the slightly open window,
Just enough to make my lights flicker.

I swallowed my whisky on the rocks and choked on my tongue in fear.

The air was sharp, cutting the breath from my lungs. Seeing my own breathe reminded me of the years I'd spent in wilderness.

I was sat with my ink and pen jotting my notes, reflecting my lapse in time,
thinking about what came to be and where I had arrived.

The peaceful yet sambre sound of the weather gave me shivers through my body,
"Somebody just walked over my grave"
I said to myself.

But nothing could beat the fear, nothing would let this heart stay inside my chest,
leaping out onto my page, smearing ink and blood spelling out "I see you".

And just as I looked into my wives makeup mirror, it swallowed the night into a wisp of wonders, soon to be captured once again.

I haven't been on for a while so I thought I'd write something different! Tried to capture an image. Enjoy :)
Sep 6 · 94
Awakening - Rap
Ryan Holden Sep 6

This world is so broke
The earth wrapped in smoke,
So I rapped just to cope
Throw glow to a soul,  
Gave birth to adapt to the rap then I show,
Embrace my worth to grow l, then I sew,
Puffing this smoke blow away the fake hope,
Chasing my dreams til my dreams come home,
Spitting venom every sentence from a tongue of deception,
I question their method of self protection,
Adding dimension to this world I'm cutting tension,
Need a new invention for a cure to this infection,
I'm punching through-a-void, empty noise destroys,
I'm clutching to annoy so sing a-pray-a-boys,
people roun' me acting koi, like false raid on Troy,
actuality boy, shine the pain hide the joy,
so when I look right in the mirror I know I see me,
again, I took flight trial and error my guarantee,
I live daydreams writing schemes to be alone,
wearing baggy jeans no clean t, no phone,
a drone, figurines no family tree tired to roam,
singular road, my brains so fuzzy I'm bout to implode,
I'm the youngen in the runnin out gunnin,
I'm the one that's becoming too cunning,
I see your bluffing but your mind is numbing,
fallen in the system, it's your homecoming,

I didn't edit the lines, grammar doesn't count in rap ;). I decided to preach it through music. This is a verse I'm rapping on a collaboration with 2 American friends. The audio link will be up soon :). Hope you like my rhyme schemes ;)
Sep 4 · 122
Wander - Haiku Poem
Ryan Holden Sep 4

Wander around my
Mind, get lost and find my heart
So I won't forget.

What it felt like to
Lose your own ability
To control yourself

Aug 25 · 604
Her Dreams - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 25

Her smile caught my eyes,
Whilst her dreams alone captured
Every piece of me.

Aug 25 · 438
Bees - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 25

Yellow and black stripes,
Vibrating ear drums, buzzing
Around my garden.

Aug 25 · 163
Whisk - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 25

Whisk me up into
Your arms, like you want to blend
Our souls together.

Aug 25 · 266
Depression - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 25

"You look fine to me"
The problem with depression,
Unnoticeable.

Aug 24 · 149
Foxglove - Haiku Poem
Ryan Holden Aug 24

Your vibrance is like
foxglove, in small doses it
Is medicinal.

You control my heart
And volume of blood per beat,
Healing conditions.

When you consume all
Of her poisonous nature,
It kills you quickly.

Thought I'd make a contrast between the two.
Ryan Holden Aug 23

Unscathed new love
that flourished throughout,
yet no sense of direction,
but were both willing to
figure out the missing puzzle piece.

Aug 23 · 273
Painted Love - Tanka
Ryan Holden Aug 23

As it was our last goodbye,
I tried wiping away the canvas
you had drawn,
but I was never so forgetful
with true love.

Aug 23 · 259
True loves kiss - Tanka
Ryan Holden Aug 23

We were tricked by close hands
To find different dreams,
But we arose
From this sleeping curse,
Then found each others dreams
And our true loves kiss.

Aug 21 · 1.3k
Butterflies - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 21

''Twas her smile that let
My butterflies tickle my
Gut, to say "you fell"

Aug 21 · 257
Bitten - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 21

I may be bitten
Once, but my skin grows thicker
With each single bite.

Aug 21 · 237
Deep Love - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 21

Till the bottom of
This ocean is discovered
No love is as deep

Aug 21 · 213
Wishing Star - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 21

You were the sparkles
In midnight sky, and you stole
All of my wishes

Aug 21 · 231
Lost Wind - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 21

I feel like lost wind
Floating in time, not able
To choose direction.

Aug 21 · 229
Once Bitten - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 21

The tongue is bitten
From the talker of deep love
For it can't chew truth.

This was a slight riddle. It's supposed to be those people who are "all talk". I've met a few in my time - those who tell lies of love.
Aug 21 · 114
Shadows - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 21

When the sky shrouded
Me into the shadows I
Learnt to see in dark.

Aug 20 · 130
Canvas Love - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 20

Paint these words onto
A canvas, so you can see
It drips devotion.

Aug 20 · 243
Presence - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 20

You stole my mind, you
Made my whole world turn around
Your presence alone.

Aug 19 · 227
Tongue Twister - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 19

The priminister
Of the tongue twister, mixture
Syllable whisker.

Ryan Holden Aug 18

I can't shrug the vast curiosity
For the beating heart that strives
for her has become flat lined,
a line that no longer represents
hot coals of my love

The quivering shores are barren
to the sand that we count
as it is lost in winds of time
and life experiences.

Fast paced indecisiveness is lost
with my teenage years.
As is the confidence and acceptance
to sparks of love.

My soul shakes at the thought
but my heart leaps from my chest
like salmon up stream,
forgetting the cold waters and unable
to remember the tune.

For I am a bruised man.

So I cant risk the shards of this
glued heart being handled again,
As one drop, one fall,
could mean the end of my affection.

Loving, loving and loving some more - the fear of falling again.
Aug 15 · 1.2k
Summer Sun - Haiku Poem
Ryan Holden Aug 15

The doorstep we sat
Frantically eating ice cream,
before it melted

My sister would laugh
with her blonde fringe, big blue eyes
and round chubby cheeks.

Most simple image
Yet it captures a fragment
Of my purest soul.

One that dreams a dream
inside a wrapped up moment
For my heart only.

Oh, I remember the days like it was yesterday. In the summer sun with our ice creams
melting on the doorstep of my grandmas house! 4 Haiku's making 1 poem :)
Aug 12 · 306
Wounds - Haiku Poem
Ryan Holden Aug 12

No amount of love
Could form an ointment to heal
These scars on my chest

Not even your words
Can unravel the stitches
That I had to sew.

Even voodoo dolls
Had never seen such torture
Inflicted at once.

For I must heal wounds
Because I know I'm afraid,
They may re-open.

And these fragile bones
Will crumble into mere dust
Lost in winds of love.

5 Haikus making 1 poem :)
Aug 9 · 1.3k
Wild Love - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 9

We can both become
Predator and prey to make
Beautiful nature.

Ryan Holden Aug 9

As she lays bare
''Tis not just her eyes
That sparkle amongst stars.

Her skin reflects candle lights
As amber skin mixes
With olive tones.

hourglass sand falls with my jaw
Drying my bottom lip with nerves
Yet excitement and lust.

Feather like touches tingle
Every sense of being alive
As our hearts murmur in time.

Palpitations even match rhythm
In this alchemists dream bond
That doesn't exist on the periodic table.

Our heats radiate screaming,
As your goosebumps on my fingertips
Tickle me back, teasing my nerves.

''Twas the night I finally realised
My heart could once fly again
And you were the one to make it.

Even a singular night felt like forever,
Grasping our chance, and gasping
With pure, destined passion.

I think it's self explanatory this one haha!
Aug 9 · 208
Optimists
Ryan Holden Aug 9

Within torment, deciding if our jigsaw piece
is the right fit, we find serendipity.
For we're believers, day dreamers,
far seekers, and mind speakers.

We separate the gap
between positive and negative
For we are are the optimists
in this pessimistic world.

Just a quick write :) - I hope you're all keeping well!
Aug 9 · 259
Grips - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 9

Pinches on my skin
Remind me I am still caught,
In grips of your love.

Aug 9 · 239
Closed Book - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 9

Keep this hand close to
Yours, you will never know when,
It stops you falling.

Aug 9 · 214
Soul Cleanser - Haiku
Ryan Holden Aug 9

Hold my cold tainted
Soul with yours, your purity
Warms and cleanses mine.

Ryan Holden Aug 3

1st verse
ill tell you a story about the place that we live in,
How people hate each other, never forgiving,
Frantically telling me, people judge on nationality,
But we fall quicker than, we can catch all the gravity,
Politicians are happy, they don't lose sleep,
they keep us in formation hopping the fence like sheep,
they cant swim in the ocean of truth its far too deep,
all this pain inside me, is bursting and hard to keep,
people judge in popularity instead of soul,
I look different at the world, its my own personal goal,
but I'm feeling and falling into ferocious fates that I feel,
When the clear glass in front, never gets revealed,
I'm feeling philosophical over analyse the world,
whilst it twirled and curled people around me just swirled,
even little girls are living no Polly or pearls,
No food, shelter, water, only young girls.

Hook (1) x1
I see people broken, and choking in the street,
I see woman hoping, trying to stand on two feet,
Children are hungry, and politicians don't lose sleep,
cos they Form us into lines, turn us all into sheep,
and then they take individualism from individuals,
I see it with both eyes, I'm chronicles of visuals,
Sending signals to my brain it always seems to tingle,
Because I put together jigsaws like pictures aren't a puzzle.

2nd verse
I see peoples necks just arched into phones
But when I was a child, we used to thrown stones,
Not stay at homes, when one roams he reaches his goals,
But I took a hold of my life and I used the controls,
So I snatched the sun just to bring in the light,
And I grabbed at the moon just to bring in the night,
And I swam this ocean just to bring in these waves,
and I surfed on the tremors hoping a soul that it saves,
I wanted to flip the world 360 cause its in me,
within me, magic tree, letting go of leaves we're free
Even in thickest storms never get tangled.
stand on our own, not fragile, keep it angled,
People use racism every day in the system,
risen to glisten my concoction of the serum,
Lets rise and make this one giant kingdom,
throw away restrictions, racism and division.

Hook(1) x1

Bridge:
open your eyes can you think so freely? x4

3rd verse
Your clock hand keeps ticking, tick tock, tick tock,
We've broke the clock, and we've broken the lock,
to the secret garden of eve, as i weave and weave,
spinning straw into gold before your eyes, you wont believe,
threads of spun gold on my wheel like Rumpelstiltskin,
But I mark my life with a pin, Gemini twin,
I'm using my mind to send through these signals,
bars like rainbows should be sponsored by skittles,
Catullus RP too much pressure I form crystals,
these aren't just stories these are facts not scribbles,
I'm not trying to rap about money or weed,
and I'm not going to rap about pills, girls or speed,
People are killing and stinging instead of living,
instead of just giving you're a villain who keeps digging,
people with no talent make money brains absent,
you haven't got the minerals not a single fragment,
please find me a person who's heart wont worsen,
someone who's kind and someone who's never cursing,
practice for an audition to change the world I'm rehearsing,
bubbles keep on bursting, only kings are emerging.

Hook (2) x1
Currently we look at angles to win,
never biting the bullet moment or pin,
worlds turning and yearning I'm always learning,
I'm searching and surfing on waves that you seem to be churning,
pick me up don't put me down,
please try turn this frown around,
It's simplicity, trying ability with possibility,
vocabulary's increased I've extended flexibility.

I wrote this last night after writing "deeper perspectives" I wanted to make a rap. Still not finished it needs a lot of editing :) - I wanted it to be serious/play on words so some parts aren't so serious but it breaks it down when you rap it :)

Should get my new microphone soon so quality is going to be better - just a little delayed in the mail!
Ryan Holden Jul 26

The dusk fog reminds
Me of walks home after I
Had just been broken.

You caused the water
Drops like condensation, on
My dripping burnt skin.

Just to come back for
Another round into your
Heat-stroke and cold lies.

I had been frozen,
In place whilst burning, welding
Onto the embers.

Left in a heap and
Waiting for the next person,
To mould me again.

5 Haikus making 1 poem!
Jul 23 · 1.4k
Deeper Perspectives
Ryan Holden Jul 23

Currently we judge,
Looking at angles to win
Just to please your own mind.

We throw insults and we fight,
We ignite fuel to our fingers
Tapping away like it's a race for popularity.

The world spins and spins,
Yet nothing really changes
Because we just keep spinning.

But it's as if we have weaved
Ourselves into a ditch of
Despairing linear paths.

As we watch, we listen, we observe
And try to become something else,
Something we're not supposed to be.

Just to let everyone know
That you watch the same things,
That you do the same things.

But then after it all we realise
As we grow older and as we mature,
We merely did nothing for ourselves.

We just followed the same road,
We followed the same destiny
And we lose ourselves in our journey.

At the end of it all we start to notice
We have taken the wrong path,
And the other roads are too far away.

So we turn into the side-roads,
Which lead to nothing but plagued floors
Broken doors and empty souls.

Mobiles have taken love out of sex,
Generations have missed out
How it feels to actually be connected.

You make love and your phone rings,
People stop to answer like your moments
Aren't precious enough with loved ones.

We eat meals at restaurants
With our families and friends,
All I see is arched necks and fiery fingers.

I wish I was in a time when we spoke
To one another about our days,
Not about a video that has gone viral.

I wish that as I grow and my children
Will walk amongst the earth I have,
It won't suck them into inevitable fates.

I don't want them to be another
White sheep hopping the same fence,
Like the rest of this miserable world.

Systems have taken individualism
Out of individuals and get labelled weird,
They give us titles like "OCD, ADHD".

I'm not either, and I don't actually have
A label to my name, yet I feel I should
I feel why shouldn't I?

After all I like to think different,
I like to think one day we will see
The clear glass in front of us.

But most of all, I truly hope one day,
We can become a better world
Instead of repetition in characters.

Just some quick thoughts I had on my brain. But this type of thing doesn't get spoken about enough. This may "offend" some, but I only speak in truths. My heart can only love so much until it gets stretched beyond its limit.
Jul 23 · 405
Moment - Haiku
Ryan Holden Jul 23

From the moment we
Met, I knew it was you who
Would repair my heart

Jul 16 · 328
Poetry Puppet
Ryan Holden Jul 16

If I wisp away
Into this humid night,
Whilst my sweat drips
With my honey and
Your anguished hollows.

And as these trees calmly
Blow in this muggy fall,
For when my legs can't clamber
These piercing cliff rocks,
And my knees tremble.

Because I fear, yet anticipate
My own emotions in misty
Wind that blows between us,
That will guide me into a pool
Of my own heart shed.

''Tis not your sensitive heart
My mind will whisper,
We're all a lover deep down
Yet I'm cursed with overthinking
Like a poetry puppet.

I feel like us poets are all sensitive - or we all think way too much into emotions and love. Hopefully some of you can relate!
Jul 15 · 698
Why - Haiku
Ryan Holden Jul 15

If my words can't sway
Your mood to create a smile
Why lead me along

Jul 13 · 521
Hard Catch
Ryan Holden Jul 13

Every whisper,
Is an explosion,
Every tear
Is a tsunami,
Every touch
Is a pin prick,
All because
You're the abrasive,
Yet benign woman
That I need,
to keep me
On the tips
Of my toes.

Jul 12 · 312
Your Words
Ryan Holden Jul 12

I have took bruises
All of my life,
I brace for impact
Upon my skin.

I take remarks like
A pinch of salt,
Using them as
seasoning on my soul

Yet for some reason
Your words are toxins
To my forever flowing
Unsoiled blood.

Jul 12 · 375
Eyes - Haiku
Ryan Holden Jul 12

Read my eyes not my
Lips, as my eyes move towards
You, without any thought.

Jul 12 · 441
Lost Love
Ryan Holden Jul 12

When my lips move
To match your ear drums
Just to sync my emotions
With yours.

Why is it that you
Stop playing the drums
And we sink deeper into
The abyss of lost love.

Haven't been on for a while so I thought I'd quickly write something haha!
Jul 12 · 128
Door Heart - Haiku
Ryan Holden Jul 12

Don't shut me outside
Because I will get used to
Your featureless door.

Ryan Holden Jul 4

Rest your lips on mine,
Take my breath, and inhale the
Vapours of my love.

Jul 4 · 294
Manifold Nature
Ryan Holden Jul 4

She is the music
And all of the joy,
I see her blossom
And unfold into the
Beautiful flower she is,
Yet her petals are clipped
With few wounds,
Where wounds in
the wild become
One rhythmic motion,
One perfect combination,
Her joy is a manifold nature
Making more
Than one
Happy.

Ryan Holden Jul 2

https://soundcloud.com/ryancatullusholden/gangsterpoetry-ryanholden-ft-radiomjn-beat-by-syndrome

I haven't been able to write much poetry recently due to all my time being Put into music. I have 3 more songs being released today so after this I should get back into it. This is a collab with an American who's showing me the ropes after my first month into rapping. Missing you all!
Jun 29 · 858
Hairbrush - Haiku
Ryan Holden Jun 29

Leave your hairbrush as
The insignificance still
reminds me of you.

Jun 29 · 417
Your Lips
Ryan Holden Jun 29

I want to kiss your lips
until my whole mouth burns,
The kind of affection that would leave
me in pain and suffocating for air
as my lips weld shut,
Yet your breath is a small consequence
to pay for the moment with your touch.

Ryan Holden Jun 28

https://soundcloud.com/ryancatullusholden/ryan-holdencatullus-preview-in-order-to-survive

Ok so I recorded this through my earphones and laptop. It's been a month now so I need constructive criticism. I hope you like it anyway, it's only a preview at the minute until I get to a studio to record it :))
Jun 27 · 2.6k
Moon & Stars - Haiku
Ryan Holden Jun 27

I miss you like the
Moon misses the stars during
The revolving day

I love writing Haikus, you can probably tell!
Jun 27 · 310
My Walls Are Brittle
Ryan Holden Jun 27

Even though my outer shell is unbreakable,
The structure inside me that was so hard
To build was finally complete,
Or at least that’s what I told myself.

Yet, my core is broken down and crumbling
as I slowly rot away and break,
I still feel every single piece of chipped off
Brick that I tried so hard to put up.

I see my walls falling despite my efforts
In this apocalyptic mess I call safety,
So I hide away, repairing myself
Piece by piece scared to ever love again.

Jun 26 · 465
Don't Sleep - Haiku
Ryan Holden Jun 26

As my eyes close shut
I already see fear of
Losing you in dreams

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