After so long feels good,
To write again,
Finally in the mood,
Finally more pain,
I thought it went away,
I'd never feel it again,
I guess now it's here to stay,
Finally more darkness,
Thought the light was a way,
The light was a lie,
Now I am not fighting it,
I will not even try,
This is what I like,
This is what I want,
This is my life.

There was a time,
I cried and cried,
Because I had a dream,
That my parents died,
So realistic it seemed,
And I thought,
How long would they live,
They won't be there all the time,
At one point I must leave them,
At one point I'll never see them,


For four years,
I have had these great friends,
But then suddenly a rolling tear,
They won't be there for long,
They will go their own way,
They will move on,
I feel this guilty pain,
In a few months I may,
Never see them again,
Just memories,
All the fun memories,
Oh the crazy memories,
The happy memories,
The struggle memories,
The jokes and chats,
The stories and back pats,
All those will be missed,



My parents have years to live on,
And those years,
I must make the most of it,
Play with them,
Laugh and joke,
Everyday just be there for them,
So when death parts them from me,
I will not regret it,
I will smile,
Behind the smiles all the memories,



In a few months,
My friends will go their separate ways,
Till then we have days,
And we play like crazy,
Spend as much time with them,
Joke & laugh like never before,
Do crazy stuff,
To be remembered by,
The nicknames,
The arguement,
The debates,
So when they leave for their future,
I will see them off with a smile,
Behind it every single joke and games,
Over the years,
The favours and mistakes,
The laughs and craze,
I will not regret it,

I don't want to leave anyone I've met,
Within my heart,
With regret.

Hello old friend....
We meet once again,
I thought it was the end,
But I came crawling in vain,
More words are to be penned,
To write away the pain,
A soul to mend,
Speaking to you feels like solace in the rain,
The construct is nearly at the end,
Have  to get on the reality train,
Our time has come to an end,
We'll meet again,
Until then,
Goodbye old friend

Here i am standing,
Feeling the cool air on my face,
The waves below swaying,
The edge of the bridge never looked grace,
Far below the water dancing,
My heart increased pace,
I could feel blood flowing,
It seemed like the perfect place,
Just one little step and I will be sinking,
Below the surface,
My mind is leaving,
From my body,
I can picture every detail slowly,
The smell of the sea,
The rust on the steel,
Every sense I feel,
One step,
And I will be free,
Then somebody spoke,
Sentence with words of three,
"I love thee",
I never knew who said that,
A man,
Or a kid,
Or a woman,
Thin or fat,
Black or white,
Somebody cared,
One person wanted me alive,
One person had hope,
And those three words,
Changed my life,
I cried and cried,
That night with a smile I slept,
Glad I didn't take that one step.

Poetry
The brilliance of the mind,
To craft words,
Delve deeper into the heart to find,
Raw emotions,
While writing I am blind,
To every other motion,
It's just me,
And my heart,
In its own way an art,
There is no stop or start,
There is just sadness,
Happiness,
And another life altogether,
Hidden from the world's,
Critic and evil,
Hidden from reality,
A unique story,
A story everyone shares,
A story everyone bears,
For better or worse,
This is a poets gift,
Or curse.

Walking in the rain,
Cool drops drip down my face,
The pleasant sound washes away the pain,
Dancing of water in many place,
The enchanting smell of rain,
Walking at a slow pace,
The cool wind against my face,
My soul it embrace,
And disappear without a trace.

At two in the morning,
Heavily raining,
On my window someone is taping,
I open the window,
And I feel a chilly wind blow,
I feel someone's cold fingers
On my brow,
And feel it roll down,
There is silence,
The sound of rain in the distance,
And the scent of rain,
The it's darkness,
But it is calming,
A moment I get to witness,
A moment I'm living,
I never understood why,
People don't like rain,
It not that they are dry,
The rain is beautiful,
The sound,
The smell,
The water hitting the ground,
A story to tell,
Under the rain,
To wash away the pain,
It is life,
It is rain.

I rest on the couch,
And somebody knocks aloud,
I answer the door,
And there stands she,
And white dress all the way to the floor,
Dark black hair,
Dark as the night sky,
And black wings folded behind her,
death has arrived at my doorstep,
She  puts out her hand,
And utters words in a melodic voice,
"Come with me",
"You were never supposed to be alive",
"U have a choice",
"Stay here among this generation",
"Or wait until your actual creation",
"Your mind is far too advanced"
As it hit me, the realisation,
It made all sense now,
Why is hate everything,
Why i don't like the system,
The education system,
The political system,
Why everything was wrong,
Why there was always something off,
I had thoughts about a different reality,
Thoughts of a new family,
I don't hesitate and take her warm hand,
And step out the door,
And around me is suddenly black sand,
She says this is the gateway to heaven,
A gift from God for all your struggles,
Till your actual birth,
You can live in heaven,
Do whatever you want,
And wait for your actual life.

Come with me,
Let us just runaway,
To some place far away,
Hop on the midnight Train,
Leave behind all the pain,
The fresh smell of rain,
Don't know where,
But we will know,
When we get there,
Struggle for living,
Jobs one after another,
But all that won't affect us,
As long as we have each other,
Live in a peaceful village,
By the forest,
Farm for the best,
Every Morning,
Smell the fresh air,
Birds chirping here and there,
Life is brought another,
A happy mother,
Remember the day,
Together We ran away,
On the midnight Train,
With the aesthetic smell of rain,
So I ask you,
Take my hand,
Let's runaway,
And catch the midnight Train,
During the rain.

Snap open the Smith and Wesson,
Model 19 six gun,
Empty the barrel, sound of bullets is fun,
I place a single bullet,
Along my sleeve the barrel I run,
And snap it back to place,
I ask myself with a straight face,
Did she really love me?click,
A blank,
Will I ever find love again?click
Another blank,
Will I ever be set free?click
A blank,
Losing love has made me lose fear!click
Another blank,
******* WAS IT MY FAULT?CLICK
BANG!
the sound made me see stars,
But I was not dead,
I did not feel,
Warm blood trickle down my head,
No pain,
What if this is death?,
I look at the vintage gun,
Smoke rises from the chamber,
The hammer was rammed,
The bullet was jammed,
I down a glass of whiskey single malt,
I have my answers now,
It never was my fault!

Every morning when I wake up,
My heartbeat kicks up,
I am scared,
I'm just sitting on bed,
I think that I woke up to a new day,
I don't know what will happen,
Is it my last day,
Few minutes ago I was in dreamland,
And now I wake up to this nightmare,
Everytime I wake up scared,
My surroundings feel weird,
I don't like it,
I have to sit and breath,
Till everything settles,
Till my heart slows down,
Till I feel,
Safe and sound.

I onnce saw a documentary,
a man with many voices in his head,
Everybody considers him scary,
And they tied him to a bed,
He was not evil,
Nor was his will,
He had this beautiful mind,
Craziest creativity he could find,
He was never alone,
Always someone talking,
With a different tone,
Everyone says that,
You get I be shot at life,
But this man has two,
Or maybe many,
Just because someone is different,
To an asylum they get sent,
And probably that's the end,
To their beautiful life

Always there when you needed,
But when I had feelings..you Faded,
Last time my heart shredded

Everyone I have met,
Have siblings,
And yet they don't find,
Their life set,
They complain out of their mind,
That wish their sibling they had never met,
That they do not belong,
But I tell them they are lucky,
And they think that's funny,
They ask why,
And I say,
You have a friend,
All the time twenty four seven,
U never feel alone,
Never truly feel loneliness,
There is someone,
You can talk to,
Open up to,
You won't tell your parents,
Deepest secrets,
But to a brother or sister,
Someone you can trust,
With someone a bond,
With someone memories so fond,
And you think being lucky,
Is funny and wild,
Clearly you have never been,
A single child.

The door is partly open,
Smell of cigarette in the air,
Lying around crushed can,
Not a living soul present there,
The TV displays static,
The sound a blare,
It lights the room monochromatic,
Heavy pressure in the air,
A couch opposite the static,
In the seat a stain,
Next to it lying open,
A book by Mark Twain,
Lots of unopened letters by the door,
Old newspapers scattered on the floor,
The walls are cracked,
Water seepage,
The fan is creaking,
Swinging but not spinning,
Tied to the fan a rope,
At the noose a head,
Messy hair Stubby beard,
A soul who lost hope,
His feet off the ground,
And next to him,
On the floor,
A bent over,
Wooden chair,
No movement in the room,
To disturb the air,
And hangth there,
A man who tried to reach,
The toppled chair.

Poetry,
Started out as a hobby,
Encouraged by family,
Write on topics variety,
Started with topics like,
Sleep,dream,summer,music,my bike,
I realised what gives my poems emotions,
I write about my life,
About love,
About death,
About happiness,
And sadnesses,
Later did I realise,
Poetry,
Went from a hobby,
To a therapy.

When you make a friend,
Someone who knows you,
And feel like she will stay till the end,
A feeling develops within you,
The more we talk,
The more this love is there for you,
A friend who would mock,
A friend who would talk,
About endless dreaming with you,
Make plans with you,
Always talking over text,
Everything is perfect,
And everything blinds you,
Cuz you love her,
But.....,
She never loved you,
You imagined a life with her,
U can't leave her,
And she loves someone else,
She will be with her lover,
And you can't even talk to anyone,
Cuz you loved her,
And she was your best friend too,
You have no one to talk to,
You don't know what to do,
Just.....,
Feel this familiar pain,
A pain you are used to,
This is what you get,
For being kind,
Loving,
Caring,
And good,
To someone so much,
Just pain,
Just tearstains,
And sleepless nights,
And empty stomach,
And broken heart,
You are not ready to smile again,
To try yet,
Cuz everytime,
This is what you get.

In life we learn,
If you fail,
Try again,
Even in education,
If you fail,
You are offered one more shot,
To reach the top,
But society, friends mock you,
In class if you fail,
You get to try again,
To take the classes again,
But it has been deemed bad,
By students and teachers alike,
It is used to threaten,
"Don't study and fail",
Makes you feel beaten,
Everyone will mock you,
The mark of failure,
Burned to the flesh,
So what was supposed,
To be a second chance,
Now is a bad glance,
From everyone,
That's just students cheat,
Because they know that they will fail,
And their reputation will fall,
So cheating is the best way,
No one wants to be left behind,
No one wants to destroy their mind,
No one wants to try again,
Just because no one will allow them.

never dream together,
with someone who is not yours,
you know that there will be never,
be an us,
but still dream with them,
imagine together with them,
create a whole new dimension with them,
I ask to never to that because,
in the future you can't cuz,
they will have someone closer,
and you cannot talk to that person like before,
cannot dream like before,
cannot profess your love like before,
cannot make promises,
every hope is lost,
every effort to get that person in vain,
every memory you feel is pain,
every reality you tied to dreams,
what ones was a paradise in our minds,
but in reality is a nightmare without them,
it's just pain and painful memories,
and some memories last a lifetime.

Some days I cannot write,
My words do not rhyme,
No words in my mind,
And it is scary,
For I want someone to read my story,
I want to express my deepest emotions,
I can write freely,
Writing is all I have left,
It is my heart,
My soul,
On me it takes a toll,
But who cares,
I just want to write my story,
Atleast something,
That keeps me happy.

Why is the truth painful,
To keep it hidden is painful,
To say it is painful,
To know it is painful,
I guess that's why people lie,
Just so they don't hurt anybody,
So that nobody has to die,
From the inside,
But then if only people were Satisfied,
All the tears cried,
The attempts tried,
The heart pried,
Heart broken,
All because someone said the truth,
Or they lied.

I have given up,
On everything,
I never want to wake up,
And sleep in the evening,
I haven't cleaned up,
My room for months,
Pizza boxes, clothes, unwashed cups,
Cigarette butts and ashes on the floor,
I have no purpose,
I never feel like walking out the door,
I keep wishing a car would hit me,
I keep wishing if I could just drown,
But I never have the courage to go down,
How pathetic,
I know no one will miss me,
Nobody knows me,
I just want to hurt that one person,
To show how much it meant to me,
To satisfy my ego,
I'd give up my life,
Just for the person to realise,
Their mistakes,
To feel my pain.

Every night when I close my eyes,
My body becomes cold as ice,
And I find myself in a boat,
Rowing towards the coast,
Awaiting my arrival was she,
Standing there with unimaginable beauty,
She was not from the human world,
She was from mine,
A figment of imagination come alive,
I beach upon this lovely land,
She greets me by her hand,
And she takes me away,
To show me what lay,
There was music,
There were animals,
There was peace and serenity,
There was deserts,
Snow,
Forests,
Trees that glow,
It was the perfect world,
I sat with her and talked and talked,
All about my world,
And then she stopped,
For time was up,
I had to go back,
She walked me back to the shore,
And there was the boat,
Upon the water it sway,
I stood in it,
And it drifted me away,
And I woke up.

Another night I close my eyes,
And again my skin turns to ice,
And i am back to paradise,
But followed me was hell,
A girl from the human world,
She could follow me because,
She used to be my world,
And along with her she wrought despair,
And sadness to this paradise,
I pushed her in the water,
And watched her sink with a smile,
The sun shone again,
Brighter than ever,
And there never was no pain,
Forever,
Time was up,
I woke up,

The next night,
I fell asleep,
And the wooden boat creaked,
And I was back to my kingdom,
And there was my queen,
Beautiful as ever,
She was smart and clever,
We spent the whole time,
In each others company,
By eventually,
Time came finally,
At the beach,
She said innocently,
'you don't need to go back ',
And I realised she was right,
I didn't have anything in the human world,
All I did was fight,
With myself,
And so the boat drifted away,
Alone and empty,
For I decided to stay,
Not that I wished to return,
But never again,
Was the boat noticed,
From across the plain,
Years went by,
Spent with the girl named Sophia,
And I have finally found,
Utopia.

I have lost track of time,
Entered into the state of oblivian,
Trying to make words rhyme,
Repeating words that are written,
Same old drama in my mind,
My heart is love stricken...still,
Smd way I cannot find,
Throught darkness I trot,
The light at the end of the tunnel,
Is farther then I thought,
And it goes far and far away,
Taking my hope with it,
The only companian,
Is the darkness,
Something I'm afraid,
Words and a book and pen,
And the many voices in my head.