Please don't leave me alone. I'm stuck with my thoughts. My dangerous, scary, annoying thoughts. They are monsters in my head trying to control me. Telling me what to do. Haunting me as I lay in the dark waiting for sleep to save me. To help me out of here. But it never comes to my aid. I wait, and wait and wait. The darkness becomes my friend. Whispering comforting words into my ear, telling me it will come back for me the next night.

Everything improves when I leave. Because everyone else is better than me. I don't deserve ****, so there you go. They get to enjoy all the stuff that's new. I wish there were people who gave a ****. Some say they do, they don't really know who I am. I'm weird as hell and ugly too. Maybe that's why I'm no good to you.

I hate me.
I hate me not.
I hate me.
I hate me a lot.

The grass.
Under my feet.
It's tikeling me.
The sun.
In the sky.
I watch it rise.
Leaning back into my chair, I close my eyes.
I relax in this place that I feel so nice.

Everybody is always saying "love yourself" and "embrace inner beauty". But how? How can I love myself when only I know my deepest darkest secrets. When I know all of my weaknesses and flaws. I attack myself, use my weakness against me. Because if I can save myself, I can lose myself. And if I can learn to love myself. I know how to hate myself. And when I attack its not just a wound. It gets bigger and bigger and bigger until it swallows me whole, so deep I can't escape. Just like "band aids can't fix bullet wholes" your words can't fix my heart. Its already broken. And trust me, I've searched, but there's no glue powerful enough to put the shattered peices back together.

Being skinny is really hard.
Starving yourself is not so smart.
I keep trying and trying to lose that weight.
But end up eating chocolate cake.
I say "just one bite!"
Two
"Three or four isn't bad for you..."
Five, six
"Just give me a slice."
Double it up
"It taste really nice!"

All I've got on my mind, is the fact that your mine.
Anything that I hear, it goes straight through my ears.

The sun.
So ominous and bright.
It paints the sky blue and white.
Night after night, bringing us light, giving us heat and warmth along with beauty and sight.
It is truly amazing with all its might.
We orbit around this ball of light.
This star so far yet close in flight.
It won't go down without a fight.
Pushing away the moon and night.
Wanting it's time to shine in the day.
Something we cannot take away.
Something we need for us to stay.

Me and fries are like stars in night skies. We belong together.

Every time I look in the mirror.
I want to cry out of terror.
My eyes hurt just to see.
What it shows is killing me.

If you saw my face you would laugh.

And what a nightmare you would have.

Look me in the eyes, you would cry.

Cuz baby I'm a devil in disguise.

Tears.
In my eyes.
Tears.
On my cheeks.
Tears going down my face eating me.

My heart. Why is it beating so fast?
And my hands, their shaking.
I'm shaking.
My bottom lip is in between my teeth.
My chest is burning with fury. Anger.
I pause coming up with a retort for the girl's insults.
I open my mouth.
No sound escaping my parted lips
Nothing.
"Your fat"
My eyes sting, being blurred by my tears.
"Nobody likes you"
Her words are getting to me.
"Why are you so ugly?"
I turn around the sound of my shuffling feet being drowned by high pitched laughter.

I thought I wanted to be alone.
I thought it's what I needed.
Peace and quiet.
But sitting here in the corner of this room.
This horribly quiet room.
I'm having second thoughts.
Except I can't think.
The silence, it's loud.
Too loud.
It's starting to get to me.
My eyes scatter around the room.
Looking.
Searching.
For noise.
Just a trace.
None.
Not even a creak from the old floor board.
I need sound.
I need someone.

When I am writing with a passion, my chest burns.
My toes curl.
My eyes are intense and focused on the paper before me.
I would grip the pencil hard enough to leave a mark on my fingers. Hard enough to leave a mark in me.
One that is like a never fading memory in my mind.
It can never disappear.
Never goes away.
It can only get lost.
I sort through my mind. Looking. Searching. For that image I had created.
Once I find. Once I remember it. My vision is long gone, stolen from my eyes and replaced with that very image. The one I'll never forget.

"I don't know which is worse. Your words. Or the fact that it's the truth..."

You are like a broken record.

Spinning in my head repeatedly.

Always lying there in the corner of my mind.

Until I find you and try to stop.

Stop thinking about you.

The way your smile held a dimple on your cheek.

The way your eyes sparkled when you laughed.

The way your-

Stop!

The way I feel when I'm around you.

Stop!

I can't stop!

The record is not the one that's broken.

It's me broken because I can't have you.

You never know how much you love something until it's gone.

You dream about it practically all night long.

It takes up your mind making you go blind.

Making you do things that you've now had to hide.

Leaving you in the dark lost inside.

Not knowing where to go or what to try.

Nothing you've ever imagined before.

You hold the key to the door.

Unlock it and it begins.

Unleash what holds within.

It may let you fall or it may make you fly.

You never know until you try...