Please don't leave me alone. I'm stuck with my thoughts. My dangerous, scary, annoying thoughts. They are monsters in my head trying to control me. Telling me what to do. Haunting me as I lay in the dark waiting for sleep to save me. To help me out of here. But it never comes to my aid. I wait, and wait and wait. The darkness becomes my friend. Whispering comforting words into my ear, telling me it will come back for me the next night.
Everything improves when I leave. Because everyone else is better than me. I don't deserve ****, so there you go. They get to enjoy all the stuff that's new. I wish there were people who gave a ****. Some say they do, they don't really know who I am. I'm weird as hell and ugly too. Maybe that's why I'm no good to you.
I hate me.
I hate me not.
I hate me.
I hate me a lot.
If I died would you care? Or would my name just disappear. Would you think about me as I rot? Under ground covered in rocks. If you knew me before I was dead, would I just be another memory in your head? A mention of me would be nothing but a wisp in the air. Because deep down inside, nobody really cares.
I'm sad :`(
Under my feet.
It's tikeling me.
In the sky.
I watch it rise.
Leaning back into my chair, I close my eyes.
I relax in this place that I feel so nice.
Everybody is always saying "love yourself" and "embrace inner beauty". But how? How can I love myself when only I know my deepest darkest secrets. When I know all of my weaknesses and flaws. I attack myself, use my weakness against me. Because if I can save myself, I can lose myself. And if I can learn to love myself. I know how to hate myself. And when I attack its not just a wound. It gets bigger and bigger and bigger until it swallows me whole, so deep I can't escape. Just like "band aids can't fix bullet wholes" your words can't fix my heart. Its already broken. And trust me, I've searched, but there's no glue powerful enough to put the shattered peices back together.
What do you think?
Being skinny is really hard.
Starving yourself is not so smart.
I keep trying and trying to lose that weight.
But end up eating chocolate cake.
I say "just one bite!"
"Three or four isn't bad for you..."
"Just give me a slice."
Double it up
"It taste really nice!"