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I am the asymptote.
You are the curve.
This is the closest, and
farthest I'll ever be. With you
my life has been more than a system
of following rules and norms.
No matter how close or far we become,
you'll be charted in my mind forever --
Pictures, messages, letters, drawings, gifts, glances, smiles, laughter, and
memories. I'll always cherish
this part of my life, and
I'll never forget you, and
this imaginary  us.

I am the asymptote; you are the curve.
One day, maybe,
we'll bend the rules, and
defy gravity.
Come with me, and
let's head towards infinity
I saw you
after a long while and
just like before, my heart skipped;
all the noise became a murmur,
I ate my words, gobbled up my phrases,
and I can't finish anythi
Natatakot ka kung saan tayo dadalhin.
Natatakot ako kung hindi tayo makarating.

Hindi tayo makakarating kung hindi ka magpapadala.
Hindi tayo madadala kung di tayo makakarating.

Nakakatakot mabuhay sa takot, mahal ko.
Hawakan mo ang aking kamay, at tatalon na tayo

Palayo mula sa takot. Saan man tayo dalhin, kahit hindi makarating.
Para sa iyo, C.J.
And there she goes again
Hoping that this time it won't end
A lot of things going on through her mind
Wishing this will turn out more than fine

Like a little girl who's wearing her favorite dress
With him, she always feels at her best
Could this be what she's been waiting for?
Someone who'd care for her and so much more

C.J.
This poem is not mine but is dedicated solely for me. I am blessed to have her in my life.
Inside this room full of books
I cannot buy, you
sat across this table with eyes
wandering elsewhere.
Babay.

Aalis na si tatay.

Bantayan niyo ang bahay.

Abangan niyo si nanay,

may pasalubong na alay --

isang halik na may laway!

Matagal siyang nawalay.

Umalis sa'ting bahay.

Nagbago ng buhay.

Naghanap ng karamay.

Sana'y di siya masanay

sa bago niyang buhay,

at umuwi na sa atin

bago pa'ko ilamay!
English Translation:

Bilin - Counsel

Goodbye
Father is leaving.
Take care of our shelter.
Wait for your mother,
with souvenirs for thy dearest --
warm hugs and kisses.
She's long separated.
She left us dejected.
She looked for another,
one who gives laughter.
Hope she won't get use to
her new life without you.
Pray she'd come home now
before my soul flew.


Bilin sa ating mga supling na sina Vlad at Vera. :)
(Counsel to our cats -- Vlad and Vera)
I always like to say the name of the woman I
love. It makes me feel I am loving
their wholeness. Their flaws.

Everything.
Dearest Prospero,
I have seen how
the war have destroyed. Our marriage
was enough to keep me sane and
faithful. I am
now a mother from
a demon and a widow.
Prospero,
up the heavens
you must go. Find my son
and my soul out in the crevice of hell
before the gates shut close.
Prospero,
as I cradle him now in
my bloodied hands. Interrupted his spur to life.
And no longer
he cries. There little one… there.
People say I am
deep. With emotions
astray, words with power,
in chaos. I am
deep for a lot has been taken.
My heart is an open pit --
it grows deeper
the more I give, the more you
take from it. You can
only fill me. With you
I'll be complete.
Don't fall in too deep
I always tell my self
not to fall in too deep. For you
the world is an open pit where
Love is but a word used loosely
I've always tried to tread lightly.
I've memorised maps and terrains.
I know, however, it is inevitable
not to fall. For you
look down at me from a bridge
made out of cobwebs of the past
and promises of the future.
I look up to where you are
and imagine being there.
Not falling too deep.
I want to reach you.
Inch my way to reach you.
We can go to places. Pass time. Be safe. Or
talk to you about jumping.
Leave the world in awe.
Jump with me.
To this crevice.
Fall with me. Fall with me
*completely.
Every so often
I would just stare at our cat
just to check if she's breathing'
because I am afraid
it will suddenly stop.

For almost four years
never did I cease to believe in you
and our hope and dreams because
I trusted you
I loved you
You love me but
you suddenly stopped.

And so I observe
the rising and falling
of our cat's puny body
while she sleeps
I never wanted to leave things to fate
again.

Every night I lie awake and stare at
the making and becoming
of us in these old videos
while you probably sleep.
This melancholy and emptiness is something
I leave to fate.
May all my thoughts go
flying, like birds scattering
on an exodus.
I remember you that early morn,
you were sleeping on our bed.
I had to wake you up. You were leaving me
but the bus taking you
home was going to leave you.
And so I took this last photograph of you
sleeping soundly on our bed
as though the world is a bubble
that even I cannot hurt you.
I cannot hurt you any more.

I took a bath under the dim lights of a candlestick.
The sound of the water gurgling on the tub would be my ally and foe
from then on. Every morning I hear it and I
remember; imagine you up there
in our room, on our bed
just before you left.

And so,
everyday I mourn
I mourn for you and I mourn for me
I mourn for the lost life and possibility.
I just want to wake up next to you once more.
Things are changing fast,
and I'm here, simply waiting
for the sun to rise.
I could not ignore
the empty space in our bed;
the dawn is breaking.
Love me until the
faintest sound will be thunder
crying out my name.
I will do the same.
Having you around
is better than making you
a stranger once more.
Until we meet again, old friend.
If your star falls down,
you will find mine lying there
beside yours, sweet love.
These are your words.
Not mine.
I can't find you.
Why do you have to
Why do you have to, tell me
Why do you have to?
I so long to read
your words are a glimpse inside
your labyrinth mind.
Let me read your mind.
Every hotel room
makes me remember you,  dear,
lonely paramour.
Hotel Tropical, Ermita, Manila
I still have to fight
the monsters inside your head;
sleep soundly tonight.
Love.** Love conquers all.
Age. Time. Class. Geography.
Perhaps, *not for me.
Or maybe, I'm just afraid to fall in too deep.
Please remember, dear.
Please continue to love you.
Please spare the heartache.
From Bangkok with love~
Please don't fly away
Because I might as well die
Trying to catch you.
Light flashes across
the night sky. Even the moon
hides behind the clouds.
On a hill overlooking the sea,
wild-flowers grow
with ambrosia and honey.
The breeze brushes
our cheeks. Touch
my hand clasped with yours in such
poignant confidence. As more than
a memory you’ll remain
here.
I could
never stop myself
to love you. Is a sin
done in solitude or
shared in plurality?
here I am hurting
my self again.
Never again.
I just sang a song
because of you. I cringed
a little,
cradled a broken part of me
in these arms where love
used to be nested.
I shed a tear
for you. I mend a little heartache.
I keep making wrong decisions
chasing wrong people
for wrong reasons.

Perhaps
I have so much
love to give. People hope
I have none.

I have been chasing wrong
people. I want to know
who the right people are.
I like your hair
resting on your shoulders
like the weight of the world is absent,
and when the gentle breeze blows,
it simply moves in its direction.
I like how messy it is--
there is some kind of order in it,
and in this world where solitude
is a friend or a foe,
you give order and colour,
just like your hair.

I envy the boy who  first
brush your hair from your face
as you give in to love's first kiss,
or the gentleman who will see you comb it
after a midnight bath, from his bedside.
Or he, most of all, who will witness it turn to gray.

I'll always dream of you, and
your hair swaying by the breeze.
Thank you, for at least, this vivid imagery
is forever mine to keep.
Sleep won’t
come; here in my bed
I lie. To you, saying
I don’t want us back
is setting you free. Setting us free
is putting my heart in chain. What you want,
it is something I cannot give. You
should be sleeping soundly
now; my time should come
but sleep won’t.
You used to paint pictures
with me. You were always smiling
when the brush glides on paper
as the colours spread everywhere.

Patiently, you'd recreate every
bit and impression of reality,
and add a version of your own,
until the picture will be perfect
with magical meanings
only we would have known.

But patience is a virtue
your self never learned.
One day, you were snapping photographs,
capturing moments, developing pictures,
pasting collages -- a panorama of
life you chose.

For weeks and weeks on end,
I went to those places where we used to paint;
Time is such a mystery to have put distance in a memory.
I would trade my whole life just for you
to colour it again. Like old paintings,
bring back its vividness; restore it.

And now, I am on this bus.
In transit.
A gift-wrapped box inside my bag.
I am sending it to you personally.
Take pictures with it and
live a happy life.
I'm letting you go. Please set me free.
Ilatag mo na
ang bagong kutson
sa sahig ng malaking silid
na may kisameng
abot langit.

Ipaghehele ka ng ugong
ng nagdaraan
at bulong-bulungan
ng palabas na
ikaw ang minsang pinagmamasdan.

Ibulong mo ang iyong panalangin,
pasasalamat o paghihinagpis,
na nawa
sa pagsikat ng araw, magkatotoo na
ang panaginip.

Ilang beses ka na bang pumipikit nang iniisip na hindi na sana muling didilat pa?
I saw you wearing earrings
yesterday. You were like a star,
an angel from the
skies that landed in front of me.
You are so beautiful. It hurts
me to think that like
a star, you are
faraway, somewhere
I could never reach. You
are an angel, and
I was blessed. Yesterday,
I just wanted to
look at your face, your earrings, and
stroke your hair gently behind your ear.
No matter
how near you seem,
I cannot hold you. Still
I want to always stare at
you, my star,
memorize the constellations of your body.
Recollect memories of how it was
to be with you – forever near, yet
so far. Is yesterday
going to come back as soon as
my earth spins towards your direction?
I just want to see you
and your earrings.
I've been looking, for you
are about to leave soon.
Time flies so fast and it seems
yesterday we were just as happy.
Our chests throb faster
when we are next to each other.

I was looking at you
for the last time. Before you leave,
please look at me, too.
My eyes yearn for your secret
glances and knowing smiles.
I'll remember you that way.

I am looking when you
looked at me, too.
The world shifted and
crumbled. Deep inside me
angels sang songs we only knew.
And then you looked away.

You never looked at me again
but I promise I'll always look for you.
Under the faint moonlight
and the sweet song of the rain,
take away the sorrows,
fill with love the pain.
Be my sole redemption.
Be my heart again.
These words my dear affection
and else you shall obtain.
Sing me a sweet lullaby then
my world will all remain
with you.
I miss you
I get crazy waiting
for a call or a single text and
I wonder what you think of,
if I am a part of it,
even a tiny bit of it

Everywhere I look I see you --
an empty closet
a sad pillow
a half-eaten take out
notes and letters written years ago
paintings of what could have been
thoughts of jokes we only knew
But you left and went
missing. A part of my life
remembers you. Even if I can't
even say your name without feeling
strange about it.

When I was sleeping last night,
you called but
I was already in a dream, in a safe
place away from you.
I missed your call.
I miss you.
I missed you.
I don't know where to start
counting the days since you left.
Your love waned like the moon
hiding itself in the darkness;
its illusion accoladed by the stars
until your love vanished completely
as a new moon in the midnight.

I await the sun to break
the melancholy of the night sky
to give me a glint of hope
and a false idea of sustenance,
to nourish me in the morn
and burn me in the noontime.
To bring me to reality as it sets
the true colours of life,
the purple horizon and the orange haze
to the grim emptiness of the dark,
to find the new moon you've become.

I stand in this land of solitude
I stare at the sky every night

many moons have passed but
I continue to look for you, my love,
and wait for the moon to become full again.
Sa unang kislap ng apoy
hanggang sa maliit na baga

ang usok na mula sa dulo ng
pangako, ikaw ang nasa isip ko

hinithit ko ang usok,
pumikit

ibinuga. lumabas sa labi sa ilong
ang pangako, naging usok
at upos.
Filipino panitikan tula musa pangako usok apoy pagbabalik
has been reduced to a mere
facebook status, a tweet, or
a battle of  likes and followers
crumbling, succumbing to
the pressure of creating

something

Theodor and Max would be sad
mad about how i treat my self and
my Art, as industry and enterprise
would use me as a commodity and

the object of Art is objectified
It has been a year.
Instead of forgetting you,
I've spent my time waiting for the day
you'll change your mind.

People asked me if
I've already moved on, and I knew
I've moved backwards.
Back to the time we were together.

I still miss you.
I still long for your kisses.
I still dream of Saturday afternoons.
I still wish for Sunday mornings,
of evening meals together,
of motorcycle rides to the countryside.

**I am still here.
My poetry is my witness.
I still love you.
numbers


are what matters
and in a brief time
i dreamed of us as


lovers
are one special number
it gives us time to ponder


how come our value degrades to ½
but brings our selves to laugh
for you give me
the power to stand alone
and i can see


even if i’m in fraction
guess there’s no distraction


cause 1 + 1 = 2
and when 2 becomes 1


i love you.
often
when it rains
the sun was out
pitter-patter       harder
louder than echoes
of memories returning
when it rains
the sun was out  there
was no rainbow
17th of May 2009
Old memories have         filled
these boxes, of             years of
quaint memories.  Remind me
how it was.                      To be
filled             with memories is
a                                            gift.
For a very long time now,
I couldn't muster to write
a string of words. Even these don't even rhyme.
I have devoted myself to capture beauty in verses but
since I met you I've found my paper blank,
my pen futile.
I guess this is how it goes for one who's met real beauty,
real Art.
I cannot write anything
as nothing is more beautiful than the person right in front of me.
In your dreams,

I’m waiting there;

to visit me,

to show me where.

That little throb

from your chest –

remove your fears

and begin our quest!

Wisdom and Faith,

it’ll be our strength

to surmount all

that Hades sent.

And then, one day,

we shall return

to the distant hill,

from where we learned.

But if in your dream’s

where we only meet,

please wake not

and forever sleep.

I’ll do the same

so never fret –

we’ll be together

since this sunset.
(like all firsts, you
may bet)
it hurts        (but
through the second, third, fourth and nth)


time
(it does the) hurts
all the more,     just
to make it


perfect; to seem as though

    magic


my heart    (could be red
not for)

it bled
for you


more    (for it is
     more)    than


a tatoo
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