Why do we care so much
About what they say
When they are exactly who
We are trying not to be

There's nothing like light glinting off of coffee in the morning that makes me think of your eyes
And then curse myself for doing so

We need to learn to see ourselves
Through someone else's eyes
Because our vision is always skewed
And all mirrors tell are lies
The things we hate are always things
That other people love
A smile, a laugh, beautiful eyes,
Or simply the lack of
It seems we all take a vow:
If it's not discussed, it's not there
But everyone feels your pain
And to hold it in isn't fair
We need to learn to take compliments
And when we look in the mirror
Focus on things people love about us
It makes life so much easier

What I want
  vs
What he needs
(excuses excuses)
But he's little
And I need to act my age
He needs it
(He gets it)
Why can't I throw a fit?
Things I need:
Horseback riding-for challenge
Marital arts-for release
Therapy or something
Bleed, bleed, bleed,
Things I have:
Poetry
This pen
And the feeling of being second best

i curl up in blankets and clutch my pounding head
i don't dare tip a toe on the ground
and tempt the demons under the bed
with their claws that ****** and eyes that don't see
they wait for me to slip out of the covers
they wait, oh they wait for me
there's monsters out there
there's monsters in the dark
disguised like humans cloaked in pride still waiting to break your heart
so as the floor melts away
and the world turns to ashes
i'll hide in my bed in the same disarray
because the world inside my head is just as scary

Let me tell you the beginning of a love story
That began with pretty eyes and rosy lips
Let me tell you the beginning of a love story
That started with hello and ended in silence

Let me tell you the beginning of a love story
Where he was all she thought she'd need
Let me tell you the beginning of a love story
Where she romanticized everything

Let me tell you the beginning of a love story
He read her words in a celebrity's voice
Let me tell you the beginning of a love story
Where getting swept away wasn't a choice

Let me tell you the middle of a love story
Roses grew among the thorns
Let me tell you the middle of a love story
And they lost everything they thought they'd found

Let me tell you the middle of a love story
Where he chose to walk away
Let me tell you the middle of a love story
Where she captured his essence in poetry for days

Let me tell you the end of a love story
The pen is falling to the ground
Let me tell you the end of a love story
Where they begged and pleaded too loud

Let me tell you the end of a love story
Where everything turned out wrong
Let me tell you the end of a love story
Just because a song is bad doesn't mean you don't sing along

This is the end of our love story
Who put faith in chemistry anyway
These are the last words of our love story
So hello, my dear, and goodbye

I'm going to kiss you one time before you leave
Then my heart will beat beat beat until it's free
Just to see what you taste like
Will your eyes be opened or closed
I'll apologize a million times
As we hear the soft sounds of shedding clothes
I'll apologize to you and I'll apologize to her
For everything I ever took you for
As you run your fingers through my hair
And I taste your bittersweet teeth
I hope you're not thinking about me
Oh, I hope you're not thinking about me

I'm going to feel your bones just to get underneath your skin
Life isn't worth living without a few sins, sins, sins
Just so you can plead your innocence with her later  
I hope to god you won't hate her
And I'll apologize a million times
For every time I said I was just fine
As I dress in the shirt you wore yesterday
Don't you dare ask me to stay
I'll apologize to you I'll apologize to her
Because the night faded into a blur
As I ran my fingers through your hair
And tasted your bittersweet teeth
I hope you didn't think about me
Oh, I hope you didn't think about me

I'm going to stand back and watch you go
But I won't stop you, no, no, no
I just wanted to see what you were like
No matter how long I'll wish you hadn't gone
The time we spent together was far too long
So leave me with a song for my lips and sugar for my sins
I'll apologize to you I'll apologize to her
For making things more complicated than they were
Forget that I ran my fingers through your hair
And tasted your bittersweet teeth
I hope you never think about me
Oh, I hope you never think about me

Everyone keeps saying that I dodged the bullet
And they wonder why I never wanted to say
Actually, I was held at gunpoint
And the trigger was pulled anyway

I always hated Sunday mornings
So I cursed my retail job
Doughnuts and coffee couldn’t make up
For the sound of my alarm
But that day it was different
You came in with your sunglasses on
Tattoos on your arm
And that was what could have changed it all

You said you’d pick me up at seven
That I should bring my dancing shoes along
I should’ve asked what you were on
We walked into the restaurant
It had a ballroom inside
I must have stepped on your feet
At least a hundred times
Your hair smelled like citrus
Your breath smelled of gin
Your tattoos creeped up and around
As we began to spin

You showed up one Sunday evening
It was just a couple months in
Tears streaming down your face
And I just let you in
The story came out slowly
Each chapter worse than the last
I held you in my arms as I
Tried to erase the past

I wore a white dress one Sunday morning
Flowers in my hair
The Wedding March played overhead
There was excitement in the air
You held my hand and smiled
With a chorus of “I do”s
Now we’ve got nothing left to prove
We made it all the way through

I woke up early one Sunday morning
To the baby crying next door
I set my feet on the floor
But you had gotten there before
I found you in the rocking chair
And she’s tugging on your hair
And I fell in love again

He died on a Sunday morning
Sitting in a hospital bed
I never thought it would end
Our daughter was thirty seven
I didn’t know what to do
So I went and got a tattoo
To remind me of you
So I could fall in love again
Even after it all ends

I always hated Sunday mornings
So I cursed my retail job
Doughnuts and coffee couldn’t make up
For the sound of my alarm
But that day it was different
You came in with your sunglasses on
Tattoos on your arm
But then you stopped and turned around
And just like that
It was gone

Why can't you see
This is falling apart.
It's breaking me.
Just pick up the phone;
It's not that hard.
Don't you want me to come?
Or are you all just too busy
With each other.
And me?
*I'm alone

Creep that Loved You

I think I've come to the conclusion that
Pretty people are just meant to be looked at
Not touched or felt or anything else
Like a museum piece-so oh well
I'm kind of a rock in the middle of a lake
That no one really knows about-but that's okay
So I go to museums to see the pretty pieces
Not to be loved by them or really even noticed
Because what is a rock amongst all of the artwork?
And what is a painting in a lake filled with murk?

Six months coming, six months gone
Six months going, six months on
Breaking rules and changing minds
Love is coming love is mine
Six months came and six months went
Six months going and six months sent
Twisting tongues like hungry fire
Electric touches, inching higher
Six months left and six months sees
Six months knowing what we'll be
Locking hands and spinning round
Dancing slowly and thinking loud
Six months came and will again
Six months loves what six months ends

I swear the Universe is whispering in my ear
"Now isn't the time, and the place isn't here."
And somehow that makes me feel a lot more alright
Than I have felt in a long while
Because I didn't miss my chance or lose track of time
The chance and the time was just never supposed to be mine.
And I swear the Universe is whispering in my ear
"You can do so much better than twelve days, one year."
No matter the signs and no matter the mix
Of signals that never mattered and were never fixed
Because the Universe is whispering in my ear
And I know for once that I shouldn't have to fear.

they say that when you kiss someone you've wanted for so long
that it's the best thing and is never wrong
well I wouldn't know, would I?
wrong seems to be our middle name
they say when you're lying awake I'm dreaming of you
i say that all of our dreaming is through
they say we're out of the woods and everything is fine
are we really ever in the clear and is anything ever really mine?
they say people were split in half and those halves are soul mates
maybe we were meant to hate
they say things are never over until they're okay
but things really never are, are they?
they say that their words are true
can I say the same for you?
no.
but guess why.
because everybody lies.

I can't find myself anymore
I was so rooted in what you thought of me
What am I supposed to so when nothing was ever real
Not in word or in deed
If it were January I would have texted you song lyrics
"I bet at this time of night you're still up"
But I wouldn't know if you are anymore
Funny how, if it were January, I would've called it love
Where do I go from here
It's too late for thoughts like this
You went to bed hours ago
And if it were January I would have wasted an 11:11 wish
What do you want me to say
I can barely be in the same room, inside or out
Everything is the same but everything is different now
There's moretouching moreglances moreshouts
I just want to close my eyes
Why can't I fall asleep
If it were January I would have told you to stop dreaming of me

If missing you was like breathing

Does that mean I'm dead?

Look at the stars and how they spell out your name
In the light of the moon everything is so different yet all the same
The spaces between my fingers are still empty and my soul is still cold
But the lighting makes everything seem so undeniably old
I'm seeing black and white flashbacks on the big screen
Showing me everything we were and implying what we'll always be
Though it's long past our time and the world is in color
The unchanging stars seem to last forever

"I had it memorized" he said "from the very first day
And nothing could ever take that away"
The late night phone calls and sweet off key songs
Bring me the lyrics and I'll sing along
And you sang
"Dear, oh my dear
You don't know how much I feel for you
My heart oh it's breaking, it's breaking in two
I've always felt like this
Oh, can't you see
The person you're meant to love
Honey that's me"
Our duet resounds on the pages like so
Breaths becoming words-swinging to and fro
Your hands brushing mine and dominoes
Falling and breaking
Landing in a row
And you sang
"Dear, oh my dear
You don't know how much I feel for you
My heart oh it's breaking, it's breaking in two
I've always felt like this
Oh, can't you see
The person you're meant to love
Honey that's me"
The memories pass and the song's  in reverse
Wondering who could rewrite the verse
Oh talking was sweet but it feels even better
Oh my dear I rewrote this love letter:
Dear, oh my dear
I'm sorry that your heart was breaking
And there's nothing I could do to resolve the aching
I don't feel like you do
And my heart was breaking but he found the glue
Honey i'm not the one that you're meant to love
So breathe in the air and not my perfume
Bring a pencil and write your own tune
Love even more and love even better
Check your grammar and write a love letter

You're my Prince Charming
You just don't know it yet
Be my white knight
On a black horse
With sword made out of words
Be my foothold
Carved out of rhinestones
With a heartbeat made of gold
Be my partner
Be my lover
Be the one I've been waiting for
Be the bad boy
To my good girl
And I promise
We'll rule the world

I'll be your novel
You be the author
Shaping who I am
You be my Shakespeare
And I'll be your Juliet
Baby we'll make it somewhere
I'll be your guitar
You pluck my heartstrings
All you have to do
Is say "hello" to me

Walk over
Walk your pretty eyes over
Come closer
Why'd you ever have to leave
Don't you wanna know me
Like I wanna know you
Don't you wanna kiss me
Like I want to be with you
We're meant to be
Even if you don't know it yet
I can see it all
In my minds' eye
Remember I'm
The one who they pushed you to
All it takes
Is for you to walk over

You be my bodyguard
I'll be your princess
You be my good boy
I'll be your witness
You be the bad news
I'll be the wanna be
You be the shadows
I'll be the way you breathe
You be the teacher
I'll be the student
Why didn't you bring me where you went
You be the one for me
I'll be the one to beat
Won't you just say "hello"

Walk over
Walk your pretty eyes over
Come closer
Why'd you ever have to leave
Don't you wanna know me
Like I wanna know you
Don't you wanna kiss me
Like I want to be with you
We're meant to be
Even if you don't know it yet
I can see it all
In my minds' eye
Remember I'm
The one who they pushed you to
All it takes
Is for you to walk over

If you would even show a glance to me
I would be everything for you
If you would even smile at me
I would give everything to you
Why didn't you tell me when you'd leave
Why couldn't you be someone for me
But if you never said "hello"
And I never said a word
What good is anything?

If you'd be the thunder
I'd be the lighting
I'd be scared
Be good
Be frightening
If you'd be the rain
I'd be the trees
I'd be loved
Be good
Be happy
If you'd say "hello"
I'd say lets go
Let's run away
Run fast
Run far
Run somewhere safe

If you would even show a glance to me
I would be everything for you
If you would even smile at me
I would give everything to you
Why didn't you tell me when you'd leave
Why couldn't you be someone for me
But if you never said "hello"
And if I never said a word
What good is anything?
If I never said a word
If I never said a word
What good is anything

Oh, oh hello
Just say hello to me.