On Fridays you get drunk on alcohol
And I get drunk on expecting you to call

I'm falling apart and I'm 20 feet away
And you sound just like I thought you would
I shouldn't have done this today

I have to get up and leave
Because I'm sure there's somewhere better to be
But I'm still glued to my seat

I don't know what I expected
Why am I even here?
It's pointless and I'm irrelevant and rejected

I bet Shakespeare wrote something more tragic than this
And I swear I'm losing my mind
For a wish or a kiss or a guitar pick

I'm getting anxious and my hands are cold
I'm shaking and faking and falling apart
Because no one will ask what I wrote

And I don't even know what this means anymore
I'm just praying to be invisible forever
Because not existing has got to be better than before

I don't know what I thought that I was doing
I'm a mess and I'm just work
God, why aren't my feet moving?

It's getting worse and it's getting dark
I'm so glad I don't work in the morning
For the sake of my sanity and my heart

If I could stop writing then maybe it would be okay
But the words are writing themselves now
And the room is turning grey

What if I passed out--what if I just died?
That might be so much easier
Than getting up and walking outside.

I don't think that you even knew
That the best part of our little world
Was spending time with you

You're the king to my queen and the kingdom to me
Breaking the rules and changing everything
Arguing over inky blood and silly decrees

And I'll write the words if you'll break the news
Behind the scenes with a handful of fleets
But alone I'm tongue tied and bruised

So put on your crown and take my hand
Strike up a tune and grab your staff
We'll rule the world we'll rule the land.

We could've loved in a different time
If someone wrote us in a different novel
A different, Universe-dictated
Never-inclusive, story line

In a time where men wore pocket watches and coattails
And women petticoats and corsets
With heir-to-the-mansion blue eyes
Straight out of Pride & Prejudice

Possibly when novels were written by typewriters and gas lights
I'd be spitting my thoughts onto paper in the nearly dark
Just like I am--like I do--now, I suppose
And maybe then you could've won my heart

Or a time when man thought they could reach God
When men first invented God, and heaven, and flight
Some wondering if they even should
But my God, you're that wanna-be, enlightenment-thinker type

Maybe when guns spoke instead of words
And someone like me had to work until the moon said goodnight
Watching for your tired figure in my doorway
Hoping you'd make it home alright

What about the era of free love?
Your hair could be longer, and certainly curlier, than mine
Those freckles telling a thousand iridescent stories
Around the crackling firelight  

But not here, not now, and not anytime soon
Because in this century we are too far apart
Maybe we collided too late
And we should've been 19th century art

Star-crossed loves with fate worse than death
Soulmates, some nonsense meant-to-be
But maybe that wouldn't have been so bad
It's just not open eyes or reality

And maybe that's because of me

We could've loved in a different time
If I had written a better, Universe-dictated novel
With a different, never inclusive story line

Sometimes I think of you
And it's not something I really want
When I start with "I remember when-"
Or our favorite songs come on.

It's weird because we spent a year
Basically living in the same clothes
And shoes, and housesandcars
But now who even knows

I try not to think about it
Or get all ******* up over it again
Because then I get a bit hurt
Because it really shouldn't have happened

Not that way,
Anyway

Because we were supposed to get tattoos
And boyfriends
And college educations
But I guess as kids, everything pretty much just ends

So maybe you'll see this
And maybe you won't
And maybe that's okay
Because I don't want to care, and I guess really don't

I always hated Sunday mornings
So I cursed my retail job
Doughnuts and coffee couldn’t make up
For the sound of my alarm
But that day it was different
You came in with your sunglasses on
Tattoos on your arm
And that was what could have changed it all

You said you’d pick me up at seven
That I should bring my dancing shoes along
I should’ve asked what you were on
We walked into the restaurant
It had a ballroom inside
I must have stepped on your feet
At least a hundred times
Your hair smelled like citrus
Your breath smelled of gin
Your tattoos creeped up and around
As we began to spin

You showed up one Sunday evening
It was just a couple months in
Tears streaming down your face
And I just let you in
The story came out slowly
Each chapter worse than the last
I held you in my arms as I
Tried to erase the past

I wore a white dress one Sunday morning
Flowers in my hair
The Wedding March played overhead
There was excitement in the air
You held my hand and smiled
With a chorus of “I do”s
Now we’ve got nothing left to prove
We made it all the way through

I woke up early one Sunday morning
To the baby crying next door
I set my feet on the floor
But you had gotten there before
I found you in the rocking chair
And she’s tugging on your hair
And I fell in love again

He died on a Sunday morning
Sitting in a hospital bed
I never thought it would end
Our daughter was thirty seven
I didn’t know what to do
So I went and got a tattoo
To remind me of you
So I could fall in love again
Even after it all ends

I always hated Sunday mornings
So I cursed my retail job
Doughnuts and coffee couldn’t make up
For the sound of my alarm
But that day it was different
You came in with your sunglasses on
Tattoos on your arm
But then you stopped and turned around
And just like that
It was gone

Like the golden sun going down for the moon
I'd drop everything just for you
Not everybody makes the most of the day
Clearly not enough for you to stay
But I'm standing here tonight
Just to explain to you why
If you were to change your mind
I'm here till I die

I swear the Universe is whispering in my ear
"Now isn't the time, and the place isn't here."
And somehow that makes me feel a lot more alright
Than I have felt in a long while
Because I didn't miss my chance or lose track of time
The chance and the time was just never supposed to be mine.
And I swear the Universe is whispering in my ear
"You can do so much better than twelve days, one year."
No matter the signs and no matter the mix
Of signals that never mattered and were never fixed
Because the Universe is whispering in my ear
And I know for once that I shouldn't have to fear.

I'd care about your hopes and fears
More than you look like in a mirror
I'd care about your heart and soul
But somehow you'll never know
I'd write a song; I'd strum a tune
But it's all only for you

I'd stay up so that I never dream
To avoid the thoughts, to avoid the feeling
I'd stay up to wait for a soundless call
That I don't expect to come at all
I'd build a house, paint the walls blue
But it's all only for you

I'd catch the stars with a butterfly net
To meet someone I've never met
I'd reel in the heavens with a kite and a key
Holding more electricity than we'll ever be
I'd fall in love with the man on the moon
But it's all only for you

I'd take a breath for infinity
Hoping that it'll never leave
I'd take a breath for immortality
Knowing that it's something I'll never achieve
I'd even stop the breaths for a minute or two
But it's all only for you

hidden
feelings
what
a
struggle
skirt
around
it and
avoid
the
rubble
---
break
the
walls
forbid
a
foundation
no thoughts
no love
no appreciation
---
take a
sledgehammer
to my
heart
to my
soul
to
everything
God
forbid
anyone
feel
anything.